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How to help your husband with drug addiction

If your husband is addicted to drugs, you’ve come to right place.  Believe it not, drug addiction is NOT your problem.  So how to help a drug addict husband get help with drug addiction? By shifting your focus from why people become addicted to drugs and addressing your own tendencies towards codependency, enabling and denial. And finding the strength to take action.

More here by author Lisa Espich on how you can help your husband overcome drug addiction, with a section at the bottom for your questions, experiences and feedback.

My husband is a drug addict

My husband, Dean, and I are getting ready to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks. This is an incredible milestone for any couple, but for us it is especially momentous. You see – for the first two decades of our marriage Dean struggled with an addiction to alcohol, crack cocaine, and prescription pain pills. Ten years ago I had my doubts that Dean would ever live to see our 25th anniversary, let alone that we would be enjoying a healthy marriage.

Two truths about drug addiction & marriage

Here are two things that I’ve learned through my experience:

1. Addiction recovery is possible.

2. A spouse can help their loved one to overcome addiction.

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But you have to move beyond denial

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I now understand that when my husband was an active drug addict, I was playing a role in my husband’s addiction. I had become an enabler, and, as a result, I was making it easier for my husband to continue on his destructive path. It was only after I shifted my own focus that positive changes began to take place.

For many years I blamed every problem on Dean and his addiction. It was an easy out. I was ignoring my own challenges – I was in denial. While Dean was consumed with drugs and alcohol, I could not identify prescription drug addiction … because I was consumed with Dean! My every thought revolved around him:

  • Where is he at?
  • Who is he with?
  • Is he drinking or using drugs again?
  • Why can’t he just stop?

I was living a constant cycle of arguing and crying, driving around late at night looking for my husband, buying back our belongings from pawn shops, putting myself into dangerous situations, and feeling alone and confused. Every attempt that I made to help my husband seemed to fail.

Breaking the cycle of codependency opens the door to recovery

When I started to take steps to overcome the patterns of codependency, positive changes began to happen – not only for me, but for my husband as well. The results were life-changing. I discovered that a spouse really can make a difference. You don’t have to wait for the person struggling with addiction to be ready – that day may never come. You can open the doorway to recovery and lead the way.

Here are the three steps I took that can also help you:

Step #1: Gain knowledge about addiction.

It’s difficult to help another person if you don’t understand the problem. This includes understanding what your role has been in enabling the addict in your life. If you were told that your child had diabetes you would learn everything you could about the disease. You would arm yourself with knowledge. You would stop buying sugary snacks, and you would probably make a lot of changes as a family in order to help your child with his or her battle. Like diabetes, addiction is a disease. By learning as much about addiction as possible, families can help their loved ones to recovery.

Step #2: Reach out for help.

Because of the stigma attached to addiction, families often keep the problems a secret. But by keeping the addiction a secret, we are only further enabling the disease. You deserve all of the help and support you can get. I urge you to turn to the people you trust, and let them help to lift your load. Look for the people in your life who have always been there for you and loved you unconditionally.

There are also countless support groups available to turn to. One of the best forms of support, for those of us involved with an addict, is Al-Anon. What better group of people to turn to for comfort and support than those who are living with the same struggles? The most important thing is to break out of your isolation. Spending time outside of the addictive environment is crucial to your well-being. A support group can be any group of people who encourage your positive growth. Look for opportunities to spend time with people who are positive and leave you feeling good about yourself.

Step #3: Harness your inner strength.

What is inner strength? It is the power inside that pushes you to action even when you’re scared, that allows other peoples’ behaviors and comments to roll off your back no matter how hurtful they may be, that gives you the willpower to accomplish your goals regardless of how large they are. Inner strength comes from having a close connection to your spirit.

The more in tune you are to the voice inside of you, the stronger you will be. People call that inner voice many different things: Intuition, Higher Power, God, or you may call it something else altogether. It doesn’t matter what you name it, as long as you build a close relationship to it. There are countless ways to build your inner strength?here are just some of the tools I used: meditation, affirmations, visualization, and prayer.

Setting and keeping boundaries is key

This last step proved to be the most important for me. While I had been learning about addiction for some time, and visiting recovery groups, it wasn’t until I tapped into my inner strength that I was able to set and keep healthy boundaries. Once my husband realized that I was no longer a partner in his disease, he was left with the options of accepting help, or progressing in his disease alone. I am grateful that he chose the path of recovery.

While addiction is a cunning disease, and could always rear its ugly head again, our family is now healing. While none of us chose this path consciously, a deeper love exists for the families that make is to the other side. In many ways we are lucky, because our eyes get opened to the simple joys in life that others may take for granted. The sound of laughter in our household becomes music. A Sunday afternoon together doing absolutely nothing is bliss. There is a bond that comes from surviving a battle together. It is stronger and more profound than can ever be imagined. There is life after addiction!

Photo credit: qthomasbower

Leave a Reply

183 Responses to “How to help your husband with drug addiction
jena
11:46 pm August 16th, 2012

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. He has been an addict for 5 years. when we got together i didn’t know about his drug problem. About a year into our relationship he told me about his problem and he asked me for help. It never affected out relationship until then. I have grown up around drugs and my dad chose drugs over me. my dad spent most my life always in and out of jail and he neglected me so he could get high. when i found out about my boyfriend doing drugs i freaked out and told him i would leave him if he didn’t straighten up cause i am not about to be with someone like my dad. I was so in love with him and he had always done everything for me. i had the perfect boyfriend. or at least i thought.when i told i i would leave him our relationship spiraled down hill. Before he told me about his problem i had so much trust, i didn’t feel the need to snoop around or check up on him so i never noticed that he was really making more money then he told me, and i never noticed that he was getting off work earlier then he told me. when i started checking up on him to make sure he was doing good he started lying to me and his drug use became worse. he was stealing stuff to cover the cost of his drugs because he didn’t want me to see the money disappearing from his bank account.he was leaving work to go get drugs and get high. i was so in love with him that i eventually became and enabler and helped him make it worse without even knowing it. he went to jail for almost a year. i decided to give him one more chance when he got out. he got out and he has been telling me the truth about everything. He got his old job back and is back on track. about a week and a half ago he got into a huge fight with his dad. he was so upset because his dad is all he has. i noticed he started being distance and i didn’t think anything of it because of the fight. A few days after their fight he came to me and broke down. he told me that he went and got high after he and his dads fight and that he had been using the past few days. everyday since then he calls me and talks to me when he feels the urges to get high. over this last week i have came to know a whole other side of him. he stayed with me through his with-drawls and told me about everything. he told me about the first time he used and why he used. he explained to me all of his struggles and tries to get clean. i didn’t know what a struggle his life was before i entered it. he explained to me that up until our relationship get serious at about 7 months and explained to him how i grew up and what i went through with my dad, he didn’t realize that he had a problem. he didn’t realize he had a problem because doing drugs wasn’t affecting anything in his life. he was making great money and the only people he was around where doing drugs to. when i told him about my struggle and broke down he realized that it was hurting me. he had never had a serious relationship before me, all his other relationships had only lasted a few weeks. i love him with all my heart and i feel like all that he did is because he loves me, because he didn’t want to lose me like i said i would if he didn’t straighten up.i need to know if i am only seeing it this way because i love him. I want to know if i am doing the right thing with him? i need someones opinion who knows about addicts and is on the outside looking in.

11:35 am August 18th, 2012

Hi Jena. From my perspective, moving through (and past) drug addiction can be a real opportunity to grow close with a loved one. However, you need to be sure to set real and clear boundaries, and to take care of yourself while supporting your boyfriend. Have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting? This support group can REALLY help you. Also, have you considered working with a couples counselor or in individually psychotherapy sessions to help you set (and keep) boundaries with your boyfriend? These things can also help you keep balance and provide a third party, objective opinion about the situation.

Lisa Espich
7:34 pm August 18th, 2012

Hi Jena,

Your unconditional love for your boyfriend is clear. You have a good heart, and he is very lucky to have you. My advise is to continue listening to your instinct. An active addict will lie (it’s part of the disease), so listen to your heart and gut. Being there for him as a friend is different than enabling him. Avoid getting into the habit of fixing his problems and helping him financially — this type of help only hurts an addict by strengthening the addiction. I agree with the other reply that suggests Al-Anon. Through this 12-step program you will learn more about addiction and how to set healthy boundaries. It’s important for you to understand that addiction may be a lifelong struggle that your boyfriend will deal with — so it’s vitally important that you are taking care of yourself and working on your own physical and mental health. It is only by being healthy ourselves that we are equipped to make the right decisions about the relationships in our lives. I wish you the best — Lisa Espich

Jake
1:17 pm September 11th, 2012

Me and my spouse are both addicts. We have no children so that helps encourage it. He drinks and I smoke weed. At first it worked out perfectly because we were not getting into each others stash. Well now we get a prescription of Xanax and we do painkillers. Now we get into each others stash. We run out of the pills quick. There we are up and down with it. Xanax is prescribed. It runs out quick. With pain killers we have to go out on the streets to get because we exhaused our source using doctors. As a result we run out of pills more quickly so there is no money and lots of withdrawl. I have gone to NA AA religous groups outpatient rehab but nothing works. The question is do we really want to quit? DEA is going after doctors, employers drug test. Sometimes I wonder if the damn drug laws are creating more problems that the weakness of the addicts themselves? If people could get their drugs legally without the problems of the law and DEA maybe they can take their drug of choice on a consistent regimine to eleminate the problem of withdrawl and bad stuff. If they are functional and used to the drug there should be no problem in the workplace. The problem is the black market. You do not know what your getting, the prices are not competative to keep them down, cannot run to the local dispensary to keep up your supply and of course getting arrested. I say dispose of the DEA and not only will we see a reduction in drug use but the black market goes away and we can avoid problems that come with prohibition. If people want to destroy their bodies that is their right. Govenment does not have the right to protect us from ourselves.

7:30 pm September 11th, 2012

Hi Jake. I think that you hit it with this question, “The question is do we really want to quit?” Are you ready to stop the craziness or has there not been enough pain? Our deep moments of pain and hitting bottom are truly a gift, as we can then look upwards and start to move out of the addictive cycle. Until the addiction is not “painful enough”, you’ll probably still use.

Sheyla
3:00 am September 24th, 2012

My husband and I have been together for almost 20 yrs. A little over 2 yrs ago he became addicted to percocet 30mg. I didn’t know until about 8 mnths later. During that time he would lie, disappear at times for hrs and even got in contact with a lady he cheated on me 11 yrs ago. We have been having the worst 2 yrs of our lives. We even moved to another state since everyone he knew and was in contact with was in the same situation or knew exactly who to go to for the drug. He’s doing a lot better but I know for sure that he is still struggling with a full recovery and I knw he’s still messing with it. I don’t want to walk out on him since he never had an addiction before then. How can I help him, since he doesn’t want to admit it and I get extremely frustrated and start fighting and going off on him. Please tell me what should I do..

8:43 am September 25th, 2012

Hello Sheyla. I’d suggest that you check out Al-Anon. While you cannot change your husband, you can change ways that you perceive life. I’d also suggest that you confront your own personal tendencies to help others, and look into possible issues of co-dependency. You may have unconsciously adapted some of these behaviors in your relationship and can start now to set boundaries that are healthy and can support your happiness.

Jamie
2:07 am November 27th, 2012

Hi, my situation is so much similar to the original posts. We have 3 children, and he has had an off and on again addiction for 3 years. This last year it has gotten its worse. He will seek help and pretend to be getting help and its all a lie. I just kicked him out for the second time and threatened he cannot see me or the kids till he goes to some kind of impatient. but getting there is almost impossible due to no insurance and lack of money to pay for treatment. am i wrong for kicking him out? should i cut ties till he gets help…but this is breaking my whole heart. i want him hear. i want my family back.

jess
3:32 am January 16th, 2013

My husband just keeps getting worst.He’s addicted to crack. everytihg is always my fault. i stop being an enabler. He now resents be theres verbal about and threats. HELP!!!!! I HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER, BUT IM AFRAID THAT ITS OVER.

Nada
3:41 pm February 1st, 2013

I need help my boyfriend is doing the same thing I’ve put him out many time this time he’s been going for a month I am just tied of him I have three kids not for him I feel that I don’t o him nothing I just want to walk away but I love him so please help me tell what to do for him

Lisa Espich
9:49 pm February 2nd, 2013

Dear Jess — Crack was the drug of choice for my husband. After many years of struggling to do the right thing to “save” him, I finally learned that I couldn’t control the addiction (or my husband). It was only after I made the decision to save myself that positive changes began to happen, not only for me, but for my husband as well. Eventually, through gaining my own courage and strength to set and keep healthy boundaries, my husband accepted help and is now clean (over six years). My best advice is to turn your focus inward, and learn the tools to avoid enabling the addict in your life. If you’re anything like me, you probably say that you would do anything to help him. Well, I discovered that helping myself was the first step in helping him. Finding an Al-Anon or family support group in your area is the first step. I wish you all the best! Lisa Espich – author of “Soaring Above Co-Addiction” http://www.soaringabovecoaddiction.com

true
9:05 pm February 7th, 2013

I describe how we overcame our problems on my blog at truefeminismnaphtali on blogspot.com.

Kathy
1:32 pm March 3rd, 2013

Well iv been going through it with my biyfriend for 2 years. We want to get married and have kids but I won’t marry someone who puts a pill before his family. I love this man, have most my life and most people have no clue he’s an addict. We have become closer now then ever before and he is trying to stay clean so we can move forward. But seems to no be able to stop. I cry everytime he uses and he will most the time tell me when he slips but he also lies about it sometimes. I don’t want to give up on him but I can’t live like this. Can someone give me some simple steps I need to take now. I keep telling him one more time and it’s over, but walking away from someone you truly love is a very difficult task. I want to walk trough this with him but not if it’s going to kill me too. He’s almost 40. Thank you!

sta
3:26 am March 28th, 2013

Hello all my husband has been struggling with addiction his whole life we have been together for 15 yrs and 12 yrs ago I packed up me and my 1 yr old son and left. two months later he decided I was serious and he got help. Clean for 10 yrs I recently discovered he is now addicted to percocet 30mg for the past two yrs. The past two yrs of our life has been one big lie.. I seen signs but I was so busy with two kids that I ignored them. It seemed hard to believe that someone who was clean from alcohol and cocaine for so many yrs is now struggling again. If I could go back 12 yrs ago I would have moved on with my life because an addict is always an addict and its a life stuggle. I now have two beautiful talented children and I have to try and explain why their dad isnt who they have know their whole life. My advise is if you are in a relationship with an addict and you dont have children end it. You can remain friends with the person for support but that is it because once you get married and have kids its not just you that is affected by the addicts chioices now the kids are left to deal with them also. This website was alot of help and I hope your husband continues his recovery.

Samantha
6:30 am April 4th, 2013

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years, we also have a child together. I knew he was an addict when we got together. He told me he gave himself the choice of having me or having the drug. He said he chose me. He continuously surrounds himself with drug addicts. Even catching him with pills or finding them in his belongs was not “proof” to him. I caught him snorting a line in my bathroom, the pill was prescribed to him. I just had my worst fears confirmed by a close friend of his, he said he would be honest. He would not be honest about the times I knew he was doing drugs. I’m tired, confused, and I feel broken. I have no idea what to do as he is blaming me for all of this. Saying the my complaining drove him to this and all he can think about is drugs. He also admitted to telling me he was working when he was actually out doing drugs with his “friends”. He’s mean to me about it, I feel like I don’t even know him. He says wants help but is still lying. I would’ve never been able to confirm without his friends help. He is now disowning that particular friend. I have no idea how to approach this.

tshg
2:04 pm April 4th, 2013

my husband and will be married 4 years on 6/6/13 and he has been clean from opiates (pain pills) since 5/12 after years of being addicted and using pain pills, cocaine, crack oxy’s etc. back in november 2012 i caught him using again (pain pills) and he told me that he didn’t want to be that person any more and that he would stop, but once again i found out that he is still getting them from a doctor. he had some in november, december january february and then again on 4/2/13 (prescriptions filled) when i confronted him yesterday about it he says that he isn’t the same person he used to be and that he never will be BUT that he misses partying with them and if he can obtain then legally and get a buzz and then leave them alone then he doesn’t see an issue. of course this is unacceptable to me because i am well aware of what his addiction has caused not only in our life but in his parents lives too since they are the ones that are always there enabling him. we are in the process of purchasing a house and now everything is turned upside down. i left and am staying in a hotel right now which i don’t have the money to really afford and i don’t have the money to even get me another place to live right now. i just don’t know what to do…..i am so lost and so afraid of what the future holds……i am scared and have no family or real friends to support me and his family always seems to believe his lies and really could care less about me when this is going on. its a really hard place to be because we have had a good life while he was clean but now that he is being delusional about his addiction i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. do i go back and just live and save up money until i can move out or what???? i can’t just live on the street!

tshg
2:05 pm April 4th, 2013

***he has been clean since may 2009 —- he has almost 4 years clean!

EM
7:42 am May 8th, 2013

My husband has a prior history of drug abuse, specifically cocaine. This was before I ever met him. WHen I met him he was in state ordered drug counseling, and at the time I did not know the center was specifically for cocaine addicts. He was prescribed trazodone which, among other things, treats depression, aggression, and cocaine withdrawal. We have been married for almost two years and over the past year I have noticed changes. He is now consistently exhibiting signs of cocaine use. I contacted the owner of that center he used to go to and told her what I was seeing and she immediately asked if it was cocaine and contacted his former counselor. I have yet to hear from him. My children’s daycare provider met him one time and asked me privately was he using cocaine. We are currently separated and he has popped up late at night. The most recent incident involved him wanting to use my car and it ended with him waking our children (1 and 2 years old) and proceeding to threaten to take them as a means of bargaining for the car. Needless to say, the police were called and he left without the children before they arrived. I know he left because he either had something on him or thought they would be able to tell he was high. He has stolen a large amount of money from me recently and any money he has cannot be accounted for. He is constantly asking for money from people and always in increments of 20. I am concerned after the incident with the children and have been advised to file a restraining order. I love this man and I know this addiction is controlling him; however, I cannot have my kids around him. He is growing more unpredictable and I do not want to be around should psychosis develop. The second I stopped enabling him, the worse those mood swings got. He has threatened to break the car windows with the kids in the car while I was driving. He continues to threaten to take them. I am very scared. He refuses to admit or acknowledge what he is doing. I feel he is giving me n choice but to obtain legal protection that will enable me to move to a different location to protect myself and my children. How in the world do you help someone who does not want to be helped? He is so far gone it is scary. This potentially is a very serious relapse. He is extremely nasty towards me and then can be sweet as sugar. I am fearful that this will get worse.

Wifeofanaddict
1:28 am May 9th, 2013

My husband relapse a month ago and was on it every week that I know of. Just three days ago he told me some bs. he was going to cut hair well I found him at the dope house. Went inside and told him to bring his ass out. I kicked him out that night and told him I was done with him. Early the next morning he called and asked if he could come back home because the people he spend the night with had to go to work. (Probably some more bs) Anyways, I let him back home. He told me to take his car keys with me to work, so i did. He asked me to take the car keys again the next morning, he said he wants to get the drugs out of his system so he can build the strength to fight the drugs off. It sounds good right now, but I know the routine. This is actualy the first time he told me to take the keys. I avoid watching anything to do with drugs or alcahol, afraid it will trigger his urge so soon. I need to know what exactly I can do to help him. I do not want to be the enabler any more. I’m the only one working right now and paying all the bills, he quit his job a month ago that’s when things went down hill. He was doing okay for 5 months then relapse. My inner strength and prayers is what I’ve been going with. Wife of an addict seeks help.

Lisa Espich
2:34 am May 13th, 2013

Dear Wife of an Addict,
It is a good sign that your husband is acknowledging his problem, and looking for ways to avoid drugs. Unfortunately, the chance of him getting and staying clean on his own is unlikely. There is no absolute right advice that can be given. Every situation is different. I can give my opinion based on my experience, but only you can decide the right way to move forward. I would suggest researching your husband’s options for treatment. Even if you can’t afford a program, almost every city has options for those who are financially unable to pay. A good place to start your search is The Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator at http://www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov This federal agency provides an online resource for locating drug and alcohol abuse treatment programs. Once you find a treatment option, you can be prepared for those times when your husband claims to be ready. If he refuses to accept treatment you are left with deciding how to move forward. You can not control his decisions — you can only control your own actions and decisions. If you haven’t already gotten involve in Al-Anon, now is the time. Through Al-Anon you will learn how to set boundaries and respond to the craziness of addiction in the healthiest way possible. I understand the pain and confusion you are going through because I have been there! I am married to a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. He struggled with his addiction for nearly twenty years before getting clean. It has now been over six years and we are enjoying a healthy marriage. Recovery is possible, but in my own experience, it took me getting help first, and as a result my husband made positive changes as well — eventually accepting treatment. I have written a book that shares the steps I took in detail titled, “Soaring Above Co-Addiction: helping your loved one get clean, while creating the life of your dreams”. I invite you to visit my website at http://www.soaringabovecoaddiction.com
I wish you strength and courage during this difficult time. Reach out for help through groups such as Al-Anon, and listen to instincts! Lisa Espich

Wifeofanaddict
10:14 pm June 3rd, 2013

Thank you for the advice and suggestions you have provide, My husband decided to check him self into a treatment center today, Last week I went out of town while he stayed home, he relapsed again so he sold all our t.v’s and dvd’s for drugs(crack). I knew right away he was on one of his binges because he didnt answer my phone calls, When he finally called back (next morning) he tried to lie and said, he didnt take anything out of the house. But, I know when my husband is high and lying. I immediately told him to get out!! I did not want him living with me anymore. I called the police to report my items were missing but since we’e married there is nothing they can do. This is the 3rd time he has taken our t.v’s and sold it for crack and I’m up to my neck with this repeated selfishness. I’m tired of going to the drug dealer and pawn shop paying our items back. I’m so fed up with this. Later on that day he text to say, he was ashamed and disgusted of himself. I guess his coming down from this drug so his coming to reality. I was not trying to hear his pitty, sad depress story. I was done!! He kept texting and said how sorry he was (again) for putting me through this, He is so tired of the set backs and wish he can just shake this, “monkey off his back”… I did not care where he was going or where is was going to stay, but I told him I will not live under the same roof with him when I come back home. He text to say, he was really tired and his going to check himself to a treatment center for help. At first I didnt believe, I thought it was one of his games or trying to manipulate me again, But, he did.. When I got back in town the next morning I took him to the airport and his in the treatments center in Florida. He was looking for something closer to the house, but then he told me, that he was so tired of this drug ruining his life this is the time to go. So, he left to Florida. I’m seeking help as well. I’m going to a Al-Anon meeting this week, to help me understand and get the support I need to get through this. I’m still skeptical with him coming back home because I dont know if I can trust him again. I am not going to buy another t.v or anything that I think he can sell until I know in my heart he is done for good… In a way I do believe his getting close to recovery and why I say that is because 3-17 years ago when he did go on one of his binges he would stay gone for days and weeks and now when he relapse he comes back within the same night. The latest he stayed gone was until 10am, I just dont want to nag him if he is really trying to get clean. I pray and pray for myself and husband that we get through this together and he stays clean for life!

Rachael
6:31 pm June 17th, 2013

I need help. My husband I have been married 6 years and have two young sons. He’s addicted to marijuana. Additionally he has depression and anxiety and has been prescribed meds (which he does not take) he’s started using two years ago and went on a month long drug binge. I took him back and encouraged recovery via NA, therapy, medication. He was clean for nearly two years, but relapsed. Long story short, I called the police on him last month because he was smoking in our home. I finally followed through with my threats. He left the house then, and believes he’s legally not allowed to return. He calls and texts me to blame me and say he misses the kids. I know I’m doing the right thing because I cannot tolerate drug use around the children. In a month he’s spent 5 grand, lost his job, dropped out of school (getting his MSW so he knows exactly how/where to seek help)l and drove his car into a tree. It was totaled so now he has more cash to spend on drugs. Tell me if I’m doing the “right” thing!? Is this how I’m supposed to help him realize the reality of his drug use? Is it wrong to not offer to “help” even though he doesn’t want help? I feel helpless and devastated for my children. Any advice or suggestions would be really appreciated.

Michelle
8:10 pm July 3rd, 2013

Your story gives me hope. I just put my husband in jail because his addiction got so out of control that he threatened my life. For the first 2 years of our marriage he was doing well having been in recovery for about 4 years but this year has been a nightmare. I emptied out our apartment and left the state. He is now in jail facing all the warrants, and charges that he’s piled up while on his downward spiral. Although everyone is telling me to get a divorce right now I just want to take things one day at a time. Taking this leap is exhausting and devastating but the idea that it is possible for us to work out if he chooses the right path is hopeful. I can only hope that he chooses to do the right thing. If not then I have to let go and move on with my life.

robin
7:35 pm July 8th, 2013

My husband has been an addict for 20 years with periods of being sober. He was sober the first three years we where together but two weeks before we got married he relapsed. Its now been over a year. I myself am a recovering addict ive been in recovery for over 6 years. so to say the least I understand and know addict. Now he seems to be doing better, he has started meetings and is staying sober for longer (there are still a couple slips) My problem is that after everything that has been done in this addiction I just don’t know how to trust him anymore, which has turned me into a very negative not supportive wife. I love him very much and I want him to get better but im scared I actually might be the reason he isn’t getting better, I can see him trying but it just doesn’t seem to be enough. I think im to scared to give in and give him trust again (up until 2 months ago I gave him full trust after every slip with no repercussions) just to be burned. Im at a loss for what to do, part of me wants to hang on and hopefully one day ill trust him enough to let him into my heart again but then another part of me wants to run and hide and let him fix himself. Im tired of hearing that he only uses because we fight, it makes me feel like I can’t communicate with him which has I guess made me turn my emotions off. Has anyone else ever gone through this? should I leave for his own recovery or would it help him more if I stay?

Allison Hollins
6:47 am August 18th, 2013

My son in law is a cocaine addict. He began using in 2006. He has been to rehab twice and lived in an halfway house for 1yr. He has been clean now for 2 yrs. he goes to na meetings 3 times a week and has a sponsor. They have 3 children ages 5, 3, and 1.
He is a vet and diagnosed with PTSD. He is finally working at a job that can support his family and has gotten approved for disability payments. He received back pay for the disability amounting to$30,000. He paid off their van and put money in savings but insisted he be put on the savings account. My daughter was against him being on the account because she does not trust him. He claimed he was clean after his first rehab but later told us he slowed down but never really quit. In the last 2 month he has become argumentative…name calling and insisting that he be in charge of the budget. He has threatened to take HIS money as he calls it and leave. He says he does not mean it but continues to say it. My daughter feels less and less secure bc she feels he his going to walk out again. He belittles her and initiates fights just like he used to when he was using. When we point out the behavior he says he is the same asshole he was when he was using and he is going to get mad and lose his temper…recovery does not mean u do not get mad. If we mention his addiction he says we are bringing up the past and he will not live in the past. I know you can’t live in the past but I don’t think you simply ignore that it exists. We have gone to a couple of support meetings but at the time my daughter was just too angry to her anything helpful. She wants to believe he has changed and to rebuild thir relationship but he just keeps bullying her bc he feels she cannot forget the past. I try to explain it is hard to forget the past when his behavior is still so irrational. They have been meeting with church members to talk thru issues but things are not getting much better. I feel with everything he has put our family through he should be willing to understand our reluctance to trust him fully and he should make every effort to keep is moods level. Apologize when he is wrong and show my daughter some compassion when she feels uneasy. Instead he just gets mad….as if all should be forgotten as if it never happened. We need help. They live with my husband and it. The kids see the constant fighting. Each day is a challenge. Life does not have to be this hard but it seems it will never be any better. He can be a wonderful person and an attentive father. He can also be self-centered and hateful. Problem is you never know day to day who u are going to get. We are all tired of the drama and ready to have a normal life. Is normal even possible with an addict? I fear my grand kids are going to be badly scarred by all of this. I try to explain things as bet I can. Any help would be appreciated.

Joan Cebuana
9:32 pm August 23rd, 2013

Im married for 12 yrs with 1 son. My husband has gotten worse. He’s into meth which is popularly called ‘shabu’ around our place. I thought I am alone in this kind of situation. I read everything on this page and I can relate to what everybody’s saying. I’m also confused, tired, and alone in this fight but i also care a lot for my husband. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to kick him out of our house bec. he has nowhere to go. He doesn’t have a job. His real friends avoided him bec. he’s gotten worse. He’s also stealing, lying, coming home in the morning, easily gets mad, never admits his faults, keeps saying it’s all my fault. I have a job, and sometimes i go to work very sleepy bec. i never sleep when he’s not home yet. No matter what I do, i can never sleep when he’s not home. I’m afraid to tell my parents bec. they’d never stop bothering me with so many questions esp my mom, and I don’t want to answer them. I’ve attempted suicide but I didn’t go thru with it, bec. of my son. If we didn’t have a son, maybe we’re not together anymore. My son loves him also bec he’s a spoiler. I just don’t know what to do. I got my strength to go through everything by praying. Thank you for this site.

4:41 am August 26th, 2013

Hello Joan. I’d suggest that you seek counseling for yourself and your son. You need to talk this issue over with a professional, and to get clarity on your role and what steps you need to take to protect yourself and your child from an active drug addict. You’ll need to come to the decisions yourself, but you may need to cut of all financial and emotional support of this man while he’s using meth. Are you ready to do this?

darrin
12:34 pm September 7th, 2013

I’m 45 and the one using drugs. Crack cocaine to be specific….I’ve been fighting this disgusting addiction for over a year. It has slowly torn mu life apart . And worse has truly hurt the ones I love I’ve lied and stole to feed the addiction just like many others that suffer from it. the woman in my life has broken up with me and asked me to move out till I prove through time I’m clean. I ‘ve started seeing a drug counselor to help me beat this and straighten my life out before its too late….I guess what I’m trying to say is that, even though I’m aware of the pain I’ve caused my love ones…. I did not realize how badly until I read this story and the posts that follow it. Thank you to the people that opened their souls to write about bow addiction has effected them…It has given me hope that change is possible. Even for me

Honey
5:46 pm September 24th, 2013

my husband is an addict long before we got married.. as early as 15 years old as what he had told me whenever he is willing to talked about addiction.. he is 33 years old now.. we got married in 2003 and since then he’s addiction is on and off..whenever he feels that he failed in some of his decisions he turn into addiction and not only that after he used Shabu he goes to casino.. and pawned what he got like cellphone, wedding ring, watches… anything even the cars of his parents, good thing his parents has enough money to get back the car… it happened twice…he’s a seaman (cook) and the his last job on board is 2011.. he finished his contract July, 2011.. we’re so busy that time in preparation for our only son 7th bday.. it’s only about a week before the celebration, he had met his long time friend and he went home late crying that he had lost his money in the casino… am so sad and i can do nothing but pacify him and understand him, his situation.. he told me that he just want to double his money and in the end NOTHING left…
after that he told me that he wanted to go back to school.. it was November of 2011.. we asked the help and support of his parents… he promised that he’ll finish his study this time but to no avail again.. he goes back to his addiction coz he met again his old friends … casino again until we (his mom) decided to stop him in schooling (month of January).. he ended up here in our house.. everytime he goes out we’re with him.. its either his family or us(me and my son).. i think he stop using (shabu) that time.. we don’t have any problem at all esp with our relationship and cannot understand why its happening to my family… to my husband..
then came JUly 2012.. my sister n law decided to put up a cafe.. then he asked my husband to help her..of course its also a big help for us because he has no job that time and he doesn’t want to go back On Board.. then we started to feel again that something is happening again to him when his parents has misunderstandings.. he told me that he doesn’t want to see his parents like that..(BTW my father in law is also a seaman)…that time we also have a new printing business started in Sept of 2012..again problem occurs even if we don’t want to… his sister got problem in registering her business and end up closing her Cafe before the end of October, 2012.. his addiction worsen and ended up in Casino and this time he’s with his cousin, which is younger than him and doesn’t know anything about his all wrong doings.. they always thought that he’s a good “KUYA” a very good elder brother… that time even my son’s PSP ended up in selling to someone they don’t know just to get some money to play in the casino..as the days, weeks, month goes by he’s gettin’ worst..it was January of 2013… when we the family (his parents and sisters) decided to end up this all.. they talked to me that even if it really hurts we need to send him up in the rehab… there;s an instance that i thought that i don’t know him at all… even “he” my husband told us that no one can help him… i can see that he’s also tryin to find someone that can really help him(maybe)..and when the day came we brought him in the rehab.. he thought that we will just visit a retreat house that time.. and now he’s been there for about 8mos.. every other week we visited him.. he changes a lot.. from the time we brought him there… i can see his smile again.. talks a lot.. how he enjoys every minute inside.. the one who guides inside them told us that my husband has a weak personality.. he’s a very good guy after all but every time he has a problem he ended up not solving it rather make it worst because he doesn’t know how to handle it properly.. and that is where the guyzz focusing at.. to make him strong in every trials and solve it in a nice way… now in his 8 mos. inside and 4 mos left.. i hope this is the beginning of our new life as husband and wife, as a family…i am not losing hope( In God’s NAme) that one day we’ll be together again happily without worrying about drugs at all.. my husband is the head of the family now (that’s what they called their group inside) ….

Renee
4:05 pm October 6th, 2013

I have been with my husband for a little over 10 years, married 2. We do not have any children together, yet. He has a son that we have partial custody of. He was not an addict when we first started dating, but started using pain pills when he got a really strenuous job. I found out he wwason pills but never knew how serious it was until our honeymoon. He was so sick and I didn’t understand why. Then my eyes opened and figured it out. He tried stopping cold turkey bc he knew I wouldn’t marry him if he were aaddicted. I really thought about leaving after that but obviously I love him and his son. We literally have one of the best relationships of anyone I know. He sees a doctor and counselor regularly so this is not black market stuff. He has never sold any of our stuff to buy pills and he is a very hard worker – never misses a day. So my question is, is this a problem? Why does it make me angry and not want to bring a child into our lives? Am I blinded by our love and great relationship? I’m lost on what steps to take…

Bronte
1:11 am October 7th, 2013

Hi there,

I have a couple different situations going on that I need help with. First of all, some background information:

My boyfriend of 4 years served in the military for the first 3 years of our relationship and was sent to Afghanistan for the last year of his contract. He was overseas for 11 months and has suffered a great deal since coming home (PTSD and depression). He seemed to be fine for the first 5 months after coming home but secretly slipped into drug and alcohol abuse to self cope shortly after the 6th month mark. He kept it hidden for quite some time and it wasn’t until he was 3 months into using that he broke down to me and admitted he was experiencing a great deal of trouble. Since then, he’s gone through a denial phase, a realization phase and now is struggling with the addiction. He started out using drugs and alcohol to cover up the pain and guilt of his duties over seas and said that he could “stop at any time”, but as we all know, it becomes a physical addiction. He went from being an outgoing, positive, and spiritual man to a very reserved, quiet, depressed and angry person. He hates what his life has become and is now trying to take the proper steps to overcome the addiction to drugs and alcohol, but is struggling. He is a very determined person, and wants to “beat this” on his own. He has started to see a psychologist about the PTSD and has been prescribed certain drugs for his sleepless nights and high levels of anxiety, but unfortunately, is becoming dependant on those as well. She has suggested treatment at an out of town rehab facility, but he wanted to first try kicking his habit on his own by weening himself off in hopes to have a full recovery (and not have to go to rehab). His first stint of “personal rehab” went fairly well at first, but he has frequent panic attacks (due to the PTSD and flashbacks) and he relapsed. He keeps pushing back his appointments with his doctor because he keeps trying to do this on his own. My fear is that he will keep failing himself and become even more depressed. I don’t know how to get through to him that his best chance at recovery is through the rehab program that is being offered to him without discouraging his past attempts. He has his entire family for support as well as me, who he heavily relies on. I do my best, but at times I become too frustrated and overwhelmed and end up breaking down because of the stress it puts on my shoulders. I know it’s my job to be supportive so I try and keep that part to myself. I have seen a counsellor for this, but with the busyness of life, I have lost the time to go.

His fear is that when/if he is able to have a full recovery from the addiction, what will he do about the PTSD and depression/anxiety, how is he going to recover from that?

My biggest question is: HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO HIM?

Any suggestions are appreciated, I feel like I’ve tried everything. Thank you in advance,

Bronte

Dawn
6:37 am October 17th, 2013

My husband is addicted to crack. We’ve been together for six years, we have a daughter together. He’s off again on one of his highs. I never know where he is or who he’s with. He claims he sits in the van all night. I have found evidence of this but not sure if he’s alone all the time. He was clean I believe when we first met. We lived together than I got pregnant. He was very supportive through the pregnancy . Just about three weeks after bringing our daughter home, he started not coming home. He would do a night here and there. Than I was catching him in lies. He would stop answering his phone and disappear for a week. He’s been to meetings and in programs. He can go three months clean, everything will be wonderful than its goes bad for weeks than he cleans up again. Than its back to not coming home again. Our daughters old enough to be affected by it. He misses events, taking her places many broken promises. I’ve tried everything. I don’t know what to do anymore.i love him and I just see him digging his own hole and its getting bigger and bigger. He hasn’t worked in three weeks. He’s a mess, physically and mentally. He’s usually down for a week after he’s been gone along time, this time it’s three weeks, laying around doing nothing. I don’t know if I just should kick him out or try and get more treatment for him. I just don’t know how much longer I can do this.

maddy
5:55 pm October 27th, 2013

I have 26 years clean & sober he had 20 we always went to meetings for 5 years weve been dealing with him on vicodine to zanax im tired have to worry about own recovery every time hes done would putting him on siboxin help for i know its also a mental craving please need answers

Gigi
1:03 am January 10th, 2014

I know this thread hasn’t been commented on in a few months but I just needed the ear to listen.
I got married a year and a half ago to a man who told me right off that he was a recovering addict but that he hadn’t used since he had gotten out of rehap 6 months earlier. Well, we fell in love and got married 7 months after meeting and I didn’t find out until 6 months later that he had been back to using drugs only a month after we met. We live with his parents because he can’t keep a job and I’ve been at my whits end so many times with his addiction problems. The lies and manipulations are what get to me the most. I have a very strong intuition so over time I have been able to ‘read’ him pretty well and just this evening I felt that he was struggling. He had pretty much ruined my life in so many ways and I feel so alone. I don’t want to leave him because I believe that marriage is for life but I just want to have a normal life and see him succeed and over come this problem. I’m at a loss and all I can do if pray. I see other post about being married for 20+ years and I see hope but I also see the ones that say they are still struggling with their spouses issues that far into their marriage and it just scares me. If I could find a pill/suppliment/vitamin that could stop all this I would do anything to get my hands on it. I just want to see change and to know I will not get stabbed in my back again.

Nichole
6:26 am January 20th, 2014

My husband was a recovering addict. 2 years he was clean and I am still a recovering addict. He has again for the past 4 months started doing opiates again. I try to be there for him as much as I can buy my spirt is being broke down. I stopped for him for our family and feel as if we’re not important enough for him to stay sober. I am trying to be the rock and hold us together bit I feel like I am sinking and starting to drown. I will not go back to my past life I only live going forward not behind. I am so hurt, and feel so lost and am at my breaking point. I have to stay strong for our baby and our other kids but I can’t take much more what do I do. Something had to happen soon or I feel our marriage will be over there same as his sobriety.

Rosa
12:42 am January 24th, 2014

I need some advise….. My husband is an addict and has been dealing with this for about 5 months now he started while undergoing medical surgeries and started misusing pain medication and when he could get that he did heroin….. He now for the past three months has been taking suboxon or subutex but when he can’t find that he gets heroin….. Recently I lost my job and we have lost everything…. He does not work….. When ever we get money the first thing he does is get his dope….. We could have 60 dollars and know we need it for a place to stay and he’ll take 40 of it for his habit…… I’m at wits end please someone help me….. What do I do I love this man but he does not see how this is killing me hurting me!!!! He says he don’t want it anore but won’t follow thru with leaving it alone says the withdraw is too much and I’ll never understand cuz I have never been thru it!!!!! Please help me understand

jessica
3:19 am January 28th, 2014

First of all i want to thank kristina for the post she made on how Dr Adams helped her in bringing back her lover before christmas. At first when i saw the posting i was so happy and in the other hand so scared,That this might not be real, Then i decided to give it a try in which i contacted Dr Adams and told him how my lover left me for another lady for the past 3years and i have been lonely and depressed without him,So i told him if he has helped anyone called kristina and he said yes, that was the lady he helped in bringing back her lover before christmas. I said good and i told him that if he can help me in bringing back my own lover,He laughed and said once i have contacted him that my problem will be solved. He said that my lover will be back to me within 24hours and do an unexpected thing for me. i said really, Truly when the 24hours was completed i got a text from someone saying am sorry then i decided to call the number i saw it was my lover smith voice. I was so happy he was begging me on phone, That he is ready to do anything that will make me happy in life,So i told him to come over which he did,As he was coming he came with a brand new Car as gift i was so happy and made me had access to his account to prove to me that he is not going to leave me for another lady,Am so happy today and am also thanking kristina for posting this early. Dr Adams you are truly a man of your word. He can also solve any kind of problems in this world. Friends you can contact Dr Adams.

Sad Cintra
11:09 pm June 10th, 2014

i am need some advice i am married for 18yrs my husband had a drinking problem before marriage but he was good for 10 yrs after 3 yrs of marriage and after the birth of my first son he started to drink again he has been to meetings off and on but continued to drink after my third son i found out he was on crack cocaine and its been so for the past 8 yrs or so . During this 8 yrs he got promoted twice and he holds a very good position in his permanent company recently the addiction got worse and they hired an acting manager in his department and i dont know whats happening with his job and he is not telling me he blames me for everything all the time he built a house for me but because his dad is ill we came back to live with them to take care of his dad (he cannot move) now my husband does not sleep for 3-4 nights straight and he does not want to go for help at all i have saved some money for my kids but if i leave the place i know it would be worst for me yet while i stay he is not changing . we have a loan in the bank and even though my husband is on crack he gives me all the money and i give him a stipend to go to work every day . He has sold out almost everything from our house which i am renting out . but he does not want to get help i really pray he gets help before he loses his job but i do want a way out also for my kids. Any advice?

Linda
1:08 pm July 6th, 2014

I am glad to see people are still posting here. I have a classic case. My husband is an MD, struggled with prescription pill abuse for our entire marriage, 25 years. The last two years he has been isolating, quit work to get on AMA disability due to spinal stenosis and saw this as a good opportunity to get back on drugs. He has been on oxycodon-apap for two years, 180 pills a month and has lost weight, is ashy (Liver? due to oxy use). I was a typical co-dependent, yelling, fighting, angry for over a year and ignored what was going on. I knew he had stopped AA, was isolating, saw all the signs. It might be co-dependent but I had to have the facts and just recently obtained two years worth of prescription records showing his opiate use over two years in hidden pharmacies. I told him I will support him in his recovery. On my part I have been seeing a therapist for the past year about all of this. Even with this evidence he says I am the sick one, bi-polar, etc, anything he can throw in to deflect. I have visits with his therapist and a marriage counselor and am going to nar-anon this week. I have seen a lawyer and the papers are waiting to be filed. This in itself feels like the healthiest thing I have done. Drawing a line finally and letting him know if he doesn’t choose to get health I need to leave. I have four kids, 17-24 and have guilt that I didn’t do this sooner. I own a therapy business, pay all the bills while he sits all day and plays with his planes, isolates, does his pills.

BB
5:49 am July 11th, 2014

I am so lost when it comes to drug addictions. The man I’ve been with since 2005 is an addict. He has been in and out of rehabs for the pass 8 years. I want to help but sometimes I just feel like giving up. We have a child together. I love him but i hate his disease.

lisa
6:47 pm July 14th, 2014

Im 24 n being through so much with the same subject your all talking about. I just dont know what to do no more I feel like the last 6 years of my life hasbeing a waste of time but then I think the only good thing thats ccome out of the relationship is my two kids. I should be able to enjoy life at 24 not sat at home worrying about him :'( im at the end of my teather. Please help

Daniel
12:22 pm July 16th, 2014

Im 24 me & my fiance wer the happiest couple we would spend every minute of each day together had our first boy 5years after we first met had another boy about two years later Im currently working as a security guard doing twelve hr graveyard shifts mon-through Fri 6pm-6am ive I’ve been useing Crystal meth for the past 2 yrs tried to stop using on my own befor she had found out!! I did for about a month best month I had in two yrs but relapsed then she had found out!! we separated and all I can think about was the pain I caused to her n my boys regret started to set in so I stopped once mor she fogave me and accepted me back was very happy stayed together for about five months relapsed again now we are currently not together its been 3 weeks come over to her house I spend nights on my days off play with my boys and desperately tri to ask for her to forgive me for the last time sadly she has not I go to work some times think about wht i have I done and start crying after she would get home from school (college) I would tri to plan a day with her just me and her she still tells me no n and I ask y babe she tells me how could you love me if you did wht u did you lied twice now I can’t believe anything u say I tried to explain to her I quit and im looking towards a sober future with her n my boys but she still tells me no I need mor time so I give her two days and pull up to the house on july 15 2014 I walk in and I see her playing with my boys ( Daniel JR $ Dominic ) so we all start playing ring around the Rosie after an hour passes by I step out side to smoke a cigarette she then came and said the kids are eating and we need to talk I said shur y not well shes lik lets sit down on the bench ( all that is running through my mind shes going to tell me I miss you lets work things out im happy as ever just thinking to my self) and she then lets me know that she thought about it and tells me she does not want to try no mor after wht I have done thn I just felt lik she was just kidding so I tell her with a smile on my face are being serious or just kidding she said no that so is telling me how she feels and ive broke her heart n does not want to feel lik she cant trust me so tell her I will do anything that she can possibly think of to make it up well I walked inside and see myboys n thay smile just takes all my pain away give them both a big man hug then I pack my stuff n gave her a hug and a kiss on her cheek tell ill be waiting for her and just dont see myself moving on told her bye Desiree and closed the door brhind me then I just felt so much pain (depression,loneliness and REGRET)I mean It whn I say I won’t give up now im asking for whoever reads this just asking some advice onvhow or wht to do to spice things bck up my name is danny pkease I don’t really know whn I will check onif anyone replys thank for lletting me share some of my life situations thanks

Desiree
2:23 am August 1st, 2014

Danny, I pray that to God that you, Daniel Jr., Dominic and Desired reconcile. I pray that you do not allow the enemy to lie to you and tell you that this is a perfect reason to get high. Obviously it has only caused problems in the past, son. And it will surely continue to do so if you let it. I understand Dediree’s fear. Like her I don’t use drugs and when my man did I felt like I was in the presence of evil. And I was, wasn’t I? That crap is only good for robbing and stealing lives, father’s, dreams, futures etc, right? Please seek help in a program where you are more likely to succeed long term over the mental part of the addiction. My man and I have done this multiple times with him getting clean on his own then relapsing. This last time I would not let him in the house and he cannot move back in until he 1. Completes his 30-day program and then lives in a sober house while he 2. Begins psychological counseling to deal with the past trauma that started his drug use 3. Attends daily NA meetings 4. Takes Naltrexone which is a non-addictive opioid and alcohol blocker 5. Begins working again. Apparently he thinks I’m worth it and so is his life. On his visit last Sunday at treatment I laid out the plan and he said he was 100% in agreement. But first he saw me take his key, shut the door and wouldn’t budge because the lies and living in fear of you on the street dying, plus for your Desiree (and yes my name really is Desiree) she has two boys who she is probably scared to death that they will be influenced to use drugs. My man and I need this plan for success. He needs it as much as I do. But there us no time frame. A lot of trauma caused a lot of pain and a lot of drugs were used to cover it up. Don’t give up on yourself or your family. It’s showtime. Show up! God bless you.

rachael
6:11 am August 3rd, 2014

I ND advice my husband an addict we have two kids the oldest does not want to live with us because we fight all the time he says in not supportive but I don’t know what to do anymore or really understand what he is going through

Lorie
9:43 pm August 3rd, 2014

My husband has an addiction to cocaine and it’s been on and off the last 15 years of our relationship. We are 32 with 3 kids and everytime we fight he looks for a way out. His way out is to leave for 24-48 hours at a time doing coke and smoking all night. This has put a major strain on our relationship. I Love him dearly and I’m trying to help him. Today he told me that he needs my help and is tired of his life. My fear is that one day he will overdose and recreate the history of his own father’s death. We can’t afford to check him into rehab but he does want to stop. This is not the first time he says this, however it is the first time he has agreed to stop smoking marijuana and drinking as well. I’m glad I’m not alone in this struggle but pray that he opens his heart and realizes the hurt he has caused us. I pray that you all also find inner strength and peace.

Kristy
9:51 pm August 6th, 2014

My husband and I have been together for 12yrs, early on in our relationship he beat an addiction to crack cold turkey. Here we are years later and he has an addiction to vicodin. I’m trying really hard not to enable him by giving him money for the pills. We’re on day 4 of no pills, and he’s just mean and hateful….I spent 20min locked in the bathroom crying so I didn’t have to hear the things he was saying. How long can I expect the mean hateful outbursts to continue. I understand he feels horrible right now, but theres nothing I can do…..

Rosa
1:14 pm August 20th, 2014

I have posted on here before right before my Husband got in to a treatment program. I am writing now because I am getting really scared again. He has been in his treatment program for 6 months now and I thought all was going well. About three almost months ago everything began to fall apart. Some new people moved in next to his mothers house (where we hang out every weekend) and they turned out to be addicts. Well my husband ended up getting some pills from them, now granted his original addiction was opiate he got benzos from the guy. About two day after he got the pills he totaled our car. He than proceeded to promise me it would never happen again well since than he goes to his group or treatment center once a week he has only had 3 clean urines since then. Its like he has switched habits!!! Than I have noticed small amounts of money missing here and there I never said anything just let it go well yesterday 50.00 came up missing he told me that he was saving up to take me out for our anniversary than I get in my phone later that night after he has been playing on it and noticed that he tried to delete the browsing history but forgot to close the page where he looked up the name of some pills and how long they stay in your system. Now it don’t take a rocket scientist to connect the dots but I am completely lost right now. If I say anything to him he turns it around and makes me the bad guy cause I don’t trust him and I am always on his back. I don’t mean to seem like that to him but all I have been getting lately are a bunch of broken promises and worry. I am so worried he is going to hurt himself. Not to mention he recently told me that he got in trouble out at his group for being accused of selling or buying drugs. So now I am thinking that they are going to be paying close attention to him. I am thinking that the 50.00 dollars that came up missing went for pills so if he took them they will be in his system tomorrow when he goes to his treatment center and then they will have a legit reason to kick his ass out. Than we go all the way back to square one. I don’t know what to do and I am scared to death. Felling alone, betrayed, angry and abused!!!! Someone please I am begging you please give me some advise!!!!

Concerned Wife
4:26 pm August 23rd, 2014

I too have a boyfriend who is addicted to crack/cocaine. I was with him for almost a year before I found out about it. It’s been really hard lately because we have a one year old, and my son picks up everything. I’m terrified that my son is going to find something that he is not supposed to one day. I always search around and make sure there are no items related to my boyfriends drug use, but I’m tired of living like this. He say’s he is not using, but I can tell that he is, and I’ve found his pipes a couple of times and he claims they are from the previous tenants which I know for a fact is a lie. He say’s he’ll take a test but he knows that we don’t have $30 extra to spend on a test. Why wont he be honest with me? I will not leave him over his problem, I know how hard addiction is, I have addicts in my family and I’ve seen how crazy things can get, but I don’t want to live in worry constantly. I’m so emotional all of the time and he says really mean things to me when he’s not high. He calls me fat, he tells me that my friends and family don’t really care about me and that my education is useless. I know he doesn’t mean it, but it still hurts and I want to leave him sometimes, but I know he needs help. I need help too, but I don’t know where to turn.

Jade
1:55 pm September 3rd, 2014

My name is Jade and I am a recovered addict. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years that lead me down a path of heroin addiction. But for the grace of a higher power, I hit a rock bottom so low, that it inspired a complete reinvention of myself. Three years later, I am living in NY, own my own business, dance and figure skate professionally, and live in a gorgeous apartment with a man who is truly beautiful inside and out. When I met him, I was rigorously honest about my past- I had spent 400 days completely free of any and all substances (I didn’t even use Tylenol) but, after lots of thought and consideration with my sponsor and loved ones, made the decision to participate in social drinking again. Although I was drinking, I didn’t want to hide any aspect of the very strict and confident morals and beliefs I had spent the past two years working diligently on. He said he understood and was supportive of my beliefs.
Almost right away, it became clear to me that he was exhibiting behaviors of an addict (it takes one to know one right?) but one of the beliefs of the program that saved my life is to not pass judgment- just because I saw traits, I didn’t want to accuse him of being an addict unless he first admitted to having a problem.
Three months in to our relationship, he lost his job. Four months in, I started finding pills laying around- then I found a bottle of 120 30mg Adderall that had been filled 8 days before: completely empty. He is a successful business man in digital advertising and business development- he spent over a month preparing for a job interview that paid a quarter of a million dollars base salary – he showed up to that interview after eating 180mg of Adderall the night before, not sleeping the entire night, eating another 90mg at 7am while he sat on the train… when he showed up, they immediately asked him to leave. That night, he cried in my arms and asked for help.

Since then it has been a completely roller coaster. 2 months of seeming abstinence from the drug turned out to be more like one month of abstinence, and one month of lying. When I discovered the truth, I kicked him out of our apartment. 3 days later I let him back in when he asked if I would take him to an AA meeting. 5 days after that, he admitted to me he only did that so he could get back into the house. Now, like clockwork, we have the pattern down to every two weeks. He’ll do great for two weeks, our life is perfect, loving, successful… then he self sabotages.
Here is my question: trying to remain in the ‘now’ and be grateful for the slight progress that has been made, is he considered a drug addict or a drug user? His behavior changes drastically when he uses these pills… maybe because he’s scared I’ll know?
Worse than the actual drug use is my lack of trust. I used to be supportive and understanding, but after 10 months of struggles and lies and deceit, I am fading fast. My family worked with me through YEARS of abuse- why can’t I be that strong for him? Am I over reacting? Am I being too judgemental based on my own past?
Please. Someone: I am desperate. Who can I call? I go to Alanon whenever possible, but its a different kind of meeting here in NY and I’m finding it difficult to connect to anyone.
I love you all.

Marion
6:00 am September 6th, 2014

Need help for my bf alcohol addict.

Keisha
4:58 am September 22nd, 2014

Hey, Friends, it’s really sad and touching what we go though this days in our relationship. I have been in relationships affected by pains and depression for years, both sides (I was depressed, but thanks to God, am now a happy woman today with the help of someone, hope you’re holding up!

Keisha

Aniyah
1:24 pm October 11th, 2014

I just found out today that my boyfriend of 2 yrs has been doing cocaine. He was abusive severly paranoid, aggressive,didnt sleep, hypersexual and once 100 dollars came up missing that was unaccounted for. After the police came for him puching me in the back of my head I found out he was going to jail for felony drug possession for cocaine, I never knew he did cocaine. He did have runny noses and would go in the bathroom a lot…

Karen
4:42 am October 13th, 2014

Your story sounds exactly like mine. I am just now trying to set boundaries and stop making threats and enabling. My husband has been on crack cocaine for 28 years. He was my first love my senior year of HS. We married 24 years later…4.5 years ago. I had no idea what a crack addict did but I ws married to a terrible alcoholic for many yea

Karen
5:03 am October 13th, 2014

My husband has been on crack 28 years. He has done everything I could have never imagined a man could do to his wife. I love him anyways. Last year he was in a severe accident cutting a tree down. Ripped half his face off, his nose, broke his neck, back, 8 ribs and the huge tree landed on top of his shoilder where most of your nerves run frim your spine. He was life flighted to shock trauma unit. He walked out 5 days later. His pain is extremely severe and he has NOT been on any pain meds since. His addiction has always been really bad although he played it off very well and worked…is a loving and caring husband and father. His pain has gotten so severe. He was just diagnosed with very severe degenersting spinal and nervedamage and has been told to prepare for the worst and live in the mrdicsl center. Depression set in since then and his addiction escalated to a place I never could have imagined. Although his addictuon has been for 28 years he was very fit and active before his accident. Now he cant hold his own dinner plate in one hand. He is bored and lonely at home during the day…a crack addicts worse nightmare. Yesterday he admitted himself to a pysic

Ashley
12:02 am November 11th, 2014

My husband is addicted to pills. He was addicted to percocet for about 6-7 years. So even before we were married. I didn’t know for a long time. We got married May 2012. After the percocet he got hooked on adderall. I used to be prescribed to adderall and now I’m on vyvanse, but I have severe ADD. He DOES NOT need any of these medications. I cannot count the number of times I have had to deal with him coming down off of these pills. He gets crazy. I’ve been bitten twice, he punched walls, slammed doors, he breaks things, throws things, screams, calls me every name in the book, wants a divorce, hits himself in the head, threatens to kill himself… the list goes on, it gets really bad. He lies ALL of the time. Tries to hide everything. He has stolen my medication. So many times, even dumped my medication into his mouth and replaced it with sugar before. I could probably write a book about it. He has a lady that used to babysit him when he was a baby that sells percocet and adderall. So he can always get it. Before I explain his most recent incident, I should say that I have 2 kids. A 4 year old boy (different father) and a 1 1/2 year old boy (his son). About 2 months ago he got “help” and he now has a therapist and a medication doctor. I quoted the word help because the doctor PUT HIM ON ADDERALL !!!!!!!!! He now has a prescription for the drug he abuses. Isn’t that awesome. We fight about it constantly. I can’t stand who he is when he is on pills. He’s cracked out and I hate it. So about a week ago he decided to stop taking it. This is probably the 20th time he has done this. Well, he went through his withdrawal crap again. He shattered my son’s Ipad over his knee right in front of him. He gave me a huge bruise on my hip from bear hug/tackled me because he doesn’t want me to leave. It’s the same thing over and over again. He scared the kids. He says he’s going to stop but then that doesn’t last. He turns into a total psycho. I do love him. I’m just sad and need some encouragement. I do have a lot of family and friends for support but I need more help thinking positive. This Thursday I have plans to move in with my mom. I’m taking the kids. I have this awful feeling in my stomach. Everyone is saying he’ll probably have to do inpatient treatment. The only person he really has is his dad but he has given him his pills before. I’m sick of the lies and he never really gets help. I hope I’m making the right decision. Sorry if I was all over the place… I have a million things going on in my head.

Dr Basim
11:18 am November 17th, 2014

It is very nice collection in addiction recovery treatment. It is very helpful for me as well as others. So thanks for posting this blog.

Linda
3:03 pm November 17th, 2014

I can’t believe how many more posts there have been since I first posted in June. So sad. My husband is now going cold turkey off his opiates. Not a good idea. Addicts need accountability and they need to deal with why they took the drugs. My husband is a medical doctor, he thinks he is in control of this. The first step for the addict is that they don’t have control. The first step for us is that we do not have control over their addiction. My husband has now moved out. A problem is that he controls the money, is on disability and keeps that in a separate account from me. This isn’t legal and it speaks to his level of sobriety. I think we all need to decide what it is we want. Do you want to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you, who puts the drug before you just because it something that feels safe and familiar to you. I spent 25 years married to someone who was hospitalized twice, relapsed countless times, never really was accountable for his actions. I have filed for divorce. My final requirement is that he open his bank account to me, which is my legal right. That he contact the hospital where he has received treatment and go into an intensive out patient program and be completely transparent. He has until the end of the day today. Otherwise I move forward, get a court date and make him accountable for his behavior. All we can do is control what we do. You will never help them realize what they are doing by pleading, fighting. The addict will lie, manipulate, do anything they can do to keep taking the drug and keep things status quo. We are just as sick as them if we allow this behavior and if it impacts our emotional and physical health and that of our children. It is better to be alone and live a life free of this sickness. The addict has to hit rock bottom to recover. Sometimes rock bottom helps them change, but they have to want this. Sometimes rock bottom kills them. Detach from this sickness and focus on getting yourself better. Do not focus on them.

Linda
3:21 pm November 18th, 2014

Well, went to get my things out of the condo my husband is living and found him sitting on the couch, place reeked of cigarettes, garbage all over, tub filled with old water and he says he has “tapered down to one pill a day”. The level of lies that they use is amazing. My sister is a recovered alcoholic for 18 years and a sponsor and has been lots of help to me. One thing she said is “present behavior predicts future behavior”. Another thing she said is that addicts or alcoholics are like tornadoes, they suck in everyone in their path” . Don’t get sucked in. If you have children get them out, even moment they stay teaches them that a relationship like this is how it should be, and they will repeat those behaviors. They also need to be taught about the disease of addiction and their risks for this as well as being co-dependent themselves. Final word…you can’t change the addict, don’t try. Change yourself…..it’s very, very hard but you need to break the cycle. I liken it to a door. In the beginning you look at the door and it’s closed and you want to leave but don’t have the strength. With time you begin to open it a crack, then more. Finally, when you are ready you open the door all the way and walk through. That is your recovery.

Lana
4:38 am November 24th, 2014

I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for roughly 4 months now and we are extremely happy together. We really are like the perfect couple. We are open and honest with each other and talk everything through. Both our families approve of our relationship and we’ve began a close friendship. Last month he opened up to me and told me that he used to be an addict to pain medication but has been weened off of the “bad” one and since been prescribed a new pain medication with a smaller dosage. He doesn’t seem like a “druggie” and is a completely successful businessman. He’s always been a positive and energetic person but I never thought drugs played a part in that. I’m worried because I know he’s taking these pills (twice daily) to ween him off slowly but how will I know I’m not enabling him? We are in our mid 20s and want to marry next year and have children, but I’m scared it may be dangerous to raise a family with an addict for conception purposes. My father was and still is an alcoholic and I really don’t want to put my children through it. Although my boyfriend is not at all violent or mentally unstable, I fear the unknown with pain pill addicts because I’m not sure what to do. If anyone has any answers for me I’d greatly appreciate it.

autumnrose90
3:58 am December 9th, 2014

I need another opinion. I have known my bf for 9 years and we have been together for 5 of those, about 2 years ago he fell hard into Heroin. After different forms oof treatment, rehab, iop, support groups, therapy and most reliant throughout on suboxone. Well the time came where he wanted to get off of the suboxone that he has been on for a year and 9 months, which was about 8 wks ago. He we end slowly, hoping to slide out of using it without too much withdrawal. Well about a week a go I noticed the change. And after a long week of me acusing and his denial he admitted he had been using again. I am upset naturally. And we have a plan set to get him back on suboxone. I’ve said so many times I wouldn’t be the victim of this again. And played the breakup in my head so many times over the last week. And now I don’t know what to do. Am I wrong to think, we tried something, it didn’t work let’s go back and figure out how to do it better? This is a trial and error kind of situation, am I wrong? Or should I be packing? No destruction came, he told me before he got lost in it. Hell he managed to keep his job.

kristy
11:10 pm December 11th, 2014

My husband has an addiction to amphetamine and any prescription drug he can get. He has started receiving treatment from doctor to sustain his addiction legally until xmas is over. I’ve just discovered he is still taking high doses of lyrica on top of doctors meds (oxy, diazipam). It’s so disappointing! he is due to be admitted to hosp after xmas if he gets a place on programme but I’m on verge of giving up on him. I left him for 2yrs and only took him back last yr. We hav 2 small children who know nothin about this addiction and despite the drugs we mainly have a good family life. I protect them, I pay bills and sustain our life but I’m worn down with it. He’s like a zombie most days now and the constant disappoint is becoming too much again. I’m not sure whether to hold in there and wait to c if the hospital helps or just put him out and break mine and my kids hearts all over again. It’s all so confusing. I want to break the cycle of puttin him out and when he cleans himself up taking him back. I just wish he wud get clean wif his family once and for all!!!

Jacqui
6:10 pm January 23rd, 2015

I have been with my husband for 14 years and married for nearly 6. He was addicted to cocaine and alcohol when I met him. I saw a very talented person with so much potential. He said he wanted to get off the drugs so I decided that I would help. I was very naive . I got pulled into it and started drinking myself and using drugs recreationally for many years. When I got pregnant I decided that it all had to stop. I went to AA and sorted myself out. He didn’t get completely sober, but I thought I could manage it for him. We got married and moved to the USA from the UK. He started to play pool semi-professionally and started to win all of the touraments. So we bought a business, with a load from my mom, a poolhall, yah! great choice! God what idiots! Un-beknown to me he got addicted to pills just before we bought the business, so the business made it very easy for him to hide his addiction from me as it was mostly cash. The credit cards stred getting bigger and bigger and I couldn’t understand why, the business was doing very well. Eventually he started using heroine. I was in so much denial, I couldn’t see it. His behavior became so aweful. He was abusive and threatening. He lied all of the time. He was hardly ever home, so we never saw each other. I felt sick every time he was near me. I got diagnosed with PTSD from all of the trauma in our relationship as it could become volatile when I confronted him on his drinking. He would tell me that I was crazy if I became suspicious. I knew on some deep level that things were terribly wrong. He said that I was loosing my mind and that I was diagnosed wrong by the therapist, and accused me of being bi-polar. I believed that I was going insane and that everything he said was right and everything was my fault that the business was going deeper into debt. Rumors were going around the poolhall that he was using heroine, but I didn’t want to believe them. I confronted him and he told me that he had used someone’s ADHD meds once. I told him I would help him but if he was lying and I found out later, I would leave him. I had had 10 years of it and I had had enough. We had a 5 year old boy that needed raising and I was not about to let his addictions ruin his sons innocence. He denied any use of drugs and said that I was crazy. Then one night he wasn’t home at 4am so I called his cell. I asked him why he wasn’t home yet and he started being mean and causing an argument so that he could justify not coming home which was his normal ploy. When he hung up on me he didn’t hang up completely and I overheard him talking to the bar tender about all of the drugs he was using. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I got in the car and went to the poolhall to confront him. When I got there, there was beer bottles all over the place and it was a wreck. I confronted him about what I overheard him talking about on the phone and he got violent. He through me on the floor, so I got up and held my ground. He pushed me up against the wall and then he through me on the floor and bent me over backwards in a back summersault position and nearly broke my neck. I went to my counseling session after and told my therapist what was happening. she saw all of the bruises. I didn’t know what to do. So I waited until he sobered up and I spoke to and he said that He was lying to the bartender to try to connect with him. I stupidly decided to believe him. I said we needed to go into marriage counseling. He was already in addiction counseling. He said he wasn’t using anything, just having the occasional beer. He sat in marriage counseling like he was holier than thou and made me look like the one who was ruining our marriage. After another arguement, I called him an alcoholic and he punched me in the face in front of our son, who consequently started to punch me in the face. Inside I was terrified of my husband, but I refused to let it show. I didn’t know what was going on. I was completely shut down with trauma and denial. I just started to pray to God for an answer. Finally, a phone call came through on his cell. He had left his phone (which was unheard of) and I answered it thinking it was a business call. It was his dealer. I got enough information out of her to confront him, which again became volatile. He took off. Eventually he came home. I told him I would help him through it if he wanted to get clean. Maybe we could sell the business, move to Colorado and make a fresh start. It seemed to be going ok, when I just realized that he just wasn’t ready. He wasn’t going into any kind of treatment, he just carried on as usual.
I wanted a clean family life and he just couldn’t do it. I realized that I didn’t love him anymore and the person that I fell in love with was an illusion. I fell in love with the idea of him as a sober person, because I never actually knew him as a sober person. I needed to save someone. So I decided that I needed to save myself and my son and stop the cycle. I kicked him out in May 2014. Since then he has run the business into the ground. He was living there with his new drug buddy girlfriend until they got evicted. I am swamped in debt. My mom had remortgaged her house to pay for the business and now faces forclosure. I am picking up the pieces and getting ready to file for bankruptcy. I have a new job working as a care assistant. The pay is terrible but it is a REAL job. I am building a real life for myself and my son, now. I got a protection order on my husband. He has two charges against him now for harassing me and he has just used my hacked into my Paypal account and put it in the negative balance, so now there will be a theft charge too. He continues to make bad choices, but still blames me for his actions. The weird thing is, is that I still believe that it is all my fault. I feel guilty. Should I be holding him responsible for his actions by reporting him to the police? He will more likely than not face jail, maybe even deportation. I feel like he has every opportunity to save himself, but hasn’t. He thinks that I am doing all of this to get revenge on him, when all I want is for him to get better. That is all I have ever wanted for him, but I can’t hold him up any more. I had to cut the rope to save myself and my life continues to get better, while his has gone further down the tubes. I am waiting for the divorce to finalize. I am worried about how everything will turn out, because I am making different decisions for myself and my life now. It’s really scary. I am afraid that he will die on the streets and it will be all my fault and that I am a bad person. All of his family say that I am cruel. Is that true? I am in so much pain over this. I know he is in pain too, but he uses to medicate himself and keep his addiction going. It’s just too late, I have to move on with my life, but it is so hard to let go.

Roxy
2:20 am February 11th, 2015

Hi, I need some advice. I met my husband in 1997. He was previously a meth addict and had been clean 3 years when I met him and going to counciling for a number of years. We dated 3 years, married and had a good life. Over the last few years he started being verbally abusive, accusatory , I could do nothing right. I was always defending myself. Then I just got darn right mean back. It made me so angry. I suspect that he had been using for at least the last 7 years of our marriage but I didn’t find out until about 2 1/2 years ago. I pleaded and begged and did everything I wasn’t supposed to do. I have sense found out I developed an eating disorder, he would leave to drink or go to shop to do meth and I would eat. I finally did the ultimate and forced the sale of our home and moved into another house we owned. During the first 3 months of our separation all we did was argue. Then he got a female friend and I fell apart. I kept hoping he would get clean. That friend only lasted a few weeks. She wouldn’t have anymore to do with him. But, he thought he was in love. We ended up spending a couple weekends together and then he told me too much water under bridge and promptly found someone else. They have been together about 3 months now and he says he loves her and not me. We would still talk and see each other on the weekends when he came to see dogs. But I have not seen him now for 2 months and he hardly communicates. Only when something important comes up. His kids, the dogs or taxes and this is through texting. We are still married for 14 1/2 years and he says he stays married so I can have insurance, even though I am eligible for Insurance because I am older than 62. It is difficult to believe someone at his age 50″s can fall that fast for someone and cut me off. I wasn’t perfect but where is forgiveness, I am willing to forgive him if he gets help but should I just get a divorce and move on. I don’t have any idea if he will return. I do go to Ala non and see a therapist but what is the likely hood he will return to me. Thanks for any constructive a dice.

11:28 am February 11th, 2015

Hi Roxy. I believe you will be better off if you concentrate on what you want and deserve. Turn to yourself. If you need someone to talk it out with, I’d recommend a psychologist that is in your area. This way you can be guided by a professional. Love yourself, be kind to yourself and to others.

As for the realtionship with you husband, I remember reading in a book that all relationships (lovers, friends, parents, children) are like a string. If you tear it in half, you can fix it by tighing a little knot. Your string will be whole again, but you’ll have the knot forever. You need to ask yourself are you willing to mend things or did the knots become too big? Kind regards, Ivana

Roxy
3:21 am February 12th, 2015

Thanks Ivana, I appreciate the support. I am going to a therapist. I just find it hard to throw 17 1/2 years away and spend the rest of my life alone. No telling what will happen and what I will do but I can’t imagine getting into another relationship at this point and going through all of the stages of adjustments again in a new relationship. Funny, I stopped writing because of knock on the door and it is my husband. At least we talked a little and he said if he wasn’t in another relationship he would consider trying again. I asked him to think about it. It makes me wonder if he is happy with her. He is scared we will get back into the same old thing. I can understand that. He doesn’t seem to be happy with himself. He just took some time off work to help his daughters and he said he would see me soon. So, we will see. Thanks again Roxy

Gizelle
12:34 pm February 13th, 2015

Good day

I have read this story and I relate to it 100%. My husband is a heroin addict and its so bad to the point that we don’t live together anymore. I stay with our three daughters and he stays with his grandmother. Please help me, I don’t know where to go or turn to my family knows that he is and addict and so do his. He says he doesn’t need rehab but he is an active addict. He lies constantly and says he is not using anymore, but I don’t believe him. He is rude and disrespectful to all of us and when he doesn’t get his way he all hell breaks loose. I stay in Pretoria South Africa and he stays in Cape Town. Can I get a judge to force him into rehab, will it work, how can I get him to see that its what he needs to do. I have threatened to divorce him if he continues on this path, I have told him he will never see his kids again but like I have heard it doesn’t make them stop and I see that now. Please help me I am hanging by a thread!

Thank you
Wife of an addict

Helene
10:51 pm March 11th, 2015

Thank you.. Just thank you!

Therese
4:53 am March 17th, 2015

I don’t know what to do to help him. I am stupid when it comes to this subject. My husband uses drugs. He says he will never do anything again and in a few days it starts. I want to find a good rehab For him. Where do I look? He never even smoked a cigarette until ending months of last year. I’m also epileptic, narcoleptic, and have a pain disease. The dr. says fibro. I don’t believe it. So I am dependent on him. It’s being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Help me help him.

1:38 pm March 19th, 2015

Hi Therese. You can go to this link: http://addictionblog.org/find-treatment/ or this one: https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ to look for treatment centers that can help your husband beat his addiction problem. You can search based on the location (so you can find a suitable treatment facility in your area), services included, type of treatment, payment options, etc. Good luck to you both! I really wish you to win this struggle!

help
2:50 am April 4th, 2015

I have a friend that means a lot too me And I wanna get him help I love him with all my heart I ask you to cummite him and help him I hate to see him like this he ruined everything and I want him to get help and be a better person then he is now

Roxy
4:53 pm April 6th, 2015

It has been a few months since I posted here. I have seen my husband only a few times since then. The first time he was angry told me it was over, I felt I already knew that but he needed to tell me again as I was getting upset and crying when I saw him. This time I found myself defending myself again and then stopped myself. I said to him, Whats the matter did your girlfriend break up with you and you came here to take it out on me? It took him about 15 seconds to answer staring at the ground, then said no. I told him Good Luck and walked in the house. I assumed he was coming down because of his anger. Two weeks later he shows up again and appears happy joking around asked to wash his car and then washed mine. Apparently they are taking break from each other as she almost lost her job because of her using. She told him get clean or its over. He said he is going to do it, it is time. I said, for her and not for me or the family, he said for himself. I think he is scared. He was nice about some things and cocky and mean about other things like he said if she is a b—– when clean he’ll be back..What a hurtful thing to say. A few days later I send text and told him it is over and I never wanted to see him again. I wouldn’t be second to anyone. Days later he replied with a short sarcastic reply. I sent another text telling him I hope he does get off the stuff and figure out what he wants but I was going to leave him alone. I am finally learning to detach from him and his drama, I am learning I have no control over addiction, his moods or what he wants. I always have felt better when I don’t react to his actions. I can not fix him.. Al-anon has helped me see that I only can change myself and I have to accept the things I can’t. I still get upset thinking about all we lost but I can’t change the past I just have to forgive myself for my part, even though I had no idea my actions made it worse. I am a work in progress. Best to all of you who are struggling with this disease in a family member. For me, I thank whatever power led me to Al-anon.

ally
4:10 am May 9th, 2015

Hi, i need help. I am supposed to be getting married in 2 weeks. My fiance is in recovery. He was addicted to oxycodone and also struggled with alcohol. He had been to rehab 3 times before i met him and was clean for a little over a year when we got together. We have been open about it and continued to improve. However he has had 4 relapse incidents over the past 6 months, possibly more. Tonight he relapsed again taking a bottle of mucinex and drinkjng a 4 loco and brandy. He has a 7 year old dauhjter who lives with us full time because her mom is not allowed to see her duw to her drug problem. I am struggling with if i should go forward with the marriage. I know he can do it because he was sober for over 3 years. but what if this is just the start to a downward spiral. I love him with all my heart and can’t imagine a life without him. At the same time i want to marry someone expecting them to change. I think that if we move away from our town he wouldbe muchmore successful in his recovery because he has remained in the same environmnt with the same friends and the same job. But i fear if im wrong i will be stuck in a doomed marriage. I dont know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated

danielle
9:24 am May 10th, 2015

my husband is really bad a meth and i need help to get him on the right path we have a lil gril to getter and he onley ben in her life from the day she was born to about when she truned 1 we ben on dope we cant even get him to spend time with us or even play around with his lil gril he warried about his next hight im to the bottom of all of it i dont know where ealce to turn to he ben with us for a week then last night he lies to me and go and sticks a point in his arm i need some one to please help me get my husbad back i really love him we ben together going on 12 years i cant give up on him now he my world

Lena
6:03 pm May 11th, 2015

I have been with my husband for 8 years. Six of them we’ve been married.we have been through quiet alot. As a drug addict my husband has some very selfish tendencies. I love him, and I have been trying to be his support. But I tend to yell when I am frustrated. I am hanging on to hope. And it can be a very lonely place. I know he loves me and I know its the drugs that cause him to flirt with girls sell drugs to support his habit. I know its the drugs that keep him out all night. The reason we go months without intimacy. It hurts still and at times I just want to give up on him. I want to just pack my bags and take the kids and go. But than he comes out to the surface. The man I love comes out from underneath those drugs and it gives me hope. He’s in conflict with his addiction and us. It’s more like a love affair and he doesn’t want to lose me and the kids but those drugs just control him. He has been clean throughout our marriage off and on but for the most part it has been a struggle. I know he’s going to be going to jail soon and the sad part about it is I can’t wait. In my mind I am thinking we will finally be able to save our marriage at least try. But I want to fix what it is I am doing wrong. I want to save us. I want to help him. Our marriage is so strong and amazing when he’s not getting high. We are each others best friends but when he’s getting high I miss my best friend its so lonely whenever I try talking to him he thinks I’m bitching and it just ends in him screaming at me and me crying. I miss my sensitive husband. I’m worried he’s losing himself. Please help I am so desperately seeking a miracle.

Kimberly
4:21 am June 5th, 2015

Did you ever feel resentment? How do you grow past it?

Daneen
3:12 am June 23rd, 2015

I met my husband, fell in love and was married in 2013. I knew he used crack/cocaine but ignored the red flags and still got married because I thought I could change him. I spent $5000 getting him a car, $5000 to start his own janitorial franchise, etc. I never felt so loved and was in love with anyone like this. And so it begins, I blow up his phone after he disappears for days, loses his franchise, sold 2 cars for crack, pawned his wedding ring (that I got out over 10 times), I also went out looking for him, checking his phone, calling his friends and family. Finally, when he comes home, he begs for my forgiveness, admits he needs help, pledges his love for me…this cycle continued for 1 long year. I finally started learning more, reading the internet, talking to wives of former addicts. He runs to his mother’s to rest up after he smokes crack for days. I told him to not come home and get it together. Of course, still not knowing enough about this disease, I cussed and screamed, “Why are you doing this to us? Why can’t you want me more than crack”. That just sent him into another downward spiral. Well, he admitted himself into rehab about 4 months later or Dec 2014. I attended meetings with other families and with him, his drug counselor, etc. Whatever I could do to make his stay in rehab more comfortable, I did and most of all, I forgave him and felt like we had a fresh new start. He was supposed to stay in rehab 28 days. He didn’t like how the staff were running things or how they talked to him so he left 21 days later. It was so difficult but for me and my daughter and him. I told him he still couldn’t come home. He moved in with his cousin who was a recovered addict. She was a great support system for him. He went to meetings daily and group therapy daily for about 60 days. He then felt he was strong enough to work and got a job near our home. I told him he could move back home. He spent the night (by now we are in March 2015) and told me he was going to his Mom’s and cousin’s to gather all his clothes and that he would be home that evening, March 21, 2015. He never came home, he never called. After 2 months, I couldn’t take it anymore and went to his mom’s to see if he was ok but to be honest, to see if there was any way to fix things. He pledged his love to me again, told me how depressed he’s been without me, and was getting high to ease that pain. Now its May 17, 2015. He says he will go into a longer, inpatient program with Salvation Army and asked me to call our contact there. I told him he has to own his recovery and make the call himself. I’m not holding his hand like I did last time. He said he would go June 1. I asked myself, why not today! I told him he was only saying this for my ears and to go when its for him..In the meantime, we agreed to continue communication. That last for 3 days then he disappeared, stop answering my calls then told me his phone was broke AGAIN! I told him I was done. I’ve had to be very strong but I have NOT contacted him, or anyone else about him. This cycle has to stop and he has to stop it. I have done all I can and enabled him for too long. Its been 2 years now and one year he’s been gone. People tell me he’s still getting high. I have filed for divorce. I’m 51, had cancer twice and a stroke and cannot be in this stressful relationship any longer. I feel sad and miss him. In the meantime, I pray to Jesus Christ every day that he guide my husband to seek help and heal him of his addiction and free him of whatever drives him to doing drugs.

kerry
11:33 pm June 29th, 2015

thanks you ………………………………

Denise
10:51 am June 30th, 2015

Me and my husband have been together for 15 years now, he is a drug addict all the known drugs you can think of. He never had a childhood. His parents both drink his dad was using drugs when he was little, they never have money and him and his 2 sisters have been in jail for theft. Last year my husband got arrested for possession of stolen property we had a 6 month court case and last week he got send to jail for 18 months, a day after that i found cocaine in the car, he had been using again, I have been struggling 15 years with a known drug addict he also had a relationship with several woman and got one pregnant. Know he keeps on telling me that he is so sorry and he loves me, I am broken broken beyond words, how do i know that he is telling the truth how can i help him, He will die from overdose or he will spend the rest of his live in jail. I cant go on like this i have lost everything and now his parents and sisters are threatening me. I have been faithful all these years and he is my true love and i want to help him but im so mad at him so very mad and upset and frustrated how will i ever trust the man i though i knew

jean
1:41 am July 15th, 2015

my husband been addict for 18 years hes in rehab again and again he broke into his moms lockbox stoled 20 pills and steals from her all the time stole from me my children andour family he gets pills from meetings. and i dont know what to do. is this the end.

Marie
5:15 am August 8th, 2015

As I sit here and read all of these comments, I realize I am not alone and that I am not crazy. Its comforting to know that someone else is going through or has gone through the same thing I have/am. When I met my husband 24 years ago I had no idea he was doing drugs. I grew up sheltered..,church and school only. When I realized he was on drugs I immediately told him I didn’t like it. He kept it hidden for a long time. Things were going good and I knew he was doing something but he never did it in our home and we never went without. Probably because i had the steady job and not realizing that the reason he stayed up late was probably because of the drugs. I dont think he did them as often back then as he does now. My husband prides himself on having nice things so he doesnt sell our stuff to get drugs. He would just bug me for money. Now he has a business which is in my name so he doesnt have to worry about getting up going to a regular job. I think because he has been getting high for so many years it has affected him. He is not the same person even though he says he hasn’t changed. I get called names and I constantly disrespect him (so he says). I remember when my son passed I ended up on zoloft to help with the grief. I was begging him to quit getting high because by this time he was doing it in our home right in front of me. Our daughter would be in her room and he would come in our bedriom and lock the door and proceed to do his thing while I was trying to sleep so I could get up and go to work the next day. The smell is the worst thing ever. I could not believe he disrespected our home like that and he still does to this day. I begged him to stop and his response was if I quit taking zoloft, he would quit smoking crack. So what did I do? I stopped taking zoloft but did he quit getting high…NO. Plus zoloft was prescribed by a doctor to help with my grief. He is risking his life and ours with an illegal drug. He thinks as long as he is making money and contributing to the house, he should be able to do what he wants because he is an adult and can do what he wants because it is partially his home to because we are married. The other thing is if he has a buddy that wants to get high, guess what, they are also welcome in our home and when I say something he tells me that they are adults and can do whatever they want. So he basically has them thinking that I am okay with it. I tried to tell myself that its his thing and just let it go because thats what he wants to do and its not that bad. Every time I do that though I make myself sick because I know that its something that i dont like. I make myself sick trying to make him stop and threaten to leave. He doesnt believe I am going to it but i am. He is a good person but long term drug use has made him mean. He flys off the handle and i am stupid and dumb and he tells me that there is nothing wrong with him. I love him and i get confused especially when he does nice things. I think that is only to get me to accept his drug use. I have begged for us to go to counseling but it falls on deaf ears. He tells me i married into it and my whole family is on dope so if i can accept them i should be able to accept him. I have set up boundaries that if he doesnt quit or try to get help i am leaving. I don’t care how much money he makes. I am tired of the roller coaster ride and not knowing if he will be in a good mood or not. I have told him that it would be easy to leave if i didnt care. I left once before because he got physical so i am preparing to leave again. I cant take it. He doesnt even acknowlege he has a problem. The only thing for me to do is accept it or leave. He makes me think i am the problem and sometimes i actually believe. He doesnt know i have applied for an apartment and when it is safe to leave i will be leaving. Everything we have is in my name so he will feel like i am abandoning him and probably try to hurt me so i have to sneak and leave. I just am tired.

Mike
2:23 am August 12th, 2015

I enjoyed your story and am lost. I am the husband and have been an addict all my life for forty six years, I am going to be fifty six soon. I have done many drugs although daily marijuna and drinking have been my drugs of choice……I also was diagnosed with bipolar twenty years ago so it is something else I have to accept of my life. I have tried many many times to deal with my addiction although failed. Nine months ago I took too much clonopine trying to self medicate my feelings and ended up in the hospital. During this period I was also attempting sobriety of two months. I was hospitalized and my wife left me at the time with a choice, based on my actions of the medication to stop everything. I am in month nine since that situation. Since then I seem I lost everything and have no one, lost everyone I knew and surely don’t feel I even know me. I have no one to reach out to and feel GOD is not there. I consider suicide because I don’t feel any good anymore but truly know it’s not the real way to go. I thankfully do have my wife of thirty five years but she has been through enough and now most times I can’t ask for support…..it’s really only something I have to do alone because sharing my true feeling upsets her…..I guess I should be more grown up. Do things change, I’m not a bad person but can’t even cry at times, I only have the bad feeling of what I caused for so many years and now am so alone with my thoughts. I do remember at eleven, I will never do that….I did not mean for it to go this way.

Crystal
7:53 am August 23rd, 2015

My husband of 12 years has been addicted to drugs. What makes me think twice if he is an addict is that he only turns to drugs when drinking on Friday and sometimes Saturday. There are weekends he can go without it. So I’m confused on our situation. I have tried going to church and that doesn’t work. I involved his family to talk to him but still no change. What can I do to help him?

Grace
7:17 am September 11th, 2015

I thought I was the only one who has this kind of problem until I came to read all the comments in this website…

I have been married for 10 years and 2 months, my husband told me before we got married that he used to sniff Methamphetamine Hydrochloride, I told him that I don’t really care what you’ve been doing in the past as long as you are willing to change for the better and for our future. I have a daughter with my past relationship, my husband accepted my daughter and even treated her like his own not only by admitting her as his own daughter. During the first five years of our marriage, we were happy…until I the day that I encounter a problem with my job that leads to my termination from the said job. I decided to work in the city and leave there while my husband and my daughter were left in our. Everything seems to be okay, until I found out that my husband is back into drugs again…so I decided to quit my job as a call center agent in the city and went back to our hometown. Fortunately, I got accepted in the local government unit in our hometown.
But still even if I am already at his side, he is still using drugs…and worst he is also into gambling.
He pawned my jewelries in order to sustain his addiction and his vices…I cried all day and all night because of what he did. My mother wanted me to leave my husband and file for annulment but I can’t do it because I love him so much and it breaks my heart to leave him…lately we were involved in a scandalous situation because I caught him with a girl inside a room in a private resort…he strongly denies that they were having an illicit affair…he told me that the reason he was with that girl is because the girl willingly support his addiction…I wanted to leave him after the incident but my love for him prevails…

Please help me, I have no one to turn to because my family and friends don’t like me to suffer and wanted me to leave my husband.

Thank you and Godbless!

Ashley
9:05 am September 16th, 2015

my fiancé has been using heroin since before Christmas, I have been trying to help him every way possible and he just won’t stop and he keeps saying he doesn’t need rehab and he doesn’t want to go to rehab, I have no idea of what too do!! I don’t want him to die we have 2 sons together that loves him more then words can explain! I need some help on what to do and how to help.

beauty
5:12 am September 18th, 2015

My husband and I living together now for 3 years,At the month of January he told me that he used meth,because he was stress at work,he can’t accept to be demoted from work and he had fight with his manager,.At the ist week of March he resigned from his job,stayed home for the whole month applied for a job, and luckily he found a job started last April,He used all our money in the banks,owed money to different pay day loan company and different people too,last May he promised me to stop but until now he is still using for sure,I’ve seen some of his pipes and crystals but he will deny every time I asked him,he always lied and we always fight or argued because of that,..most of the time I’m crying and praying for him to change or stop but just like nothing happens, I don’t know how to help him now especially that I am hurting. I’m not even sure how can I trust him again,..I’m really suffered emotionally,I don’t know what will I do,.we have all in a same shoe,please help what to do

Melissa
5:57 pm September 21st, 2015

I just don’t see how you can help a person who won’t help themselves. The best thing to do is to move on.

Roger
3:48 pm September 24th, 2015

My husband and I have been together for 17 years and legally married for 6. He was addicted to Crystal meth when I met him but he “cured” himself and never touched it again for 15 years. Then suddenly after becoming hooked on the show “Breaking Bad” where they all but glorify the manufacture and use of Crystal meth, he secretly started using again. I “caught” him red handed on a few occasions and he finally took himself off to CMA meetings once a week. Unfortunately he couldn’t find a mentor and now he has missed a few meetings and I believe he has relapsed again. The biggest issue is that he has also started resorting to casual sex hook-ups via Grinder and the like, and so now he is getting his “tricks” to supply him with Meth without having to pay for it. Help!

PLEASE help
3:58 am September 30th, 2015

My significant other has been battling a crack additions 4 over 20 years… when I entered.the.relationship I didn’t realize how serious his problem was.. I have.loved him threw it all but I don’t know how much longer I can continue 2 watch him destroy himself & our family with him…. I’ve prayed, begged etc nothing seems 2 work he has 2 following threw with what he claims he wants, ( 2 be drug free & happy raising our kids together).. he goes days here & there only 2 go off bingeing it’s a daily problem… how can I help him help himself & not inable him.. I know the withdrawals are painful but trust me slowing down 2 easy the pain isn’t the answer it only prolonged the pain for him & the family, easing his pain temporarily…. do I stay, leave, request he check into treatment… we have attended 12 step meetings.. guess where he heads after the meeting.. please help

tiffany
7:12 pm October 4th, 2015

I have a friend that always kicks him out when he is not trying to help or change. but takes him back when he does help or he says he needs help. Then when he gets what he wants goes back staying out all night then comes back any advise ?

Tracey
4:09 pm October 22nd, 2015

I totally relate to some of these stories, and it saddens me deeply. I wish they could see what they are doing to themselves, their families and partners. My boyfriend has been a drug user for many years. I have been with him for 3 1/2 years now. I definitely think if I knew the path we were going to take due to his addiction, I would never have dated him. It has been hard. I love him with all of my heart, and the thought of leaving him is a terrible one. I know I would survive, but I feel like I need to try and help him. I started watching drugs control him. He went from once every 5 months, to every 3rd, every 2nd and eventually towards the end every week-end. Disappearing for days at a time, sometimes even a whole week and not 1 word from him. He always came back and seeing this strong man coming down was almost pathetic to watch. Like a child, suicidal, sorry for himself, Please don’t leave me, I need to be held etc. but when he is normal; a very strong, motivating, driven person. This is not the worst part, due to his partying and drug ways he landed up falling and breaking his back and is in a wheelchair. You would think that this would change a person to become a better person, to appreciate life more. In hospital he was motivated, and not going to drink again, become a healthy better person etc. Now that he is out and a few months later, he is drinking again (getting drunk and aggressive – swearing, throwing bottles) and has relapsed once again. How can you go back to the one thing that put you in a wheelchair???? I believed that he was put in a wheelchair for a reason, because his drug ways could’ve killed him. He has just gone on a 4 day binge, and has said that this is the last time. How do I believe him? I have heard this 50 times already. Please can someone give me advice as to how to try and save him.

Tammy
6:47 pm October 22nd, 2015

My husband has a problem everytime he gets payed his out the door and he bugs me and his mom Dad for money I can,t take much more what can I do? ?

Tammy
5:08 pm October 24th, 2015

I Don,t know what to do about my husband his getting way out of hand with his Drug problem he gets payed from work his out the door and when he Rans out he bugs his Mom Dad in till they can’t take it the same with me he lies makes up story’s and says if I don,t give him money he will though my clothes out or tell me to leave and at times he stays out all night and to top that off his been on plan pills for years for his shoulder and his saleing them to get drugs so he can get high. I tryed I,am so lost I just don,t know what to do? Please help me ?

rose
5:24 pm October 28th, 2015

My husband has been battling pain pill addiction for years. He snorts it. I find it all the time.he blows his nose so hard so many.times a day. He gets very defensive. I finally got his family.involved and everyone is on him to get help. We fight all the time cause he Denys how often he takes it. We have a one year old son. I just want a good home life for him but thus addiction is destroying us. When we fight he seems more ready to quit when we r fine he agrees to get help but blows it off. He says Im not supportive cause he falls back but I think its not falling back like he claims its he hasn’t stopped to worry about falling back . he finally agreed to see a addiction counselor that’s a doctor. His appt is next week what can I do in the mean time to help him?

Alphie
2:33 pm November 7th, 2015

I tried this. It didn’t work. My husband go rid of all of my belongings, had me ordered out of our home, then set fire to our home & is happily enjoying his life wheeling & dealing 8 balls of crystal methamphetamine. I went to the police several times & tried to get help from all the places you’re supposed to get help from. Nobody helped & nobody is helping. My family doesn’t care enough to get involved & his family ran me off for calling the police. I am totally alone.

BAJA
11:24 pm November 15th, 2015

I am ha having the hardest time in my life. My husband of 8 years has recently started using drugs. This has been going on for about 10 months now, or at least what I know about. My husband is so good to me in a lot of ways, but the drugs have really changed him in many ways too…,he is really moody with the kids and has started name calling…really ugly names towards them..they are both girls age 12 and 16. He was a paramedic,,a career paramedic for many years and was caught stealing drugs off the ambulance…that is how I found out about it..when he lost his job. Well, technically he quit so he did not get fired so he is now working in a hospital. I know that he is stealing narcotics from the hospital, even though he says that he isn’t. I can tell when he is high and it usually takes a good couple of hours for him to admit the truth to me. He has wrecked my car and even been pulled over driving high with our kids in the car…was released with not even a ticket as he convinced the cop he was really tired after taking a sleeping pill to work the night before. So, he has a crummy job where he makes half the money he used to, it is only a part time job..he said he was going to go back to school but he has not..he is lazy around the house..does not do anything to help out anymore…and I never never can trust him if he is high or not. I know it is only a matter of time before he is caught stealing drugs from the hospital…he takes them out of the sharps container. This will be humiliating for my entire family when it happens. I keep telling him,..one more time and you have to leave…but I am starting to sound like a broken record. One night he shot up ativan and got lost on his way home from work and it took him three hours to find his way home. The very next day he was high on ativan again…he said he didnt want to waste it he figured he would just use the last of it. I do not know what to do. He has basically ruined his life and I feel that he is ruining mine too…and the kids…he is not the father he used to be..he is mean and angry and high…he started to go to narcotics anonymous for a while as i made it a condition of allowing him to stay…but he stopped going and said there were people way worse off then he is. I just am to the point now that I do not know what to do. I feel that my life should be good and it just feels straight miserable most times. I feel guilty and bad if I kick him out…but I am starting to not believe that he is ever going to change. Every time it is the same song and dance..I will not do it anymore, I will work hard around the house..I will finish school…I will not humiliate you in the community..I will not steal drugs..I will not drive under the influence…all of it lasts a couple of weeks,,,kind of…I never really fully get what I think In should be getting out of him…and then he goes back to the drugs. I really do not know what to do. He tries to make things better by doing my laundry, ironing my clothes, drawing up my bath and making me coffee..rubbing my feet…and I love all of those things,…but it just does not make up for the heart ache he puts me through every time he goes back to the drugs. I do not know what to do. Do I dovirce him….help…words of encouragement…words of advice…anything…I can not talk to anyone about this because of course it is not something that I want people to know about so I feel that I am dealing with it all alone and I just cant take it anymore and just dont know what to do…please help

Brenda
6:52 pm December 1st, 2015

Hello Lisa, my name is Brenda and am a Nigerian, I live in Nigeria too. I have been married to my husband for 4 years now. Two years into our marriage I discovered he is addicted to drugs and has been doing that even before we got married. I cried all day, we have two kids whom he abandoned and travelled to south africa to live, he left with huge money but he has nothing now and he has nothing doing now, he’s also a womaniser, am afraid bc he wants to get back to the country and I want to run away with my children so that he doesn’t do vile things before the kids. Help me pls bc am confused and even tired of the marriage

Helen
10:19 pm December 8th, 2015

Hi Lisa,
My husband, John came out of rehab [for booze] about 5 months ago. There were several unresolved issues between the 2 of us, stuff that came up during rehab that was dealt with very very badly by the place he was at [to the extent that we got a written apology and some of our payment back]. However, John keeps bringing these issues up and I cant make them go away. A while back he started drinking on the sly again and I knew straight away. Same old behaviour as before. Eventually my dad freaked and read me the riot act-’’either I get rid of him or we are no longer welcome in their house-my folkes have always been teatotal. Anyway, John agreed to let me have breathalyzers in the house and I was to test him when ever I felt unsure—just to set my mind at rest [he is also on a bucket of antidepressants and ADHD meds, so he often smells boozy, but was told it could be the meds causing this smell]. So, great, I think that will keep him in check…ja, right. He came back drunk from town the one day and he eventually admitted to having had a drink and after much pushing and shoving agreed to taking the test-positive. Contrite the next day and a few days of relative ease. The next time he went to town he said I could test him when he got home. As luck would have he seemed fine when he got home, so I didn’t test him, 4 hours later though, he was clearly sozzeled. He refused to take the test saying no the deal was to test him when he came back from town. We are back to square one. He cant control it, he wont go to meetings and we are communicating through a series of grunts and insults. Its awful. He slinks around and keeps disappearing [we ive out in the stix, so its easy to jump in the motor and run off for a quick nip], I am suspicious all the time and he feels no guilt or anything. I feel like I am being emotionally tortured and I really dont know what to do anymore. We are both very resentful, me, because he cannot be relied on for the smallest thing, and him, because he feels I expect too much from him in the way of chores etc…[10 years marriage he still doesn’t know how I take my tea or coffee, has never washed his own motor. I feel more like his mother than his wife-and you dont have sex with your mother do you????
Why dont I chuck him out? Guilt. He has no family, nowhere to go. Few friends and no job-I own a landscaping company and we work together.
Any help here would be much appreciated. I cant go on like this. It will kill us both. Hate this. Very bad space at the mo…but actually been in this space for some years now.
My thanks for your ear!
Kind regards
Helen

Cassie
4:25 am December 9th, 2015

Hello, I am looking for advice. I don’t have a lot of people to turn to so I’m seeking help here. My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years married for almost 2. When we met I fell madly In love with him fast and hard. About 6 months together we found out I was pregnant(my 2nd and his 1st.) shortly after that he told me he uses a upper on occasion. I was nieve and believed him but the father I got into my pregnancy the more I saw how much he really used, he couldn’t go a day without it. He would drink everyday smoke weed every and use his upper everyday. He eventually was arrested for a DUI. He was put on probation for 18 months and was clean and sober the entire 18 months. Going through those withdraws for him was extremely hard I was there with him every step of the way and we grew so close and we shared all of our secrets. After giving birth to my son we got married and we were extremely happy. After 2 weeks of being off probabtion he began acting very strange standoffish and starting fights. The fact that we grew so close meant I knew he was acting weird for a reason so I began snooping-which I hate doing- I located a little stash he had. I immediately went on a rampage kicked him out began leaving him and realized we have 2 kids where am I to go. We sat down and we had a long talk he began to tell me how sorry he was he did that behind my back and lied to my face. He told me he wasn’t going to do it he just needed to know if he was still addicted and he did not need anymore he only needed his family and blah blah blah. I knew he was lying but I was going to watch him closely I began to notice how much he was turning back into his old self. I couldn’t talk to him Bout it because when I tried he would say he’s a grown man he doesn’t need to answer to anyone it’s his money I don’t have a say in how he spends it(he works I’m a stay at home mom) so my problem now is what do I do? I don’t want to leave him but I’m so confused and depressed and concerned about my children. Like I said I’m a stay at home mom and I don’t have anywhere to go. Any help would be appreciated.

Jasmin
5:49 pm January 6th, 2016

Hi Jena
I have been with my husband for nearly 6 years now. He have been addicted to drugs for 4 of those years.
He came to me for help aand promised he was going to do everything in his power to leave it. He has been doing to treatments and been given pils to stop
However he still manages to ffind and excuse to buy drugs but every time I do catch him in the act he give me hus usual speach abd promises.
I am so confused and have lost the trust that he will ever change

Please help

Zeth
2:59 pm January 10th, 2016

My husband is not totally an addict person but i heard from others that he is occasionally in to small amount of metha..I could not have a dialogue with him on this matter coz hes just good to me and to my children..my problem is that he secretly allow he addiction in our place and give chances to people in our community to use illlegal drugs in fact he is the one who give information to the users on where to get drugs and buy them…he tolerates this thing..I am afraid as his wife because he is an official in our town…pls help me how can i stop my husband ?

Tessa
7:55 pm February 7th, 2016

My husband is addicted to anything and everything, we are young and party people so at first everything he was doing was sort of normal. I moved away and he stopped doing everything and was the most perfect boyfriend of all time, after we got married he started hanging out with old friends and started smoking crack . We lost our home, he has slept with six girls in the past two years, constantly been on tinder , taking , texting girls asking for nudes, and our sex life is great?! He gets addicted to masturbation, a certain tv show, a certain drink, food ect. He’s been clean for 110 days now and he is just very mean and moody. I want to leave but I don’t want him to start using again and we have a 9month old baby . I still love him.

Mary
1:18 am February 10th, 2016

I have been with my fiancé for 5 1/2 years. He has been using pain pills that turned into snorting heroine for 2 years. I’m at a loss. We have 3 kids ages 2, 6, and 4. They have seen too much and I can’t stop him. I love him and want to stay with him but I’m killing myself. We have no money, no trust and no honesty. He went to rehab for 30 days came home then started using again. My heart breaks when I think of packing up and leaving him bc I’m scared he’s going to over dose and die. I want to save him bc I love him. We were the happiest couple ever, so strong and so in love. Now we are nothing but broken. I need help! What do I do to help him, myself and the kids?

Stephanie
8:03 pm March 3rd, 2016

I have been with my husband for 26 years and he has always had an addiction to crack, alcohol and/or suboxone. Right now it’s alcohoI and suboxone only. I am on the verge of walking out on this marriage because I cannot deal with the struggle anymore. I was never able to work and establish a career for my self because I was always afraid to leave my 3 children alone with him. I have options to leave but worry it may be a mistake but also a mistake to stay. I’m so lost and confused, can someone please offer some good sound advice, PLEASE?????

Karey G
3:15 pm March 9th, 2016

I know that my husband has been using opiates and cocaine. He thinks I believe him when he tells me he quit. He is completely denying and continuing to sneak around. His drug abuse is blatantly obvious to me. We recently started marital counseling so he is now masking his issues with the attempt to make me happy with counseling. I am enabling him to use by providing for and taking care of his 2 kids and his dad in my house. I am exhausted and my life with him feels toxic! I am ready to confront him with the option of rehab or me leaving him. How do I confront him when he leaves no physical trace of evidence to present? I am drowning and need help! He also has no health insurance so I don’t know what options are available if he actually did choose treatment.

Saphire
3:35 pm March 11th, 2016

My husband has been addicted to cocaine for about two years now. I have multiple sclerosis. I also have a daughter and it has been very hard for me. He spent all our savings including our daughters. I paid £7000 for a clinic but he left two weeks early and they told me not to live with him as he was psychotic. All day every day he believes he is being ‘hacked’ and spends hours finding out who is after him on his computer. Is it wrong to leave him? I can no longer trust him. I no longer want to be with this ‘teenager’. I feel the need to protect myself and my daughter though a divorce would be hard for her. Please can you offer me any advice?

JL
3:56 am April 10th, 2016

I have been with this man for 18 years and married for 12. He revealed to me that he is hooked on drugs, something I have know for years. I saw that signs and turned my head and lied to myself before he had the chance to. I married a man that I knew had a problem, thinking I could help him, (fix him), and I was wrong. Now 2 kids and 12 years latter I cant help him. I know I need to leave, but Im so use to putting my needs on the back burner I cant seem to walk away. I am living a lie. How can I teach my boys to say no and I allow my husband to say yes. I can financially stand on my own, so why am I still here? Love is not blind, Love is stupid.

Staci
8:45 pm April 26th, 2016

My husband and I have been married for 21 years. We have 3 children. Ages 15, 18, and 20. We have both owed our own companies since our mid 20’s and are very successful. We are both 45. About 6 years ago we started feeling financial pressure and my husband started to abuse adderall. By prescription, friends, etc.He has no interest in us any more, we not only do not live comfortably, but I can’t even buy groceries. He goes to bed at 4:00 in the morning and gets up at 8:00 to work but gets nothing done. I have talked to him but he truly feels a drug addict takes way more than he does or uses illegal drugs. Meanwhile my life and my children’s has fallen apart. We have nothing. I don’t know what to do.

Roxanne
1:26 am April 28th, 2016

My husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for 13 and have 2 beautiful children. It was love at first sight and I knew he was my soulmate. Unfortunately we had a rough start. The first 3 years he cheated on me and some occasional drug use which I did partake in, never before him had I even thought about it! I decided to leave him 3 years into the relationship for cheating. I month later I found out I was pregnant. We got back together and he wanted to be there for his child and me. Before our son turned a year old he cheated again, I stayed. Then when our son was 2 and a half we got married. We had to most beautiful wedding! Almost immediately he started disappearing for days, no phone calls nothing. Would take my car and leave me stranded. This went on for 3 years. I threatened to leave and did eventually make him leave. He was gone for about a month and said he would get help. I took him back and he went to counseling. I became pregnant with our second child. We moved away from his friends and I thought thing were great. Hard working again, motivated and always around. Our daughter was born. When she was about 2 months old he did it again, disappeared on us and wouldn’t answer his phone. Next day ahe called and said he used cocaine and drove 3 hours away and got a room. I let him back in. He was fine again…3 years later we had bought our first house and he started a builders company, we were living the dream! He used again…this time he was home and did it in the barn by himself…I knew and did nothing. Everything was fine again for 2 years. We were supposed to go to a wedding but I had the flu and he still went, he never came home or answered my trillion phone calls. Next day he told me he had gotten drunk and passed out at a friends house. Again back to our lives of parenting and running a business and a household. Fast forward to the present, the children and I are headed out for a trip to Florida. My husband gets a phone call for an emergency flood job. He has to leave but said he be back to see us off. He never came home. I woke our children up at 2:30 am to make our flight and my daughter (9) was very worried the her dad wasn’t home. She made herself physically ill. I called him repeatedly and it went straight to voicemail. Nothing… I held it together for my kids. I was thinking the worst, but not that he was doing drugs. I thought he was murdered(he was working in a bad part of town) robbed In an accident but never drugs. I called his mother at 4:30 am and told her my concern she went to find him. She called jails and hospitals and I got in the plain still not knowing what happened to mo my husband and thinking the absolute worst. When we landed I tried calling and nothing. About 4 hours later he called and told me he did coke again and was a mess, crying telling me how sorry he was that he did this to me US. He said he was sick of living a lie and need help. He always had the urge to do it but could resist until last night. He felt that he deserved to do it (have a little fun) for all the hard work he does. But realized he why of thinking was wrong but it was too late he used. The kids and I returned 4 days later. He said he was going to counseling and had called and was waiting for a phone call back to set up an appointment. I told him how upset I was and couldn’t live like this but I would support him if he went and finally dealt with his problem. Now 3 weeks later he still hasn’t gone. Today I brought it up…I had anxiety all day about having to ask him if he made and appointment yet because I knew he would get mad at me and not talk to me. Well I was right. He said he hasn’t made time for that yet and that he had to do this for himself not me. I told him that I couldn’t live waiting for the next time to happen I can’t go through those feelings angain. He said this wasn’t about my feeling…he always flips it around on me. He says drugs in not his problem he has other problems, the way he thinks, how he thought it was ok for him to do it but as soon as he did he knew it was wrong but continued to do it anyways.
I don’t know what to do or say to him I’m always so worried about how I’m going to make him feel.
He says he never wants to do it again or go through the feeling that he had after doing it. And he will suffer for the rest of his life with what he did. I’ll bring it up in the future he said. His word is not enough for me but this isn’t about me?
I NEED HELP!!!

Adrian
9:25 am May 27th, 2016

I am an addict and I’ve been a addict for over 20yrs. I wanna quit and I am happily married but my marriage is failing because of my addiction and lying

Jenn
12:52 am June 2nd, 2016

I really need help and I don’t know what to do. My husband is addicted to percocet and has been for the past 6yrs. Believe it or not his mother got him addicted to it. My relationship with his parents could honestly put a lifetime movie to shame yet from the outside they sure seem perfect ugh anyway…. I have tried everything even moving him 6 hrs away to get away from it and get clean. His mother actually mailed them to him then begged him to come back (even sending him the money to move). Since we been back things have only gotten bad to worse. The big issue is I am disabled and have to take pain meds for my health issues and he is stealing them constantly. I have tried everything safe with a key- he waits till I shower or sleep and steals the key, hiding all over the house, even hiding in the yard but he always finds them. When I finally got social security approved they owed me back pay and yes he robbed me blind!! I tried everything begging, pleading, hiding my meds, threatening, and so on…. Right now he is finally working again so we could afford our bills but he is worse then ever on the pills- he stole 90% of my script in 4 days!!!! I bought a combo lock fire safe at the store and wouldn’t you know he figured out you could force the handle on the digital lock and it wouldn’t even show it!! We keep trying to get him help and he is on the waiting list for every counselor I could find around here who takes medicaid but what do I do in the mean time??Everybody says leave him, put him out and so on but I am disabled and living alone is a big problem to make matters worse I was a foster child so no family by my side, again another topic for another day and I can’t afford the bills alone!! He stole everything from me EVERYTHING!! I don’t even get enough money a month to cover the rent!! I really believe he wants to change or am I wrong?? His parents are out of the picture finally so I know that gravy train is cut off but what do I do in the mean time??

Nikki
10:18 pm June 14th, 2016

Me & my husband have been together for 13yrs & married for 2 1/5 out of the 13. He struggled with pill early in our relationship I didn’t know I just felt like something wasn’t right. He admitted to me after we had our 2boys. He said he would just stop. Me being young and uneducated about pills I believed him. I felt like I wouldn’t do drugs so why would he. We got married and everything magnified. He admitted he never quit the pills he just became more good at hiding it. He went to treatment and got clean & it’s been a yr already. My gut & his actions are telling me that he relasped ?and I just had a babygirl only weeks ago. This feels so surreal. I just want to take my three kids & leave, God help me!

Adrian
8:51 am June 16th, 2016

I JUST MARRIED MY HUSBAND 10/04/14 HE HAS BEEN MARRIED TWICE BEFORE ME AND HAS HAD AN ADDICTION PROBLEM SINCE 2000 EVERYONE KNOWS IM JUST REALLY GETTING THE FULL BLOW OF IT. BUT LETTING EVERYONE KNOW AND NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT IS DIFFERENT. I KNOW IM AN ENABLER AND EVERYONE ELSE. I HAVE ASKED HIM TO SEEK HELP BUT BECAUSE OF A PENDING LAWSUIT HE SAYS HE CAN’T GO INTO REHAB AND HE ALWAYS SAYS GOD IS GOING TO TAKE IT AWAY.. AND THAT PART I KNOW IS TRUE BUT WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP BESIDES PUSH HIM AWAY.. HE SAYS IF I TRY TO MAKE HIM CHOOSE HE RIGHT NOW WILL CHOOSE HIS ADDICTION OVER ME AND THIS HAS HAPPEN SEVERAL TIMES WITH US. HE HAS WALKED OUT ON ME AND OUR KIDS FOR DRUGS BUT I ALWAYS LET HIM GO FOR AWHILE THEN TAKE HIM BACK IN…IM AFRAID THAT IF I LEAVE HIM ALONE AND NOT TAKE HIM BACK HE WILL BLOW ALL HIS MONEY ON DRUGS WHEN HE GETS IT… I HAVE A PLAN IN PLACE FOR WHEN HE GETS IT TO PROTECT US JUST IN CASE HE WANNA GO ROUGE… BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO TO HELP MY FAMILY

Julie
5:22 am June 18th, 2016

Reading and doing what works is my desire in all of this . My husband of 20 years , I miss how he was and accepted his decline years back as he progressed with alcohol and then marijuana , didn’t actually know about cocaine until October of last year . Endured a roller coaster of control. Domestic assault charges resulting in a misdemeanor. And a month of an ankle bracelet all tied to alcohol abuse. Once I found about cocaine , I was beyond devastated. Ashamed , and guilty for not seeing it . Even harder that he admitted it had gone on over two years , explained so much , porn addiction , late nights. Not certain if he was even faithful to be honest but cannot face what I don’t know . Through my unsuccessful attempts at coercing, begging , and testing hair and urine , I was able to hold him somewhat accountable . I recognize now I was enabling and allowing . Even worse he would be angry initially , tear me down , spread lies about me to save face in town . Telling others it was me , I was obsessed with my job, neglectful mother and wife , “her work has changed her”, she pops pills , or anything he could think of . Hard to face that he would do anything to get the drugs , lie to me, ruin our family , and allow many people in this town to believe I was also involved in drugs . Wine yes I did partake , but that is it . Always on alert with this man . But as I said it was good until four years ago roughly , so I always held on to hope. Even after he left for 5 months last January , contributing nothing to our family . I lost weight and at 5’9″, I was not overweight to begin with . Now hearing people assumed it was from drug use. I am a codependent. , empath , nurse for twenty years. He was sad and broken when I met him and it worked for us both Until he couldn’t get enough emotional satisfaction. It seemed he did have addictions or needs that were hard to fill . Very needy , demanding I would say. Hate to admit but very controlling past few years . I still love him and have asked myself why ? I know he has wonderful qualities but everything is do blurred . I forced his hand to in patient rehab by confronting his probation officer with all I have uncovered . He has been there two weeks , very needy of money , cigarettes , chewing tobacco and he is an hour a way. I have gone to a few meetings but mostly he just needs things more than my support. Often gets upset if I don’t jump and it’s difficult not too when I am hopeful of progress . He seemed to be gone well big tonight is demanding I come and get him . I refused and I am very worried as he is only there for 21 days and this week is his third week . So frustrating really. Thank you do very much for reading all I have said , it is a mess. I still care and want to do anything to help , suggestions by professionals or experience people in this situation is as proactive as I can be. I am on medical leave from stress and hypertension , my current job is also very stressful . I pray this comes to an end for the sake of us all, hoping the outcome is what I have prayed and worked hard for . I have so much to learn and I am wanting advice. I am in counseling but haven’t bee regular . This is the first time I have ever submitted anything at all . Thank you if you are out there . Anyone who has the time to advise .

Beth
1:46 pm June 21st, 2016

Husband missing 3 days no call relapse after 2 years should I call police

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
2:48 pm June 21st, 2016

Hi Beth. Yes, call police ASAP.

angel
2:26 pm July 3rd, 2016

Hi. I’ve read ur post an I’m going through the exact same things that u did. I love my husband an I wanna help him but I don’t know how

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
5:33 pm July 4th, 2016

Hi Angel. You may check out the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:
http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/

Riley2126
7:09 pm July 5th, 2016

I need to know when to make a big deal out of my husband drug abuse?

Silvia
7:31 pm July 28th, 2016

Very helpful this article described exactly how I am feeling and gave me an idea of how to look for help.

Jenn
3:17 am August 1st, 2016

Hi I am in a pickle I don’t know what to do I’ve been married to my husband there for almost 2 years. We have been off and on since I was 15 years old and I am 31 now. When we first got married he had a problem doing Oxycotin. I finally got him to go see a doctor and he got off of it and got clean and started taking suboxin to get everyday for one year a few times during the year I had caught him doing cocaine but of course he never admitted it until five or six months later. After a year of being in that suboxone program he quit going because he was getting it cheaper from a family member and we were saving a lot of money own doctor bills and the Suboxone prescriptions. I have noticed he has been getting skinnier lately and not eating well and his mood swings have been terrible. Every month it seems to be Friday or Saturday but he goes out and neither he doesn’t come home or when he does come home I feel like he’s high or I’m playing Inspector Gadget looking at his eyes to see what he’s up. And he just cannot be honest and tell me the truth ever because he fears I’m going to fuss at him and kick him out like I always do because I can’t control my big mouth and I just wanted to know what he’s doing and why he’s doing it and why he won’t stop doing it because I do not understand addiction. I always threaten telling him he’s got to leave unless he gets help and he always tells me he does not have a problem but he has bought cocaine off and on for the past 2 weeks now. He said he made a mistake and to drop it and he did not want to talk about it again he did not need help. And I told him honey I mistake is something you do one time and learn from it and don’t do it again I have it is something that you continue to do which is obvious you have. Last night I got really drunk and when we got home it was about 12 or 1 o’clock and he asked me to go with him to his friends house to eat I’m like who wants to eat dinner at 12 o’clock at night we need to go to bed come on. He proceeded to getting ready to leave and so I grabbed his keys out of his truck and come in the house he wrestles me to try to get him so he can leave and I told him you are not driving anywhere you have been drinking. But he swears he only had one drink but you never know the truth with him because normally one drink means his hes prob had half a fifth sometimes you know what I mean? Anyways he ends up calling his mom to bring him his spare key over here. He leaves for a little while with a friend of his and I go out and snoop in the truck to see if I can find drugs of course I did not find anything but then again he hides anything so good I would never be able to find them. Anyways hey I called his mom and told her not to give him the keys he had been drinking and driving and she knows that the past 2 weeks he has been on drugs so she went and changed your door locks and bought alarms to put over the doors to try to keep him out pr hear if he were to come. When he asked her why she change the door locks instead of telling him the truth of course she said no honey I’m just repainting around here and I wanted to change all the locks so that would be matching metal. Because she is scared of him and she’s been enabling him for 34 years now. Anyways she of course gave him the keys that came and got his truck while they were gone I was so mad I went ahead and packed all of his stuff and I put it on the curb and I’ll text him to come get his stuff. I did not mess with anything I was very nice and did not try to keep anything away from him. Now my question is one of my girlfriends says that kicking him out was a bad idea because it shows him that I do not care for him and she thinks I should have just put a restraining order on him so he would not be able to see the kids and I and that would wake him up. But I have known these people for 15 years or over now and I Know It restraining order would do nothing but piss them off and said they would try to retaliate by corresponding with some other kind of court order against me. What I want to know is what should I do I was kicking him out with hopes that he would finally realize he lost his family and see oh well maybe I do have a problem because my family doesn’t want me there right now and then hopefully he would want to get help so he could sober up I don’t think he does drugs everyday but he does take suboxone supposedly and I see him drink a lot and he gets very mean after he drinks so he really needs help but claims he doesn’t need it and doesn’t want it. He says he just wants me to be a good wife and love him no matter what and let him be a man and make his own decisions and may quit trying to police him. So what do i do? I dont wanna loose him. Hes the love of my life and I’m praying to God he will change and come back to us. I was going to go a few weeks without talking to him or seen yet so hopefully he would have some kind of intervention or feel convicted to change.

Lola
6:39 pm August 5th, 2016

My fiance and I have been together goting on six year’s. When we first go together he used weed, pills and hallucinations. But once i found out we broke up and he got clean. He didn’t use anything once we got back together. He was on the straight and narrow working and keeping up with his bills. He always complained about his back (he was in a car accident leaving him with a broken verdabre) and was then prescribed tramadol and it all went down hill from there. When ever he runs out he goes and buys pills off the street and now that’s where a majority of our money is going. Im a SAHM with our two year old hand have no income. I’ve tried to ask him to get help but he saids he doesn’t want to look crazy. And I’ve told him if he doesn’t get clean then I would leave. He promises that it will get better but it hasn’t were back on our bills and i really don’t know what to do!!!?

Amber
3:40 am August 11th, 2016

Im a recoveribg addict but my husband still struggles, it frustrating because I feel he never going to change and follow a better path. I try to encourage good environment but he somehow still falls back to his old ways. I don’t know what to do . I’m scared divorce is next.

jack
6:16 pm August 28th, 2016

my wife has been an off and on addict of rx drugs and illegal drugs. she lies about everything. steals from our children and myself. No matter how she tries to break ties with the suppliers; they always manage to migrate back into her life. She recently had heart surgery as a result of infection to a valve. she said God has given her a 2nd chance. But we have discovered that she is back at buying and using illegal drugs. Any confrontation is met with anger and denial and a refusal to enter into any discussion. I am so tired of this. She is destroying her relationship with our kids.

Sa
4:11 am September 2nd, 2016

My fiancé and I were together for 8 years. For the first year he was addicted to prescription drugs. He eventually got arrested and stayed clean. We now have a six year old. About a year ago he started taking prescription drugs again. He started with tynol 3 his mom giving him. Then eventually moved on to vicoden. I knew he got the tynol 3 off his mom but he told me they werent like vicoden or anything. When I started realizing that he was also taking vicoden I confronted him. He admitted it but told me his feet hurt. I didn’t believe it and was freaking out but didn’t know how I was going to handle it. As I started showing my worry he would get defensive and we’d just fight about it. He started working somewhere where he served and had access to drugs all the time. We the started fighting all the time. He left after a fight about him always snapping at me. He was with another girl by the end if the week. Guess now I’m just in this place where I’m confused angry and hurting. I don’t know if he completely moved on, or if this is something he has done because of drugs.

Cara
8:09 pm September 10th, 2016

Hi. I am a drug addict. My boyfriend is too. He just dumped me today because…… he said he wants me to stop since January 2015 but he said I have not done my promise. He also said the other reason he dumped me is because I told him last Dec 2015 that starting Feb 2016 I will start looking for a job. I have not found one and he said he can no longer support my drugs, my spending money daily, and my two kids’ expenses. But he said the main reason is that I still take drugs up to now. He said he only likes a woman who will agree that it is ONLY him who will use drugs.

I love him and want to make our relationship work. Need advice please.

deb
1:20 am September 15th, 2016

My husband lies does drug and don’t care how it effects me I pay all the bills we will have been married 3 years on the 22 I want to leave is that the answer

Brittany
12:23 am September 16th, 2016

Hey, me and my husband have been married for one year, and he had been on drugs since he was 15, his addiction really got string when he got out of the army.. When we first met he tried to hide it from me and then he open up, but I didn’t understand how serious it was, and I didn’t take the time to figure it out either.. He was going to a clinic that was suppose to help you but he left so we would have extra money to get married bc he place costed 500 a month. Well he relapsed and I didn’t know I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right and then I started noticing things and then I relaized 900 bucks was missing out of my account. He and stolen my card whe i wasn’t looking, and gotten pills… We worked through it and he went back to that clinic till recently he lost his job and we had no choice but to leave again and he wanted to leave but not like that… So he was forced to try and get clean on his on he went throught the withdrawals which was horrible and he was clean for 4 months Until
This month I started letting him have more freedom having more control of our finances and MOMEY got gone not a lot just about 100 bucks which is a lot better then what he used to be but he lied about it teied to cover it up but I knew so he confessed…. And he’s tying so hard to be clean he wants this addiction out of his life we are expecting a little one in December and i dont want him to be brought into this.. I don’t wanna have to wounder is daddy going to slip up again and spend our moneh for diapers on pills you know?? Bht he literally wants to be free from this he wants to stay clean.. I keep all money from him never let him have access to more then 10
Bucks he doesn’t have a bank account only me and I have chipped my cards up so I get cash out from bank each week what else can I do to help my husband ???

Arlinda
7:51 am October 20th, 2016

I am embarrass. Hurt and confused. I love my husband but I am tired. I am not in denial the struggle is real, the mental abuse is real, the other women is real. I have no-one to talk with .u am ashamed to go to my pastor or any family member, although I feel they know. I also thinks he has bipolar. I am not sleeping well and due to the situation I just want out. Help I am emotionally drowning

Roseline
1:40 pm November 8th, 2016

I was struggling to make my son Murphy quit drugs addiction. He has been addicted to drugs for the past 17 years. He fights, and inflict injuries on people and he also breaks into people apartment and steals whenever he does not have money to buy the drugs. He has gone to jails countless times. He has been taking to rehabilitation centers, yet he did not change. infact he get worst.I saw a testimony of a woman on the internet blog of how Diviner Odi helped her daughter to quit drugs. I contacted Him, and i was told what to do, in less than 5 days, my son quit drugs, he was very responsible and he has gotten married. All thanks to Diviner Odi for his help. If anybody on this blogs needs his help you can contact him.

donatella
9:22 pm December 20th, 2016

hi,

I still don’t understand how you done it; how would you keep bounderies; could you please give me an example; i am struggling with my husband addiction and don’t know what to do; i have 2 babies and am unable to attend the groups to get support; i feel hopeless;

donatella
11:00 pm December 20th, 2016

I am desperate because my husband is a drug addicted and I have tried all possible ways to help him but have been unsuccessful all the tmes; we have one 8 months old daughter and a nearly 3 year old daughter and we have been together for 15 years and married for 13 1/2. I wanted to save this family especially for my girls sake as I don’t like thinking they will grow up without a father but also because I still love him so much; but I have reached a point where I believe there is nothing else to do and I am trying to make myself ready psychologically that maybe the best option will be to leave..we have a mortgage together on a house he built himself so it is quite hard to take this move but if there is nothing else to do………………………He started on heroine, he went to a clinic to get help with that drug, he is now on subuxone but he is actively crack user also.
I am desperate and don’t know what to do; I am VERY tired of his lies and the ways he tries to get money off me lying; he completely destroyed my only car yesterday with my daughter in it; luckily nothing very serious happened but it could have happened; I have no car, no money to buy another car and have two very young daughters with which will be very difficult to move around without car as I have always done;
I don’t know what to do anymore; I AM DESPERATE AND NEED HELP! have tried many online families help but could not get the help I need; have no families or friends around; please I would really appreciate your assistance to exit this terrible situation; I tried all possible ways….please; he does not recognise he has a problem…I don’t understand; what can I do???

Ellen
5:26 pm December 22nd, 2016

I been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years he has been on pain pills for 30 years. He gets them by prescription & buys them. When he has been up for days he is so cruel to me and always tells me to leave. This is his house and I have no income just a car and personal things. I know the living most afficattic, careing man. He admits he abusees them but don’t stop. I need advice? Do I need to just give up on him?

karen
1:13 am December 26th, 2016

I have been with my ex for 9 years he wasn’t nasty to me he was never in towards the end we didn’t bother with each gether it was like we didnt know one other didn’t sleep together didn’t realy talk he said he was busy all the time my little girl who he brought up for 9 years called him dad aswell the one day my nightmare begin he wake up one morning nothink happen between us he said he was leaveing we was all upset didn’t know why all he keep saying was he was nasty person then he didn’t rely bother with us and one day he said he had a bad drug habbit I said I want to help you and he said I needed to move on I was heart broken and then 8 weeks later found out he was sleeping with other woman who took drug aswell I was so upset words can’t Decribe how I felt we not been together for about 8 months but it’s not any easier he doesn’t bother with my daughter I feel like I never want to move on or trust noone again I still love him I just dunno what to Do hope someone can hel p

sandy
3:13 am February 18th, 2017

I ave been married to my husband for 35yrs and most of it has been living with addiction. He is 70 yrs old and I am 63. His addiction is cocaine and he hides it very well. He can get by with using a small amount daily, but it is daily. Over the yrs we have fought screamed, cried and threatened. Nothing has worked for me. I have come to the point of resolve that it won’t end until one of us dies. There is alot of strain in our relationship, resentment and hurt on both sides, and the feeling of being cheated on everytime he goes off to buy his drug. i have tried counseling al-anon and nar-anon, but i have basically given up hope.

Confused
5:01 am February 22nd, 2017

My boufriend has been struggling with addiction since he was 13. He is now 31. We have been together 1 year and 8 months. His addiction has been a issue throughout our relationship. I am a recovering alcoholic and ended up drinking and sleeping with someone very close to him. We decided to stay together and work through it. Lately he goes and gets high and brings up everything ive done and yells at me for hours. Its difficult for us both because he is doing it alot more often and i distance myself from him. I dont want him near me touching me anything and he feels im pushing him away. I love him so much and i know we can get past this. I dont know how to support him without enabling him. And i dont know how to help him or myself. I dont want to go back to drinking but i feel im very close. We both need help

isabella
6:01 am February 27th, 2017

Hi there i am from melbourne victoria and would like to attend a womens group. I have a spouse who is using and would like some support as it is taking a toll on both me and my two children.
athankyou.

A
1:50 am March 12th, 2017

A dear friend sent me this link. My spouse was a recovering addict for many years. Life got extremely difficult when I was diagnosed with illness. He tried so hard for so long to be the rock, but, eventually broke. He became an alcoholic. I didn’t know how to effectively help him, and was still dealing with my illness and family issues. He finally really broke. He left our marriage a few months ago, and, I just found out through other people he is using drugs. I never thought he would go back to that life. Things are a mess. I want to help him. He is my love, despite all of this. Reading this information is helpful. It gives me another perspective and support. My husband is one of the best and most amazing humans I know. This person he has become is not the true him. I pray for him and I believe he is still in there, wanting help. I know I need to set boundaries, I became an enabler without realizing it. I pray for strength, courag, and safety for all of us, including our loved ones.
Any advice? I am not going to give up on him, but, I am needing to care for myself, too. I don’t think he’s aware that I know he’s using. I have supports and information, but, real perspective would be helpful. Thanks!!

Woacowboy
12:21 am March 14th, 2017

Here is a word of advise to those struggling with addiction or stuggleing with a spouse that is an addict. I am 45 yrs old and have been with my beautiful wife for 12 years now. I stumbled across this page on accident today. Ive read many of the stories some of you posted and it’s very sad and very real what some of you are going through. Believe me I have been through all this that your stating in your stories. I can tell you how much I can relate to your cries for help. As you continue reading I will hopefully shed some light on your painful purgatory your going threw. I won’t get into a lot of detail but believe me ive gone through all of it. The lies , the stealing, the staying out all night, the mean hurtful things she would say, and her lack of interest to save our marriage or to seek help. Everything I tried to do to help my wife usually back fired on me and usually ended up in a yelling match. Its not easy because its very painful and very hard to deal with the chaos and endless nights ive spent crying wondering what to do only to end up even more frustetated from the rejection and feeling of helplessness. Before I go any further I will say that me and my wife were very madly in love with each other before the addiction took control. Since then addiction has been her struggle and my living hell until just recently. I can’t tell you what will work in your situation but I will tell you what won’t work. A big mistake i made in my attempts to get her to realize what she was doing not only to me but the kids as well. The first mistake I made was to try and fix her. I would be pretty hard on her to quit using Meth but the more I begged and pleaded with her only made her retaliate. The second mistake I made was to use her addiction against her because she couldn’t quit on her own . I’d say things like” if you love me then you would quit or get help. ” often times she would manipulate the situation so that I would feel guilty for saying anything. The third mistake I made was believing she would quit using on her own and waiting this nightmare out except I was only prolonging the misery for her and me. Thinking she would someday have an eppifany and change. It never came . no merical ever came and believe me I’m a christian and prayed constantly for god to take control but nothing changed as I waited and waited only to cause more distance between my wife and I and more water under the bridge. The fourth mistake I made was separating . using me and our marriage as leverage only made things worse because that gave her free reign to do what she wanted when she wanted ultamatums don’t work and you only set yourself up for another painful outcome.. And the fifth mistake I made was to enable her by doing all this. I tried everything and even bribed her with a new car. Truth is people addiction is hard it tears family’s apart and leaves you feeling hopeless. Addiction is hard for a marriage or any relationship to recover from. So I would like to share my story with some of you sttuggleing about what to do and where to turn. My answer is this but you have to ask yourself do you love yourself how much more can you go threw how much longer can you keep going. Keep your head up and listen to what I’m saying. the day everything changed for me was the day I sat in front of the mirror. As I looked at myself I asked myself what the hell are you doing Derek look at yourself . what the hell has happened to me. Ive allowed myself to be miserable and I’m letting life go by trying to talk sence into my wife. Its like talking to a third grader the way she would act out. I was actually angry with myself for all this consuming so much of my time, effort, and love I have for my wife Sarah. Right then I knew what I had to do. With my wife already thinking the worst of me for trying to always fix her addiction it dawned on me that I was only creating my own misery. So I simply asked her if she loved me. Her answer was yes as it brought tears to my eyes because I had realized what I needed to do. As hard as it was and the years I spent procrastinating as to take her to detox thinking she would hate me or resent me for doing this. But I had to remind myself of what is in my wife’s best interest and not mine. I was willing to risk everything but knew I really wasn’t. That’s why I asked her if she loved me because I knew if she loves me now she will still love me for what I was about to do. So I filled out the nessarssary paperwork and placed an involuntary committal to drug treatment facility. Her paper work was approved and was picked up a week ago. The intake coulsuler asked me why I was doing this and I simply replyed “because I love her” evidently that was the right answer . it was hard at first but stayed positive and followed through with what I was doing. Shure she was very upset with me at first calling me every name in the book. She kinda acted like she was almost posest by Satan himself the way she was flailing about. It was hard to see her go through this because I knew she was coming off of Meth after 5 years of daily heavy use. They have placed her into a three month inpatient treatment facility and was told that I did the right thing and why I waited so long. I replied because I was told that treatment wouldn’t do any good if the addict wasn’t ready. Its all a lie people, sure maybe some cases the addict feels that way but in all reality the addict is waiting for someone to love them and care for them. This is what my wife had told me anyway. She just couldn’t admit it because she was scared and didn’t want to ask for help because it singled her out. I reassured my wife that I loved her and would not leave her to face this alone. My wife is now on day 7 in treatment and things are looking as if the good lord has blessed me and has answered my prayers. She is doing awesome and I believe she was actually stuck with her addiction and didn’t know how to stop. So this is my advice to those in limbo. Stop being so selfish and take back your sanity , stop thinking its gonna fix it self or that the addict will stop they CANT DO IT ON THERE OWN.TAKE MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS AND SHOW THEM HOW MUCH YOU CARE ABOUT THEM AND LOVE THEM I MEAN REALLY LOVE THEM. AND DO WHATS BEST FOR THEM, THE ADDICT WILL NEVER ASK FOR YOU TO PUT THEM IN TREATMENT AND THEY WILL NEVER ADMIT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM. STOP TRYING TO DECIEVE YOUTSELF INTO SOMETGING THATS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN YOULL ONLY BE HURTING YOUTSELF AND PROLONGING THE PAIN that GOES WITH THIS FIGHT. IF YOU TRULY LOVE SOMEONE SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO MAKE THE DECISION FOR THEM IF THEY ARE UNABLE TO . IN THE END THEY WILL MORE THAN LIKELY THANK YOU FOR SAVING THERE LIFE, THERE MARRIAGE, AND POSSIBLY THERE SOUL. I ENCOURAGE ALL YOU READERS TO STOP LIVING IN FEAR AND SO MUCH HURT AND DO SOMETGING . WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOOSE BY TRYING TO DO WHATS BEST , WHATS NEEDED . THANK YOU ALL FOR READING MY STORY I HOPE IT WAS HELPFULL TO SOME OF YOU READERS. I CAN HONESTLY SAY IF YOU WANT TO HELP THE ADDICT THEN DO IT. STOP THiNKING SOME MERRICle is going to happen because the only way anything will happen is if you make it happen. So I leave you with the same question. Do you love your spouse ( partner) and do you have what it takes to do what must be done. God bless you all I’m praying that each and everyone of you will find peace and happiness.

Breanna
12:06 am March 18th, 2017

How do you get help for addict husband who is hiding or trying to hide use and addiction of drugs? Can i as his wife have him commited in rehab and how do you go about doing that ?

KAREN
5:32 pm March 18th, 2017

How can I save my marriage with a husband addicted to cocaine? He is a functioning addict.

Mary
10:15 pm April 6th, 2017

Hi Jena,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He told me from the beginning that he had had a past with drugs and his family had sent him to rehab out of the state. He overcame drugs and started a healthy life. He new me a couple of months after finishing rehab and we had had a really strong and good relationship until a couple of weeks ago. He started changing and drinking more at nights because he says it helps him sleep better. However, I discovered recently, after a fight, that he was consuming strong pills for anxiety, XANAX. This pills are only prescribed but he got them online and lied to me when the package came with a different name. He started mixing them with alcohol and one night he was really passed out. Thankfully, he has a good job that makes him wake up and recover in the morning , but he has been carrying this small bottle with him. I have confronted him and said I want to fight his addiction together, to look for help and get him clean. His family does not know yet. He told me he wants to overcome it by himself but I don’t know what to do. He does not want his family to know. I gave him a month to do it eventually since he started a couple of weeks ago and told him that if everything continues like now, I will tell his family a he has to go to rehab and I let him know that between his love and wellness I prefer his wellness. I love him but in any moment I want to fall into his arguments about drugs not being too harmful because he has experience.

Lagi
5:57 am April 22nd, 2017

Hi,
I was surfing the net for help for the past few days, and then I found your blog. I’m honestly in pain, hurt, and being stabbed by my husband’s behavior, judgemental, crazy mood swings, and everything that he’s capable of when we’re fighting. We’ve been married for 12 years now, and he has changed a lot from the first years we’ve been married. He blames me for treating him (hard headed) this way, and that I don’t care about him at all. I prioritize my friends, than him. He’s blaming me for everything!!! Frankly, I’m not a drinker and I only go to party when one of my close friends visited our island. Even with that, He freaks out and gets jealous when we have a girls night out. Yet, he goes on his own whenever he wants too. He started taking meth I think the first year we got married, and I caught him many times and told him to stop. He finally stopped when I caught him so many times. Until three years ago he started again on it, and has lost so much weight since then. From that time (three years ago), his anger is getting worse, very paranoia, my bank accounts is empty, and I’ve been doing small loans for my babies food. He’s very aggressive with me when I’m not on his side, especially when I refuse to get a loan for a family need…when I know he’s going to surprise me with any excuse of who needs money. We’re always fighting and arguing all the time! He will never admit anything when he’s wrong, and blames me for being this way to him. Yes, he’s neglecting his three daughters, and me as well. He has changed his crowd of friends, and these new friends are drug dealers. He’s a deacon at our church, and I’ve tried convincing and talking to him about going to church, but he refuses too, and blames me for all his behavior problems. I feel like crying and screaming right now, but I can’t. I keep on finding the substance (plastic and pipe) in his car, and the toilet where he thinks he’d already flushed it, but it didn’t went through. However, he denies everything and every proof of me catching him…He’s always lying about everything! He has never admit anything at all! His performance at work has changed as well, and has been staying home for 2 weeks for no reason. When he’s mad, he’ll take off with our truck and drives dangerously on the road, and I’ve experienced it with my kids in the car, and told myself I will never be in the car again if he’s mad. When he’s mad, he breaks every single thing in the house, room, and in the car. He doesn’t make much, and I’m the sole provider of our family. I value little things especially when we spend so much on it, but he doesn’t. He will not give me a chance to talk about his drug problem, and it always in denial when I bring this subject up.

Please, I really need some help here. I’ve tried many times, but it’s not working. I’m planning on leaving him if he’s not willing or going to stop this addict problem.

Faith
9:21 pm April 30th, 2017

My better half is addict and all we do is fight about it im alway upset mad
i dont know how do deal with it we both need help bad

Lindsey
1:22 am May 1st, 2017

My husband and I have been on and off since the 6th grade we finally got married and now it’s been a year into our marriage. He has been on drive for awhile before we got married but I have tried everything I could think of to help he has done been to prison twice,rehabs,in and out of jail lots of times I’ve even tried telling him that he can make it just have to want to and it’s tearing up our marriage. It’s like he wants that more than us we have had our bills turned off because he spends more money on that than paying bills. No money goes on me it goes to the drug. What can I do as of this far

Lucy
8:13 pm May 1st, 2017

All 3 of my long-term partners have used illegal drugs or drank in a way which has caused us problems. My current partner had been in rehab a few years before we met due to problems with heroin and crack. I met him as we were volunteers at a drug service providing support for people starting out in our recovery. I felt concerned due to my past relationships that maybe we wouldnt be good for each other but put these feelings aside as I reasoned that everyone is different and we had been really happy until recenty.

He has been using cocaine more frequently than i would like and it feels like it might be now be spiralling out of control. From being very reliable and attentive, he has started not coming home when he says he will, has been drink driving and I feel worried, allthough I cant prove it that he may have been using when we have been seeing his kids who dont live with him. I feel so angry with him for that but again i cannot prove it so don’t really know how to bring it up.

I currently feel very ashamed, He has never lied to me about recreational use of cocaine. I am also not whiter than white myself, I have occasionally used drugs recreationally with him and in the past but never in the care of my child (I have a son from my 1st relationship who is now 17). I thought he had good boundaries in terms of not using very often and only in certain settings. We dont live together so we have only used cocaine together on the odd night out and stayed at his place not mine.

I now am not sure if there is ever such a thing as safe recreational use and am really angry at myself for not being clearer on my boundaries and feeling i am back in the same place as i was in my past relationships. I feel i have possibly got so used to drug use in my life that I have been naive and have minimized the damage recreational drug use can cause, i was thinking it seems everyone is doing cocaine now, its everywhere, so what! Alcohol is far more harmful. I now feel I am very wrong in this and dont know where to go. I do love my partner and ideally want us to stay together but Im not sure what to do. I have read about co-dependancy and am scared it applies to me and dont want to enable him to continue, my priorities however need to be keeping my 17 year old safe and ensuring his children are safe when they come to visit. I dont know what to do for the best and any advice would help.
Because we both volunteered in drug services we are both well known and i am worried about my confidentiality if I attend any groups but I really would like some advice.

Maggie
4:21 pm May 2nd, 2017

I was searching for a place that I didn’t feel alone. I read Karen’s post about her husband that is a functioning addict, and that is exactly my situation. My husband has maintained employment, his business partners and family members do not know. His “smoking” buddies are also “functional”. We have been married for almost 24 years. Drugs were a part of his teenage and college years, but he had stopped during grad school. He did gonout a lot with some of his high school buddies right after we were married, but stopped that as well. Over the past 12 years we have had some serious setbacks, and he started using meth. I had suspected, but could not prove it. I knew confrontation was pointless as the addict will lie. I found parafanalia about 8 years ago and confronted him, he stopped for about a year, then the behaviors came back, sneaking around, “going to the store” which is just down the road, but took 4 hours, cash withdrawals, isolation, irritability, verbally abusive towards me and our, then teenage kids. I tried a twelve step program locally, but all they said was “LEAVE!” “Leave yesterday!”; I gave him ultimatums…but he pushed me to carry them out; I set him up with a counselor, but he was more manipulative with her than he is with me; I found an out-pt program, but he had an excuse as to why he could make the meetings. Finally on New Year’s Day, 2016 I took control and found US a marriage therapist. We have been going every other week since then. I see progress, as the therapist is forcing him to look at other issues. He was clean for 8 months before his first slip. But since then, I know he hasn’t been honest. I continue to find parafanlia, and I recently found the drug. When I confront him, he says it must be old, or I found that and was going to give it to you… Most recently I found evidence that he had used working the past month. We had been to a session just prior to that where he committed to a “game plan” because he admitted the urge was there. When I asked him about what I had found, he lied, told me it had to be old, he even went as far as suggesting that it was our daughters…when I calmly told him that if that was indeed the fact I was going to be heading up to see our daughter in the morning (she is away at school and had not been home for a few months) he was quiet. The next morning as I was packing he admitted it was his…I knew it was, but it seems he has to play this crazy game. I love this man, but I hate the addict. I am tired of playing this game. I don’t go looking for anything (I did that in the very beginning) he just leaves it in places he knows I will find it. He says he knows he “needs” to quit, but I have never heard him say “I want to quit”. Any feed back would be great. I just need to know that I am not alone.

Destany
7:26 pm May 9th, 2017

Hi, I am at a loss! I have been with my significant other for a little over 5 years and he’s been addicted to opiates for 3 and a half to 4 years. When he and I first got together we were inseparable and we did everything together, we were genuinely happy, I just knew we would be engaged soon and buying a home, I really seen a big bright future for he and I. So 2 years into our relationship I got pregnant and had our little boy in 2014 who changed my entire life and I had hoped it would do the same for him. I knew he was a social user but never thought he had a problem, he did job hop a lot but never thought it was because he was addicted, he was just the type if he didn’t like it and it wasn’t for him then he would move on to something else, I mean he’s had awesome jobs that he has either lost, quit, or whatever happened, happened. In 2015 he lost his mother to suicide and shortly after is when I noticed his addiction was a real life problem, and of course I thought well only if I make him leave that’ll fix it. Only did I know I was in for a very rude awakening, he admitted to me that he had a problem with opiates and he needed help recovering, so he asked for help and I went above and beyond to make sure he got into a rehabilitation facility in late 2015 and I allowed him back home after 30 days of rehab which I know now was not long enough. When he came home he seemed so different, more drive, determined to do the right thing, being positive, good father, almost like we were new again so we were happy. Well February 2016 I found pills in his truck with paraphernalia, so I confronted him and he started getting upset and apologizing I will stop I promise I messed up and made a mistake, so I forgave him and moved past it, I haven’t fully trusted him in a very long time so of course I had my doubts of him remaining clean. All of a sudden a month after finding the drugs I notice a change in his mood, attitude, he became distant, he lied every breathe he took, numb to emotion and feeling, money withdrawals, just everything had changed and was back to the way it was when he was on drugs so I always confront the problem. Christmas day 2016 we sat and had a long discussion and he admitted that he was back on pills and had been, well he convinced me that by attending a methadone clinic that it would help with withdrawals and they would wing him off etc, so I agreed to it, well he started there the end of January 2017 and he lost a ton of weight looked extremely sick, it was very disturbing and he only went there for 2 months, he decided April 1st that he wanted to quit cold turkey the methadone clinic so I was fine with that if he was prepared for the withdrawal process I would be there for support 100% well I am telling him every day how proud I am of him and keep it up. Well day 10 and 23 I had a suspicion that he had taken something and he just acted like oh I am clean and this has been so hard on me and you don’t believe me trying to do the reverse psychology but it didn’t work. Over this past weekend he admitted that he had messed up like a week after of supposedly quitting cold turkey and now I just don’t believe he’s clean! Please help me, I am at my whit’s and I feel I cant do anything else but let him face all this alone!

Taylor
5:40 am May 11th, 2017

God, reading this is so earth shattering. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 9 years 8 of which he has battled addiction. Now I battle his addiction and the behaviors associated with it as well. I have literally just packed all his things, not much considering I have been the bread winner for the last eight years and taking care of our family, when I decided to read into help for him for the millionth time. Tonight is not an unusually night by any means, he has disappeared for hours and called to tell me he was lost in another city than where we live. I just finally have decided he doesn’t want the help and I feel like for my sanity I have to throw in the towel. It would be great to hear from someone who is dealing with the same situation! Thanks for listening.

Really?
1:50 pm May 12th, 2017

This is absolutely the worst advice ever.

Is your spouse drinking, cheating, drugging, or gambling? Then your spouse does not respect your marriage or you–why would anyone want to be married to someone who does not respect them?

I would leave my husband if he: made less than $120k in a year, became sick or disabled, or if he became gross or embarrassing! Ladies you need to get your standards up and have a good relationship with your lawyer! A woman who is not willing to walk out on a man–is a woman that will be taken advantage of!

Tori
8:40 am May 21st, 2017

I’ve been with my fiancé for about a year now. When we got together, he told me after about 2 weeks that he had battled addiction with shooting up. Getting into this relationship and hearing him say that, I was so innocent and knew nothing about drugs, I told him ‘that actually makes me respect you more for being able to overcome your addiction’ and he seemed very shocked and overwhelmed to hear me say that. Well, I had no idea what I was getting into, had no idea relapse was even a word, or a thing. I thought once you’re done, you’re done. Turns out, he relapsed n October, after 4 months of being together. And this wasn’t just a relapse, it has turned into an active addiction. He got SO bad in January/February, he turned to shooting up crack and dilaudid at the same time, whereas from October-December it was only dilaudid. In march, he was forced into a month long rehab but left AMA after staying for 10 days… a few weeks after leaving, he started again for a week, got back on track in April, now its May 21 and just relapsed a week ago for 7 days straight. On the 6th day, I left him. On the 7th day, he talked with his mom and told her he needed help, so he willingly signed himself up for rehab, well only a week detox so that his probation won’t vop him for missing a piss-test date with him. He’s now on day 3 of rehab. All throughout his addiction, I had told him that I’m going to leave him if he doesn’t quit. I figured I had said that over and over again, so that’s why I chose to leave this time. It was hard for me to make that decision and it’s still hard for me to stick with it since I’m pregnant with his baby girl. His mother thinks this baby will be his saving grace, which is why I plan to call her grace <3. Anyways, I'm still unsure if leaving him will make his addiction worse, or make him realize what he's losing. He has told me so many times that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him and that I'm the only girl he's ever opened up to, so that's why I've used that against him with his addiction. It turns out, leaving him might've helped him since after I left, he chose to go to rehab so he can make things right with me and with his family. But, he's been to rehab 4 times before. He has torn me (and his family) apart, with dealing with his deep addiction and just dealing with his addiction day by day, it is very depressing, stressful, and lonely. Feeling like no one understands what I go through. And every time I talk about his addiction with him, it turns into yelling matches and everyone thinks I'm to blame. It eats me alive, how am I supposed to act, how am I supposed to take this in when I'm about to have his baby, I don't know what our future holds, if he's ever going to get better. My heart breaks every day thinking that he won't get better. I need to know what I can do to help him, I desperately want for him to get better and I know he wants to get better for his baby girl. He plans on not using once she comes, but she's only got 2 months left to go before she makes her arrival and he's still using! I'm just so lost. :( please help.

ADDICTS WIFE
7:41 am May 24th, 2017

I love this blog! It is so helpful to have some connection and help with others that are going through the same thing.

Kimberly
6:09 am June 3rd, 2017

Please help. My husband is 55, I am 50. We have endured addiction since 2008. Double life is taking its toll. He thinks he can manage alcohol & drugs. He has gone from thousands in a month to hundreds & thinks it’s great progress. We stay in poverty. I know GOD Is bigger than any addiction. Everything I have tried does not work. I will seek group & couples support & counseling. We have been to our Pastor twice, so far no follow through. Prayers & my heart goes out to all on blog. Stay strong.

Samantha
4:34 pm June 3rd, 2017

Thankyou for sharing. What were some things that you changed that were enabling your husband? How did u no longer aid in his addiction?

Jen
3:08 am June 7th, 2017

Thank you so much for this. I found out a few months ago that my husband has been doing cocaine. He has told me he would stop but I’m beginning to think that he can’t. The fear has been crippling and I came close to a nervous breakdown thinking about the possibilities of such sudden changes in my family’s life if he as our provider is arrested or over doses. This article is very encouraging to me. God bless you

TIRED OF THE SOS
4:28 am June 8th, 2017

OK
We’ve been together for over 10 years. He’s addicted, and he has all the traits of an addict. I’ve learned about addicts. I’ve separated myself from a lot of the negative outcomes of his addiction. Although, I don’t know how to set realistic, healthy and effective boundaries. I love him, and I wonder if setting realistic, healthy and effective boundaries will make a difference in this SOS relationship that seems to get better, but ends up being history repeating itself=SOS different day/different way. Here I go again, I don’t know what to do!!!!!

Rebecca
12:36 pm June 13th, 2017

I have been married for 14 years and we have a 15 year old son together. I didn’t know my husband had a problem until my car was repoed. Our life tailspinned from there. He broke down and told me the truth. For over 3 years he struggled and once I knew he no longer had to hide it so he got worse. I had no idea what to expect and his family blamed me for his addiction. I was working long hours and he told them that he was lonely. While I was at work I thought he was at home taking care of our young son, but I later found that the reality was that his mom was taking care of him instead, while my husband ran the streets. His family resented me for this burden, but failed to mention to me that they were raising our child. When I would return from work my son was in bed and husband waiting. His family enabled him and once I learned that I was too I made immediate changes to protect myself and my son. My husband stole everything from us right out from under me and I had no idea. You might wonder how, but he was clever. Things that are packed away were missing, things you don’t see daily. Piggybanks, games, jewelry, but then larger more used items disappeared like game systems then I took notice. I felt naive, actually I was naive. We were in financial ruins. I was lost and starting to suffer emotionally as well as physically. Couldn’t sleep because of the paranoia, what would he take next, who would be behind my door telling me he owes them, how much more don’t I know, how could I not know? I found Al Anon and fit the meetings into my schedule. Then our car disappeared, sold for drugs. With only one car his meetings became more important. He lost several jobs then his mom made him come back home so she could help him through his loneliness. I then moved in with them to offer support. With only one income living with them was the only way we could keep our head above water through the winter. His father helped us financially so we could keep our home, but live with them for support. Then after 9 months he took off and moved into a crack house leaving me with my son and his very angry parents. I thought I lost him forever. During that time he took out his full retirement savings and blew all 25k of it, which I didn’t find out until it was time to file taxes and there were penalties. After the money ran out he came back home (course I didn’t know that) and seemed to be doing better telling me how important I was to him. By time tax season had rolled around he was starting to get serious about getting more help and did a full week in detox. He got better, then he got worse, we were on a roller coaster ride that nobody was enjoying. So many things have happened that it is difficult for me to follow the timeline of events, dramatic as expected. The meetings and seeing a therapist seemed to help. They prescribed him soboxone and he stayed off the streets. Life started to return to normal slowest but surely. By the end of this 3 year battle I began to understand addiction better, reading books, listening at Al Anon meetings when I attended, and sites like this one began to teach me how to deal with an addict in active addiction. Then the unthinkable happened. I accidentally come across a message from a dating website and found that my husband had been seeing other women, or at least talking to them. I wasn’t sure if the extent, blindsided again. I immediately kicked him out and told his family I was done with the madness. He returned begging for marriage counseling. My son is an obvious victim in this horrible story and is still not aware his father is an addict, only that he has a brain disease and sometimes does things that are not right, or normal. I had agreed to the marriage counseling and after about a year I started to work through my trust issues. This was almost 5 years ago. My trust is still spotty at times, probably no surprise because of all the betrayal. When I see him on his phone it is difficult not to think what if. Then about 2 weeks ago I started to recognize the signs of a substance abuse problem. I confronted him he denied it, back down the rabbit hole again. We were in such a good place with over 4 years of sobriety, better jobs, nice vehicles. Now our son is 15 and hiding it from him this time will likely be impossible. We are suppose to be leaving in a week on a prescheduled family vacation. Just last night I found definite proof that he is actively using, drug paraphernalia. A spoon with white powder on it, butter knife, rolled up scotch bright, and a lighter cap. I just can’t believe I am here again, still freightened as ever and not wanting to relive that nightmare. I’m hesitant to tell his parents again because they are such enablers, but if something happens I don’t think it is right to keep it secret. I also know that he is taking advantage of others in order to get high and feel I should warn them before they come to my door like last time. I’m scared.

Ak
4:58 pm June 18th, 2017

Hi im new here need some advice i do not judge nobody just feeling a bit lost lately i hate when u love someone and they lie i cant trust now not when it comes to taking drugs

Tanya
10:14 am June 28th, 2017

two weeks ago I found out my fiancé and father to my two little boys is a heroin addict. In his defence he did get an appointment to start straightening up before I found out but my problem is I don’t think he cares what he has done to me and our family. I feel so stupid for never seeing this he was coming home for about a year high and I never knew. There has been times he has spent the only money we had on heroin and told me he gambled it. Our savings are all gone. He has told me if I left him he would jus go and do it because he wouldn’t have a reason not to. Our relationship has changed so much. He comes home from work and eats his dinner and then asleep there is no sexual relationship anymore. I’m in such a bad place I don’t know what to do. All advise is welcome thank you

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
5:41 pm June 28th, 2017

Hi Tanya. You may consider enrolling into Al Anon groups that focus on families of addicts. Also, take a look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions: http://alliesinrecovery.net/about-craft/

Rebecca
12:09 am July 4th, 2017

Tanya I completely understand what you are going through. Mine was coming home High too and I had no idea. We don’t see it because we never imagined ourselves in this predicament. I was blindsided much like yourself, in fact my story is not too far above yours. Unfortunately, I also understand the lack of sex in your relationship as well. After they are in recovery it is difficult for them to feel joy, they become depressed. I wish I can tell you that as quickly as your world turned upside down that it will heal just as quick, but I am afraid that is far from the truth. We went to marriage counseling and that did help build trust, but my husband and I find ourselves in a parent child relationship which really ruins the sex life. I really miss the relationship we used to have and that is why I stay. I am so sorry this is happening to you and I pray that your family heals. Hopefully he gets help and stays on his program. Relapse is scary but a part of addiction. Al-Anon is a good place to start for support. He really needs conseling to help him sort through his addiction and help him with the depression that follows.

Madisyn
7:14 pm July 4th, 2017

My boyfriend/future fiancé has been an addicted to opiates mostly heroin and Roxie’s since we first met in high school. We’ve only been dating for about a year and we have a 3 month old beautiful healthy happy baby girl. He went to rehab and got out a few months before we started dating. I had no idea he started using again until after we found out I was 19weeks pregnant and we moved in together. He said in high school he only smoked weed then his mom started drug testing him to he searched for other ways to get high and his friends put every drug you could think of in front of him and convinced him to start using. Eventually he started shooting up because a friend showed him how and how much better it felt to do it that way. His parents were drug addicts when he was a kid, his mom got sober but his dad didn’t. His dad still is an alcoholic and concaine addict. His dad also helps aid my boyfriends addiction then talks about him for being a dope head. My boyfriends mom may not not be a drug addict anymore but she is prescribed Xanax will drink a whole bottle of wine then hand my boyfriend a few of her Xanax. He hasn’t hit rock bottom yet but it’s coming I can feel it and if it doesn’t it’s because even though he can’t keep a steady job all he has to do is bitch to his mom, dad, and grandmaw enough and they just hand him money that he will use for heroin instead of putting that money in the gas tank when we are on empty. I have 3 jobs to try and support our family and he just uses half of my paycheck on drugs and makes me take out payday loans we can afford. I have tried talking to him multiple times discussing my issues and concerns but he either just tells me what I want to hear then goes back to doing what he wants or he lashed out at me and blames me for why we argue a lot when he is the only one yelling and arguing. He tells me that his personality being different on dope is all in my head. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I seemed help from my doctor for medicine to calm my nerves all it did was making it worse and my boyfriend started blaming everything on me taking anxiety medicine but when I tell him he’s acting a certain way or he’s sick because of the heroin he tells me I’m wrong. He also remembers things incorrectly his days have turned into one big blur. I’m at a loss and I don’t know what else to do to try to open his eyes to what is happening. Every suggestion I make gets ignored I have tried everything I can think of except move out of state where we don’t know anybody or lock him in a room that he can’t get out and force him to be sober. He has completely changed as a person. He’s not the same person I fell in love with. Now he’s always depressed, angry and throws a huge tantrum when he’s not high and can’t get his way. I’m trying to support him but I don’t know what else to do. He has talked about hating it and not wanting to do it anymore and he’s talked about rehab and has told me he’s gonna quit and I want to believe him but he always has excuses to just stalls and puts it off. Recently he did. Stop doing heroin and only did Roxie’s for 10 days I was so proud because I thought he was taking a baby step towards being sober. But then I noticed on the 11th day he was acting high on heroin and he lied to me about it two days in a row and every once in awhile I catch him shooting up because his drug dealer will put a needle in his hand. And he’s being only doing heroin every single day again for the past two weeks. I did the math on the amount of money he spends on drugs monthly that I know of it could be more. We could afford two decent cars and our own place with that money. I’m on the verge of giving up, I don’t think it’s fair for our daughter to have to grow up around that when I can easily take her away but I don’t want to have to do that. I want her to see her das every day and I want to stay with him but I’m beginning to think it’s not an option.

GENIRHA
11:59 pm July 11th, 2017

I have been with my boyfriend or father of my two childrens all my life he was my first love. We have been on and of for 10 years 1 year ago we started having financial problems he lost his job truck everything. He always used to say the money is not enough even tho i had more depts then him and gained less money but he blamed it on his family. A couple of months ago i heard he was using crack cocain but i never wanted to believe it because his father used it and he has lived a hard life and i never thought he would do the same with our small children..now i have confronted him and he finally accepted since that day he started lying more and more and for a couple of day i wouldnt even hear from him..its so hard i really dont know what to do i really dont and now it got worse and worse for 1 hole month we havent seen him and he doeant even come and see the baby or his 4 month old boy and everytime i try to contact him he wont let me what should i do?i really do love him but is this really living or did he even love us at a point?i even ask my self is there another woman because he really dont want to hear from me nor hos kids and it breaks my hart because i really do love him and want my family but what should i do? He used to say im to good for him but now i feel the upesit way i feel so lonely and with 2 kids all alone its so hard..pls help and tell me what to do i couldnt sleep nor eat and im always searching at night for him but cant find him he changed his number and doesnt want me to have contact..should i really give up?

Dee
2:39 pm July 26th, 2017

My spouse is actively using crack. I have tried many approaches. I left him for 6 months but the people he would being around our small child had me conceded. He says he is doing outpatient treatment but has no proof. And gets very defensive if I ask for any proof. I don’t trust a word he says after 10yrs of everything I know his tells. I know when he is lying. I am almost 100% he is lying now. I told him he had a deadline to get help and I think that’s why he is lying. He steals from me as I have control over the funds. But when he doesn’t want me to be able to find out he steals from his employer. I called the place he is supposedly going to and pretended to be him. His name is pretty unisex so I didn’t have a problem. The guy on the phone said he didn’t have “me” anywhere in their record. I know it is wrong to do that and probably illegal but I had to confirm. I confronted him in a round about way and he started getting defensive again. I know he is lying. The fact that I’m on to his lying I think makes him nervous so he gets mad to try to get me to back off. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.

Dorji
3:10 pm July 29th, 2017

My boyfriend went to rehab but still be tells he feek like to take drugs but he need my help to quit.
what I shall do so that I can help him go quit the drugs
He always tells me he feel sick once our relation was end because of his addiction towards drugs because of me he went to rehab to change himself but still somewhere he feel like to have so I just want to help him out
As a girlfriend how can I make him realize that drugs isn’t good and moreover he don’t like when I give him leacutre so want to show him that drugs is not all the thing in his life I also exist.

Catherine
7:29 am July 30th, 2017

There are no Al-Anon meetings near me.. this sucks going through this alone.

Lynn
10:53 pm July 31st, 2017

My husband and I have been together for 12years. He has suffered from alcohol/drug abuse on & off for almost 7years now. Now when i say drug i have never caught him with anything and he will also deni he uses however his actions when i believe hes high follow suit with somone who hasused somtype of substance abuse. There was a time i had to get a restraining order & separate myself completely. 2years later he wanted to show he was ready to be a good husband & father & he was doing really good for two years before relasping. He tried a mens rehabiliation home for a year & came home & relapsed again. After the birth of our second child he cleaned his act up for 1yr before relaping again. Now I have gotten to the point of asking him to remove himself & belongings from our home. Which he will do & then return home to apologize and say hes going to work on doing classes & following through. He will follow through. However after a couple weeks or months he will relaps again. I dont want to continue this cycle. I know I have to call upon a keep the peace officer to ask him to chaporon my husband move out completely. I know that will be the only way to offically remove him out of our home completely. What other options would you have that could help our situation? That would also help him on a better recovery plan?

Julie
3:21 pm August 2nd, 2017

As I scrolled through and read many of your testimonies I wept. My heart broke for all of you but it was so comforting knowing I’m not alone dealing with my fiancés drug addiction. For all of you who have been married to drug addicts who are recovering I need some advise. I get married in four weeks, if you could go back to when you and your hubby were dating/engaged and knew what you knew now would you still marry them? Here’s my story and what will hopefully one day be my testimony: I have called around to see if there are any groups open but they are closed for the summer. My fiancé and I have been togather for 3 years and I had no idea what a horrible drug addiction to fentanyl he had. One night he was taking a bath and I herd a horrible noise come from the bathroom so I ran in and found him nearly dead drowning due to over dose. We had an ambulance ride to the er where he woke up and finally released back home. We ended up moving to Reno to be closer to his family. I left my job, family and everything behind to try to help him. Recently I found out he’s been deal with addiction to kratum. He was being super protective over is phone and he was talking to this guy who had been nothing but a horrible influence on him who also moved to Reno. He came clean about everything and has started counseling for recovery. All of the sudden he’s been acting over protective any time I even go to move his phone. Any advice or words of encouragement help! Thank you

Rox
7:43 am August 10th, 2017

Hi there I recently found out my fiancé has been taking cocaine on and off for the last 6yrs off our relationship me and his family have had too bail him out quite a few times. I have told em if this happens again he will loose me his family friends his house everyone. He is willing too change and is on anti depressants as we speak and wanting too turn his life around. We are getting married next year as well but I wanted too ask if there was any support or advice u could give me he has left us in lots of debt and has had too go a debt change charity too sort his money problems out. And he is also having sessions with a finiancial healer a counsellor two sessions a week x

sally
12:53 am August 13th, 2017

Hi i have been with my partner for two year he was a crystal meth smoker for most of the time togeater. Seven months ago we had a baby he stopped totally well i though he had. Most days he would be normal mode. Three weeks ago he was sweaty i asked why he admited smoKing it. Its creating arguements im back to feeling worried every niggt who ia he with and mainly is he smoking it. He said he lapsed but i cant forgive it

Deborah
6:39 pm August 14th, 2017

I am 65 years old and my husbandad is adiced to pain pills. We have been married for more than 30 years. I can’t remember a time when he wasnt. I recently confronted him and had to take his debit card.He has found frequented ER’s with feigned illnesses etc. He is not mean or nasty . I can be mean and nasty. I have left him twice. This time I told him it would be the last time, if I decide to go. I am not unhappy with myself. I am an artist and find my projects fufilling, and I love where we live. I love my husband, but can’t allow him to drain our finances or possibly kill himself unintentionally. Help referral numbers only lead to rehab we don’t have money for. He works and I am retired. The only insurance we could afford does not cover rehab. He lies and lies. I don’t know when to belive him. Of course this time as udual he is sorry and claims he has quit and has already gone through withdraw. This is damn hopeless.

Amber
8:36 pm August 15th, 2017

Hi I have been married for 15 years and my husband is addicted to marijuana and pills he says he wants to quit but when he goes through withdrawals it is hard he always takes off so he can get more stuff to feed him and I always go after him I want to be with him I love him but this is hard on me I can’t do this anymore and I don’t want him to leave I will even give him money to get pot so he won’t leave I no I should not do this but I want him here but not like this please help me tell me what I can do to help him thanks

Brenda
1:32 am August 22nd, 2017

I married a man in prison one year ago
He was addicted to pain pills and now serving time
He has been in prison before because of drugs
Hes been clean for four years Hope to be released next year
How can I help him when he gets home

Yolanda
10:13 am August 27th, 2017

Hi, its so hard tell when my husband is on meth. He acts the same. The only time I know he is doing it, if I find the pipe or I catch him doing it. Really I’m not in denial I really can’t tell. He hides it so well!! He works, pay his bills, eats, and works out, and he is so overweight. They are days he is up all night, and he sweats so much, and I don’t know what I’m I supposed to see when he is high? He sleeps a lot and says it runs in the family, but my goodness it’s a lot!! I found him doing it and he straight out lie to me about it, saying it’s not what I saw. Does he think I’m stupid? I want to help him, but I don’t know how please help. This is our 1st year of marriage.

Elisa
1:15 am August 28th, 2017

Hello. I’m seeking advice for my husband. He has been on and off drugs for the past 4 years. Percocet for awhile and now speed. He’s lost 40lbs and looks sick now. He isloyes himself and denies it’s a problem but admits to his use. I fear I will lose him if I don’t do something soon. He blames his drug use on me when we fight and has for many years. His family and I are thinking of doing an intervention but I know he will flip out and we could lose him. I’m lost depressed and don’t know where to turn. Please help.

Jean
7:56 am August 28th, 2017

I been living with this for almost 21 years I have grand kids I can’t have him around them so he needs to move on with his life I can’t be around this no more I gave him 21 years rehab to rehab nothing has helped.

Flor
3:16 am September 2nd, 2017

Hello, I have been with my partner for 3 years now and we have a beautiful 8 month old baby and already another one on the way. So my partner told me he has been doing all kinds of drugs since he was 13, he is now 33. He told me he started doing meth since he was 21, since then he has been on off, when we met he was 3 months somber, then with in the second week we were together he told me he did speed, I have never heard of that term before. Then he told me it was crystal. I was shocked deep inside of me but I was happy to be with him so I let it pass, especially since he told me he relapsed, in my head I was like at least he is trying to stop. Well he hasn’t until now. When we first got pregnant he said he was going to stop, he did for but only for 11 months. Now he is at it again. I’ve told him many times that I will leave him but some how he convinces me of staying with him by telling me to let him finish what he has and that he will change. But then as soon as he comes down he gets more and tries to deny it. I’m really tired of this cycle! I give him love, I tell him that I love him. I show him that I love him. But he still chooses to do it. He doesn’t help me much with our baby, he spend hours lock in the restroom smoking, masterbating, and tweaking on him self. He listens to spiritual videos but to me they only work on him when he is high. I feel like he is not being a responsible parent. He is the only one who works and he already missed two days of work because he is coming down and we have no money for him to go buy more, he even got mad at me for not asking my parents to lend us money. I really love him and my inner voice says to help him but I feel so irritated of his actions. I also want to tell his mom he is back on drugs but he doesn’t want me to tell her. Can someone please help me ?

Ella
5:31 pm September 14th, 2017

I appreciate all the information and I am really trying hard to live my life and not focus on my husbands but it is so hard when you love that person so much and they say they love you to and then disappears for days with no calls. Listening to others and understanding that I am not alone in this has given me inspiration.

Brittany
3:52 am September 25th, 2017

I’m really needing some advice on what I should possibly do. I love my husband so very much and dont Want to give up but I’m at a loss. We have been together 8 years and married 7 with 2 beautiful kids and one on the way. When my husband was 17 he witnessed someone close to him commit suicide and he never got therapy for it instead he turned to drugs and alcohol. When we first got together I was 18 he was 19 we partied we smoked pot typical teen stuff but once our daughter arrived I wanted out of that and so did he. We had both used meth but it wasn’t worth loosing our world our little girl so we quit together. We were each others best friend for almost 8 years we were happy. He had gotten in the oil field and was able to provide for us. But the oilfield crashed in our Ares and he had no choice but to quit and find something else which caused him to take a major pay cut. He his his addiction very well for over a year he seemed the same he was good at hiding it I never noticed and I notice everything..or so I thought. In march of this year he moved a woman in our home with my pleas for him not to. This woman had been his friend for 15 years she was there for him when he witnesses what he witnessed they had drank and did drugs together after it happened that had this connection I was not ok with at all. They didnt have a sexual history though they had attempted to but I was not ok with that at all and I begged him not to move her in. She was an addict still she used the need and I didnt want that in my house he insisted he was helping her get if drugs she had nowhere else to go. I’m not the kind of person to kick someone out that had no where to go and was under the impression that she wanted help..I was a fool. Come to find out they were smoking method together which was why he wanted her to stay with us they had been using together.when i found this out I was heart broken and was done because I knew if they had been using together then they must have slept together i dont think they did I think it was and has always been an emotional connection being as she was the one there when he needed someone the most and she was doing what he was doing. Well move ahead a Mont later he gets to job on the pipeline (this is before I knew about the drugs) we were moving past everything that happened with her there it had broken me but we were moving on. Well the kids and I go to see him (he is living and working out of state) and one night there he find a baggie with a lot of crystal meth in it he swore up and down he had it to sell which still is bad and he thought I believed him. Well after we leave and come back home august comes and he stops talking. I didnt know why I didnt know what I did. After weeks he finally texts and tells me he loves me and the kids but didnt know who he was anymore who who he has become and doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. A month goes by and me an the kids have no phone call. He would text here and there but thats it. Finally I had to break down and tell him our 7 year old thought he was dead well he ended up calling and hasn’t called since. I got more depressed more heartbroken more emotional because if the pregnancy I just didnt understand how he could do this how he could just forget about us. We are in Arkansas he is in Ohio and now no longer says anything at all. I made the mistake of going back and forth of saying that I’m fileing for divorce to wanting to work things out I just dont want to give up but he just doesn’t make an effort in our marriage to fix things to call the kids nothing. I just dont know what to do you dont know that our marriage can be saved. I need advice please. We have never been in this position he has always been a wonderful father and husband but now he’s Away from home where he can easily ignore us.

Fifteenyearsplus
10:36 am September 28th, 2017

Dear wifeofanaddict,
Your story is similar to mine. We’ve been married 22 years. He has been fighting addiction since i discovered it 15 years ago. In and out of rehab programs, mens homes, rehab homes, celebrate recovery at church, men’s bible classes but nothing seems to work. The longest he’s gone clean was 8 months. He relapses each 3 to 4 months. He’ll leave for a day or two. We have 5 kids. He has had great jobs and has lost a few of them because of this. I had to stop buying any gold jewelry because it would get ponded. This last friday he relapsed and i kicked him out. I’ve had enough. This is so hurtful and sickening to me. My kids are older now and they know about it and they dont understand how a man with a good life can do this. His family dont know what else to do. Mine just say hang in there. He texts constantly after coming down from his high on Saturday. the same stuff you mentioned, I’m sorry i hate this i love you and the kids and i want it done. Im ashamed of my self. I am going to get help. I know I’ve been putting it off. I need God. He’s always commited the first week or 2 and then everything back to normal. He’s a workaholic and doesnt make any time for his continued rehab. He asks he to help him but I’m so done. I have given him all the tools i can these last years. He knows what to do but likes me to do it all. Bottom line is i have to really put my foot diwn now and should have done it long time ago. But he somehow manages to brain wash me and for my kids sake i take him back and he goes back to same routine. I’m not working. Our insurance was dropped and trying to get it back. He has numbers for his emoloyer free helo E.A.P. but i dont know if he’s called. How are you and your husband ?

TraSha
4:52 am October 3rd, 2017

I am married to an ADDICT. I have gotten him as far as realizing his addiction is our problem he hit his knees begged me not to go and later that day went to jail he wants help knows he needs it. I need to know what my next step in helping my husband is.. HELP KIND WORDS ADVICE.. ANYTHING

Angela
1:26 pm October 13th, 2017

My husband is a ice and amphetamine addict and we have 3 kids he is in denial of him being addict . We don’t see him for days and i don’t knpw how to help.

Tabitha
2:31 am October 14th, 2017

My husband relapsed on meth. We have kids and I’m afraid they may follow his path.

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
2:59 pm October 16th, 2017

Hi Tabitha. I suggest that you call the helpline displayed on the website to get in touch with a trusted treatment consultant.

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About Lisa Espich

Lisa Espich is the author of the multi award-winning book, Soaring Above Co-Addiction: Helping your loved one get clean, while creating the life of your dreams. For additional articles, resources, and a free preview chapter of Soaring Above Co-Addiction visit her website. Her book is available at bookstores everywhere and at Twin Feather Publishing.

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