Signs my son is a drug dealer

A former drug dealer (now in addiction recovery) answers parents’ drug questions here. Know/verify the signs your son is a drug dealer and ask him straight questions here.

minute read

“Desperately need to talk!”

Several months ago, I got a Facebook message from an old high school sweetheart. It read, “Desperately need to talk!” Its funny how your past can hunt you down now-a-days with all this social media. At first I was hesitant to respond. For me, the past is ancient history; I’m not that same guy. Anyway, I sent her my cell number.

Why did she call me?

Easy answer. I was a drug dealer in high school during the 70s. I sold marijuana and cocaine. I had a car and new clothes. I ate out every night. I had the hottest chicks. Bad boys always do. I rented hotels for parties. I had a scale and a drawer full of money. And I never got caught. Well, strike that, I became addicted to heroin and barely survived.

“My son is a drug dealer…”

Of course, the next day she called, frantic, whispering, she said, “My son is a drug dealer. He’s 18, told me he’s been dealing since he was 15.” She rambled on, non-stop, “How did I not see it? I should have figured it out! He quit basketball. He loved basketball. We thought the reason his marks went from B’s to C’s and D’s were because of girlfriends. Ya know, that thing that happens to boys.”

I let her go on for two reasons. First, I felt her pain and disbelief. But the bigger reason I shut-up was because I was trying to enlist a healthy response that wouldn’t offend her. And then she yelled, “Richie, are you there? Are you listening?”

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But before I could complete my sentence she jumped in again, “I’m kicking myself in the ass. He had a new iPhone, an iPad, and the clothes. He had three pair of True Religions, said they were his friends. They cost $300 dollars a pair.” She took a beat, I could hear her filling up and she said, “How stupid could I have been?”

Finally, when I was convinced she was through, I talked. But I didn’t have to tell her anything. I was like a good therapist, just shut my mouth and let the answers to all the questions unfold naturally. She got it. She missed it. She chose to be blind. She realized the mindset, “Not my kid,” is for morons.

Shame and guilt for parents can be avoided

But most of all, she felt guilty and full of shame for allowing it to get to this point, the truth killed her. Parents of drug users can often feel this way.  She no longer could hide that which subconsciously she always suspected. Now, her 18-year-old son was in jail.

Don’t be a moron

Now my rant, if you’re Catholic, you know the story of John the Baptist. Everybody thought he was nuts. He came before Christ and yelled and screamed warning to everybody. Funny, but I like to consider myself the John the Baptist of drug addiction. So I’ll tell you what my high school sweetheart told herself. Don’t be a moron.

Don’t let your loved one suffer.
Addiction responds to treatment. Call us to get started.

IF your son:

  • has lots of friends dropping by without notice
  • has the newest electrical gadgets on the market
  • has expensive looking clothes
  • has a phone lit up like a Christmas tree with calls
  • leaves shortly after each call
  • loses interest in sports or studies

THEN, your son is most likely a drug dealer.

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Get confidential help day or night.
  • Access to top treatment centers
  • Compassionate guidance
  • Financial assistance options

Throw trust and privacy out the window

You have to be proactive if you don’t want to lose your boy. Check for good hiding places in his room, the garage, or basement. Don’t even consider the “trust and privacy” bull crap. This isn’t a relationship. You’re his parent!

Confront him.

Start your
recovery today.

Confront him

Confront him.

Watch his reaction. You know your boy! Don’t lie to yourself anymore and you’ll never have to call and old sweetheart from high school.  Have any questions or feedback? Is your child addicted to drugs?  Please write to us below.  We try to respond to all comments personally and promptly.

About the author
Richie Farrell won the du-Pont-Columbia for directing the HBO documentary film, High on Crack Street: Lost Lives in Lowell. That film inspired the 2010 major motion picture The Fighter that went on to win academy awards for Christian Bale and Melissa Leo. Farrell's memoir What’s Left of Us: A Memoir of Addiction has been optioned for a movie and currently in development. Richie Farrell is one of the top substance abuse and motivational speakers in the United States. More Info @ My Heroin Life.


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  1. I have a strong hunch that my 30 yr old adult son is selling drugs. What do I do? He can barely pay his house note and we have paid the mortgage for him a few times. We know we shouldn’t do that but we keep giving him a chance to get his shit together. He had his electricity sand water shut off because he hadn’t paid the bill for months, has renters in and out of the house and can’t seem to complete any task . He never or rarely returns a call or text, and it takes multiple attempts over a week to reach him. Today we found out he had a box of money in the car and said it was money from a friend who owed him. This is what he used to turn the water and electricity back on. He says he is trying to start a new career in the music business but he still does not hold a full-time job. I am trying to convince him he needs to sell his house to begin paying off all the credit card debt that he is living on. He was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver in 2013 after a successful rehab from alcohol. We found out at that time that he has alpha one antitrypsin deficiency which is an enzyme disorder where the liver can’t be fully protected. He dated someone for two years and found out she slept with his best friend. I don’t believe he has fully processed these things and has fallen into a deep depression. I offered him rehab and one on the one clinical health all of which he says he does not need because he is not using. I’m lost and get very little sleep worrying all the time. It’s hard to let go. He is so convincing that he is not using that it’s hard to know what to believe out of him anymore. So confused.

  2. I have a strong feeling that my adult child is selling drugs. What do I do? She already has a record and is on probation. I don’t want her to do this and she is living at home. How can I confront this behavior and do I get the police or probation officer involved?

    1. Is your daughter on probation for selling drugs? My sons is selling drugs and I feel he will get caught soon. He thinks we don’t know but we aren’t dumb. It’s obvious plus not his first time He’s checked out it’s like he doesn’t care about us or what we think anymore I’m devasted

  3. I am beyond pist. I have devoted myself to my kids and he acts like a gangster. He’s had it good. I am totally done. From now on, it will be my way or the highway. There is nothing I haven’t done for my kids. They had more love than they can bare. I was active in their school, their outings… anything they needed. He tries to talk like these stupid gangsters with gold teeth. Fuckin losers. I have no use for these people. I love my son but he wants to act like a idiot, than he’s gonna have to be an idiot on his own. I am cutting him off. TOO BAD. I’ve had this talk with him and he tells me to trust him. I tried. Obviously, it was a mistake because he’s trustworthy. I almost feel like calling the cops on him. He’s better inside and see the reality of life than pampering him and protecting him to make it easy for him outside. I’M BEYOND PIST… I raised him better than that. I am a good mother.

  4. Hello —
    We are concerned and suspect our underage son is dealing pot. We are clueless as to whether the amount we just found in his room is the amount a dealer would stash. Can we ask a few questions?
    Not sure where to begin.

  5. OK so your a person that has no charges in the state of Kentucky a guy that caught to drug offenses in the state sells drugs the charges show is it legal to do drugs in the state of Kentucky these people catch drug charges and take them out the system they hurt people for drugs it is illegal to do drugs they let drug dealers have they kids here that’s against the law

  6. Good evening,
    I am calling because I do have a suspicion that my son is dealing drugs. He was actually doing it at a smaller scale and we caught him. After the confrontation, a lot of talking, ultimatums, etc. I thought it was over. Today, I car stopped by. He run out of the house, stayed out of the house for 2 minutes in the car, and came back. I confronted him. He swears that everything is OK. But I have caught him lying and occasionally stealing money from his brother. Please help!

  7. My husband and I clued on to the fact that our son (16) is using and dealing pot and XTC when we combed his computer after typical disengagement from school, sport, never at home, fancy new shoes and works of all, a man satchel. Such a giveaway.
    He’s cut off his biological dad and is keen to drop out of school, work in a labouring job and move out asap. He’s not of legal age to do this however the dude’s he hangs out with have shown that the police really does not interfere.
    We think that’s a bad idea as we can just see him go into one direction, more drug dealing and worse crimes and eventually jail or god forbid being hurt or killed, He’s a great liar and has made plenty of promises that he broke and we dont trust that we can strike up a sensible cooperative plan.
    We are planning an intervention but other than sending him to live with my parents overseas we cannot come up with a workable plan. What are some effective strategies you can suggest for an intervention?

  8. Well it’s time to confront our 21 year old son. He has a prescription for a controlled substance, and I’ve suspected he started selling individual pills a year ago. Yesterday, his script was filled, and today it is nowhere to be found in his room. I did, however, find $800 in a box shortly after a friend who doesn’t come around a lot left. I know his good friends who are here often watching TV and playing games. Yes, I do walk in on them when they are here. This one guy though I’ve only seen two or three times. He looks at me strange. The others all talk to me. This one guy doesn’t. So tonight we are having an emergency parenting session. Your input would be helpful.

  9. I have Lupus & Rheumatoid Arthritis and a condition like MS, High Blood Pressure and Diabetes (so i’m not healthy) so I have my Rx of Hydrocodone 10-325 mg. I’m on a new Infusion Therapy of Benlysta and i’m not experiencing a lot of pain like I was so some days I only take 1 pill in the morning to ease the pain so I can start moving but if i’m still at a pain level of 5 or more then I’ll take 1 more Hydrocodone and then I’m usually good the rest of the day. Even if I’m having a really painful day the most Hydro that I take would be 4 in a 24 hour period.
    But last month I noticed my bottle barely lasted the month and I know I didn’t take all 120 pills that entire month.
    So I just got my pills refilled the 3rd of this month and I counted today the 18th of the month and i’ve only got 47 pills left, I Know I haven’t used that many so earlier today my son asked if I had any Hydro missing cause his buddy “scored” 2 from someone while at High School. So thats the reason I did the count and was greatly distressed cause I know for a fact that I haven’t used that many cause I hadn’t even had to use 3 in a day, and I’ve only had to use 2 three times but I’ve gone 5 days without taking any, my daughter and I went to my doctor visit and when we came back home I went to the restroom and I heard what sounded like a pill bottle being tipped so I came out to my chair where I sit most all day and looked to where I keep my Hydro and I had put stuff on top and side of the bottle making it hard to see so I saw the hearing aid case I had on top of the bottle knocked out of the way so I sat down and recounted them and there was 2 missing. I’m almost 100% sure my 17 year old daughter took them then had to leave in a hurry to be with friends. Her dad served 10 years of an 11 year sentence for making & selling meth. When my daughter stabbed her brother with a kitchen knife I took my then 16 & 18 year old kids to the hospital the kids came up with the story that got told about it happening while unloading or loading of the dishwasher so when the officer asked me if I SAW what happened I just said, “no comment” so he finally got my son to admit to how it happened, he had been trying to protect his little sister, well the cop took her to kids jail and judge gave her 6 months probation and I forget how many hours of community service. Then my ex told my daughter that i’m a SNITCH and it was ALL MY FAULT she got in trouble. So now part of me wants to call the cops and tell them shes been taking my Hydro and now shes 17 they could charge her as an Adult. I’ve talked myself out of turning her in and I went OnLine and bought a Locking Medication bag.
    But when she gets back tonight i’m going to tell her if it happens anymore I will do tough Love and her dad will call me a bad parent and convince both kids that Mom’s the SNITCH and I don’t care about them even though thats the farthest thing from the truth. Funny my ex is always telling the kids that i’m “on drugs” and I Take too much Hydro when ALL my doctors know thats not the case, they tell me not to wait until my pain level starts climbing cause then its harder to go down. I’m on 14 different medications that I HATE taking on a daily basis but I have to take them if I want to be around for my kids, but honestly if I didn’t have kids I would try the herbal stores to see if I could control my health that way but since I have kids I can’t take that risk. Sorry, I just had to vent.

  10. My grandson is 16 he will be 17 in December. His parents divorced a year ago. His father found drugs in his car and his little brother saw him selling drugs. What can my husband and I do to help?

  11. I don’t think, I KNOW. My son is doing drugs and my son is dealing drugs out of my house. I am that moron I keep reading about. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I love my son and may not always be on his side hell im never on his side, but I will stand by his side no matter what. For almost two years now I have cried to family members and friends, hell even strangers at a WaWa hoping someone will tell me what to do..No one has helped me. That’s okay because he is my son, my situation. but I still don’t know what to do and im worn out mentally and physically. Is there anyone with a freaking guide book for what to do when you KNOW your son is doing drugs or when you KNOW you son is a drug dealer? Can I borrow it Please………

  12. Hi my 17 year old son was diagnosed with juvenile myoclonic epilepsy in November of last year. Little did I know not long after, my world would come crashing in. Or so it seems. Since then I’ve learned of his pot addiction. Pots not addicting right? Wrong. He lies steals and sneaks to get his weed. I just found a prescription bottle of promethazine in his bedroom he was prescribed when he was sick. Naturally he lies about it and naturally I call him out and except none of his excuses. He’s on keppra for the seizures which give him rage. I have holes in my walls broken chandelier he has ripped his bedroom door off the hinges. I haven’t given up on him but feel like im the one doing something wrong and I’ve searched feel and tried changing my approach with him i listen he can tell me anything and I prove this by my reactionswben be does talk to me. I listen I love unconditionally however I’m fucking tired. I’m depressed and I am losing faith

  13. SO I just confronted my 16 year old about selling weed, He said yes, he is. Now what do I do? I am beyond disappointed. He has always been so into baseball and physical health, now he works two jobs, and is also selling weed apparently. He has always been a great kid, good
    head on his shoulders, blah blah blah…..Can I EVEN stop this?????

  14. my son has been on meth over a year.Hes lost 70 or more lbs.personality change along with all the other side effects.Does meth 4dys strait then sleeps a day.and repeat.Hes on probation for drugs.Hes gona die soon if something doesnt change.Can i call his PO and explain without my son knowing. The catch is 20 yrs in prison or his funeral

  15. I just confirmed what I had been suspecting. My son uses cocaine. He is 26 has a bachelors degree in music and works for the USPS. He is a CCA not yet a career employee he has been with USPS for 14 mos it will take 12-18 mos to be permanent. He also plays in 2 bands Jazz band and hard rock.

  16. Well my son says he started pot in the 10th grade. Though I actually suspect he started at the end of 9th grade. He began skipping class in the Spring really bad. Over the summer he’d disappear or crash at a friend’s house without asking permission. He was ticket for breaking curfew. We tried counseling, punishment, behavior contracts, postive reinforcement but nothing helped. We decided that he’d move to DC with my sister because she was a high school teacher and could insure he addended school. That fall semester was his best. So we decided with his commitment to do better at home to finish Spring semester in Texas ( what a BAD choice on our part). He started out great but quickly slipped into old negative habits and friends. He and a buddy stole our car and wrecked it one night. I wanted to press charges but my husband thought he’d learn his lesson with this incident. We took all driving privileges away. No improvement. Pot was more important than driving. He never passed a drug test so never drove at home again. By the start of 11th grade he missed school more than he attended and the school through the courts kicked him out. The judge only requirement was that he sign up for a GED class. Well he did sign up but never attended. He never thought he’d get thrown out of school. He has terrorized my family. Our family home that my husband and built our self he defaced, punched walls, threw knives, & destroyed furniture. At 17, he moved out and after the many run ins with the law and juvenile jail we were ready to let him go. He lived with a girl friend for 6 months and 6 in an apartment with a buddy. His buddy was arrest for a felony and left him with all the apartment cost. That’s when he started selling pot. It makes me sad but my husband and did all we could and finally have to let him learn the hard way. The apartment complex wouldn’t renew his lease so he was couch surfing for many month until an old pals dad agreed he could live with them. I see my son from time to time. I love him still. He’s nearly 20 now. I keep asking where do ypu see yourself in a year. He has no plans. The thing I notice with my son and his friends and the many accounts here is that thses kids expect instant gratification. So selling drugs gets them everything they want without much effort. Why go work at McDonald’s for 9 bucks an hour if you can make a grand a day. I just remind my son that with every choice is a consequence sometimes positive & sometimes negative and that selling drugs is illegal and risky. He always has a clever comeback. Until he gets locked up for a long time, I don’t think he’ll start to really take accountability for his choices and actions. He has recently told me he has stopped selling but I don’t believe 90%of what he says because much of it is 1/2 truths. I have choosen to forgive my son. My husband on the other hand habors much resentment and anger. Good luck, I hope things work out before for you than it has for my family.

  17. Hello I have noticed a lot of parents are desperately looking for help for their children , my story is very much the same . I’m currently 19 years old I’m the 3rd oldest from all my siblings I have graduated from the class 2016 and I have 5 other younger siblings from me . Unfortunately my younger from me sinking is 16 years old. And we have been dealing with the fact that my brother has become a addict to these drugs. That being weed I realize some places legalize it for medical purposes but many places now in in this time in the year a lot of people my age or still in high school or collage are consuming weed. I believe there is a place where everyone stands in a spot where a drug or a plant like weed is consumed . Not everyone makes the choice to but being peer pressure or even influenced to do drugs is a choice that my. Either and other younger adults like us face. If the concern of the stress of trying to figure out a way for your family to help your love one rebab from using illegal drugs then the feeling of being hopeless and the feeling of feeling like your losing someone you grew up with is even worst. My brother now is consuming not only weed but xanaxs. A lot of the kids from the same school that I study at where he currently is at alll have consume this and I have witness kids at my school talking about it when I was still a senior there and even just peers. But the fact that you know that the one person your living with your brother is one of those people in school just shuts your world. We have talked to him over hundred of time we have done everything to help him understand that we are there to help and support him. But his will to stop is not there . It’s horrible to see your mom who put so much effort into racing us fall apart because she feels like there is nothing she can do for her son. She talks about rehab and a therapist or military school. But everything doesn’t seem to go to a solution that will help him stop . We need a way to help him , and a way that it won’t effect his future . My brother says he has given up on school , and I being a graduate from school feel like I should have given him the example to push forward. He’s in America for sakes he has everything he could work up towards and the fact that he is running down a falling path is frighting to know that you could lose one of your baby brothers . And I see this kid everywhere at home . From the times he was running around smiling to the times he had some bit of color to his face. And as I’m here breaking down trying to find a solution in a blog I know my mother is in her room breaking down … she feels like her glass of water is just about to pour over . And I need her and him to find some peace and a solution to this. And everyone everyone is saying that it’s a stage and its anxiety and I know not everyone finds the same solutions to deal with their life’s, but this is his life that he could lose with all these drugs. And I need him to be better I don’t want the rest of my siblings wondering why we didn’t do anything to help him when I know we have done everything to make sure he could reach out to us . I need at least the smallest bit of hope cause I know it’s somewhere out there , the smallest bit of help to help us pull through this , please.

  18. Hello. My son is 18 and a half and is selling drugs from our home. He keeps drugs in the house-I found them in a bookbag in his room. He is an addict as well as selling. He is violent and aggressive and has done damage to our home without paying us back. It is a living hell having him here. He cannot keep a job for being arrested and having a mouth on him. I have three smaller children who are scared when he gets into his destruction mode. He has money in the bank to live on so I don’t feel bad there, but he says he will kill himself if we kick him out. My husband is ready to leave me over this-this is my son and not his. What do I do at this point?

  19. My son (14 yo) openly smokes weed all day everyday and I’m pretty positive he is also using Xanax and alcohol regularly too. He is refusing to go to school and now we have found out he is selling the drugs too. He also robs other kids for their drugs or money. He was arrested a few weeks ago and is being sentenced (at the end of March) to 6 months probation. He fear NO consequences and pretty much thinks he’s untouchable even after being arrested. He used to be an award winning athlete but his grade got him kicked off the team. My husband and I have no clue what to do. PLEASE HELP!!!!

  20. What is a parent to do when the evidence of a young adult child’s criminal activity includes a large sum of cash found in the parent’s home? The money is almost certainly the proceeds of crime, and returning it to the child just funds more crime. Should a parent turn it into the police? How? Is there a way to do that without getting the child arrested?

    1. Hi Donna. Yes, we are active on all our articles. I suggest that you look into the CRAFT model for families and interventions. One NGO called Allies in Recovery has some online reading that can help:

      Also, you may speak with a social worker on how to deal with situation like yours.

  21. My son has been out of the house since August because of his disobedience, lack of respect for his parents and any form of authority; constant weed smoking; constant truancy, and barely graduated high school (he was once a honor student and a champion athlete). This was a progressive downward slope that took a massive thrust senior year. There have been fights at home because of his behavior. Cops were called, child welfare services appeared at my door (with unfounded charges) and he was seeing a counselor, who actually did more harm than good in my opinion. We have obtained information that he is involved in drug dealing and was robbed at gunpoint by a person he knows. He does not know we are aware of this. He is asking us for his information (soc sec #, birth cert, etc..) but he’s not say why. I am hoping college plans as we refused to send him to college based on his lack of interest and constant struggles with grades and behavior

    I am so distraught and my husband and I are fighting because of it. We are both on the same page, but ironically, my son has a lot of anger toward my husband because of his temper with all this; my husband was the most doting and present dad a kid could have and they were so close until about 3 years ago. My son and I always had a fantastic relationship and I always thought my heart and his were one. Now, I’m the one who wants nothing to do with him and my husband thinks I should reach out somehow. I’m so hurt because I do not recognize the young man he has become and I feel like my heart has turned to stone and I a feel extremely guilty as a mother to harbor these feelings.

    I’m not sure what to do with information we have obtained, but God forbid something horrible happens, I would never forgive myself. Please guide me as to where to turn for help first. He is our only child and one that took a long time to come into our lives. He is loved more than he can ever know. We are devastated.

  22. My story May be a little different, my son is 26 years he has a associate degree he received it from San Francisco City College from playing football he also got a scholarship butt 3 days before he was supposed to have left his leg got stuck and he ended up having to have surgery lost his scholarship was devastated decided to stay with his dad because I had so many rules about smoking marijuana getting a job and respecting my home. His dad is not making him be responsible for anything he doesn’t have to get a job and he is constantly buy new clothes and shoes and he just got a very nice Audi car but he doesn’t have a job he has been arrested twice for marijuana the last time they are trying to get him for selling marijuana. I feel awful I do not know what to do he doesn’t ever have much time to talk or spend time with me I don’t know how to approach him I have been very direct about selling weed he has stopped denying it because he has too many material items and can explain where is he getting the money to buy these things no one in my family or friends really is concerned anymore because of his age he is my only child and I don’t know how to get to the point of not caring or where it’s just not digging it in my spirit constantly I’m so worried that he’s going to ruin his life and I feel like I’m sitting back and watching him go down all the bad directions. Me and his father divorced when he was probably about 7 it was a very bad separation we argue a lot we argued a lot when he was little his dad is an alcoholic but he was a good provider is a good provider he makes good money but he doesn’t try to build a relationship with our son he just let him stay there. I live depression while he was growing up and most of the time it was just me and him unless he went to stay with his dad for the weekend or holidays I thought I had a strong hold of my depression I work to paid bills but life is always a struggle. I was constantly trying to put in his head you have to make better choices so you don’t end up with a life like mine and now look what’s going on he’s a drug dealer as far as I know it’s only marijuana but he’s not trying to do anything with his life productively so scared he’s ruining his life and nobody seemed to care but me not even him

  23. My son is selling weed! I have just found out i had a feeling something was not right but have now enough to go on he and his dad dont know what to do apart from talk to him tell him we love him tell him the consequences of his actions pleed with him to stop or last resort tell him we will go to the police…please help and any advice would be appriciated.

  24. My son 16 years old he is crazy about drugs and I don’t know what he is doing but a friend has shown me proof of marijuana and states he smokes and I dint smell anything in his clothes. Please help me thank you .

  25. Hello, I found out the other day from my x, that our son is dealing in heavy drugs, I mean hes,selling them. He likes the cash he makes said his Mom, she said his nose has been running for 3 wks , she thinks it from snorting coke . I’m flying out to make a surprise visit with my brother who’s a cop and has been for most of his adult life. Thoughts on what I should do to get him help. His Mom is leat in him live on her property as well. He’s 26yrs old, was in Navy for 4 years, he finally got a good job but was fired for not showing up for work. His Mom said he can be very ugly at times as well.

  26. My 18 year old step son has recently been caught by the police stealing snow boards. While dealing with that his younger brother told us that he knows for a fact that he has sold drugs, pot., a couple times or more. He is know at school as “The Trap”, which I just looked up means drug dealer. My 15 year old step son also said he has a secret bank account that we don’t know about. He lies all the time but the problem is his mother doesn’t want to believe this. When he says it’s not true she says we don’t have evidence. He recently failed a drug test for marjiuana. My question is what can I do as this is driving our family apart quickly.

  27. My son is 16 he’s been using and selling pot since he was 13. We catch him, shut it down and he continues. I don’t know if we should put him in rehab or call the cops. The cops came once for suspicion and we said what should we do. He said I guess I can talk to humid u want. No help. We’ve been to counselors who r no help one suggested he emancipate us and the other told my husband in front of my son that all kids are drug dealers it’s not the same as it use to be. Why don’t we get him a medical card. Tons of help again. We’ve had our house robbed. Could’ve been out some. Idk. I don’t know what else to do. Should we send him to jail or put in treatment. I think he’s addicted to the life and sneaking excitement of being a dealer

    1. Hi, Cristy. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing a really hard time with your son. I suggest you seek help from social services, or it may be very helpful if you learn more about laws regarding drugs and guardians. So, find the number of the Office of Attorney General in your state.

  28. I suspect my 20 year old to be dealing and doing drugs. At this point iam gonna call the police. Any advice?

    Thank you

  29. My son has just turned 20. He is …was my best friend. His behaviour changed when he was around 14. I have just found out that he is dealing drugs and has been for a while. The signs have been there for a long time and I think I chose to ignore them, hoping they would go away, he wouldn’t do that he has never wanted or needed for anything in his life.. He had a great job (£100 per day) and 8 weeks ago decided that he didn’t want to go and never went back. I have tried talking, pleading with him but to no avail. I gave him a choice, stop dealing and get a job or move out. He left the weekend, i feel devastated, guilty, ashamed, hurt, i feel like i have let him down. Have i done the right thing, what if he graduates to bigger things, i have lost him and am unable to help him anymore, why do i feel guilty

  30. My son just turned 22, 3 months ago he left prison where he served 18 out of 36 months for drug dealing (first offence) . We paid hell lots of money to the lawyers as there was a deportation case against him as well. I got him a job to go to, he lives with his girlfriend . Suddenly I was hit with the information that he’s back dealing drugs. My heart sunk. When I asked him about that- he said he’s doing nothing- but I’ve been told otherwise from person who buys stuff from him. When I asked his gf if she noticed anything- she denied, but she was the one dropping weed for him as he’s still under probation and on TAG. Now as I have prooves of their activities I am going to confront them. I am going to loose my son, but we went through emotional, physical and financial hell because of him- and that’s his gratitude. Is there any hope????

    1. Hi Jo. Mending things takes a lot of time. There is hope, but you will all need to attend counseling and family therapy. It can help you learn how to deal with these issues and how to help him quit using and selling drugs. You can speak to a counselor or a licensed psychologist.

  31. I have two sons that are doing and selling weed,, Now what I havd confronedt them, they denied itt. I catch my son 21 packing weed what I can do?.. I tell them if I hnow that they are doing it I will call the police. They responded specially, for the 16 years old was you just want to ruin my life.

    Please tell me what to do. They were in counselling but they dropped it. they dont want to continue. My 16 still in school and he is doing ll also in sports. My 21 is not doing nothing .. just smoking weed and i believe selling as well.

    Please tell me what to do.


    1. Hi Letty. It’s tough being in your skin, but you are a strong and caring mother. Have you tried going to counseling for yourself? Professionals can help you greatly in finding ways how to deal with your sons. As for them, they do need counseling and behavioral therapy. Maybe you can talk to the school counselor for the 16-year old.

  32. I am scared. My son owes drug dealers a lot of money. He owed $11,000 but they want $30,000 now, I guess they want interest. My son is 32 and does not live with me but people have told me that the drug dealers could come after me. What should I do? Is this true. I have no money to pay them, I am very scared. I’m a 65 year old woman, should I move or go away for a while. Haven’t heard from my son since yesterday when he said he was hiding out and he kept telling me not to tell anyone where he is. And keeps asking me if anyone has called me looking for him. I hope he hasn’t given out my number to anyone. Can anyone tell me what I should do? should I got to the police. There is so much of this stuff in this city, I am afraid they won’t care or do anything without proof.

  33. Am sick right now. Have found “stuff” in my son’s room many times. I feel very alone and unsupported as every time I found something and brought it to my husband’s attention, I was the bad guy. His response was always, “why are you going through his room”?? Are you kidding!! This is my house, when I trust my son again then maybe I won’t have to keep going through his room. I’m by myself, don’t feel like I have any where to turn. I’m waiting him to get arrested!! I have found and broken so many pipes and bongs I could have opened up a store!! I’m terrified that the police will come to my house with a search warrant and that will be the end! If my son’s life, my marriage and my career!! My son is 20-soon to be 21. It’s like the elephant in the room!!

  34. Hi, I hope you can help me! I’m lost for words, my youngest son has told me that his 19 yr old brother is a drug dealer! I’m so nervous and sick to my stomach about this! I seriously need some advise?

  35. Alot of you are overreacting. If it’s just weed, than just deal with ti. Rehab is a joke for marijuana. especially when 3/4 of these kids parents are wine-os and beer drinkers. Also, you know that alot of you can be charged for going through a full grown persons cell phone right? Regardless of them being your child they still have basic rights

  36. my son was arrested after selling drugs and carrying pot in his back to the mall. He was jumped and beat by two adult men. He now will enter the Juvi system, we will get a court date next week. He is being accused of two class b felonies. He is 15
    Two years ago he started stealing money, selling possessions
    I figured it was pre teen pressures but two years later he is dressed in the best clothes, lots of new shoes, a Mac, expensive watches.

  37. I just found out, like the others, that my 22 year old son is dealing (weed, adderall, who knows what else?). My daughter saw evidence on my son’s cell phone. Here’s my issue: My husband smokes week and abuses alcohol, so our family dynamic is totally messed up. My husband either is oblivious or really doesn’t know. Won’t go to counseling. So I pose the question: Should I cut him off financially? We are currently paying for my son’s rent/utilities, cell phone, health and car insurance. He will graduate in May with a job waiting for him. I am completely furious and heartbroken at the same time. I had suspected this was going on but since I do not live with him I couldn’t prove anything.

  38. It saddens me that parents think that calling the police is the proper course of action. Many of the reactions that many parents have will indeed make their child even worse, out of spite and out of the idea of “this is bad, so it feels fun and exciting to do it”. Confronting your child and telling him that you love him and you don’t want this kind of life for him is a much better alternative. Even if the child doesn’t take it to heart immediately, show patience. Patience and understanding is much stronger than a firm hand and a strict set of rules. I agree that family counseling is a good start, but maybe you need to go even further. Find the reason why your kid wants to sell drugs, is it because he’s addicted? Or is it merely because he wants extra spending money? Help your child find a job. Maybe instead of punishing your kid, start looking at the things that you can reward him on. Negative behavior being met with severe negative consequences will certainly result in more negative behavior. I have never once heard of any teenager (whom likes smoking pot) that gets in trouble and then immediately quits the next day because of being punished. Most of the time, the kid will push even more boundaries out of anger.

    Consider what it’s like being a kid, and try being a tad more understanding. :/

  39. Hi Cindy. I’d suggest going to counseling meetings, just adults or along with your son. But, you all need professional help and guidance at times like these. It’s overwhelming for you, he’s shutting you out….you can benefit from someone who looks at the situation from the side. And explore here, for more info:

  40. Thanks for the article. But can you take it the next step? So, once you confront your teen, then what? He just lies to us. He’s 16 and very good at lying. What’s the answer, should we micromanage his life or call the police when we think he is selling drugs?

  41. Hello C. I’d suggest that you seek medical counsel from a psychotherapist who has experience with family process addictions. Addiction is a systemic disease, meaning it affects everyone in the family. Also, look into the CRAFT model of intervention. Even if he’s not addicted to a substance (and if he’s dealing, the likelihood of use is there), you will learn helpful strategies for coping by seeking professional help.

  42. I just found out this week that my 20 year old son is selling drugs, I think cocaine. He lives in an apartment in another town and attends university full time. He is brilliant with his studies, and is quite angry that his brother told me what is going on. I knew he smoked a little pot but this news has me devastated; I keep think of him wasting away either in prison or from taking drugs. I can’t stop crying, I am so angry with him. I don’t know what to do. I can’t kick him out because he doesn’t live at home, but he is coming for Christmas. I need to have a talk with him; what to say? He thinks he’ll never get caught because ‘he only did it once’, but I believe otherwise. He will ruin his life I am afraid. Can anyone help me? Canada?

  43. My son just turned 17 last month and we have known for 3 years that he smokes pot and has tried other drugs – Molly, spice, aderall, Loratab. Yesterday, my 19 year old daughter and her 21 year old boyfriend came to me and my husband and told us that they heard from a reliable source that our son was now dealing drugs. I went into his room and confronted him. He denied it once but then told me yes. Meanwhile, my husband was searching his car. My husband walked in with a big ziplock bag with a container of pot, 2 little pipe things in it and 2 adderall pills. I went through his phone and found proof that he was in fact dealing. To his friends. But he also had evidence that he was getting it from people in a very bad part of town. We also read that he was “robbed” by a dangerous man known for drugs and is currently being tailed by the police all the time. He is on probation for beating a man within an inch of his life. My son knew none of these facts and was in “business” with some very scary people. We have put his car in the garage, locked his keys in the safe, taken his phone and laptop … all things we have done dozens of times in the last 3 years. In the past, have also removed his bedroom door after being caught smoking in his room. We do not close our eyes to the problems. We have done every punishment we can think of to try to save him, to no avail. Things have only gotten worse. I have looked up drug specialist psychiatrists in our area and the closest is almost 100 miles away. I do not know what to do. I have suggested counseling and he refuses. I can take him, but he is STUBBORN and says he will not speak and I will be throwing money in the garbage (which we absolutely can not spare- we live paycheck to paycheck- I stay home so I can be there for my kids before and after school – a lot of good that did!!!!)

    He has a very high ACT, colleges begging his to attend and throwing lots of money his way in scholarships. I am so afraid he will ruin every chance he has of getting a good education and end up on the streets with nothing. This morning he told me “In one year I will be 18 and I can do anything I want, you cant stop me” I am heartbroken and scared to death for him. My husband has a friend – a good friend who he trusts at the Sherriffs dept and we are going to have him come down and talk to my son. We arent giving him all the dirt, anything that will get him into trouble legally, but enough to let him know that he is using and try to scare him into stopping. Do you think this is a good idea? What else can we do? We live in a small town, it will not take much before my son is found out and labeled a drug dealer and will be on the radar! I think we caught it early but now what??? Please help!!!

  44. Hello Althea. Talk openly with your son and try not to be judgemental, also talk to other adults you can trust or to his teachers, find out who he’s hanging out with and if what you suspect turns out to be true-try to set consistent boundaries. You can also try searching this website for more info:

  45. My son keeps popping up with new clothes and shoes and computers and phones….. He works 2 days a week a ponderosa and keeps trying to tell me he gets good tips…… I don’t believe him one bit…. His phone rings all the time and he is in and out at all hours of the night…… He is 18 and a senior and I’m about to throw his ass out of my house….
    I just want some advice…….. PLEASE HELP ME

  46. Hi Everyone, I have found my Son now 18 smoking weed over the last couple of years and have confronted him in every possible way. He admitted he was smoking and stopped on these occasions and his attitude improved, he got back into his training and was in great form.

    Last week or so he has had no work and suddenly he is out of the house all the time and grumpy as hell and cant get up in the morning. This morning after he left for work ( back at work last 2 days) I went to wash his clothes and low and behold in his pocket was a box with 22 empty weed packets a lighter and in his waster bin a plastic back with a lovely even square cut from it….square was also in basket. I now think he is dealing, another thing I found was ID belonging to someone I have never heard of…….so im also wondering if he is theiving?? help any ideas etc. Husband will kill him when he hears this. I have texted him a told him what i have found and exactly what I feel in respect of this latest find! No reply aft 4 hours!

  47. I’m in the same situation as many of you. My son is selling drugs. He is 17. He’s been in treatment on numerous occasions. He is on probation. I am going to try to make him not able to screw up his life since he won’t help himself. I am telling him today that if he doesn’t stop selling and using (he passes all drug tests and says he doesn’t use)…..I’m going to make sure all of his drug contacts “think” he’s working with the drug task force. There’s no trust with these people and I believe he will lose all his “druggy” friends. I got all of his “contacts” from his cell phone and facebook. All of the contact numbers are on our cell phone bill. All it will take is getting a prepaid cell and texting that, to everyone on his list. He claims he is worried that if he turns in his seller that he will be killed and they will hurt his family. We told him we are willing to take the risk. We live in a small-very rural area. I hope that the threat to do it will be enough but if I have any suspicions, I will do it. Any thoughts?

  48. Our 23 year old son just got fired and kicked out of his house. I was told by his boss that he was running meth using the Company van he was supplied in between jobs. His boss found out because the phone which they supply also had texts and voice messages galore. ….pretty stupid drug dealers/customers if you ask me.

    To make a long story short, our son worked for this same company before and was caught using herion so they sent him home to get cleaned up and offered him his job back once clean. Try as we could he refused to go into rehab. He did go into a 4 day detox but was very sick. Meanwhile his job is trying to hurry up and get him cleaned up and back to work. He is or was their most skilled and valuable employee and super smart bordering on genus. After he couldn’t take being sick he started using more and more and since he did not work he had more time to get high so he liquidated everything. My husband put him to work in our construction business but he too had to fire him after finding drugs and perafenilia. He got very thin, lied all the time and total BS would come out of his mouth. He was so angry and not accountable for his mistakes. None of us knew who he was anymore. His brother had us fly him to where he lived and helped get him clean. So he comes back and starts working for his old Company again and they issue him his van, gas card and celll phone again and provide him with a house. Talk about enabling, and they don’t drug test him. Then they wonder why he slipped so bad this time.

    So, now he is out with no vehicle, no home, and no money. His employer is going to keep his last two paychecks for damages. We confronted him via email as he has no phone. We will not take him in again to be lied too, deceived, and snowed again unless he fesses up and goes into rehab.

    Any suggestions please we are so worried and love him so much. He has so much to offer and so much potential. This is so hard as he was doing so good before he came back.

  49. my son is in total denial… hes loosing weight and that’s a worry… is extremely angry… to be honest i do not believe kicking him out is an answer.. my brothers son years ago was the same.. even worse… had no fear of anyone… they eventually told his to leave in no uncertain terms.. he did and soon afterwards took his own life.. much of my sons so called secrets were discovered a couple of times when he left open his Facebook page…. it said it all.. question is can i tell Facebook about this or am i wasting my time… (hes 19) i just dont know how to handle this. his older brothers did drugs years ago but are now married with children… my two adult daughters never did drugs… last words to say …. drugs split our family right down the middle.. daughter against son etc etc . and im now living alone as my wife and i split up. i felt i always stood up to protect the innocent in my family.. wife went other direction… thank you.

  50. Hello Terese. I’d suggest that you consult with a family counselor who has experience with adolescent drug abuse. His pot use can be a sign hat there’s something off within the family dynamic. Drug abuse is often a systemic signal for dysfunction. To face this issues together as a family can strengthen your bond as a unit, rather than isolate and blame others.

  51. I am suspecting our 16-year-old son is dealing pot, like to his friends. He doesn’t have new clothes or anything like that, but I’ve noticed some sketchy behavior and am very suspicious. I asked him outright but he said no, he wasn’t. He has been smoking pot for a year or two now, and doesn’t want to quit. His choice I guess. But I told my husband, who I don’t think agrees with me, that if he chooses to continue down this path, he’s out of the our house when he turns 18. He says quite often (usually when he’s mad) that as soon as he’s 18, he’s leaving, and well, what he doesn’t know is yeah, if he’s still smoking pot, etc., then he’s out. He thinks he has it so bad here, but he will find out different. Do I want him out on the streets? No, but I will not have him living in our home if he chooses to engage in illegal activity. Notice how many times I used the word choose(s). He knows right from wrong and is choosing
    wrong, and he needs to own up to his choices and discover the consequences. I have felt sick to my stomach so many times and it does hurt when your child whom you love basically turns against you, but coddling and enabling won’t help. I have to remind myself of that every day.

  52. Hello Jodie. I’d suggest that you call in a family counselor immediately to help you figure out what steps you want to take as parents. You’ll need professional advice and intervention not only to address the drug use, but also to act on the criminal nature of your son’s activities; he can go to jail for dealing. Seek out a specialist with experience in adolescent/family addiction issues through the APA’s psychologist locator: Then, surrender to the process and things will fall into place. You cannot control your husband’s reaction, nor your son’s. But you can control your emotional state and set up some goals for yourself. Best of luck and my best thoughts are with you.

  53. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, heart attack, or stroke. I am very serious. I am lost, so very very lost. Our (now) 18 year old son (his birthday was two days ago), has a beautiful heart. He loves me and I know it. We have a very loving relationship and I would just die of heartbreak if anything ever happened to him. Despite this, he has been a challenge for several years now, and we have given into the fact that he is a pot smoker. He parties with his friends every weekend, and I thought it was just some beer, pot, nothing more. He never drives – always has a designated driver. He has called me before. We have tried relentlessly to get him some help, however he will not go to any counseling. We cannot enforce any rules in the house, as he just breaks them anyways. Yet with all this said, he says he loves me and hugs me every single day. We have a very unique relationship. Anyways, last night my husband snooped on his cell phone and what we discovered actually made me throw up around 2 in the morning. I have been sick ever since. He is a drug dealer. Not just a little weed to a friend here or there, but a bonified dealer of massive amounts of pot. Mushrooms. Acid. Ecstasy. He cannot refute this. It is in black and white on his phone. We were up until after 2am reading all the messages. My son is the “go to” guy. I am devastated, heartbroken and scared to death. For him, but also I imagine our home life could be somewhat in danger now. My husband wants to kick him to the curb. I see his point, but I love that kid so damn much that this breaks my heart. I at least want to wait until after Christmas, but he does not. There has been too much lying and disrespect, total disregard for house rules, etc., over the years. My husband is DONE. I am too, but how do I kick my baby out, this young man who used to wrap his little arms around my neck and say “I wuv woo mommy?” How the HELL do I do this? How did this happen???? Our daughter, (she’s 19 now), is the opposite. Never had ONE problem with her. We were good parents! I don’t understand. What if he’s out on the street in the winter, how will he stay warm? Will he be safe? What if he needs to increase his income to pay rent? He will likely turn to more drug selling. How can I do this? Oh God, Oh God, please someone help me….I am so desperate

  54. My daughter told us our son is selling drugs, hash, we searched his room and found lots of money and small plastic bags and a set of micro scales. He is 18, we are going to tell him to leave the house tomorrow, is that a good course of action ? We know that he has been using dope for a couple of years and have been trying to address this, but with no success, we think he really needs a sharp shock. What do you think ?

  55. Many parents are truly anxious whether their children are dealing drugs or not. The information you have provided as well as the firsthand experience you shared are very helpful. It is a great insight especially to those who are going through the same case with their children.

  56. This is a great article that I will be sharing across the board socially. Excellent insight that I think many can relate to. “Not My Kid is For Morons” is the exactly what we all need to realize, it’s all of our kids, and we do need to confront them.

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