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How to move on from a drug addict

How can you move on after a relationship with an addict? How can you let go of an addict for good? Amanda speaks from experience here. Then, we invite your experiences and feedback (or even questions) in the comments section at the end.

Addiction: The Best Revenge is Happiness

Sobbing and gasping for air, I asked my mother, “How am I going to leave my addict husband?” I could not see past a life without him. I was angry at him for being an addict and destroying our lives and our relationship.I never forget what she told me next. She said that the best revenge is happiness. To be happy would be the only way to move on.

I was living in hell for so long with my husband and his addiction. I could not remember the meaning of the word happiness, nevertheless remember what it felt like, but I knew my mother had a point. I thought about the notion that if I were genuinely happy, there would be no room for pain and sadness. Laying dormant at first, the advice remained with me until such time that I was able to experience happiness again.

Moment of Clarity

I was selling everything I owned in an estate sale because I was being evicted from a 7,000 square foot home I could no longer afford. It was freezing outside and the oil for heat was gone. My friend stayed with me to help out with the sale for a couple of days and I had just kicked my husband out of the house. Things were not looking very good.

I am not sure if it was the distance I was getting from my addicted spouse or knowing that there was no place to go from here but up, but my friend said something funny and I laughed. I laughed, she laughed, and we laughed together for what seemed like an eternity.

Through the laughter I felt feelings again that felt good. I forgot about my husband and what he was probably doing for that time. There was no room for him or the pain when I was laughing and engaging in an enjoyable emotion. I did not think I was capable of feeling anything else. I knew right then and there that this was a new beginning for me and that my mother was right.

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Change of Focus

From that moment on, instead of focusing on the negative of the situation; losing my home, my things, leaving my husband, I was able to look at my situation differently. If I could feel happiness again, then maybe losing a home I could never really afford was really a burden being lifted, selling my things was not only providing me with money to start over but also lightening my load of too many possessions and too many sad memories, and maybe, just maybe, letting my husband go would finally give me the chance to start over. I looked at what was happening not as some tragedy but as a fresh start, an opportunity for me to live my life my way and not in the shadows of addiction.

Addiction can cloud our happiness

When we are in the midst of addiction and its inevitable circumstances, we can forget about feelings of happiness and joy. Even if we are participating in activities we once loved, we can lack the ability to feel about them the way we once did when we are immersed in pain. With distance, perspective, an event that may act as a catalyst, or simply making a decision to change the way we look at our situation, we can begin to feel feelings of happiness. What you will notice is that when you are able to experience happiness and pleasure, you will be crowding out the unhappy feelings.

When I finally got my life together and was truly happy with myself, I noticed a shift in my attitude and my life. I simply stopped caring for my husband and what he was doing because I was too busy being happy in my life. It was the best thing for him and more importantly the best thing for me. Hanging on to bad feelings and living with constant fear and pain was only hurting me. It was stunting my ability to move on with my life.

Abraham Lincoln said “people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” There is great truth to this statement.

Photo credit: arch_ibd

Leave a Reply

90 Responses to “How to move on from a drug addict
Melussa
3:31 am June 1st, 2014

My husband of 22 yrs has been in and out of Prison since 1993. We have 5 kids together. He was realesed from prison in Feb of this yr. I just found out hes using heroin and meth. He has a 30yr suspended sentence. Im sure hes going back to prison once his PO finds out hes dirty. I want to divorce him..I love him but i cant see myself going through this AGAIN wth him..Id be a FOOL!!

Amanda Andruzzi
2:27 pm June 2nd, 2014

Melussa,
Please do not beat yourself up. You are not a fool.
You must be a very strong woman to be raising 5 children on what sounds like your own.
Please read more of my articles so you can truly understand that you are not alone, and really understand what you need to do for you and your children. We can’t help loving someone for so many reasons but we can help how we chose to live our lives and chose to be role models for our children. You should leave and you will but you you will do it on your time. Please find the resources and advice in my articles to help you get better and heal because I have been where you are. Just click on my name at the top of this article and you will find a wealth of free information to connect with and to help you move on. Do this for you and your children. There is happiness and life beyond this situation. I am living proof. Stay strong.
Best, Amanda

Alice
2:43 pm August 13th, 2014

Hi – I left my husband of three years last August due to his heroin problem. I still love him and every day is a struggle not to obsessively think about him and question whether I did the right thing. I feel it was a selfish act and our vows of “in sickness and in health” haunt me. I Feel like I abandoned him but I couldn’t take his selfishness anymore and coming last in the pecking order of what was important to him. I too have been struggling with my own issues due to bipolar and needed more emotional support than he could give me. He has cheated on me several times and the heroin was the last straw. I am 35 and am desperate to have children but I didn’t want to have children with heroin’s toxicity in our lives. Everyone tells me I made the right decision. But I still wonder what could have been. I hate it for ruining our relationship. He is now with an enabling single mother who I cannot believe has let it into her 6 year old daughter’s life. For me our love now only serves as an affliction which I am struggling to come to terms with.

Amanda Andruzzi
10:51 am August 19th, 2014

Alice,

You did make the right choice. Vows are sacred but it does not sound like your husband was honoring them. When one person is trying and the other is abusing drugs and cheating, the other person has the right to move on.
You left, but it sounds like you have not moved on in some ways, and that is okay. You were strong enough to know you wanted more; happiness , children, and a real life with someone. It took me 12 years and one child to leave my husband and he had done so many horrific things to us that most people thought there was something wrong with me for staying so long.
A good thing to do right now is focus on you and your health. Seek the appropriate treatment for your disorder and find a healthy treatment that works for you. Then try new things and old things you used to love. Yoga and nutritional support may be a great physical healer and way to balance, refocus and create the calm and peace you need. Try things that are fun, anything that takes your mind off of your husband and fills you with good feelings. Learn about yourself and what makes you happy and a new and healthy relationship will find you.
Confidence in yourself and happiness is an attractive quality but you cannot fake that, you have to feel it.
After I left my ex, I was a broke, broken inside and out and a single mother. Once I changed my attitude, my thought process and focused on me, everything I wanted started to fall in place. I was a 32 year old single mother. I am 36, remarried to a wonderful man and carrying my third child, getting my masters, published my memoir, Hope Street, on co-addiction, and self employed. All of those things at one time, at the time you are still in , seemed impossible. They were not, as they are not for you. Keep reading my articles, there are some great tips you can put into practice.
Best,
Amanda Andruzzi
Author of Hope Street Memoir

Sara
1:15 am August 25th, 2014

I have just finished your memoir. I feel like I could have written it myself. I have flashbacks of my life with an addict husband. The lack of trust, weekend binges, financial issues, finding the evidence, looking in the emails/credit cards/text messages and the lies lies and more lies. I am currently in the middle of the divorce. I can’t imagine feeling happy again but Amanda your story gives me hope. I have two children with him and know I will never be free of him but hopeful he will be clean and part of the kids lives or simply disappear.

Amanda Andruzzi
11:24 am August 25th, 2014

Sara,
In the thick of my divorce I couldn’t imagine ever being happy, not alone or with another man. I didn’t feel like my child would feel complete without a father. What I learned even after writing the book is that each day further from my ex husband just got better. I was doing better on my own than I could ever do with him in my life or my child. I worked on me and let him go as a husband and a father. It opened me up to move on, not get stuck in the past and not allow my child to have false hopes about a father who never should have been one.
The less you allow him in your family’s life and expect anything from him the easier it will be to feel happy. Get used to life with your children and start doing things that are good for you. It takes time, and sometimes you have to fake it but joy and happiness and better yet peace does come.
If you know he lies, just expect everything he is saying is a lie and do what is best for you. Don’t check up on him and separate yourself by not checking up on him. You will just get upset and it is easier not to look at all.
It is four years since I wrote the book and my ex still has not contacted me or my child or given one ounce of support. He disappeared and although I know how sad it is, I look on the bright side, I am okay, my daughter is thriving and it is probably because he is gone and she has a happy mother.
Just make sure you worry about you, your children and keep reading and getting help for yourself so you stay strong. if you need support please feel free to email me at hopestreetmemoir@gmail.com and keep me posted.
Best,
Amanda Andruzzi

Sushmita
10:46 pm August 25th, 2014

Hello from the Middle East. After 3years being in a long distance relationship, my lover started using Meth out of peer pressure when he was doing medschool. He quit eventually and his family despised him for that as they were a family of doctors. Just when everyone had abandoned him, I was the only one who stood by him despite the distance. He continued using his drug as a sign depression with his family, his unemployment and his miserable life. He kept swearing to me he was out of drug and was crying when I keep telling him to go to rehab and said he was not an addict and so I gave him the chance. The lying, the cheating just did not end there so I’ve decided to bring him to the Middle East to start a life anew, to find a job and to be far from his vices and from the influence of his friends as meth is not available here. After a week, his mother got sick and was scheduled for a surgery. He and his family have not been in speaking terms after he quit medschool but he said it breaks his heart knowing she’s at the hospital and wants to see his mother and dreads that maybe he might not see her again. He asked if he could go home yet I did not agree as I know what he’ll be doing when he gets back to out home country. So he helped himself to purchase a ticket when I was out working. I ended up coming home to an empty house. To be honest, I don’t believe that the main reason he was going home was his mother’s sickness, but his friends&his cravings from his addiction in which he always denies. I am soooooo fed up, I cannot breathe anymore. 2years of lying, cheating and complicated things just make me miserable. I have a son from a previous relationship to think about but had been blinded with the love that I’ve had for him. Of what I understood before he left, he was coming back here. But not with my help anymore. I did the best way I can and the best way I know of to help him but he simply refused me and gone back home. I’ve changed all my contacts and there was no way he could reach me. Now, I’ve just found out that he forgot to bring his important documents in which I worry that I need to give him back. I keep praying everyday to keep him away from me. I just dont want to live this life with no peace of mind, fear and worry. Everyday is a struggle, and I wish this pain just goes away. Thanks for listening!

Amanda Andruzzi
3:32 pm September 1st, 2014

Sushmita,
The good news is if he comes back or not, YOU don’t have to take him back. You have a choice and it sounds like you chose you over him and his addiction. Not only is he putting you in a risky situation but also your son. He could introduce you to sexually transmitted and other diseases, financially drain you, and much more. You made the right choice to cut him off, you just need to stay strong. Once he realizes he can no longer get what he wants from you or manipulate you he will go away and things will get easier for you.
You need to put the focus on you and your son and, in time, the pain will go away. My book Hope Street, and my new article, “I am in love with an addict, why do I stay?”, may help.
Pain does not last forever, it will subside, just give yourself space and time. You will be relieved with the new peace and sanity that will be restored without an addict in your life.
Best of Luck, thank you for posting.
Amanda Andruzzi

Michelle S
12:46 am September 13th, 2014

When does the pain go away? I walked away from my herione addicted boyfriend 2 months ago. we were together for a year and a half. I felt like he was the love of my life. I tried to help me but he only got worse. The final straw was that he started answering and posting ads on a casual sex website and lying about it. I have been in a deep depression for 2 months. There has been no contact between us. I know I did the right thing. I feel like Ive been through hell. Any advice is appreciated.

Amanda
12:54 pm September 13th, 2014

Michelle S,
To the outsider, it seems so simple–your boyfriend is an addict and is probably cheating, so leaving should be easy. Unfortunately, it is not always so black and white. As a former co-addict, and wife of an addict for over 12 years, I understand that when you have a connection with someone and you feel for them, when they do something like this to you it feels impossible to get over. It is easy for others to tell you that you should move on and get over it! I understand, it took me many ignored signs, looking the other way and intentional ignorance on my part to stay with my ex-husband. I stayed with him when others looked at me like I was crazy to not just walk away and when I finally had no choice, I was devastated for some time. But the good news is that it does get better and it does go away but the key is to change the focus off of what he is doing and put all that energy and love into yourself.
I wrote a memoir, Hope Street, of my journey with co-addiction and how I was able to pull through. You see the struggles, emotions and how eventually they all play out. It was an indescribable roller coaster of events and emotions I wanted to share with other people going through this situation, especially because I felt so alone in it all and could not find anything out there that I felt like I could relate to. I hope you get a chance to read it, it may help, but also keep reading my other articles in this blog because they are all about moving on and how to do that.
I welcome feedback so please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.
Best,
Amanda Andruzzi
author, Hope Street memoir

Court
3:16 pm March 10th, 2015

I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. It gave me a lot of hope and some courage too. I think your mother gave you some valuable advice there, so thanks for sharing. :)

Amanda Andruzzi
4:41 pm March 10th, 2015

Court,
Thank you for your feedback. I am glad these articles help you in some way. I truly believe that the strength and courage is already there we just have to figure out a way to tap into it.
Best,
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

Jessica
11:24 am March 15th, 2015

My husband and I have separated and will soon be divorced because of his prescription drug abuse. the last 4 years have consisted of doctor shopping, several thousands in debt behind my back, me getting 2 birthdays one year and lying, lying, lying. I have been focusing on myself and am currently in counseling and participating in Narcanon. I literally feel like I am rediscovering myself. I am grieving the loss of my husband (this feels like a death to me) the man I married is long gone. Your article has given me hope that one day all will be well for me again.

Amanda Andruzzi
5:38 pm March 17th, 2015

Jessica,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so glad you found the article useful and hopeful, that is exactly what I intended. I have been where you are and sometimes just knowing that other people have been there helps so much. Sometimes having support, even if it is virtual, speaks volumes. I am glad you are mourning him, that is definitely how to define losing a loved one to addiction. I am glad you are rediscovering who you are and I hope you keep heading in that direction. Keep us posted.
Best,
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

Emily
12:11 pm March 27th, 2015

My sister has 2 daughters. One is 3 years old and the other daughter is 6 months old. Her husband is an alcoholic. She is a stay home mom. He works 50 to 60 hours Monday through Sunday. Some days he has off. He is the care taker financially. Should she stay living with him for the sake of the girls stability? Or where else could she go by herself with the 2 girls?

Amanda Andruzzi
8:22 pm March 28th, 2015

Emily,
I wish I could give you a definitive answer but first and foremost; she needs to want to get out of the relationship. No one should ever stay in a relationship for the sake of the children, especially in an unhealthy situation because the children will see this–a mother who is sad and unhappy, an addict for a father and two people who are tolerating one another instead of–a happy mother, a father that is loving and caring and two people who love and care for one another. I know sometimes it seems easier to stay and much harder to leave, but the children will see the dysfunction and the unhappiness even if you think you are shielding them from it. Unfortunately, the person in the relationship has to want to leave and has to make a commitment to leave. If she is a stay-at-home mom, I am sure she will receive child support and alimony and she can rejoin the workforce if need be. No one said it would be easy but if they see their mother as a happy person, not worried about an alcoholic husband, it might make all the difference. I too, was a mostly stay-at-home mom, although I ran my own consulting practice on the side, my husband made all of the money. He ended up losing it all and left me in debt but I became a single mother, started working again and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My daughter was in a stable and loving environment, not dictated by addiction and all of the inconsistency that goes with it.
I know you want to help your sister, but she has to want to help herself first.
Keep posting, I am here to help!
Best, Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

Patricia
10:17 pm April 3rd, 2015

I think the greatest line in this blog is that It was the best thing for HIM for you to move on. As a former enabler myself, I know that it is often misunderstood when we cut someone off from us, and that it is for their well-being as much as it is for our own. Living with addiction or living with an addict require the same processes. Admit that there’s a problem and remove any temptations to return to the problem. That doesn’t mean we give up on them. It means we let go of the outcome. We love them from a distance and we pray. Thank you so much for such an honest article.

Amanda Andruzzi
12:06 pm April 6th, 2015

Patricia,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You have a valid point, co-addiction is not only harmful to the co-addict but also the addict.

Best,
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

Amanda Andruzzi
12:11 pm April 6th, 2015

Patricia has a good point. Addiction is a two way street. Addict and their loved ones, co-addicts can exacerbate the problem and in many cases need to move on so they may both get help and recover.
Thanks for sharing Patricia.

Best, Amanda Andruzzi

Tiffanie
7:11 am May 18th, 2015

Thank you so much for writing this. I’ve just come out of a 2 year relationship with my fiance who is addicted to opiates and had been clean for a year and then one day he started doing meth. I guess I’m just having the roughest time because he had been clean for a while and then chose it over me. We are completely over, but my heart is broken. How am I going to be able to trust another man after my horrific disaster with my ex?

Amanda Andruzzi
6:38 pm May 18th, 2015

Tiffanie,
Congratulations on getting out of this relationship, it is usually something that takes a long time and sometimes woman never leave. I wrote my book, Hope Street, about leaving an addict and I can promise you I wrote it to help people see that there is hope.
TIME, give yourself some time, find some support (al-anon, therapist, local support groups) to help you heal and then when you find someone else you will be hypersensitive to addiction and know right away if something is not right. Trust is earned so you will know you are in good hands when the person you choose ACTS the way he should, not just says things to you. Actions speak louder than words. I hope you give yourself the time to heal. Keep me posted, I am here to help.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

Jboo
9:10 pm May 21st, 2015

My husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years, married for 5. Before we were married (3 years) it was the best relationship I have ever experienced. We were best friends, we were inseparable and I thoughts he was the person I had been looking for. After we were married, I found out he had been severely sexually abused as a child, neglected and ignored. He kept all of this from me, but it came out after we were married by my finding out he was a sex addict, and drug addict – it had spiraled downwards where he had started having rage outbursts and taking drugs of all kinds, but pot being his drug of choice. He has multiple addictions: sex, pot, chew, caffeine, alcohol, gambling, food, tv, gaming, sugar, whatever he can do to not feel. I was in such pain and angst that I thought I was losing my mind, he blamed me for everything, and distanced himself so much that I thought I would get a call saying he was dead. It got so bad that I knew I either had to leave or things had to change drastically. So I had an intervention. His family and I did it, and he ended up going to inpatient for 30 days. Unfortunately it was more for drugs but his main issue is sex addiction, drugs are a cross addiction, but still pretty bad – especially the Green. This was 2 years ago. He came home and has been in ‘recovery’ but he hates it. All the reasons that addicts lie and do what they do, all apply to him. He doesn’t trust, he doesn’t feel, he doesn’t know what love is. I’m the only person in his entire life (47 years) who has cared, or listened to him, or had any compassion for him. He has told me this, and if it weren’t for me he wouldn’t be where he is today. But, he is FAR from healed, in fact I don’t know if he will ever be ok. He is also a compulsive liar. he lies about everything, or did. Even stupid things, like what he ate, or when he left a place, or any number of things. But, I’ve been having that feeling again lately, and there have been signs that something isn’t right. And 2 days ago I found out he’s been buying pot and wax (highly concentrated marijuana resin) and vaporizers etc. and using them for at least 6 months. Lying to me about it, and then when I confronted him he had the text book reasons as to why this was ok. – he is way better now than he was 2 years ago
– if all his ‘vices’ are taken away what do you expect?
– it’s not that bad
– he didn’t feel bad about it at all
– he didn’t want to tell me because I would be upset
– he felt he deserved it

He said he didn’t feel any shame for doing it at all, so it must be ok. And at least he wasn’t going to strip clubs again or watching porn etc. and if he had then he would expect me to be angry and kick him out, but not for smoking pot….and lots more of course. He blamed me for a lot of it, not sure how, but you know how addicts turn everything around and make the spouse feel insane, to take the focus off of them. I had told myself that when he got back from treatment (inpatient) that if he was in active recovery, I would stay with him and work on it together because I want to have it work. But now that this has happened I don’t know what to do. I am of course upset about the drugs, and now this wax use, wax is very dangerous but it’s the lying that I can’t take. It’s both but the lying is killing us. He had already destroyed every ounce of trust we had, and we were going to start couples counseling soon, may still do it, but now he’s destroyed it even further, if that’s possible. Does anyone had any advice? The other thing that’s happened is he brought his 17 year old son from Germany to live with us last summer, and he’s never around, he always ‘goes off alone’ to have some time for him, and leaves me with him and my own son. Now I don’t mind being with my son, but I was against him bringing his son here and I told him that many times. I told him he wasn’t stable, and had no time or energy to deal with this, not to mention he’d never been a parent, and his son had been drinking a lot and getting into trouble in Germany. But he brought him here anyhow. And now I find out he’s been off getting high and leaving me with the kids at times, or just plain old getting high and sitting around playing video games for hours, and not spending any time with his own kid. It’s a mess to me, but am I crazy? Am I blowing this out of proportion? My family is telling me KICK HIM OUT NOW. They say he will never change, he treats me horribly and he’s not held up his end of the bargain. That he will continue to lie. That I will never ever be able to fully trust him. There will always be that doubt in the back of my mind, even if we ‘heal’. Which could take decades. And all the while I’m sad, alone, and depressed even though I’m ‘married’. Sorry for the long post. I have a counselor, but I don’t have a support group right now so I saw this blog and it resonated with me so I thought I would write. I feel like a fool, and like I’ve been duped. I doubt everything. I hate it.

Amanda Andruzzi
1:35 pm May 22nd, 2015

JBoo,
This post that has resonated with you is one of my favorite and I find it no coincidence that you chose to read “how to move on from a drug addict.” You are frustrated and fed up. This is not the person you fell in love with and agreed to spend your life with. My ex-husband was also sexually abused and abandoned by his father because he was a heroin addict. He used this, well, I used this to excuse he behavior and his habitual lying. He lied about every little thing.
I lived with him for 12 years through marriage and a child.
JBoo, there is hope, I wrote my memoir, Hope Street, about my time as the wife on an addict. I suggest you keep reading about co-addiction and addiction so you can understand that this is normal behavior for addicts and that you can make changes. There is hope and that is why I write on this blog and that is why I wrote about my journey of co-addiction. I felt like I was crazy all of the time, I started to question what I was seeing with my own eyes, that is how twisted the addict portrayed things to me. There is hope. Hope Street will help you feel understood and it is a very raw depiction of the emotional state the loved ones of addicts face. But I wrote it to show others, living with addiction that there is help, there is hope and to not give up.
Best,
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of a co-addict
View the video trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t61EzoRqbmg&feature=youtu.be

Bonnie
2:16 pm June 19th, 2015

My husband is an alcoholic, I have been married for 38 years. My family did an intervention on him on Jan. 25th this year. He had been texting a 29 year old for 2 months flirting with her and telling him all the problems between us. After reading all our letters to him, he chose to walk out on us. His kids, me and grandkids. My kids boundaries were no contact with them or the grandkids. He had an out, this girl. He was like someone we never knew . He has been hiding out for 5 months living with people. And still this girl who will allow him to drink. Got him a phone and has some military background like her. Now he wants a divorce and wants nothing to do with his kids or grandkids. I still love him and don’t want a divorce. I’m torn up. What do I do?

Marco
2:17 pm June 19th, 2015

My name is Marco, I live in California with my partner, we have been together for almost 6 months, few months ago I started notice some changes in his behavior, he started to become easy irritated for the smallest things, I start thinking that maybe he didn’t want be with me anymore or maybe because we were spending too much time together, because he went to disability almost 6 month ago due a knee surgery and I am full time student so I spend most of time at the house, well two days ago I found out he was consuming cocaine frequently I don’t know yet how much he has has been abusing of this. He is admitting his audition however he is willing to change or let it go. He says he will quit when he feels ready to do it. I don’t know what to do, I tried to walk away but I just can’t. I love him so much to let alone in this time and destroy his life. Any advices will help me a lot.

anj mayberry
8:51 am June 24th, 2015

Amanda, don’t know how to email you, but I’m interested in a copy of your book and cannot afford it, my email address is anjmayb@gmail.com. maybe you could contact me. Thank you for your time.

Amanda Andruzzi
2:02 pm July 1st, 2015

Bonnie,
You move on. You have to, there is no choice when someone does not give you one. There is hope and there is a chance for you to be happy and allow him to deal with his addiction on his own terms. If he is ever to recover, it will be something he does on his own, so what you did by the intervention was a good thing. You gave him the chance to stop hiding and make a choice. This is all very painful, I know firsthand, I was married to an addict and we had a child. There is hope for you, that is why I dedicate my time to writing articles, to blogging on this site and to writing my book, which I wrote to help other people going through this. Hope Street, is my memoir of my life with an addict and how I was able to move on. It is real, very raw and the most honest account of the insanity I endured. It is important to get help so that you can deal with this. A support group, reading, and anything that will help you focus on yourself. There is hope, I promise you that.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
2:08 pm July 1st, 2015

Marco,
Thank you for sharing. Unfortunately your staying won’t help him beat this. You will learn in time that you cannot fix, heal or bring an addict to recovery. They will do this on their own and usually they destroy the lives of those around them in the process. I suggest starting to understand more about addiction and learn about co-addiction. We do a lot to help an addict stay straight and in the end we just further their addiction. This cycle of co-addiction is not healthy for you and quite frankly for him. I would continue to read the other articles I have written here, 30+ resources are at your fingertips. Hope Street is my memoir of living with an addict and it may help you connect with all of the feelings you are having as well as give you a glimpse of what might be in store for you both and finally to give you some hope. There is hope at the end of all this. I am living proof.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
2:13 pm July 1st, 2015

Anj Mayberry,
Thank you for reaching out. You can click on my name in this article, Amanda Andruzzi, and 30 or so articles will come up. These are free resources for you to help you. In regards to the book. on Amazon, the kindle version, which you can download on any computer or device is like $4. I think that is your best bet if you would like to read it. I hope this helps.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Nicole
7:58 pm July 21st, 2015

Where can I find more articles. I feel I’m in the same situation I’m 23 years old I’m a single mom leaving my sons dad who is a Heroin user. I’ve been emotional wrecked and I feel so weak I feel so bad leaving him in a cold world. He’s very suicidal I’ve tried everything to help him. He’s put drugs before is multiple times. Ifrom him stealing money to me having to leave my state and loose everything I’ve worked so hard for just go down the drain. I’m having a hard time letting go! I’m trying to find help and counseling and reaching out to church’s i don’t have insurance I need some very good therapy and life lessons. I’m so young and I’m so hurt he can’t even call to see how he’s son is or my son won’t know his father. I would love to find more articles

Amanda Andruzzi
2:02 pm July 22nd, 2015

Nicole,
Please click on my name Amanda Andruzzi at the top of this page, I have written about 30 articles on the subject. I was left a single mother because my 12 year relationship with my husband ended because of his drug use so I know exactly what you are going through. I left with nothing but the debt he put us in but I made it through and so can you. If you can, please pick up Hope Street, it is my memoir of my life with an addict. I wrote it to help others feel understood and to give them hope.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/smanda andruzzi/video/

Christy
7:09 pm August 16th, 2015

My husband and I have been together 17 years. I just decided to kick him out. He is vary mentality abisave to me and my 17 year old son only if he tried to hit me. My daughter he just ignores and my other son who tribes for him to change he is so much me and can’t let go and in the bad guy my sister came to stay with me through this time to give me support to be done with this life my son c 14 is even mad at her. I’m tying to let him spend time with his dad at his grandmas under her supervision before he gose back to prison again she also supports me ending this toxic relationship. Right now I just feel lost and wants to pick up the phone and call him home but I know it’s just going to get worse. One min I feel strong and know there has got to be a light somewhere.and other times I feel weak and cry. I’m scard and confused. But my soul tells me it’s right to stick to my gun while my heart is torn is half.

sb
12:51 pm August 24th, 2015

Been living with him for 20+ years and dealing with his addiction for just as long. Only difference is he chose alcohol now over drugs. I don’t he has ever really sobered up. He was always an addict, just the type changed. Now I have three kids who are in the right sense to not like the way he is. We are also in a 3rd world country. I know if I leave he will be eaten alive by his drunk friends or he will fall so deep in depression that he won’t come out, but he is driving me crazy also. I don’t have friends or family I can turn to. stuck, sad, lonely, tired, angry, … what to do?

Amanda Andruzzi
1:36 am August 31st, 2015

Christy,
You made the right choice. You should stick to your boundaries and move on but that is easier said than done, I know, it took me 12 years to leave. But it does get better when you stop worrying about what they are doing and focus on you and your children. You deserve to be happy and your children deserve a normal life. I would recommend family counseling for all of you to help you deal with what has gone on. I also believe that spending time together doing things that once made you happy will help in the healing process. Al-anon and Alateen are great resources for all of you. Please keep up your hope, things get better with time, persistence and doing the work.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
1:42 am August 31st, 2015

SB,
Make a plan. How can you leave or let go or gain back some control over your life? You cannot be responsible for what happens to him if he is left to his drunk buddies. Find a local support group, therapy or people in your area that are dealing with the same issues. You may not have family but you can find support. You do not have to achieve freedom overnight but as long as you are working towards a goal you will find hope and in hope is your path to living a happy life.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Sara
3:49 pm August 31st, 2015

I left a comment last year in August. At that time I was in the midst of a divorce with my two young children. I wanted to share an update for those who struggle on what to do. Please leave them and eventually you will move on. I had left and taken him back countless times. So I get it. But this time I knew it was for good. He begged and pleaded with me. Said he was sober and said he was changed. I told him at that point no I was never taking him back. I didn’t believe him or trust him. I told him I hoped he was sober so he could safely be part of his children’s lives. Then one evening I got the call I had feared for years. He had died (in his 30s). So there I was in the middle of a divorce and then instantly it was over and I am now a widow. I had to wait 2 months to get the results even though I knew what killed him… I had to plan a funeral for a man I had struggled to save for years. I had to sit down and tell our 4 year old of his passing. Our infant at the time won’t ever know him. In fact I don’t even have a picture of them together. Drugs are scary and forever change a person. It’s now been 1.5 years since I left him (I was pregnant at the time). Drugs are scary and dangerous. I am thankful I wasn’t the one who had to find him. If you think at all or fear finding your spouse like that then figure out a way to leave. I would love to chat with someone else who has had this same experience but I haven’t. It’s such a roller coaster ride. However while I struggle with this I really am a lot happier than I have ever been. No more worrying. No more fear of that phone call. I never worry about the kids and what could happen. Hugs to all who are going through this!

sara
3:44 pm September 16th, 2015

Amanda.. do u have more articles?
I had thought I met the love of my life and soul mate. It was like feeling so complete when we got together. He was sober at the time. We had a wonderful year and half of him sober. He treated myself and my daughter amazing. She called him dad. It was a very complete family. A series of events happened and things started spiralling out for control. I found out he was using, he was treating me different, he moved up to his families. He told me he was getting help and getting better. He would come around and things where still not right. I caught him doing heroine one day.. it’s a sight I couldn’t forget. I was angry and mad and he acted like it was nothing. Like he did nothing wrong. From there it got worst and worse. He was always mad at me. Never had time for us.. would ask and demand Monday.. and or was sick. Than the day came he told me he loved me enough to let me go. That he couldn’t put me through it anymore that he needed to figure his stuff out. 2 weeks post that he called to let me know he met someone that got him.. someone that would do the drugs along side him. I was angry and pissed and very hurt. I unleashed on him. Telling him how I felt. I won’t up one day and he started in on me over text. I finally responded with.. do what you want. You have no respect for me. I’m done. You made me to where I don’t care anymore so I can’t care. I’m moving on, life goes on…

Amy
8:18 pm September 17th, 2015

Thank you so much!!! I have been researching for days and your article hit the spot. :). You are so right – and I lit up when I realized what you said about laughter crowding out sad thoughts. I can do this.

sandy
10:25 pm October 1st, 2015

Hi my boyfriend just left me after 8 yrs. He says he needs till work on himself and he’s doing it for me. He’s been a addict since age 14

sandy
10:32 pm October 1st, 2015

Countless relapses this last time he ended up in the psych ward for hallucinations I miss yso much and I can’t eat or sleep or think of anything else.he texted me wants to see how I’m doing in the last month and told me he was thinking about me. I never got in the way of his recovery he says he needs to do let me go .I thought you weren’t supposed to make major decisions in the first year I think he’s probably seeing somebody. I gave yrs helping him and he just walks away like nothing we were supposed to be married. Therapist told him it was for the best. I don’t even know if he is seeing a therapist. I moved out of state last year to give him time to work on his recovery and myself time to heal he would visit me a lot .last time he came to visit and he came drunk. His daughter was arrested for heroin and is in rehab now but he says that his therapist thinks is best if I was out of his life I don’t get it. I should be relieved right? but it’s affected me so much I can’t even function.i’m going to therapy and on meds just to function. He’s trying to befriend me on Facebook

Amelia
3:04 am October 5th, 2015

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. We have lived together since 2012 where his heroin addiction then started. I went through the addiction rollar coaster with him. Losing homes, cars, jobs, school, in rehab, out of rehab -everything. Eventually, he stayed for a while, and came home. We followed therapists advice, and lived apart. A few months later, I let him come home. Fifteen months went fine, and this week, he relapsed. I knew it could happen, I honestly expected to sooner. What now? I’m finally seeing the light, that he’ll most likely never be clean forever. How do I end my relationship without making him feel worse, or even suicidal? I don’t know where he’d go, but I know it isn’t my problem.. Help?

Amanda Andruzzi
1:22 am October 6th, 2015

Sara,
I am sorry for your experience but I know the peace that comes when you are away from the situation. Although my ex-husband is not dead, he is long gone and I have no clue as to his whereabouts, and I was able to move on and remarry and have an even bigger family. So yes, I know that leaving is tough but it is the best decision most of us will make. Thank you for sharing your story.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
1:26 am October 6th, 2015

sara,
Yes, click on my name at the top or bottom of this article and my 25+ articles will come up. There is also a link to my book, Hope Street, a memoir of my life with an addict. sara, you may feel loss but what did you really lose? Was he enhancing you or your daughter’s life or making it a living hell? Did you feel insane most of the time, questioning yourself? You do not want someone that needs to get high to live and I highly doubt his new partner is a great choice based on love, more likely just a person to use with. You don’t want any part of this, I assure you, you just need time and distance to heal.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
1:29 am October 6th, 2015

Amy,
Of course you can do this!
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
12:26 am November 14th, 2015

Sandy,
I would be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt and is painful. If he is drinking there is probably a lot more you don’t know and you made the right decision. Why does it feel so wrong then? Because you are used to the drama which can make feelings so much more intense. You don’t know what a healthy relationship even looks like but you deserve to. Keep going to therapy and go out and do things you love until they take your mind off things. If you don’t, you could live your life with more of the same.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
12:30 am November 14th, 2015

Amelia,
You have given it your all and been there even when you probably shouldn’t so what else can you do? Nothing, you have to let him go for your own good and his. He has to take his own path and worry about himself and it may be sad but by staying you are enabling him and saying it is okay to use and be with you. You have to worry about you now. Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

jess
11:25 am November 14th, 2015

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. It was a whirlwind romance and I moved in after a week. We met and live in China. He is from Africa and I am from USA. I am 27 years old. I gave birth to a stillborn baby 5 weeks ago at 5 months pregnant. It was my first baby and since then his drug use has gotten out of control. After giving birth I was in the hospital for a week with infection and I lost my job. We have planned to get married and leave China together next year for his country. He always says the drug is not common in his country and that he would not be able to use it there. He started it when he came abroad 5 years ago. When I met him I did not know about his problem but we are young and used to party alot so I thought he only used the drug when we were out. I was so wrong. This is my first relationship and I am deeply in love. I have not told anyone the truth back home. I gave birth here in China after visiting my country for three weeks. I planned to go back home before my due date. I have not had support from friends and family during these difficult times as we are so far away. I also dont think they will be able to support me in the way I need. I know I should leave but I feel this is my soulmate. I feel so empty.

Amanda Andruzzi
2:24 pm November 18th, 2015

Jess,
Sometimes it is cathartic to write how you are feeling down and share it. You are deeply in love with an addict and that in itself can be an addiction. I hope you soon see that living with an addict is a difficult life but at this juncture it sounds like you are not ready to make a change and leave. Please read the other articles here so you can at least arm yourself with knowledge of what may be in store for you. Feeling empty is only the beginning. Please pick up my book, Hope Street, it is my story of living a life with an addict, he was the father of my child and my husband. It will give you hope.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Christi
8:53 pm November 27th, 2015

It is like reading about my own life when reviewing these posts. I have been with my husband for 25 years, since I was 16. I truly love him and I know that he loves me and our 2 children. But for almost 13 years now he has struggled with one addiction or another. It started with alcohol, which over time led to 2 DUIs. Then he became addicted to opiates a few years ago. He got help by being prescribed suboxones. Then the drinking began and stopped again. Several months ago I knew he was doing something different because of his appearance and behavior changes. Eight weeks ago I finally caught him with a baggy of meth. I kicked him out that day. During his time away he has laid out of work more than he has ever done, has not helped us out financially, moved around sleeping wherever he can, even had to go to the hospital to have abscesses on his arms drained. But now he wants to go to counseling and get addiction help, but ONLY if I agree to work things out with him. He is sleeping in his shop behind our home because I would rather know he is there than with another druggy somewhere. He has met with a drug counselor. He is also working again. But I know he is still on something that is making him super drowsy all the time when I see him. Is he only back because I’m enabling him or should I give his addiction counseling another chance?

Petra
2:47 am December 17th, 2015

My husband is a painkiller addict. When i was pregnat with our son, he was never around. After we had him he came around for about a month but then just left again. I was so fed up by the time our son was 4 months i left new jersey and moved to florida where i was raised. I also have a daughter by my ex. It took me time to gain everything again, a job, apartment, money for sitter to look after my kids but i did it. By the time our son was a year old my husband finally went to rehab in nj. After he got out he called me and said he was clean and wants to start over. He came to florida the very same week, the next week we got married and we were pretty happy. Not for long:-( he started again, then he quit and again. Its never ending. I am waiting for the holidays to be over and again i got to move away, do all that again. He doesent care at this point, he is numb, he has no morals and feelings. All i know is that this is it. I cant be living this life anymore. I cant worry about him and his addiction anymore. I got to worry about my children and myself. But ots scary to leave everything i got and move again with my kids.

Kate
7:01 am December 18th, 2015

My ex is a heroin addict. He has been struggling for nearly 10 years. We met 3 years ago, a few months after he was released from prison. He was so full of life. It was refreshing. He had been clean for 3 years (thanks to prison) but finally had a chance to experience life clean. He is so charming. He has a beautiful soul. I saw such potential in him. We were together for 8 months. We were seemingly head over heels for eachother. Until he ended the relationship, blindsiding me. A year and a half had passed. We were both in relationships with other people but we’re never able to close the door and spoke more often than we should have. We decided to give us another try (unbeknownst to me he had been using for about 4 months). Of course I figured it out very quickly. I only mentioned it once before he told me the truth and told me that he needed help. He tried on his own but failed and a couple weeks later, he overdosed. He did survive by the grace of god but used the first day he was discharged. He checked himself into detox and spent 10 days there. It has been almost 3 months now that he’s been clean. But instead of going to meetings and councling, he has been drinking. Alot, everyday, all day, for the past month. Which was causing arguments but for the most part our communication has been great. We had a heated discussion last Wednesday and he left on Thursday. Just up and left. The state and everything. Without a goodbye, without telling anyone. I haven’t talked to him since. He has been in minimal contact with family and friends. The last words he said to me was “I love you”. I’m worried about him but I’m relieved at the same time. He’s the love of my life. But I know we are both better off. Doesn’t make it any less painful. I can only hope that he is somewhere getting better. I try not to think about other possibilities. I feel for everyone who loves someone who is struggling with this relentless demon that we call addiction.

Amanda Andruzzi
1:36 pm December 18th, 2015

Christi,
If he is only going to go into recovery if he gets back together with you that should tell you he is not ready and just appeasing you. He should be doing it because his life is unmanageable and because he has hit rock bottom and can no longer go on this way. An addict really needs in-patient care and a detox and it sounds like he is on something else even though he is seeing a counselor. I have a great deal of experience with addiction and I know that intense care and recovery with a dual diagnosis is a really comprehensive way to be in recovery. If he has been struggling for this long, unless he gets to the source of the problem; undiagnosed mental issues, psychic scars, self-medicating, he will struggle every day for the rest of his life. Enabling him will not help but you can tell him that you care and love him and that regardless of if you work things out, he needs help. You will support him in his recovery, when HE is ready. In the meantime, you need to take care of yourself and allow his addiction to play out the way it will. Try therapy, al-anon, reading about co-addiction here, speaking with supportive family and friends and moving on with your own life. These things will help you put the focus on your own recovery in the event that he does not recover.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
1:41 pm December 18th, 2015

Petra,
You don’t have to relocate. You can ask him to go so that you don’t have to do that all over again. But you left him once before and you can do it again. You tried and now you have come to a point where you realize that living with an addict is like not living at all or better yet, like living in hell. I know the feeling. You are correct, you need to focus on you and your children. The energy you spend dealing with him leaves you and your children with nothing. You are consumed by his problems. You are making the best decision and I hope this time you move on and do not worry about his addiction or recovery. Either outcome, you will be okay. You can do this!

Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
1:48 pm December 18th, 2015

Kate,
As you see here, you are not alone. Many of us love addicts and struggle with the ups and downs of their addiction. It is a painful and sad life and moving on can be so difficult. I think he was saving you from himself by leaving. I think you know it was the best thing for you because watching a loved one destroy themselves and decline like that is a feeling that is indescribable. You will be okay. Thank you for sharing with us. My thoughts are with you.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

clare
10:24 pm December 23rd, 2015

I found out my father was a heroin addict when I was 17. By the time I was 21 he was dead. It’s so painful to lose someone to addiction. 22 years old and I had a nervous breakdown. Forward to 23 and I meet my now ex. Former addict. Well now I’m 37 , two kids with this man and I had to leave. 2 major relapses, crack and god knows what else. It broke my heart to leave but I had to. Children of addicts, which was me. They are at high risk of becoming addicts themselves, or dating addicts . which I did. White knight syndrome. So sad I guess it human nature to want to help. Which makes you stay. But to help sometimes you have to leave. That’s why it’s so hard I guess, cos you feel you are abandoning them. My mum left my dad but he was too far gone. I can only hope my ex makes it. God bless everyone affected by addiction. It’s so hard. I thought I could save my ex cos I couldn’t save my dad. Xxxxx RIP.

Amanda Andruzzi
1:57 am December 24th, 2015

Clare,
Thank you for sharing your experience here. I am so sorry for all the losses in your life but you are wise to leave. You know that leaving him is your only chance and maybe his. That kind of realization comes with a lot of time living with an addict and with years of helping them to no avail. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children. I too, have a daughter with an addict and I know the chances increase but also know that one stable parent who loves them is enough. I pray you heal from this.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

clare
12:24 pm December 24th, 2015

Thank-you so much for your kind words. I know that the kids and myself are in a better place. I have dreams about locking doors a lot, and it still feels strange having money. I’ve feel like I’ve climbed mountains buying things that we so needed for the house and children. It’s shocked me. It’s the first Xmas that everything is paid for. I’ve got counselling soon and for my oldest one.You can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, as opposed to being on a sinking ship. My ex stole the rent and I feared for the roof over our heads. That was the last straw. My dad stole everything in the house. And I mean everything carpets curtains, beds . Even my little sisters pet animal , toys and clothes. My mum left for a few days and he stripped the house clean with his friends and a van. My point is that the longer you stay , it tends to get worse not better. There is another life out there. It takes time but its possible. Ultimately it is your choice if you stay. It’s a rough ride. The hard part for me is to stop obsessing over my ex and move on in that way. But hopefully he will hurt enough to make the changes that he needs to. Be strong , love and prayers. Xxx

Amanda Andruzzi
4:51 pm December 24th, 2015

Clare,
Part of your healing is letting the obsession go with him. I know, I have been there. Have you read Hope Street? That will go away if you do the work and with time and distance. The more you have no contact with him the easier this gets. Keep strong. You are almost there. Love and Light.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

clare
7:34 pm December 24th, 2015

Thank-you for your reply. I will buy your book as I think it will help immensely. I also think that you are an amazing woman to go through everything and to help so many people who have been through the same or similar. Thank you so much. Xxxxx

Amanda Andruzzi
9:57 pm January 8th, 2016

Clare,
I appreciate that. There is no need to thank me, I swore that I would use my experience to help others and lessen their pain if I could and that is all I want to do. If I have helped in any way, then I am grateful. Thank you and I hope you keep me posted.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Sue
7:18 am January 13th, 2016

My husband of 20 years is an alcoholic and drug addict. I have been through hell and back several times for several years. I need to find a way to just move on and not try to fix him anymore, because I can’t. I am so sad and depressed with my life and I can’t believe that this is my life. I noticed he was acting strange after our second daughter was born and then he finally came clean that he was addicted to oxys. He was beaten up by his drug dealer, so he had to come clean. I got him clean and sober and told him that if he put us through this again the marriage would be over. It was fine for a while and everything started again, but this time it was worse then ever. I had him removed by the police January 2012 and had a restraining order on him for 18 months. I thought maybe now he would get the help he needed to get better and we could be a happy family once again. He begged and cried to come home I told him he had to go to rehab and we would talk then. While he was out of the house for those 18 months I worked my butt off to get the finances back on track, keep the kids feeling happy and as normal as possible. There was peace finally. I was able to really enjoy my children and we felt so much better and at ease. We didn’t have to hide our money, our jewellery and other things that he had pawned off for drug money. He stole whatever he could from me and the kids. He even took our granite counter top and sold it for drug money while I was in the hospital. A part of me was done with all of this and I felt so good. Then everyone started reaching out wanting me to give him another chance and to help him get better so I decided to give it a go. He had convinced his whole family that he wanted to be back with me and the children and oh how he loved us so much. He would do whatever it would take. He ended up in jail several times and the last time he did I bailed him out…big mistake on my part. I found out he was in a relationship with a crack whore which he denied left, right, and centre. He called her an acquaintance. She told me they were sleeping together, he told me she was lying because she wanted me out of the picture. I didn’t know what to believe and I was so hurt. I tried ending the marriage several times and he convinced me not too. He told me I shouldn’t be jealous of her because she meant nothing to him and if I only saw how ugly she was and what a tramp she was, I guess this was suppose to all make me feel better somehow. January of 2015 he moved back into the house and once again everything he had promised the children and me was a lie. He would leave for weeks on end with nobody knowing where he was. He was completely out of control. Never went to rehab as promised and the verbal abuse towards us all got more and more disgusting and so hurtful. I threw him out again and the kids and I went on a much needed trip for a month and when we got back, I would not take his calls, I wouldn’t give him the time of day. I was terrified of being hurt all over again. We would come home from shopping or wherever and he would be here waiting for us. He managed to get himself back in to the home once again convincing us he loved us and wanted to be a family again. He missed us so much, he would go to rehab etc…Let him back in the end of Oct and he made that call to get himself into rehab. Now the last 8 months he has been in and out of the hospital needing blood transfusions and the beginning of Dec he was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis. He was told if he continued to drink he would die pretty quick. I got rehab all set up. We went had his assessment done, he liked the place, the counsellor, everything was good. I told him I was very proud of him because that was a big step for him. So everything was suppose to take place in Jan 2016, a new beginning finally. I got a bed reserved for him at a detox centre and then all hell broke loose! Instead of going to detox he went in the opposite direction, met up with the crack whore Joanne once again and he is out of control and doesn’t even care. When he came back in October he kept asking me for a large sum of money, telling me he wanted to give his mother money that he had taken from her over the last 4 years. He asked if there was anyway we could get 50 thousand dollars out of our house. I told him where to go and if that’s why he came around to go away because I was not going to give him one red cent. For more than 5 years this guy has bled me dry. I have not received one mortgage payment from him, not any child support, and not one bill has he paid. He left me financially ruined, thank god I have a good practice and I was able to get us out of the hole with a lot of hard work. I know there are drug dealers looking for him. How much money is owed to them I have no clue. I am devastated, and feel so betrayed and used. I told his sister earlier on I feel so unloved by her brother and my children feel so unloved by their dad. I don’t understand how a man can walk away from his children and not feel anything. There is a lot of anger towards me because I guess he can’t fool me again when it comes to the finances. When he found out that I renewed the mortgage without him he called me a F%^%EN C@#T. My husband would have never called me that before or even used that C word ever. I don’t know this man anymore. When I look into his eyes there is nothing but black, no warmth like before. No heart like before. It’s scary and so sad at the same time. I’m waiting for that phone call too where they tell me he is dead! I don’t know what to do anymore other than walk away, but I don’t know how to walk away!

Amanda Andruzzi
4:23 pm January 13th, 2016

Sue,
This is not going to be easy and sound harsh but I did that same dance for 12 years to no avail.
YOU get up and walk away and DON’T look back for your children. You sort out the pieces of your life with them and for them and then your happiness will follow. He is not the same man anymore, he is an addict, a very different person from the man you knew so there is no point in trying to change someone because he has to want to change and he won’t do that with words, you would see actions. It sounds like he is past the point of making rational decisions but that is not your cross to bare. Please pick up my book Hope Street if you can and/or keep reading the other articles I have here to help you start this process. You have to take the emotional steps now to heal you and your family. It is a long road but you have to be okay, even if he is not.

Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Emma
12:56 pm January 14th, 2016

My partner has a cocaine addiction he has been using it everyday for the past 3 years and this last year it’s got worse I have 3 kids with him one 10 one 8 and a 10 weeks old baby I feel so alone he helps with nothing around the house or has no interest in the kids I have asked him to go and sort his problems but keeps telling me no shout my mouth . The pain in going through every day is sending me crazy I want to leave but me and the children have no where to go. Is there anyone I can ask for help I don’t want to go doctors or tell my mid wife cos I don’t want social services involved because I hope he will change he works every day then drinks beer and uses cocaine he don’t come home till early house off the morning I’m just at the end now I have asked him to leave but he won’t . I would rather be on my own and happy then living how we are but we both own this house and he says he will live his life and stay on the sofa . I wish I could leave him but it’s hard .

VJ
1:24 pm February 6th, 2016

Hi all! Thanks for starting this feed! It really helps to know Im not the only one to go through this. Same story, different guy. Stayed by his side for 3 years and he had a bad heroin addiction. I found him to be handsome and we fell in love. Or I fell in love. I was naive and didnt really know about heroin or anyone that used it. It seemed like he really loved me and we had a lot of good times but within a couple months in… Disappointment became a regular feeling. He would be ‘sick’ all the time and cancel plans, never took me out, never had money. Never worked a day the entire time I knew him. Then I started getting suspicious… The cheating/women and he stole from me… were too many to count. Ive had so much hurt and pain from him it makes me sick inside. We are finally over for good but the pain is still fresh. I feel so bad about it but reading these posts helps. Last week was our final end and Ive never had lower self esteem in my life, i actually considered ending my own life to get rid of the constant pain. Luckily I could never go through with such things but thats how low I felt. I have a new job and tons of great family and friends.. Im successful and beautiful and most would say my life is perfect. Its sad I let an addict bring me down to nothing when I have so much good. Im so glad its over, time to move on and live my happy life once again.

Amanda Andruzzi
8:43 pm February 8th, 2016

Emma and VJ,
Your situation is not as bad as it seems. Your depression anger and fear are situational. When you let someone else dictate how you feel, this is co addiction. The key is to work on you and set up your own recovery so that you can become emotionally sound and heal from all of the drama that has been caused in your life. Don’t close people out, open up to people and you will be surprised how much support you will get. When you have children this can be more difficult but it can be done. Please pick up poop Street, my memoir so that you can see that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. There is hope for you and that is why I told my story and that is why I write these articles and speak to women and men going through this. Do not give up, do not give in, but make plans for how are you going to get through this and I promise you it will happen, give yourself some time some love and some self-care and stop worrying about him and put yourself first.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Adriana
7:09 pm February 17th, 2016

Hi Amanda. I’m not sure if you’re still responding to replies here, but it’s worth a shot. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. I have recently discovered (last night, actually) that he is a drug addict. Pot, codeine, Xanax, and who knows what else. I also found out that he has cheated on me. He has cheated in the past, but I found out he is still doing it. I feel like such an idiot for not realizing sooner. He used to have a pornography/sex addiction, and received counseling for that. However it seems he has replaced that with drugs. I found videos on his phone of him smoking pot out of bongs and of him using vaporizers after I told him I didn’t want him to. My family tells me it’ll be okay because I am still young and because we never married or had children. I feel like I have lost a huge part of me, and I am really worried for his well being. He has been in trouble with the law before, and may end up either in jail or dead. He looks like an empty shell of the person I thought he was. I am so upset and heartbroken at the loss of my best friend. This seems more like a death to me, and it hurts in a way I never thought possible, him choosing drugs over me.

Amanda Andruzzi
8:03 pm February 17th, 2016

Adriana,
He is not choosing anything over you, drugs at this point are no longer a choice for him, they are a way of life. He has a secret life from you, drugs, other women, pornography that he hides from you. This is very common with addicts but it doesn’t hurt any less. I wish you would pick up my book Hope Street, I was in the position that you were in exactly and I want you to read it so that you can see what might be in store for you if you stayed with him. Leaving is hard but you get over it and move on to better things, staying is a lot harder.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Asmaa
5:43 pm April 8th, 2016

I have this problem my husband has been a heroin addict for a year now, and I really don’t know if he wanna quit heroin or no. Every time he says he wanna but he can’t . for me I got mix feeling, sometimes I feel I can’t leave him in this situation and other time I feel I can’t deal with that anymore. He is crazy about money and he doesn’t wanna go to rehab, his mum wanna send him to rehab by force. I stuck in the middle I don’t know what to do. Before he start his addiction our relationship wasn’t good but his addiction make the situation worse. he has never spend money on me even before his addiction and he has never helped me in any hard situation. He always cry and tell me I will make everything to make you happy but I feel it is just words. I feel am torn. Now he just start a new job today and still using heroin. I don’t know if he can make it or no,I told him you can’t work while you are using heroine and you have to go to rehab. But he said going to rehab isn’t a solution for me and he needs to go back to work to forget heroin. I don’t know if he is right or no?

Amanda Andruzzi
6:49 pm April 22nd, 2016

Asmaa,
Do not believe a word he is telling you. He has to stop, he has to want to and he needs long term rehabilitation. I have heard this 1000X and an addict will say whatever you want to hear so they don’t have to really stop. They lie through their teeth and I think it is in your best interest to gain your independence. If things were not good before and are awful now, why do you continue to stay? You need to start asking yourself these questions.
Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Bre
8:17 am April 24th, 2016

Hi- I just walked away from the love of my life. He was clean for 4 years then we ran into financial trouble and he was using meth in order to keep up at work which ended up in a decline in his health and eventually the ending of our 5 year relationship. We were supposed to be married in 3 weeks. And he won’t choose rehab and he blames me and his parents for not helping him even though we gave him everything. After 4 years of sobriety in one year he is gone. I crave him like he craves the drugs. I want to keep him and never let go. But the meth will kill him. I miss him dearly, and I’m not sure how to move on nevertheless learn to love again. I have a dark past including abuse which is hard to find anyone who won’t use you, or lie, or cheat. Its hard to find a decent person. What’s the point. Its only been 4 days but it feels like an eternity. I’ve been trying to to get into the mindset of just being with him in spite of his addiction and live in a fantasy world with him instead of reality. How do you move on from the heart especially of being alone?

Heather
10:02 pm April 27th, 2016

Hi All,
I am codependent and I have finally decided that I MATTER. I recently gathered the courage to end my relationship with my boyfriend who is addicted to crack. During the 2 years we were together he lied and manipulated to get over $15,000 from me for crack, he lived for free with me never paying rent like promised, he denies ever cheating but I saw that he sexted girls, emailed escorts on craigslist, even had a gay hookup profile on a gay sex website which I saw chat history that he met up with men – although he states hes not bi or gay and only smoked crack with them, he stole from my household and children and pawned things for drugs, he smashed my phone when he was in drug induced psychosis, and the most recent hurtful thing he did was he joined POF two days after we broke up…. the list of horrors he has done goes on and on.
I am struggling with feelings of regret, fear, and loneliness now. I want to run back to him and say I changed my mind which I know is so pathetic of me. I am consumed with thoughts of him and I feel like its almost obsessive how I read and re-read the texts we have sent each other the since I kicked him out. I feel unlovable, unattractive, stupid and heartbroken. What is wrong with me that I still love him??? What is wrong with me that I cant stop texting him even saying I wanted to still have sex with him??? Does everyone go through a period of regret when they finally try to move on?

Amanda Andruzzi
9:05 pm April 28th, 2016

Bre,
You said it right there, you have a dark past. This relationship and situation is familiar to you, it is comfortable and maybe in some way it entices you because deep down you want to fix him in an effort to fix something that you can’t in your past. We tend to go to what we know and I know because I did the exact same thing. I chose the addict partner because chaos and drama were all I was raised in. The key is to work on you and build yourself up and learn your issues and work on them so that you become a healthy person and then you will attract a good man. They are out there, I know, I married one the second time.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
9:09 pm April 28th, 2016

Heather,
Please read Hope Street and click on my name in this article to read the other 35+ articles I have written here. YOu will understand that I know where you are coming from and all of this is completely normal. One of my most recent articles is all about the stages of loss, what you are experiencing is one of them. Addicts break you down, blame you, use you, abuse you, and after years of this, you start to believe you are not good enough, when the truth is they are not good enough. They had to treat you that way to justify their own sick behavior. Don’t believe any of it, you can and will do and be better, you just need time, people who understand and distance.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Gerry
6:55 pm May 16th, 2016

Seems like everyone has had there Husband be the one who had ruined a relationship. My story is a little bit different. I was together with a the mother of my 9 month old now. We both lived together never married, but lived a very Happy good life. So I thought until one day something hit me and I realized that my fiance was addicted to drugs. I decided to cold turkey everything alcohol and drugs in general. It seems like an evil force took over my ex and she would not snap out of it. They always say an addict acts like an unfaithful person which I agree. Always hiding to find there next high. In her case after our son was born, she started smoking her weed. Then it went to wanting to use cocaine. Then the cocaine thing went from being used on our nights out as a couple then to every weekend, then to almost every other night. I did not know how to stop her. She would hide it from me and would tell me lies. Until one day I was pumping gas and and I noticed her vehicle so I followed her and she had drove all the way from home while I was at work to purchase her drugs, and had direct contact with the drug dealers now. It went down hill from there. I started getting accused of being a physco and crazy and that I did not know how to live life. I did everything to catch her in her lies my energy was almost all focused in trying to find something to confront her, then once I found something she would lie straight to my face. and believed it. Here is where my story takes a crazy spin, after about 3 months of putting up with her being like that, she started getting distant in her mind she was already separating from me. She kept telling me she was not Happy anymore and that we should probably go out separate ways. I kept trying to fight for her and my son, until one day she started showing up late from work different schedules and would always get mad that I would ask questions. So i decided to go talk to her mom and let her know her daughter and I were having a lot of problems and that she was using drugs again. She looked at me and asked me if she was on Heroin? My world started going spiraling down, I could not believe she had that nasty habit before I had met her. Iearned alot of things about a woman who was raised in the drugs scene. I asked God to help me realize what I have gotten myself into. Later that week we went to renew her DL she had outstanding warrants and on of them I came to find out it was for solicitation. I have like WTH is going on right now. This worst part about it is that we work together so even after leaving 2 weeks ago I told her we were done, She thought I was joking since I have never made a decision like this and so emotionally. But in my heart I was exhausted. Came to find out she has been having an affair with someone at work and blames everything that I am the one who left her. I have understood many things about this life and I am only 23 years old having to look at her where I work and the guy she is still having an affair with every day is almost like self torture. But I know that it will help me grow into a stronger man. I will continue until I can physically and mentally cannot do it anymore. She has become a monster she doesn’t know it yet, my advice is run while you still can do not let your kids or finances scare you because tomorrow is not promised and if you get caught up in an addicts world you will suffer while they run around enjoying there highs and not sober. A sober life is hard to live especially when coming out of a situation like mine. She would always talk down to me because I did not love myself but leaving everything behind including her and getting high all the time I have realized that I love myself more than I know.

Shelley
3:13 am May 21st, 2016

I met this wonderful man coming out of a 29 year marriage which was hell living with a alcoholic. Anyways I met him through Facebook and we connected right away he asked if I drank coffee my response was why you don’t drink? He said no I am a recovering addict. He lived at a recovery house aka Oxford house. I was greatful he didn’t drink. Anyways we both were separated from our spouses and we just hit it off. That was almost two years ago. Today I am divorced although he haven’t even filed yet. Anyways recently he’s been home like almost the whole month of May he used to work night now we’re on day schedule however he never comes home afte work until like 12am-4am. He seems so distant. He used to text me throughout the day or call me etc this has all sudden come to a complet haunt now 4 weeks ago . Never urging seemed fine to me except the ups and downs with his attitude.!i noticed he isn’t home even on days off he does his own thing. We were never apart before. He however texted me 4 weeks go just how beautiful I am how lucky he was I am smart supportive blah blah. To complete avoiding me and never talks to me if seems me. I have tried several times to tell me what’s wrong. He finally said he’s in debt doesn’t know how we can live where we are because he can’t continue to pay bills for me and my son. Then he said he needed to get well and we needed to separate because deep inside he feels he cannot trust me either. I am shocked because he me be told me he felt like this. I snooped on iPad as he left out of town for two days and discovered he had been talking to 8 different home. Anyways I saw conversation that he had a date last Friday while it was also my day off but he told me didn’t want to waste his last day off . So he said going kayaking but when he didn’t take kyak I called him and said he forgot something.! He lied to me said oh he was going to rent one etc. long story short I went into iPad and found him and her chatting away and they had sex. She told him she thought they coos be friends but not romantically that it wasent what she wanted and would have rather of waited but he was purse adobe . He said he was sorry for being disrespectful and understood. However he never told her about me except I was a room ante. When I confronted him on this as he came home after two days gone 7/25 am and he never said a word to me I then couldn’t hold back and he again lies to me . Thing is I live himl so much and know this isn’t the person o fell in love with and his addiction is testing is apart . Got home from work tonight Oly to see he left before I got home. Why has he been avoiding me for s month is this because he wants us to end! I know we are s good couple but being high makes me hate him he’s a Che k whe hi vey distant etc, I need your help. Why and how could he of done this to me ? What do o do ?

Terry
9:12 am May 22nd, 2016

I don’t understand. I am aware of his addictions and I’m sure things will never change with him. I’m only 24 yrs and I’ve already been in this relationship for 6 yrs where I’ve dealt with emotional and physical abuse that is slowly destroying the person i used to be. I believe every promise of change he makes and than I’m disappointed all over again with every relapse. I never used drugs and I don’t even drink, but his addictions have somehow become mine. I feel so lonely, I know I should walk away but I just can’t. Wish I knew how?

Amanda Andruzzi
2:05 am June 10th, 2016

Gerry,
Thank you for sharing that. I really want to welcome you here because although a woman did this to you, you are not alone. This site is for the loved ones of addicts and that can be anyone. I am so glad to hear you say you love yourself more than you know. It is those of us who don’t love ourselves and put the addict first that stay. I always want to tell people immediately to run the other way but each person has to come to that time on their own, you can’t force it. I hope you have custody of your child and if you don’t I would highly recommend fighting for it, especially if she is a drug addict. Then I would focus on you and the child and get stronger for your child.

Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
2:11 am June 10th, 2016

Shelley,
It sounds like this man has probably done this his whole life. I am sure his ex-wife could tell you he did the same thing to her. Maybe he was in recovery when you met but it did not last long, he did not do what he really needed to do to stay sober and appreciate life on life’s terms. He is sleeping around and that should be enough for you to leave but I know loving someone it is not as easy as it sounds. I only hope that you gather your thoughts, your emotions and then your son and your clothes and leave. He is avoiding you because he is living another life, without you and he has you there just in case he needs you. It is time to move on.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
2:19 am June 10th, 2016

Terry,
Please read my book, Hope Street. I was 19 when I met my addict and I wrote the book to help you through your journey because I couldn’t find any help that resonated with me. Hope Street will resonate with you and give you a glimpse of your future while showing you that you are not alone in this situation and how you feel. You just need to reach out and make the change. He won’t change but you can and you can do something about it. You have to muster up the courage and strength and do it. There will be no right time. There will only be the time that comes when you are ready.

Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda
7:29 am June 12th, 2016

Hi Amanda,
I met my addict at age 18 and married him at age 19. It’s been 9 years now of living through his heroine addiction. I sadly searched google again for the 100th time seeking some kind of support. I have two little boys that deserve so much better and that’s what devastates me the most. I’m going to read your book because I have a feeling it will be very similar to my story and I could really use someone to relate to right now. I feel backed into a corner and very alone. Thank you for using your experience to reach out and help people. It’s admirable. Wish we could go to lunch. -Amanda

Amanda Andruzzi
10:50 pm July 1st, 2016

Amanda,
Please read it and let me know your thoughts. I know you will feel understood and every word will resonate with you. Your children deserve better and even one stable parent is better than living with two parents, one of which is an addict. Please don’t give up and get the help you need to be strong enough and love yourself enough to let him go so that you can move on. He is not going to change but you can. You Can. Let me know where you live and maybe we can make that lunch happen. I am here to help!
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
View the video book trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Katie
12:47 pm July 12th, 2016

My husband of less than 1 year but only constant relationship I have ever known for 7 is a drug addict. I have struggled for the entire relationship. Just 3 weeks ago I caught him high on meth in bed with a prostitute. For 3 weeks I would not talk to him moved out, until he said he was finally getting treatment and he had reached rock bottom. I couldn’t touch him show him any affection because I keep seeing him and her naked. Last night he went on binge. I’m so angry with myself and humiliated I trusted him yet again. I just want him out of my life, problem is he doesn’t want me but doesn’t want anyone to have. The minute I try to move he threatens my job and everything I have. Emotionally I’m scared of him but I need him out. We have the best relationship when he’s not using but when he is its so bad and destructive. I have seen counsellors and I know what I have to do but he won’t allow me too. I wish he would go to jail to where I wouldn’t have to see him again.

Jaime
5:11 pm July 15th, 2016

I was with my boyfriend for 6 years. He became addicted to Percocets when his friend did them and he wanted to try. Unknowingly, We moved into a city that was notorious for drugs. It all went downhill from there. He then became addicted to heroin which he sniffed as far as I know. Both of his parents are addicts – father still active who he has lived with in a room for the last month and also has used in the past with. Its been years of lies and stealing money. I “broke it off” and told him I needed some space and said that if he went into long term treatment that I would stand by him and be there for him. His cousin’s father owns a shelter or some sort of program that is notoriously bad and is not the right place for him and he and his father went there when I “broke it off”. From there he went into a 5 day detox separate from his father and did phenomenal. I spoke to him once a day and was even involved with his treatment plan with a caseworker that didnt seem to care. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic who has turned into a sponsor and works in a great program who was also trying to help my boyfriend and pull some strings. After the detox was completed, he was dropped off at a CSS/holding which coincidently was down the street from my work. I met him there for admissions and told him what I had told him every single day that as long as he stayed in long term program and completed it, I would be by his side and that I loved him and I believed in him. (Side note- His family – his parents being addicts have not been the supportive or role models he needed. I have been the only person there for him in every possible way for the past 6 years) When I left him at admissions he told me he didnt want to be there and he would rather go back to his cousins fathers home. I said just stick it out a few days and my friend will have had pulled strings and got him into a great program. A few hours later, I get a call from his cell phone and knew immediately something was up. He said that someone offered him a percocet and didn’t feel comfortable and he walked out. I lost it. Of course because of his past constant lies and already knowing he didn’t want to be there, I immediately didn’t believe him. Now whether it is the truth or not, I have no idea. But in my gut, I dont think it was. I told him that I had to keep MY word and walk away in hopes that he knows I am serious that he needs to have long term treatment done in order to be successful. He said that he felt great and didn’t have any urges. I also found out when he went into the CSS that he has been using Heroin for the last year and a half and not Suboxones like he originally told me. Knowing this I didn’t think I had a choice whether to stay by his side or not. I can’t continue to live like this and I decided to walk away. It has been the hardest 3 days of my life. More tears than I have ever imagined possible. Hes back with his father and I know they are using again and not doing the right thing. It’s an emotional rollercoaster because I keep going from angry, sad, disappointed, worried. I have the worst fear of him overdosing and getting that call. I need to know that I did the right thing. EVERYONE I have in my life is saying I did and that hopefully it will save him but in the long run will save me as well. They all keep saying it is now up to him and I know that. I know an addict wont get clean unless they themselves want it. I know I did everything I could possibly do and then some but it doesnt make it any easier….I am so very lucky to have the support system I have and so heartbroken he doesn’t have it for himself. All he has is a father that encourages heroin use. I just pray every second that he will come to his senses and realize how bad he really is and get the help he needs. Hes a good man and I love him more than anything but I can’t keep living like this and enabling him and watching him kill himself and take me down.. The amount of money that I could have already saved and gotten a place with is ridiculous. Im angry about that but I understand it is a disease but I just cant keep enabling him and “helping” him because what kind of help is it when I just keep forgiving him for stealing money or lying to get money for his horrible disease and not do a damn thing about it. Right now hes all alone in this crazy world so I’m hurting for both of us and just hope hes okay….

Coll
4:05 am July 16th, 2016

I’ve just recently left my boyfriend of 6 years. He was a heroin addict also using whatever he could get his hands on when there wasn’t any heroin to use. Together for 6 years I stood by his side through 3 jail times (one for 9 months long), 8 rehabs, and multiple other things. 6 years of some wonderful memories and some not so great. Lots of lies and hurt feelings. We have a 3 year old son together. I left him a month ago finally moving out across town. In the month I left he returned to yet another rehab for 2 weeks. I just found out I was pregnant with his 2nd baby. Unfortunately we lost it. He was released from rehab a week ago. He came out of there with a brand new girlfriend and a whole new life. He doesn’t even care what we just lost. He doesn’t care we have shared 6 years together. Sadly he won’t speak to me at all, and even more sad I’m his only communication with his son and he has yet to make any effort with that either. It’s like we just vanished from his life. We don’t exist. I have so many unique answered questions. Although if I ever did get answers I would automatically assume they are just lies anyways. I really just don’t understand how you can share 6 years together, a life, a child, 1000 memories and not even blink an eye ofor sadness or regret. When will this hurt leave? When will I feel back to normal? When will I not care what him and his new girlfriendare doing? When will I be okay, and move on?

Hacienda
12:19 am July 19th, 2016

Hello Amanda

I am a single dad of 4 girls who is in the middle of a divorce with my wife. We have been separated for 2 years and ever since, it has been the best decision I’ve made for my family. We have been slowly healing and moving forward from the decisions that my wife made. She became addicted to pain pills some times in 2010 and has progressed to meth and heroin. We’ve been thru it all. Missing money from the account, evictions, lights cut off, homeless you name it, we’ve been thru it. My girls were suffering in all facets of life. My 2nd oldest would ask for a bathroom pass just to cry in the stalls. Individually, they were dying slowly inside. I’ve gave my wife numerous of chances but history would only repeat itself. I finally had to make a decision and being happy as well for my kids, was the hardest thing I had to do but the best.. Many tears from day to day. Many nights of comforting my youngest, who still cries for her mom. Many great memories of their mom, my wife, we’ve shared and teared up because of the thought of disbelief of the person who she has became. Thru the healing process, and still, being happy is a choice. I still keep in contact with my wife, soon to be ex and I will never stop loving her. Reading your article is very inspiring and one I can relate to. Bless Day Amanda

Amanda Andruzzi
2:07 am August 1st, 2016

Katie,
He cannot make you do anything. You can cut him off from your life in every way, phone, email, facebook, and tell mutual friends that you do not want to hear about him. You can get an order of protection if you fear that he is going to be violent or jeapordize your job. You do not have to stay with him and he cannot force you to. You need to move on.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
2:16 am August 1st, 2016

Jaime,
I am 6 years out, remarried from a 12 year relationship with an addict and I still fear that I might get that call that the father of my daughter has overdosed. He is an addict and addict’s ignore the signs that they need help because the drugs are so powerful and the underlying issues they are escaping from are too hard to face. You cannot save him and your presence in his life is only enabling him. You are a source of money and support for him to keep using. I just pray that the ones we love will be able to rise up from the darkness they are in and get the right help to change their path in life. That is all you can do.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
2:21 am August 1st, 2016

Coll, I have asked myself those same questions over and over again. Have you read my book, Hope Street? You will feel like you are reading your own life story except that there is a great deal of hope for you at the end this time. You have to move on and you will. Two weeks out of rehab and a new girlfriend does not give him a new life, it just goes to show that he is either still using or he has not faced his issues. Only an addict or a mentally ill person can tune out the fact that they have a child and you have to understand that so that you don’t take this personally. This is not about you, it is his problem and I know it hurts like hell but I want you to realize that he has done you an enourmous favor by moving on. Now you can too! I promise it will hurt but I can also promise that if you go through the emotions that there is a great life on the other side of this if you are open to it.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Amanda Andruzzi
2:36 am August 1st, 2016

Hacienda,
You are brave beyond words and like many of us doing the job of two parents. You will get through this and you will form a strong bond with your children. You have them and they have you and with one strong parent, you can all make it through this. It may be hard to see right now but you are so blessed to have those children. They need you and you will be strong and heal for them. Thank you for sharing your story.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer: http://sbprabooks.com/amandaandruzzi/video/

Sherri
10:01 am September 22nd, 2016

I’m in a bind and a confusing situation. My boyfriend has been relapsing with heroin and also uses meth. Now, he also does not work or even try hard enough to work besides occasionally, for a friend, but the little bit he gets, he spends on drugs. I have been with him for 6yrs and have been living in my apt. for 19yrs. I stupidly put him on the lease about 2yrs ago. Also,we are 17yrs apart, he 32, I, 49, almost 50. This makes it even more difficult to just kick him out, not only is he selfish, but maby I am a little as well, because I am afraid to live alone and love him deeply, I am also enabling him as well, even though I know it’s wrong. He is disrespectful towards me and resently has developed a 2nd personality that might have something to do with his sudden and abrupt end to a prescription drug called suboxon and Clonazpam he had been on for 13yrs. Now, maby there might be a couple of suggestions for me, if even possible.

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About Amanda Andruzzi

Amanda Andruzzi, MPH, AADP, CHES, is a Certified Health Coach, founder of Symptom-Free Wellness, and the author of Hope Street. Her first book, Hope Street memoir is an inspirational story of one woman's frightening journey of co-addiction that led her to uncover courage, unbelievable strength and overcome great adversity. She resides with her daughter, husband, and two sons in Florida.

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