Parent of drug addict help: Top 10 truths to help parents

My son’s addiction started in high school, with what at the time I considered to be “normal” experimentation with alcohol and marijuana. I never expected then that his alcohol and drug use would escalate into full blown addiction and that it would progress over the years all the way to intravenous drug use, near death, and a prison conviction. I have learned so much along this journey of my son’s addiction and recovery. From that I have compiled a list of truths to share with others who may find themselves seeking answers and help.

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I am the mother of an addict

I am the mother of an addict who is currently incarcerated.  He is a 22 year old young man that I know for a fact is sweet, kind and intelligent, musical and sensitive. Yet he is now a convicted felon who will spend the next 4 years in prison on a felony conviction for possession of a controlled substance.

Beginning when he was 19, my son has been in long-term rehab on four different occasions, for a total of almost a full year of days. He has embraced sobriety, only to lose it again several months later. He has done this multiple times. He has been rushed by ambulance to the hospital more than once. He almost bled to death and he has had overdoses and seizures. He spent a few days in a psychiatric hospital when he became suicidal. He has been saved by Jesus and lost his faith, joined a church, attended AA, NA, MA, and CA and seen psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors in an effort to understand his behaviors. He has been arrested multiple times. He has fallen down, and gotten up, over and over and over again.

As a single parent who left an alcoholic and drug addict husband when my two children were young, I vowed to myself that I would make a better life for them, and I didn’t drink at all as they grew up. I tried so hard to be a good parent, making their well being my number one concern. My daughter has matured into adulthood and is happily married with a child on the way. She seldom drinks at all, doesn’t use drugs at all, and has a stable and healthy lifestyle.

My son’s addiction

My son’s addiction started in high school, with what at the time I considered to be “normal” experimentation with alcohol and marijuana.  I never expected then that his alcohol and drug use would escalate into full blown addiction and that it would progress over the years all the way to intravenous heroin and meth use.

As my son’s descent into serious addiction took over and his life became a roller coast ride, I jumped on the ride too, and have been through all the ups and downs right alongside him. I have cried, yelled, talked, prayed, pleaded and begged. I have had more sleepless nights than I can count, and I have put myself in perilous circumstances more than once on his behalf. I have spent countless hours, almost all my money and all my energy into trying to save him from himself. I have attended Al-Anon and rehab family sessions galore. I have spent my weekends driving to visitations and embraced new thinking along with him. I have read and read and read every book and article on the subject I could get my hands on. I have considered at length every approach to recovery, from AA to Rational Recovery, from faith-based to non-secular, to medically-assisted to pure self will and determination, in an effort to find the key to my son’s condition and to his recovery.

Parents, trust your instincts

I would advise any parent of teens, if you are beginning to suspect a problem, trust your instincts. Pay attention to what your child does more than what they say. Trust is important between a child and parent, but don’t let your love for your child dissuade you from ignoring the facts. If a problem becomes evident and your child is still a minor or under your roof, address it immediately. This is the time to be the parent your child needs with rules, expectations and consequences. If they are a young adult and out on their own, your approach will be different, but be upfront with your concerns. As much as you want your young adult children to consider you a friend, it is more important that they are made aware that their addictive behavior has become noticeable to others.

10 Truths for the Parent of an Addict Child

You may find yourself reading here today because you are just at the start of that roller coaster ride, or maybe you are already deep into it, looking for answers. I don’t have the answers. But after all of it, I have learned a few hard lessons. From these lessons, I have compiled a list of truths. I wish I had read this list a few years back and taken it to heart. Maybe things could have turned out differently.

    1. Your actions and parenting are not what caused your child to become an addict. Perhaps there are things that you would do differently if you had it to do over. But keep in mind, at the time you made what you thought were the right decisions. Don’t waste your energy and affect your own morale by going over and over the past and endlessly second-guessing yourself.
    2. You can’t fix your child’s addiction. Only your child can find the answers to their sobriety. You may provide your child with self-help books, spend every dime you have sending them to rehab, find support groups for them within your community or much more. But none of that will get them clean and sober and on the path to recovery, until they have hit their own personal rock bottom and are ready to recover.
    3. What you believe your child’s rock bottom to be and what they believe their rock bottom to be can be very different. For you, their dropping out of school or college may seem a tragedy. For them, especially when they are actively using, it may be but a blip on the radar. For you, one trip to the hospital due to an OD may seem a nightmare that you never want to endure again. For them, it may take even more severe consequences for them to reach bottom.
    4. Telling a child that “if they loved you” they would get clean and sober “for you” will never, ever work. It’s not that they don’t love you, it’s that they are an addict.
    5. And along those lines, don’t for a moment believe that your child, who surely does love you, is not capable of lying to you, stealing from you and more when in the grips of their addiction.
    6. Bailing your child out of trouble caused by their addiction is not protecting them. It is enabling them to continue their addiction without consequences. Facing consequences for their addictive behavior early in their addictive behavior, for example, the loss of a job, an eviction, or a bad credit score, could be an effective lesson for them, and help them face that they have a problem.  Yes, they eventually will have a mess to clean up. Let them learn that.
    7. Bailing your child out of jail if they should be arrested is not always the right thing to do, even if every fiber of your being is in torment at the thought of them being incarcerated. Chances are very strong they will survive the experience, even if you leave them there for quite a long time, and the reality of spending days or even weeks in jail may be just the hard slap they need. Likewise, hiring expensive lawyers may or may not minimize the impact of criminal charges but it will not increase your child’s likelihood of recovering from their addiction.
    8. Telling your child you love them unconditionally is always right. Telling them you don’t like and won’t condone or support their behavior when they are actively using is also right. Addicts can be more manipulative and cunning in their drug seeking behavior than you would like to believe your child capable of. It’s OK and appropriate to tell your child that they cannot use your car, take your money, or jeopardize your home, health, or well being in any way. You may even reach a point when you need to tell your addict child they are not allowed or welcome in your home any longer. Protect yourself, your health, your finances, and your assets.
    9. Loving your child isn’t always enough.  Your addict child will hurt themselves, harm themselves, and cause themselves more pain that you can imagine, and all the love you have for them can’t prevent it or stop it. They may lose friendships and relationships with other family members and with you and alienate everybody. They may lose everything they have and cause irreparable havoc from their drug use. You will still love them, even when they are at their worst. In their own guilt and shame they may have a hard time believing that you love them and they may push you away. Always let them know you believe they have the ability to recover.
    10. There is always hope. In your child’s darkest hour, they may find what they need. Never give up on your child.

Just for today

My son is now 4 months clean, via his arrest and incarceration. He writes to me that being imprisoned has allowed him to feel freer than he has in a very long time. He no longer has a needle in his arm and he is clear-headed and focused. He is reading and writing with a vengeance. He has the courage to face what is ahead of him and the belief that there is a path of growth and recovery for him. He accepts full responsibility for his current circumstances. I continue to pray for his well being, love him with all of my heart, and believe that he can find and stay on his path to recovery.

Are you the parent of an addict? How has your child’s addiction affected you and your family? Do you have truths to add to this list?

About the author
Francis Rivers is the single mother of an adult son who is an addict currently in recovery while he is incarcerated for drug possession. His addiction and efforts at recovery have greatly impacted her own life and taught her some difficult lessons about loving an addict child. Learn more at In a Texas Prison.


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  1. My son is 46. He had a good job, owned a house and was responsible. Last year we found out he is addicted to cocaine. He quit his job. stopped paying his bills, sold all his belongings and lost his home. We gave him money (mistake). Now is lives in a motel, only dealing with the dealers. He may be one himself. I am distraught beyond belief and cannot deal with this pain much longer. I know I can’t save my son. But can I save myself. Support groups aren’t helping. When I talk about it I can’t stop crying and it is like rubbing salt into the wound. He is the father to a beautiful and extremely intelligent and sensitive 15 year old son. The situation is taking a toll on him as well. And we are very concerned. He loves his father and misses him terribly. He is becoming withdrawn and reclusive. His mom, my ex-daughter-in-law, my daughter and I would like to see him get professional help but he refuses. I would appreciate any suggestions. Thank you

  2. Francis ! don’t waste your life in hope of some one getting cured from a disease . most likely the cure will never come .

  3. Hello Francis Rivers. Good to read on your son being sober. I have a 28 yr old Son who is a boozing,pot smoking,meth smoking addict. He also has AdHd and a Mental Illness as well which make him physco when he’s on meth or coming down. Unfortunately for AdHd people it’s cut & dry if they’ll be addicts or not. My wife & I are thinking about attending A/A & N/A support groups. Not knowing what to expect if we go, What should or can we expect when we go to these meetings? I know it’s not to save him,Will it give us better ideas how to deal with him?

    1. Alanon is a life saver for me, may want to try a group in your area
      God bless and lead you out of the insanity into serenity!

  4. Our son is going on 22 and has been an addict since the age of 14. His drug of choice is anything. If he can’t afford drugs or booze then it’s mouthwash. After numerous failed intervention attempts and fearing for our safety and that of his younger sister we had him removed from the house by the Police just after he turned 18. He was also stealing from us and his sister. His drug use also caused him to be expelled permanently from school at 17. He failed to complete grade 11.

    The next 4 years have been an emotional roller coaster of hopes only to be dashed by failures, deceit, lies and manipulation, but only because we allowed it to happen.

    We consigned a lease on an apartment because he got a job and needed his own place. The job, like so many others lasted less than a month and we were left paying for his lease for 11 months. The little he got from welfare covered the heat, hydro and some food. Most of the time we bought him groceries because we were afraid he wasn’t eating properly. While we did this he still managed to buy drugs and booze.

    He had a car that he had bought out of an insurance settlement. He had no money to keep it running but told us he needed it to attend job interviews. We paid for his insurance and upkeep so he could attend those job interviews…..the ones that we now know were non existent. He needed his car for transportation to his dealer and for parties.

    Christmas gifts, birthday gifts became items he sold on Craig’s list. Everything was sold off for drug money.

    We finally stopped the insanity and stopped all financial support. He ended up wrecking his car and his insurance payout disappeared in a matter of weeks to drugs.

    He was evicted for not paying his rent but he found a “buddy” to move in with.

    A year or so passed and we thought things were finally changing. He seemed to be sober more, at least whenever we had contact with him he seemed to be. He also started dating a girl who didn’t smoke, drink or do drugs who also had a full time job.

    Also by some miracle he was able, with the help of insistence of welfare, get into a job skills program. The program was set up like a “full time job” where you had to attend class every day. They in turn provides skills upgrading as well as a job placement for 3 months to provide hands on work experience in addition to paying a full time salary for the duration of the program. At the end of the program you were paid a graduating bonus of $500 and they would provide assistance in securing a full time job for you no matter how long it took. The only catch, you had to attend every day and put forth an effort.

    Our son recently approached us and told us that he and his girlfriend wanted to get their own place together but needed first and last month’s rent. He provided us with their plan on repaying us which was achievable since he was now making a “regular” paycheque. So we gave him the money.

    A couple of weeks later we learn from his “ex girlriend” that our son had broken up with her and had either quit or was kicked out of the program weeks ago and he had been on a drug and alcohol fuelled bender…..with our money.

    We had been played for fools and manipulated once again.

    The only thing that our son has become “good” at is his ability to lie deceive and manipulate.

    He has no desire to change, no intention to change. People in his life are used as a tool for his addiction.

    He is not the giggling, loving little blonde hair, blue eyed boy with the wide grin and the missing front teeth. No. He is a 22 year old lying, manipulating, toxic adult who doesn’t care about responsibility, trust. The only thing he loves is his addictions.

    We will always love that little boy but not the adult addict that he turned into. We are done with him. We will never again trust anything he says or does. It will take a heck of a lot more proof than mere words or a glimmer of change to ever regain even a thimble of our trust.

    We fully expect him to end up homeless and living on the streets once he eventually burns a couple of more bridges but this will be his choice. There is nothing anyone can do for him, he is the one in charge of his destiny which may also include an early grave.

    As much as it hurts we have to make this break from him and his toxicity. Our emotional and financial well being depends on it. His future is his and his alone.

  5. My 32 year old daughter has been using for 14 years. The last 7 have been the worst when she started shooting up heroin and anything else she could find. She’s been to jail and prison on numerous occasions. While imprisoned she promises to get clean and stay that way as she doesn’t want to go back only to use as soon as or shortly after being released. She’s been to rehab on a dozen occasions sometimes we paid others she was ordered by the court. Nothing works. We are at our wits end. She is the kindest, caring person I’ve ever met. Her love for her family is immeasurable. We don’t know what to do. She is staying with her grandmother now because we don’t want her in our house because we don’t want her friends around and her grandmother doesn’t allow them in her house, however, she is more understanding with her moods, screaming etc. She has to move out of there within a couple of weeks because her grandmother is moving and can’t have her live with her anymore plus we don’t want the burden on an 83 year old woman. We are afraid to have her live with us because my daughter knows that once she takes up residency she is allowed to have any friend over she wants and there is nothing we can do. We don’t know what her bottom will be. We keep asking ourselves when this nightmare will ever end. I am miserable and hate my life. My husband dumps it on me because he is better at ignoring her. We have plans to go on vacation in a month but don’t know what to do with her. She has no real friends she can stay with. Any advice is much appreciated. Please.

  6. Hi my daughter is in need of help she uses meth I need Eddie to find a place that’s close to home if possible. I believe she has the sunshine medicad.

  7. I have a sister who has relapsed and is attached to a very dangerous person who feeds her the drugs and also is a dealer. She has cut off all communication to her family and her children (who are safe with Grandma and Dad). She’s lost her job, is living in a cheap hotel with her addict boyfriend, and using God only knows what. We have all let her know we love her, will do whatever is needed to get her help, but she needs to stay away until she decides to get help and live a healthy life. We get no responses from her, she hasn’t talked to anyone in over 2 weeks, and we’re all terrified she may OD. I need advise on when is it okay to get the Police involved? I would rather see my sister locked up in jail alive rather than do nothing and die from an OD. Other family members are not approving of this action. We do not have a lot of experience with this and would like some advice on what to do…..

  8. I have two young children of my own (under 4).
    My 16 year old stepson was just released into our care full time. He was in rehab for meth addiction for 13 months. I worry for my babies. I love my stepson, but are my boys safe?

  9. Thank you for the glimpse of hope. I felt like you were me while I was reading everything is exactly the same with my son except he has never been to jail. He says he is high on adderal but it looks like meth to my bf. He was very aggressive and unrecognizable! He is also an alcoholic ! The worse of all the drugs I think. I might have to allow him to get evicted I am in economical ruin for paying his rent for 6 months now. He continues to spend his $ on drugs and alcohol and there I go pay his rent and run behind in my own bills. Maybe I need to let him get evicted and either go to rehab or be in the street. I cannot continue paying a bed of roses. In the mean time I’m trying to keep a job and my life together. This consumes my energy ! I feel lonely and extremely sad !! I have to get help for myself!!!

  10. thank you. i’m crying but grateful for the reinforcement. i know what i have to do and i don’t feel as alone as i did a few minutes ago

  11. I need help with my 19 year old son who is going down the paths you narrated. We are shocked, living under constant fear and pain. We are seeing in psychiatrist and therapies but the problem is getting worse…dropped out of college, lost jobs and threatening to die. I don’t know who to turn to and seek advice. Please contact me.

  12. Success story and hope.
    I’m a father of three. My middle daughter at 17 was a train wreck. Her drug of choice was heroin. Two rehabs, wrecked cars lost jobs the usual path of destruction. My wife and we’re on the roller coaster. We went to naranon which was a huge help for us. We finally threw her out of the house and she had that I ll show you attitude. She bounced on a few couches end up at a friends house in NYC who was just as bad but when they ran out of money and sources luckily she met an army recruiter. She called me to say she was going in the army thinking I would talker out of it. I wished her good luck thinking she would never be accepted. She no criminal record and had a good line of BS. She went to boot camp within a month and came out a whole new person. That was 7 years ago and she did her 4 years got out is married and going to school on the gi bill. The day she graduated boot camp I cried like a baby I was so proud of her. So there is hope.
    I was not so lucky with her older brother. He some how slipped through the cracks when we were busy worrying about his sister. He was at college drinking doing drugs. Somehow got out and travelled from job to job all over the country. He managed to screw ever landlord who would rent to him. Every car, motorcycle and mode of transportation he got his hands on he wrecked and never made a second payment. He is 29 years old and has finally landed back on my couch. I’ve tried every means to get him out but nothing works. I set up a camera and of course confirmed him stealing from me.
    I’m about to get divorced as my wife and I don’t see eye to eye on him. Do I still have hope. Yes. Can lightening strike twice? I sure hope so. The two times he went to rehab he did well for a few months but right back to old friends and habits. He is a heroin user and any pills he gets his hands on. He has a job but spends his entire paycheck in three days. He steals the gas out of my garage and begs his mommy for gas money to get to work. Then he sits on the couch until the next paycheck when the cycle starts over again.
    Then the third child who is my youngest daughter. She is 22 and fully supports herself. She is the joy of my life. I’m still thankful for everything I have and I still have hope that one day he makes it. Hang in there everyone.

  13. Angry dude’s post needs to be deleted by an administrator. That’s uncalled for here. We all know our addict children made their own choices in life.

  14. Tonight is the hardesst night of my life, my grandson by blood, whois my son legally (I adopted him) ino longer has a home. He destroyed it in his meth filled rage. The walls are beaten in, the floor is filthy, the carpet is ripped up, the commode is broken, the light bulbs are all taken out for drug use. I am told they use them to smoke meth out of. And we are evicted. The two cars I had he destroyed. I drive a thousand dollar car now. At least it runs when it will start. He will not pack up his things so they can be stored. He :doesnt care” He has a job with his uncle, who would care for him and assist him with a life. But he doesnt want to work. He cannot get a job anywhere there are drug tests. He is facing drug charges, doestic vandlism charges, and now burglary. Stealing guns from his girlfriends father to pay for his addiction to meth.
    He used to be so very handsome. Now he has “jailhouse” tatooes on his face, his hands. NO longer able to be a model if he so desired.
    And tonight, I wonder where he will go. Will he sleep under a bridge? is he cold? Is he hungry. NO longer able to depend on Mammaw for his food,his shelter, somewhere to bathe, someone who loves him more than her life. Which is destroyed. I live on disability. The nest egg I had is all gone.. Bankrupt due to his wrecks. His mother is on the street now too. Same problen, different drug. She has bruises where he has hit and kicked her, and where her boyfriend, who is on meth, has abused her too. Now she is on the street too.
    I know this is what I should do. Let them make it on their own. But why do I feel so bad, so guilty, so very hurt, so worried, sick to my stomach with shame, worry if I am doing the right thing.
    I never did drugs, always worked like a dog. I am a retired RN, now disabled with metal hips, neck, arthritis. Now what??

  15. Our son is 17 & has been vaping and smoking pot. He has lied to us over and over. Right now he is not using anything (supposedly).
    I am so frustrated, how do you know they are telling the truth?
    Now I don’t believe anything he says.
    This is so hard.
    Does anyone have any advice on how to get past all the lies?

  16. Let me start this by stating that I came no where close to reading all the comments on here. I got as far as “Debbie” who posted in 2011. First off “angry dude” is just flat out wrong about this. Are there some cases where the parents are partially or more to blame absolutely but it is FAR from the norm. How can I know this you may wonder. Well I am an addict. Before you go judging I come from a very loving home with 2 amazing parents who never did drugs. And I didn’t not start using drugs because I was partying or “chose” to use them. Infact I was the total “anti drug nerd” so to speak when I was younger. I didn’t even smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol, I even got in trouble for throwing my uncles cigarettes on the roof multiple times attempting to get him to stop smoking. I was the one that everyone truly thought they never had to worry about when it even came to experimenting with such things. So how did I get here? I have a few medical conditions that cause severe pain and in 7th grade (without taking the time to figure out the cause) doctors started prescribing me pain meds, starting with Vicodin and Percocet shortly after. I legitimately did need them and still do off and on to this day which makes it incredibly hard to get and stay clean. Both of my parents are fire fighter/paramedics and my mom actually taught all the EMT/paramedic classes in our county for many years so I while not an expert by any stretch have a bit more medical knowledge than most average ppl not in a medical field. My dad is probably one of the only ppl in a medical field who doesn’t believe in modern medicine for himself, a hot bath is the answer to most things for him and if he’s taking a Tylenol then he’s at the point where most ppl would be in the hospital. It took years of being prescribed these meds before a doctor finally figured out what was wrong with me and by that time I was hooked. The doctors and my parents sent me to rehab to detox off what the doctors had been prescribing me but unknown to them the meds had stopped working and I had developed a tolerance to them and had started seeking out more meds on my own to do the job that my meds had once done (dealing with actual legit pain). I will get myself clean and sober often for months or occasionally a year or more and then I’ll have a flare up or other injury that causes me to be legitimately prescribed again and I start the cycle all over again. It’s always the withdrawals that keep me from just stopping the meds as they are unbearable. This time around I’m trying something different (definition of insanity and all that jazz) and am attempting suboxone (I just started them so I don’t yet know if it will work) but because they also help with pain I’m hoping that taking them (again prescribed not off the street) will at the least keep me out of the cycle. It’s a hard battle when you have legit issues that require these types of drugs from time to time but also have dependence on them. Don’t go judging every addict as someone who chose this life because so very many didn’t, they simply trusted their doctors and had legitimate issues be in a chronic condition or an injury, like from work or a car accident, and then couldn’t get off them and deal with withdrawals and still be able to function. Most ppl can’t afford or take the months off of work to just put life on hold and go thru the hell that it is to detox. And definitely don’t blame the parents (unless of course the parents were using the child’s entire life and that’s what they grew up knowing but even then there are plenty of kids who live through that and choose to never touch a drug). No one is perfect, everyone has problems. Treating addicts like they are just criminals and having no empathy towards them only drives them further away and down the rabbit hole (there have been studies using mice and offering them water with drugs and water without and when the mice were kept with other mice and social they chose the regular water-even if they tried the laced water first, but when a mouse was kept alone and alienated they kept going for the drugs every time) no human is a pariah and everyone deserves love. That doesn’t mean give the addict everything it simply means to show compassion and understanding. To all the parents of addicts out there stay strong. I feel like on behalf of your kids I can say “I know we make life hard and sometimes unbearable, I’m sorry we aren’t perfect but just like you we are human and infallible, but we do love you, we do appreciate you and everything you’ve done and do for us, we are sorry our addiction gets in the way and causes us to do horrible things and break your hearts. We don’t mean to the vast majority of the time, some of us never mean to at all, but if you’ve ever had to deal with true withdrawals and the battle that goes on in our heads when we are like this (I’ve literally had drugs said no and walked away only to keep going back almost doing them and stopping and gotten mad at myself nearly flushed them they stopped and eventually after this continued for what felt like an eternity did them). We love you, please don’t give up on us, don’t give in to us but don’t give up on us either. We love you even if we are so deep in addiction we can no longer show it”

  17. My bf and I have been on and off for almost 3 years. He has stolen, cheated, evil, etc and just recently broke down and came clean about his drug use everyday around the clock – 23 yrs) He goes to meetings now. I do my best to make sure he is on the straight and narrow. Track his phone, look at his phone, drug test. But he said he was out at a meeting and was out till 3-4am said he was talking to his sponsor. I said prove it. Let me ask him on speaker, then went to talk to him again and now won’t provide proof. How do I deal? Say if so not come clean you have to leave or ???? Help!!

  18. After years of being lied to and giving money to our now 34 year old daughter ($200+ for a girl scout cookie order for my brownie scout grand daughter that never went through, $600 for a supposed down payment on a car that was suddenly not for sale when she had the money in hand), sudden tremendous weight loss, horrible tooth decay, daughter being evasive as hell, I finally put the pieces together. Yes, she’s on meth. I feel like a fool that I didn’t put the signs together over the years. She and I were very close before, although we live in different states. When she called on the phone, we would spend hours talking back and forth. The past few years contact has dwindled to non-existence. When I recently came out and asked if she was using meth, she immediately blocked me. So now I know. It’s crazy, but there’s still a part of me that wants to deny it. Codependency can be as tough as the addiction itself, I guess. I’ve begun to reach out for help. It’s not going to do her any good if I’m half crazed with anger, hurt and worry. I can’t be her lifeboat, only a lighthouse I hope she sees before crashing on the rocks.

    I still wake myself up crying in my sleep. Pace the floors, make a cup of tea, pace again. I feel as if my soul’s been ripped out of my body. My God, I love her and can’t do a thing for her but pray and take care of me. The worst part is that I know she’s hurting just as bad, but the addiction is speaking for her. This is just killing me.

  19. I wanted to write and let parents of addicted kids know that there can be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. My son, after being on every imaginable drug, was arrested and thrown into jail for two weeks. He was arrested for selling one of his prescription Adderall to an undercover officer. It was the best thing that ever happened to him. When I went to see him in jail, (and no I did not bail him out) he told me he did not belong in there. When he got out, there was no way he was coming to live with me, and I searched high and low for a home or rehab center through the county for him to go and stay. As it turned out, he came to my place, swearing that he would never take drugs again. He’s been taking Suboxone for years coupled with Vyvannse, Adderall, whatever else. He was on heroin, speed, you name it… When he got out of jail, he told me he would never go back to drugs, because he never wanted to go back to jail. My son lived in some really bad areas, and he is very street savvy, but this was something he did not wish to return to. He is 50 days clean, proud of himself, working, and for the first time in my life, I have my boy back. This was the most incredible Christmas gift any mother could ever hope for. I can only thank God that my son has seen the light. He had hit his own personal rock bottom, and I’m so glad he did. Hang in there, moms and dad’s, love your kids, but do not enable them, let them know that you will be there for them as long as they move forward. Those were the words to my son all of his life. “You move forward, and I am here to help you”. He’s 32 years old, still time to make something if his life. He’s proud of himself, and I am thrilled. He is a completely different human being, and he is loving life right now. When he talks to old drug addicted friends who sniff him out, he tells them the same thing. He says he didn’t realize how wonderful life could be until he got clean. He stays away from users. My son had been on drugs since the age of 17. He had been on opiates and all kinds of addictive drug drugs for 10 years. I never thought he’d stop. I kept thinking I’d find him dead. Right now, I’m just so helpful. Hang in there.

  20. Our sons drug problems started at 18. He is now 38. He has been in an out of jail and rehabs more times than I can count. His drug of choice is marijuana, but he will do anything available. Lately it’s been meth and cocaine.He was diagnosed with add at a young age, and now as an adult has bipolar. I know a high percentage of kids with those problems are addicts. His dad, sister and I always begged him to take meds for his disorders but he wouldn’t. For some reason he would only take illegal drugs.He is now going to department of corrections for the first time. We pray this is his rock bottom and it will give him the wakeup call to change his life. He was always so sweet and loving but this addiction turned him into someone we didn’t know. Like everything I’ve read, the manipulating, stealing, lying, our sleepless nights, praying for his safety and that he comes home. We’ve enabled, then quit enabling. He’s been in at least 8 rehabs, lived in a couple salvation armys,we’ve done family counseling, but like I’ve read and believe, he is the only one who can help himself. No matter what we’ve tried or insisted for him to do.It’s up to him! I pray daily that for the sake of him and his 2 precious girls that are 9 and 10, he can beat this!! Hopefully prison will save him!!

  21. My son started smoking weed at the age of 17 and has been on a downward slop every since. He used to have so many friends, but has very few now except for those that enable him. He has flunked out of college even though he went in on scholarships. He is so thin and his entire appearance is someone that I do not even recgonize. He is paranoid & believes everyone plays mind games with him. I know that he does marajuana, acid, cocaine, molly. He received a DUI back in July & spent 2 nights in jail – I slept good those 2 nights knowing that he was safe and not able to use. He checked himself into the hospital in October and stayed for 5 days, but got out and used that night. He is dealing but denies it. I have been told that he has a lot of cash stashed and I am concerned if he owes money or if his life is in danger. He came home for Christmas and asked that we make him a Dr appointment because he never has an appetite. We took this as an opportunity to have an intervention. We sat in the Dr office and aporoached him about rehab, he refused. We told him that was fine, but we were taking his car and no longer enabling him in anyway. He kept saying that we were forcing him to rehab, we told that he did not have to go but we do not have to turn him loose with a car. He went in on December 26th and is still there. He does want to come home because he claims he doesn’t belong there. Today is visitation & I am choosing not to go as I want him to have more time to clear his head and really think about things. I hope I am making the right decision. His dad and stepmom are going to see him today and are going to have him sign a release form for the clinic to call us if he tries to check himself out. He is 20 years old and such a bright young man, just not sure how we arrived here. I pray that this is his turning point – I am putting it in God’s hands.

  22. For some reason, today has been extremely difficult and emotional for me. I somehow stumbled onto this website and ended up reading the post and every comment left since 2011. My son, who just turned 21 a month ago, is an addict. He started abusing his anxiety medication when he was still in high school. We took him off the medication but that did not stop him. He has tried cocaine, heroin, opiods, and most recently has started doing meth. He has always had low self esteem and deals with depression and anxiety. All the counseling and therapy I tried with him did not help. He moved out of the state when he turned 18 and was away for about a year when he decided he wanted to come back and move in with me to change his life. Start over. He and his girlfriend came back to live with me but it only lasted a few months and she left. He had fallen back into his ways. We tried detox and rehab and he has not successfully completed either. He says it won’t help him. I guess that is because he has not hit the point in his life that he believes he wants or needs the help. He tells me that he wants to change and he wants to be clean but I am beginning to believe that he tells me these things because he wants something from me at the time or because he feels like he is at his rock bottom until I help him with his immediate problems and then he is gone. This year has been the toughest. Especially with the holidays. Thanksgiving turned out ok but I know both he and his friend/roommate were both high when they came to my house for dinner. Then he showed up at my house a few days before Christmas all messed up. Delusions and hallucinations. He didn’t trust me or anyone and believed there was a conspiracy against him. He got so angry that I actually feared him for some time. But I didn’t want to turn him out onto the street. Baker acting him would only help me to not deal with it but has not done anything positive for him previously. He stayed until Christmas eve and then decided he needed to go for a bit and I have not heard from him since. These are the times it is most difficult to deal with because I never know if this time is the last time I will see my sweet boy’s face. If this is when I will get the call that he is dead. I have anxiety myself and my mind goes to these places and i can’t seem to stop it. I have four kids. My three daughters are against drugs. My son’s father was a drug addict and so was his paternal grandmother. My biggest issue is not yet being able to figure out how to be there for him and be supportive and have some kind of relationship with him without enabling him. I am guilty of enabling but no longer want to do so. It’s so hard to know how to set the right boundaries. To know what will work and what won’t. How to protect myself and the rest of my family while not turning my back on my son completely. It is even more difficult because his father’s wishes are for me to cut him off completely and be done with him. I cannot bring myself to do so. I don’t want to. I refuse to believe that is the option. I just want my son back.

  23. I am choosing as of the past few days of my sons 19 year addiction to opioids , not to love my son to death any longer. I have told him NO and stuck to it. It may not seem long to you, but I’ve never said no before . I am beyond done and have been for a long time. It’s in God’s hands now.

  24. I hope and pray your son does well after his release.. As for my bother that was released on a 5 yr sentence from prison on his 3rd prison visit is already back on the streets and back on crack etc.. I just don’t think he’s ever going to STOP!! It isn’t because he has to be on the streets my Mom let’s him stay with her.. For the first 2 month’s he did good. He had a girlfriend and moved in with her and her kids..But by the 3rd month started getting back to his old ways started leaving her accusing her of cheating, saying she was tracking him spying on him thru his phone etc..Now today Mom called and said her called her after going off last night with someone for her to come to a store to pick him up which we she got there he wasn’t no where to be found..But there was a police officer there and he stopped her husband and ask what she was doing? She tells him that she’s there to pickup her son but he’s not there. So he tells her that she needs to leave that area that it’s not safe for her.. So she leaves and rides around looking for my brother. Well she ride’s around some of the old area’s she’d been to pick him up from in the past (mind u this was 5 yes ago) and see’s him walking.. She gets him in the car and he’s telling her to slow down and there going to get him just acting all crazy all the time she’s telling him nobody’s going to get him!! Then she finally gets him home and can’t get him outta the car because he’s still tripping finally she gets him out and in the house. Now he’s inside and he’s looking out the windows jumping around saying crazy stuff and she’s trying to calm him down and has 3 grandkids there seeing him do this.. What can we do? The police want do nothing until he breaks the law, rehab didn’t work, 3 times in prison didn’t work and they want commit him until he does something and is considered a danger to himself or the public and then a probate judge has to sign before they’ll pick him up.. So were all outta ideas and my mother isn’t able to deal with this anymore he’s 42 yrs old and has put her thru hell for the last 14 yrs.. I don’t know how to help her or him. I’ve begged, prayed, cussed,cried, everything to him and he just gets mad and acts like we’re stupid..

  25. My 39 year old Addicted Daughter, My Only Child. Graduated from college with a B/A in Nursing.Practiced for 10 years then became an Addict. I want to try and save her life. I donot Have the time to tell Stories of what she has endured. With all I have read, I am very disheartened that I may not be able to gain guardianship of her. WHY Does the system just let our Addicted, Mentally I’ll, Children TRY to save themselves when on a given day the don’t even know where they are At .

  26. Thank you. Thank you for your strength and courage to tell it like it is. It is my grandson. He is being evicted in February and I was feeling so guilty I was thinking of letting him back in. He is such a smart and handsome kid. I can’t believe what has happened. I know in my head I can’t have him back but the guilt is like a cancer. But you hit so many many nails on the head that I’ve taken your advice. I just hope I can stay strong in February. Thank you.

  27. My 32 year old addict son told me his girlfriend is 17 weeks pregnant with a boy n they are considering abortion. My only child n then potentially my onky grandchild. I m dead inside

  28. It took a few days to get through all of the above comments. I learn more from the comments then the actual article because people who comment have actual life experience.

    I’m here because I got involved with a 27 year old female heroin addict and was searching for answers. When I met her I knew she was using some kind of drug, but I had no idea how bad it was and what kind of drug she was using as I have always stayed away from drugs and alcohol.

    Long story short this 27 year old woman has been using heroin for some time. She started out in high school abusing oxycontin, percocet and other prescription pills then graduated to street heroin. And now at the age of 27 her life is pretty much ruined. She has 5 children with different men that she’s not involved with, she has lost most of her teeth, she doesn’t have a job, no bank account, in arrears for child support, is homeless, suspended DL, doesn’t have a car, and just spends her days shooting up in public bathrooms and sleeping around with different men (sometimes with no condoms) for a place to sleep and money to buy heroin. Through her cellphone that her dad pays for in a course of a week she could go through 20+ men to support her heroin habit and secure a place to sleep. Cops, doctors, blue collar men, ghetto street guys to white collar professionals are all her clients who call her or she calls.

    In my opinion she no longer uses heroin to get high, she uses it now to keep from getting sick and violently ill and as she told me she uses it to block out how bad her life is. She is a prisoner to heroin and it’s putting her in a bad position where men can take advantage of her. She will get up in the morning and skip food, a shower, and brushing her teeth and call her dealer to get her fix and in about 2-3 hours after that she will need another fix. She can’t even leave the neighborhood or go to another state as every few hours she needs her fix. This is her life every single day and it’s taken a toll on her health, shes now a hard looking 27 year old but still pretty and is still more then capable of attracting males.

    For a few weeks she was on Suboxone and found a place to live with another recovering female heroin addict and that’s when I met her but that only lasted a few weeks then she got kicked out and started using heroin again and all the lies started. I have offered to take her to a shelter and help her to get back on Suboxone or some other treatment but all I hear from her is excuses and there is zero effort on her part in wanting to quit or get help even though she acknowledges that her life is messed up, she doesn’t see her kids and that she talks of ending her own life.

    I agree with others above that letting someone hit rock bottom isn’t the way out. It might work for some, but there has to be a better way to help someone instead of letting them ruin their lives especially when people on heroin don’t seem to have the mental capacity to make intelligent decisions.

  29. Adult son clean 8 yrs “except for pot”..lies of grandure very common even when tryth is fine
    Working well liked etc but w family short fuse and the lies Advice?

  30. I’ve been married to my husband for 20 years. His son (my stepson) passed away 6 months ago. He overdosed. Hed been a heroine addict since the age of 14. He was 27. Its no secret that he was not my favorite person. He lived with us for a few years and then with every other family member until we all had had enpugh. My husband was always on his side. 4 rehab stays, outpatient, etc. We paid for apartments and got him jobs. He almost managed to get us to divorce. He was allowed to treat me like crap in my own home…that I pay for. The name calling, the stealing, the lieing, I could go on and on, but I’m sure you’ve all been there. Now that hes gone my husband wants someone to blame. I cant talk about it with him because I refuse to sugarcoat his sons life. There is no one to blame. He had years and years and years of help/enabling. My husband gets upset because I’m not sad and devastated about his sons death. No, I’m not. I wont talk about what a great kid he was, how he had so much going for him….its not the truth. I love my husband and I’m angry as hell at my stepson for once again leaving a big pile of shit and destruction for his father to clean up and live with forever. God I hate this.

  31. I truly wish I had found this 13 years ago…I think that I could have saved myself a LOT of guilt, had I.
    I’ve felt as if it is my fault, because I’m bi-polar and because I have pain medication in the house. I’ve spent at least 11 years blaming myself for my daughter’s addiction.

    Thank You! I needed to see this!

  32. my daughter has been using drugs since she was 14. started with script drugs then pot and other things like it then she got in to opiates….vicodin….oxy….all along raring my wife and I for thousands of dollars we didn’t have to make her car payment and car insurance. Then she promised me her 5000 tax return is I made 2 more car payments not realizing she was an addicts. When I finally said I want that 5000 that your check had been deposited for 10 all of a sudden it was gone. Then she got my wifes atm card and charged thousands of dollars on that….I kicked her and he 1 and 1/2 yr old son out of my house. 1 and 1 half years later she is arrested for meth at 130 in the morning with my grandson in car…..needless to says she lost her sone. A woman who didnt know her bailed her out of jail and finally my wife and I were forced to let her in our home….I less than 2 months she stole and uses 7 of our credit and debit card. same accounts but had to have cards changed due to her fraudulent behavior. Then she stole my daughter’s jewelry and her children laptop computers and my grandsons money. Then she got my otherdaught and her wife. that now ended our relationship and she is off in jail rehabbing. Screw her. I am in my late 60’s and cannot afford to allow this drug addict back in my home. She has used me and my wife as her reasons….we’ve done nothing. I have washed my hands of it…..this daughter has stolen over 25000.00 from me and I am retireing soon. She is no longer allowed in my home. She can rot on the streeets. I can’t even leave my wallet on my bedstand. Personally if she doesn’t call me ever again I will not care. sure I hope she finds happiness….but any of you fools who think we have to forgive the drug addict can go fuck you.

  33. I’ve been told the Grandaughter I cared for , for 10years is probably going to die ! They are helping me prepare my young Grandson for this possibility! I can’t accept it this is the little girl I loved and cared for who was sent home to her addict mother and within weeks had stopped school loved sport activities was using all drugs she could get hold of od’ing frequently and being physically abused whilst dreaming of saving mum please help me I am going insane! Waiting for the knock on the door! I want my little girl back and not have meetings about how to help my grandson

  34. Get a support system in place, rely on a power greater than yourself. If they could do differently they would. Tell them that you love them that they are more than what they do. Continue with hobbies keep busy, its a disease, not a moral issue.

  35. I am the aunt of a family member who has over a 10-year history of drug and alcohol abuse. He has stolen everything he could get his hands on, from his family, he has been abusive, psychotic, seriously self-injured in a psychotic rage. I do not trust him, I do not want to join family get-togehers any longer because I see the pattern of rescuing him. He doesn’t even have to ask to be rescued— it just happens and he gets to go back to my mother’s home everytime, no matter how much worse his behavior has been. Because I have said I will no longer join in family gatherings when he is present, I am now dealing with the pain of setting the boundary. It seems that no matter what, he is at the center of all efforts to protect his feelings and efforts. The minute his goes back to using, suddenly everyone wants to look for ways to “get rid” of him. The cycle starts again. My husband and I made the declaration yesterday that we would not be present at events when he is present. Why do I feel guilty?

  36. Your post makes so much sense and sets up some healthy clear boundaries. My brother has been an addict for about 24 years. My mom unintentionally enables him by buying him things, housing him (despite constant verbal abuse and stress placed upon her marriage to my stepfather [who has endured more than any “natural” parent should have to]), and an endless barrage of verbal “suggestions” that he seek rehab, mental and substance abuse counseling. Of course, none of this works. She has four children, but alienates her other three. She recently lost everything, including her home, all contents, and the trailer she was allowing my brother to live in. Her only expressed concern is for the well-being of my drug-addicted brother. He has clearly stated that he “is fine” and is in control. He lies and steals on cue. She is depressed because and does not want to participate in Thanksgiving because he is alone. I am at a loss as to what I can do?

  37. My son has suffered with alcoholism and some drug use for 13 years. I got him into rehab 7 times altogether, he was in the emergency room 3 different times and the Dr. said he was surprised he was still alive. I had to use tough love, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. He has so much going for him when he is sober,
    I never gave him money, did his laundry, or saved him from consequences. I only gave him a place to live and finally got the courage to leave him at a homeless shelter. He worked there and got into their rehab program. He was there for 1 year and graduated from the program. While he was there I visited him and cried all the way home each time. I never helped him after he left. No car, living in a bad part of town, I was afraid when I visited his neighborhood to see him. He was sober nearly 3 years and even volunteered at the shelter. He took the bus to a community college and eventually went to a University and graduated top of his class. He began working in a Medical Center doing cancer research, but relapsed again and nearly died. Another rehab! Nine months sober and he is back to work and will start going to school to get his PHD.
    It is so painful to watch your beautiful child go through this. I never regretted using tough love, I really think it saved his life. You have to stand your ground and only help only when getting them to rehab. It’s been horrifying as his Mother, the pain has been the worst thing I have ever experienced. I will probably never stop worrying about another relapse. I keep praying and thank God that he is still alive and have hope that he is becoming the person God intended him to be. I pray for all of you because I completely understand what you’re going through!

    1. Hi Cindy. I suggest that you stage an intervention with a specialist. Here are useful links where you can search for a certified intervention specialist:
      Also, you can call all the helpline you see on the website to talk with a trusted treatment consultant who can help you find a treatment program that fits your daughter’s needs.

  38. Wow read your story and it’s the exact thing my son is putting us through I’m so happy to have read this. This answered my questions for so many things that I battled with. I can finally feel guilt free of him being homeless and for me placing a restraining order on him. My husband says I’m only enabling him by giving him monies and when he calls my phone crying for food I always run to his rescue. I need to toughen up my skin or he will continue to take advantage like he always did. God bless you for sharing your story.

  39. My 22 year old son is 2 weeks out of inpatient rehab for alcohol abuse. I’m struggling to get my son’s father (we are divorced) to understand that he is an emotional trigger. When I ask him to back off (he’s trying to force our son to step 9 when he’s still working on step 2) he just verbally assaults me and my parenting. He’s an alcoholic himself. Any advice out there?

  40. My 24 yr old is an addict, he is actively using heroine and meth. One week ago he was released from yet another try at detoxing, only to go right back out there again. When I picked him up from detox I had arranged for a sober living spot for him only to find that he was not ready for sober living or anything else he really needs to get clean. He has not hit his rock bottom. He screamed horribly mean things at me and got out of the car. That was the last I saw of him. It has been over a week now with out a word. My worry is overwhelming and my tears have not stopped. I do attend Al-Anon, but it is still a mother’s worst nightmare. Having to pull back/detach is the hardest thing. As a mom you want to fix this horrible disease that has gotten hold of your child. To stand back and watch your beautiful child withering to an empty shell of himself is heartbreaking. And yet to have the strength to stand back, create boundaries not to be crossed and sticking to them no matter how much it hurts is another. How does one bear it?

  41. I am a single parent for years one son who is 29 with a drug addiction. He graduated college with a degree in music engineering. Due to drugs he is now without a job and homeless . We see all the potential in out beautiful children their personalities talents and qualities that are uniquely special to them. My son is my heart and love him deeply. As he went away to school and. moved out things have come to light about behavior that hurts so intensely and some days unbearable to think about. He has experienced so many losses and crisis in his early life. We want so much to make it right and better. I am learning my. boundaries but heart wrenching when your child is sleeping in doorways or an abandoned building without a. shower or food. Prayer is what gets me through most days or even just moments of the day. Hope for our beautiful children to overcome and live the healthy joy filled lives they so deserve.

  42. I need help with my daughter. She is now 18 and hooked on smoking weed and its now having a terrible effect on the family and my marriage is falling apart. We have a 12 year old happy healthy daughter and the fights etc. are affecting her now. She hasn’t done a longer term rehab yet, has done it for one week. I would say she smokes weed 3-4 times a week, she hasn’t tested positive for anything else as of yet bust has taken other drugs in the past. Is long term rehab the best approach?


  44. My step daughter just finished rehab for Alcohol and drug addiction. Though she only stayed 21 days. Once she got out she stayed with us for 3 weeks until she could find an apartment. During her stay we had a vacation planned and left her at our house. We had cameras installed for security before we found out she had a problem. For the most part she stuck to a schedule AA meetings etc. We always locked out room and kept valuables in our safe. Return from vacation. she seemed on track. Though she had brought pot home as a gift from a friend. Given her Mother some and the rest to her dad. Dad immediately locked it away. And has never asked for pot from either of his kids.
    Though the mother has. Found an apartment stayed 1 more week. We let her use our key to return to get the last of our things while we worked. Well, the cameras caught her rummaging through our things most likely looking for pot that she left her dad.
    We made arrangements to move her children’s beds to new apartment. Picked her up at work since she has no license. She was extremely wound up when we picked her up. Got the beds inside and started on I’m losing weight because of medication and Pot would help with her gaining weight. Dad held his ground and said NO that is not a way to support her recovery and she was infuriated. Started on I gave you Pot and you should give me some. We left her home visibly upset. 1 hour later we got a text from her boyfriend that she left Pot at our house by mistake and he wants it back. It was his to give to someone else and her Dad. However text says she doesn’t know he was sending text. We both agree that it was most likely her using boyfriends phone
    We have no Pot in our home and realized that well over a year ago that it wasn’t a problem for Dad to have it but we knew that both of his girls have a problem and it wasn’t going to be at our house again. Well, we have gone 3 days and she refuses to answer Dads phone calls. She has been out of rehab for less than a month and right back to same person she was while using and drinking.

  45. My son just turned 30 a two weeks ago,he is addicted to ice.He has lost his son,his car,his job everything he enjoyed doing.He was living with me and sleeping on my couch,he was increasingly becoming more and more aggravated with my existence and violent.I had to make him leave without a penny and a few cloths,he is not willing to get any help.I feel so guilty and empty,but I know I wasn’t helping him,but still as his mother I am broken!

  46. My son is an addict but also schizophrenic, type 2. He was also diagnosed with anti social personality disorder. I have completely lost hope for him and can no longer be around him because of his violence and verbal abuse. I know he is in hell. I know there is nothing I can do. So, I don’t know what to do with myself.

  47. I am praying your son stays clean. I am glad incarceration help save your sons life. It ruined my son’s help mental and physical. He also was introduced to worst drugs, criminal behavior, to survive prison hell. This has forever changed our lives.

  48. i am so stressed just receive a call from school saying they suspended my son because they tested him and found a drug in his blood

  49. My son has had a drug addiction for a while now, it has almost cost his life couple of times. He has been in and out of jail. I have asked for help sienc he started getting in trouble. He was at his worst, when he got locked up this time. His so called friends was always taking advantage of him, they seen him as someone that they could use as a cover up for their self. So now he is locked up and he needs recovery. Cause his mind is not right from all the drug intakes, his health is need of medical attention. But I know in my heart that he isn’t perfect and he was wrong for doing the crime he has done, but they don’t are haven’t seen what I have been going to keep him alive. I just wish for once they would give him an opportunity to get him help, he is crying out for it. They want to help people more that doesn’t needed, that’s using it to get out of trouble. When my 19 year old is wanting it to get his life back physical, mentally in his motions. How can I get them to see what I see. Before I lose him all.

  50. Where to start? My daughter is 34. Started using heroin after HS. Blew a full ride scholarship. Lost her for 2years. She came back at 22. She’d been homeless, in shelters, and God only knows what else. I thought she was clean for 10years. Short version, she was using. Brought her back from Illinois to us in Colorado. My husband, her stepfather, did everything to help her start a new life. We gave her a year rent free. She was working 2 days after she arrived. Bringing home $1600. every 2 weeks. Methadone clinic every day (which I think is a crock of shit) 10 months later. She has saved not one dime . Not one damn dime. She stole $3300 cash from us, and now 2 of our guns. We are done. Yes, she is MY CHILD but she’s an ADULT who has made her choices. I am physically sick with her here. We filed a police report for the guns. Maybe that’s what she needs.

  51. I feel for your parents with addicted children to drugs it is one hard braking situation to go through actually it’s a long process and a long road but you can’t do nothing unless the child wants to change himself don’t give up on them and fight because it’s a fight for the life because those drugs and the crime are not going to keep him safe and if you give up then they give up you let them know you love them and you will fight to the end to straighten them out because if you don’t nobody else will and they need help there are plenty of rehab places but that has to be a long-term rehab because they will slip up it breaks my heart for every parent out there last to go through something like that and I have and it was either he was going to end up in a coffin or he was going to do time and time is the way it went as bad as that was for me and my husband and my family he’s straight now he’s a better person and he didn’t die yes I cried for many days and many years while it was all going on but I thank God that I stuck by his side and he is now clean and a happierhuman being I will say my prayers for all your parents who have to go through such a heart ripping experience don’t give up God bless your parents and and your kids

  52. This is what my mom was tuff love. This kept me away from bad behavior, irony think rehab works for people , all my crack head junkie child hood friend did was reminisce and get new connections and never stick to the drug program .Her mom spent all her retirement giving her drug money she stole from all of us , prostitution for a few bucks , thing is I notice the really educated smart ones seem to be the most addicted and how they will borrow your car blow up your engine ,and we bought milk food and made sure the kids had Thanksgiving dinner. And how beautiful she was everyone loved her.. They saved her reputation by bailing her out , but they never saved her she eventually lost that nice paying job.. stealing even a dollar out of the console, crack HEADS meth ,users, junkies if you don’t use they won’t come around unless ,they figure out how easy you are. If I ever went to jail especially for DRUGS my mom would not answer the phone, all these years she thought my sister was so great,she would say they always go in the room telling secrets …yah those secrets were cocaine up the nose, I never told my mom she would of never believe her body little smart favorite child was snorting in the same house as they lived together. Her husband was a thief , although my sister always maintained a job she was a closet snorter. I cut myself off from everyone , I had surgery, nobody asked how I was ,they asked what kind of meds do I have . Then treating me like crap because I would not give them my meds. By the way ,the one person who brought me flowers stole my pills .. I see pictures of my good old friends that I missed over the years ,I’m so glad .in over away ,I was so damn home sick years gone by they lost THIER homes jobs reported over and over .only a few made a good life ,my sister’s kids are grown she is divorced, now she is going to the bars lonely for love ,angry criticizing all the signs of becoming a cocaine Friday and Saturday night out… It starts with your friends ,you enable them you help them then they try to get you high , just say NO!! Find people you can leave your purse with… my sister in law is a WAIST. She been on DRUGS since 15 .. abnoctous loud , and still a mooch . Doing DRUGS and drinking around your children makes it look safe…Our park directors were on DRUGS! So who can you trust.. I always felt sorry for users , not anymore ,they will cry on your shoulder and steal your purse … life is a gift…. God ,I would never want to be in Jail with a bunch of woman jonesing for a cigarette or a hit of heroin , they are violent ,and they feed off each other .. we need a better way to save those junkies . They get college educations on Felony drug charges , why nobody is going to hire them ,they leave THIER bibles in Jail and THIER back out some exploiting THIER kids . Using them to help steal out of the stores . I wish I knew how to help, I was an enabler . Over 40 years my sister in law has been hitting the pipe , You know what, keeps me from being that, I like nice things ,I hate being hungover sick . And one day in a bar I saw a lonely old who’re in the bar ,old dying and the young ones were taking over her turf . She had no longer had that sparkle , I seen woman and men DRINK themselves to death , Woman get a husband never work , husband takes care of her she gets bored hits the neighborhood bar ..Education .. as young as 5 .. giving a child hope that they can do it they can be a Dr a lawyer, encouraging them. But not sorting THIER drug habit because you don’t want them prostituting.. We all get old . But I like having toilet paper paper towels and soap. I never knew I would work so hard I would break my back. Drs worried I would turn addictive pharmacies treat you funny when yo get a refill. I have trouble sleeping because ,I use to be so active I would wear myself out and sleep well. I’m thankful that those DRUGS make me feel like crap. I will take the pain not the pill.. you see only the strong survive…And you can’t hang out with users even if it means no friends , We are all in pain , whether it’s a death of a child , a son in Jail. A nice person manipulating you . It’s easy to love an addict but hard to let them go’s love,heart ,praying helps , some people never learn to pray .. you make a choice walk in front of that car get hit or let it pass and then go.. leaving a alcoholic was the best . Some just like to be high .. It keeps them from worrying. I learned to start leaving it in God’s hands and trusting in him ,and being in a church on occasion. Good people bring you healthy choices

  53. Any advise I have a son who just turned 20 and he has stolen about 2000$ from me over a course of three months and another 400$ today. I can only think he must be doing drugs. I need help for me to cope and for him most of all.,

  54. Yes I am experiencing theft and our son is so skinny and eyes sunk in and he has stolen twice from me in the last few months

  55. This Is A Very true statement..Im praying for my daughter for her children 19 16 and 13..The 13 yr old and said granny mom would be better in jail.She has been rape used.And homeless.Lost Everything .She was A Vibrant Lady.My ypungest was dating a gang member she was left 3 days and body moved evidence clean up..she left a 10 yr old and a 13 yr old girl …Herion 3xs lethal dose..Trina stopped Counseling and medicatin from dr.And Started to use street drugs..Friends …Yeah ..The Took from her Stole from her And She married A 50 yr old who claimed he wasnt Aware..Finding this out he had Insurance 160, 000.00 on her..He Was A evil man..Her dogs died off..Ect Childten left to go woth Father..Im praying She will get thru even if its a 9 m9nth program ..away from Roanoke Va.She is 39.In jail for trespassing I am not getting her out or my mom or Stepfather..She has deterated And Avoids .me.. Can ypu give me some Ideas to adress this..To reach her ? Loria Schoonover. Thank you

  56. I am 63 years old and i mean old n tired of life with my only child…a 31 year old heroin n fentanyl addict. I am at a point of hating myself for the thousands and thousands of dollars that were spent on him with cars and stealing
    He is facing a few felonies and i am looking forward to when he goes to jail. I just want peace for a period of time and i want him out of my house hefore my resentment tears me apart. I cant even think clearly n have come close to accidents because my head and heart are just destroyed

  57. Hello everyone, who is wearing our shoes, Our daughter is also a meth user it been 4 years now , she is only 22, We are adopting her daughter who is 2 years old. we are close to our 50. She is a twin with a bother, and two older sisters, We had to learn to let Go, we are tired, fed up and have to take care of our-self in order to continue the journey that has lye ahead for us with our with our granddaughter who calls us Mom and Dad, I blamed myself for years wondering where I went wrong , how could I have change things, etc etc. After two years of counseling and dedicating my self to our God I have learn that only she and with the love of God can she change herself, Today was the last time that we will allow her to live with us, We just can no longer support the verbal abuse, let alone it scares our baby girl. I pray daily for all people who are hooked, including our daughter, No one in there right mind ever wishes this for anyone. My God bless us all who are suffering as family members. Be strong God is in Control.

  58. My son has struggled mentally since he was 4 years old. He and my older son turned to drugs to cope when they were 13 and 15. My son is now 27. He is not well. He alienates every relationship. He feels like he is so messed up no one will like him. He pushes people away and is always looking for a fight. He has been arrested many times, starting at age 12. I am full of worry and anxiety over his last outburst last night, he left saying he hopes he doesn’t wake up in the morning. I cannot fix it but it is breaking my heart and soul.

  59. Unfortunately the user has a bad choice using heroin or for any other illicit drugs. Most people fail to
    understand the user made the decision to use no one forced them. How can that be addiction?
    Heroin users call there plight an addiction and a disease . Thats how the justify using,when really they are trying to escape from life’s problems without Gods power.Put a heroin user and cancer patient on an island who live,who will die?
    A drug/ alcohol user is truly powerless in recovery without the Power of the True God as he defined in the Bible and will almost always relapse.
    Pick up a copy of the book Heart of Addiction by Mark Shaw. This is a Biblical Perspective on how end the slavery to using any drug. If the user is sincere in following God Word they will experience freedom they never believed possible.

  60. My son is meth addict, former heroin addict, he was clean for 4 months now relaspe, I’m 62 years old. How can I get him into a recovery center, he has no belief system. He’s generally a nice guy, he’s lost friend s, job, girlfriend, can’t handle money, has stolen, not normally, I’m so lost and exhausted for him and for me, please help me help him.

  61. It’s been a while since I wrote anything on here, although I read other’s heartbreaking stories often. The stories on here are like reading about my own life. My daughter is still in jail and has now informed me f%$%#k you and she never wants to see me again, all because I won’t get her out of jail. She still says when she gets out she is getting her dope dealing, meth addict, car thief of a boyfriend out…taking her son and leaving the state. I can’t bail her out when I know she’s going to run. I tell her I love her, but she doesn’t want anything but bail money from me and I can’t enable her anymore. Thanks for all the posts from others…it helps to know (as sad as that is) that I am not the only one who feels betrayed and hurt.

  62. My 41 year old son & I have been estranged for almost 10 years because of he’s very angry that I won’t enable/subsidize his opioid drug addiction.
    His now ex-wife was his enabler & a nightmare to deal with – trying to charm, then punish, (no contact with the grandchildren), if I didn’t cooperate, (I didn’t cooperate).
    I lost a sibling, (49 years old), to Oxycontin overdose 15 years ago & he was also very angry, (We were estranged), because I would not enable his addiction.
    They do not care about your life. They want to make you as miserable as they can possibly make you so that you will give into their demands.
    They want you to walk them to the cliff of self-destruction & tell them it’s ok to jump.
    Enablers, like my ex daughter-in-law, derived her drama fix from the drama his addiction has caused.
    Secondary to their high, the addict loves their drama.
    If it sounds like I’m disenchanted, I am.
    There’s been so much pain & damage that I feel like he’s already gone & this addict is just what he left behind.
    I saw a photo of him on Facebook today.
    He looked gaunt & high.
    My younger son monitors him because he’s caused so much havoc & preparedness is never a bad thing.
    There’s a lot of pain – agony – dealing with an addict.

  63. These are our children. They are sick. They need our Love and support. I don’t buy into the tough love BS at all. They don’t want this life. My prayer for myself and all of us is that we have enough strength to keep going for them. That’s what I signed up for when I had children. I signed up to love them and help them and forgive them. And I’ll keep doing it over and over and over. Whether he lives or dies, my regret will never be that my son didn’t know I love him unconditionally despite the hell he’s going through. I can die broke. I can’t die thinking he felt unloved or alone.

  64. My husband and I had been dealing with our younger son’s alcoholism for about 10 years. He was raised in a good home where he was loved, taught values and responsibility. He was also told my father was an alcoholic, and he couldn’t drink like his friends because he might become addicted too. He started drinking in college, but we didn’t know he had a problem until later. We did everything we knew to do to help him. I have lost track of the numbers of times he has been in and out of our home, has been in rehab, the numbers of cars he lost that we had provided so he could “get to work,” etc. I can tell you how many marriages, two, that were destroyed because of his alcholism, most painful of all, though, the one that produced two beautiful grandchildren who have been lost to us as well. Grandparents have few if any rights, and how could we blame a mother not wanting her children around their alcoholic father who was taking no responsbility for his children? We know how very many mistakes we made bailing him out because we couldn’t see how he could turn his life around without our help. I know – foolish. We knew it at the time, but just couldn’t live with the pain of not trying one more time. Everytime we helped him, he convinced us he was tired of living as he was and really meant it. We are Christians. In some ways I think that makes it harder, as we serve a God of second chances, so we wrestled with, “Wouldn’t God want us to help him?”. Of course, I know the real answer, and it is, “No, God wouldn’t want you to help him unless it would help him,” and it never did. Five years ago, we found out my husband was in renal failure while we still struggled with our alcoholic son and his daily drama. Three years ago, my husband had to go on dialysis. I trained so I could do it for him at home instead of him going into a clinic. It was very stressful for me because I felt his life was in my hands, yet it was very much a blessing because dialysis in a clinic is very hard on the patient. One day while I had my husband hooked up on the machine – that is blood lines were in his arms so that the blood could run through the dialysis machine’s “kidney” to purify his blood, our son who was staying at our home at the time, came into the room we called our clinic. He was drunk. He’s very verbally abusive when drunk. He started at me. My husband told him to stop. He ignored him. When I stood up to make him leave our “clinic,” he knocked me down and I fell into the dialysis machine, but was able to catch myself before knocking it over, which would have pulled the blood lines out of my husband’s arm. I won’t go into what that would have meant, but it was terrifying. Ultimately, after a struggle, I was able to call the police and they took him to jail. The next day, we went and bailed him out. I know what you’re thinking. Last November the girlfriend our son had been living with evicted him. He called and said he wanted to go into rehab, that he hated drinking, but he needed to stay at our home until he could get in. We let him come. He did initiate the process of getting into rehab, and he wasn’t allowed to leave the house on his own, so he wasn’t drinking. Ten days after he came here, my husband fell and ended up in the ER, where he died four days later from other complications. He was the love of my life, and I was his. We had been married for 48 years. The last 10 years, though, had so much heart break because of watching our son destroy himself and experiencing our family’s destruction. We have an older son who had grown to resent us, but me especially, because he blamed me for enabling our younger son, though I didn’t enable him anymore than my husband. Now my husband, my soulmate is gone. The heartbreak over losing him would be enough, but not having him here to comfort me and commiserate with me and try to stand strong with our alcholic son has sunk me deeper and deeper. A few weeks ago our son left the area and “went out west” without a plan that I know of. He had little or no money and a childhood girl friend, also without money, had gone with him. She is a sweet, troubled girl, an opioid addict. He was “rescuing her.” He has no money, no cell phone (except email when he’s at a hotspot), says he’s eating/showering at a shelter and sleeping in his car. He borrows someone’s phone and calls me because he NEEDS me to wire him money. I say, “No, I can’t.” And then I email him to let him know that I love him but cannot fix him or provide temporary relief for the mess he’s gotten himself into. I ask him to please get help, knowing I am only writing it to make myself feel better. Now, I’m going to apologize for unloading all my problems here….

  65. I am the stepfather of a recovering addict. At the age of 21 we accepted her back to our home the help her get back on her feet. Her father insisted she was taking drugs and had disowned her. Not believing him and with cautious optimism, we took her in. She was good at times, bad at others then terrible. No responsibility or respect for anyone. When we became very suspicious of drugs, we approached her to take a drug screening hair sample as a condition to remain living with us; she refused. Her mother agreed to a pee test which I refused to allow as a condition to stay. Once backed into a corner, she came clean with on a drive to a NA meeting we had no idea was her destination. A week or so later, we found that she left her instant messaging up on our pc. I could not help but read the horrific messages that were there. There were conversations that she owed money to her heroine dealer and he was going to come to our house to collect. In trade for drugs she was lending her car to him we bought for her and so on. I have an 11 year old daughter and a 17 year old step daughter to protect. There were many more unspeakable truths that I had read including a relapse. Then one night she seemed off at dinner. My wife asked her if she was on something which exploded into a rage that lasted hours until the police arrived. She mentioned suicide when was told she cannot live here anymore and blamed us for everything. Because she mentioned suicide I thought she would be held for observation. That night she was released by the hospital because Danielle is a great manipulator. She stayed with a freind and the next day we made arrangements for rehab out of State. She has been doing well so far and is now in a half way house and has a job in Florida. I have not spoken to her but my wife has as if noting has happened and is planning a trip to see her after 3 months sober. I am not willing to speak to her yet until she proves willing to stay sober long term but under no circumstance will she be allowed back under our roof. It has caused tention between my wife and I because she feels I am not willing to let it go and focus on her positive steps. I feel she is enabling her since her soft approach is supportive of positive but is not giving Danielle the rock bottom she needs. I love Danielle and want only the best but have learned from an early experience with my sister who was an addict not to enable her. Making it easy is not what she needs in my opinion. Causing soo much destruction in her wake and not even one I’m sorry is typical egocentric behavior Danielle is known for. So I do not want to spend more money to show support of her other than to say keep up the good work and let time and actions speak. Is that wrong?

  66. I am amazed that after 8 years you post is still relevant to so many in fact more so given the dreadfull state of addiction we have. I am ready again to hit the streets & hunt my 33 yr old son down & find a way to get him help as I have done so many times over the past 8 years. He is a heroine addict my one & only beautiful boy smart handsome young man is in a place I do not want to accept. He too has been I & out of rehabs, has stolen from us has had a child that is now being raised by his mother & the now 7 yr old grandchild’s mother died earlier last yr from a heroin overdoes; she hadn’t seen him since he was 1. My son his father had separatedone from her & was doing better out of rehab a job moved in with his mom & son but when the mother died he began the road back to drug addiction, jail, rehab, relapse, addiction, & homelessness. I got a call yesterday that he was picked up for drug related vagrancy. This means he is staying in what would be a Crack house shooting gallery an abandoned house filled with filth, thousands of used hypodermic needles, Crack paraphernalia, tens of thousands of empty drug bags it’s almost unimaginable. So I was ready to go try to save him, try to fix it again as I have so many times over these past many years even after being diagnosed myself with ptsd from dealing with drug overdoes & the fear of his dying from his drug use…but before I did I searched for a similar story online to ask again what to do & here I am reading your story similar in many ways & realizing I can’t fix this. I love my son & as hard as it is I will accept for today…that he will find his way out or he won’t but it is his path. I send my loving kindness to him & to all those suffering, we are not alone. There is more that can be done to help the addicted but ot by enabling them rather let us fix the root cause in our lost society. Peace

  67. Do y’all have any idea what an actually heroin addict feels like and goes through on a day to day? Or month to month, year to year? Your sons and daughters don’t want to be drug addicts! You’re more than morons to think it’s a choice. Something in their life want right, or something messed them up.. there’s so much bad information about cannabis and other mild drugs that when your kids find out they’re not going to become a crack head after drinking a beer or smoking a joint ( misconceptions about mild drugs) then they will try harder stuff eventually finding out they should have ever gone the Opiate/ stimulant rote.. Shame on all of you, look at other countries and what they do for their addicts.. it’s a disease, like cancer or diabetes. Do yo think any one of those addicts want their existence to be based off of waking up sick and having to figure out how to get well without anyone’s help, Day after day. Then when they get clean and still isn’t enough they decide to go back to using because it’s the only thing that being any type of normalcy.. if y’all fucks really knew what an addict has to go through… and it’s their choice… hahaha I’d do anything to not have my best friend introduce me to the brown devil.. did it 4 times in4 months.. then somewhere at the end my body learned what it did and wouldn’t let go.. rationality says, you won’t be an addict, no big deal, I’ll stop tomorrow. I’m just “dependent “ not an “addict”… a gross smelly junky.. this shit needs to be fixed.. it’s horrible.. if you took the time to read this, this post is from a freshly 27 y/o male who is 5 yearaddict. Tried on my 22nd bday and by 23rd I’d OD’d once.. srillremeber 1 year into it asking a fellow drug user if I’d still be trying to control it years from now… ANSWER: yes..

  68. My son is 31 soon he’ll be32. We have stopped helping him. He wants no responsibility, Hygiene is a problem. He recently visited us he wanted a place to sleep get well. Seemed happy then goes back to his friend who is another problem. Says he cares about her son. She lied to all of us it isn’t my grandson dna test proved that. Eirik goes back to her then back to drugs, she do do drugs just needs him as a sitter. He left here yesterday I asked him if he would keep in touch he said I don’t have a phone. I have bought do many shoes, phones,clothes. He’s a mess. I don’t understand. Maybe someday he will show up alive I pray.we have done and tried it all. Is this mental health what do we do. Is this his choice? Where do we go

  69. Wow this has been a great read and reinforced what my husband and I have been practicing with our adult daughter for The Last 5 Years. We know in our hearts we love our daughter and on numerous occasions have tried to help her. And we sacrificed much for her but at this point we are in search of our own peace tranquility and happiness and have moved on with our lives knowing full well we can’t fix her, but we can love her with our hearts and soul and not our wallets.

  70. Wow I am amazed to see this blog goes back to 2010. Almost every day I see on the news about everything the government is doing or plans to do with the heroine problems. Yet most of the rehabs my son has used only cares about money. The out patient centers treat people different depending on if you have insurance or not. This is a very difficult addiction to beat. At lot of it seems to be mental. My son is 31, just moved back home. Yes I have made many mistakes trying g to save him, especially since we lost his identical twin brother in August 2015 in a motorcycle accident. My son is a few days into detox again. All I can do is pray for him. His dad has blinders on and acted shock that if he does beat this soon, he will be with his brother. I am exhausted with being on this rollercoaster ride. I read your article hoping to find ways to explain what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

  71. Yes my son is 20 and addicted to weed…he lives alone no job..well I stopped going check on him because hes mean to me ! He doesn’t want question I wrong for staying away from him..its hard to do but I feel its right !!..he doesnt want to talk to anyone , I dont know what else to do , except pray for him ?

  72. i have a question. Last night i caught my step son with a myth pipe.His dad doesnt seem to but his foot down. There are living in my house. and i wont condon to that. i have 11 year old brother who is always seeing him drunk and high. He is jeopardizing my relationship with his father. do you think it is a bad idea if, i say either he detox or he is no longer welcomed

  73. My 36 yr old son now has a son. I did what I had to do in notifying CAS as he and his gf who has 4 kids already, has had them all taken from her. I will not help him turn this child into what he is, a full blown drug addict of 20 + years. I wish for this baby to be adopted into a good home and have a Away from this city. I never believed I’d get to this point but I did. Can only take so much, related or not. I love my son. I can’t stand the drug addict that is too far gone. Only chance I believe he would have is to go into a rehab of at least one year. The brain on meth changes the wiring and needs years to heal. After years running myself ragged trying to help him help himself, if there is a chance, he has to do it himself. He had 9 months to change for this baby. He called me a f—king bitch upon finding out I called CAS or that I wouldn’t raise the baby. Not sure but I don’t care. I look out for this baby from afar. I will not deal with what I dealt with from his dad and then him. So many loving people who desperately want a little baby boy. Where he would have a good life.

  74. Love no way he is in his 30s he married a girl that he took down with him what a POS. Hehounds my wife to the point I wanna leave her the love of my life he stole her also do don’t talk about love he is a junkie POS.

  75. Our 28 year-old son has succumbed, again, to meth. A drug test hasn’t been done just yet, but I can see it. All the signs are there. I will be calling his P.O., as there is a warrant for his arrest because he blew off his last appointment with her. “Did you call and rescedule?” “I left a message and am waiting for her to call back.” Nope, I checked. That didn’t happen. He just up and quit his job, hanging out with people he should stay away from, and he knows it. He just got out of rehab in January. He was doing well. I told his last P.O. that he shouldn’t come back to this area. He needs to go someplace else to start over after treatment. He needs a halfway house. Something to give him the direction and support he needs to start over. But, no, the program says he has to come back here. Talk about setting someone up for failure. Those resources are scarce here. So here he goes again. Last time we said no, he can’t live with us again. We let him back in, again. He hasn’t been stealing, yet. There’s nothing left from last time. We want to help him, but we can’t. We want him to succeed, but he isn’t. He’s good at the lying, the guilt trip, all of it. I know. I know it has to come from him. We gave him one last chance to live with us. Will not again. Can’t do it. Won’t do it. As hard as this will be, we won’t. We love him, we just can’t help him. We have to many other things to deal with. Love him dearly…but we just can’t anymore.

    We know he started out self-medicating. He was diagnosed bi-polar at age 8. We have done all we could do. Doctors, counselling, meds…inpatient, outpatient. Nothing made a difference for any length of time. It’s been a long road and we are exhausted. So we are letting go. It’s killing me. I know he can be better than he is. I have always believed that, and always will. Not sure if that is healthy or not. Reading through these stories breaks my heart, yet, I see we are not alone. Not by a longshot. Thanks for sharing your stories.

  76. Hi Mother’s Unconditional Crazy Love, When I was reading your story I kept hearing in my head something the head counselor at my son’s sober living home just said to me yesterday when I was talking to him about why they kicked my son out (drug related issues) and how disappointed I was because of all we were doing paying his rent etc…He said to me “Have you ever that phrase Loving Them To Death”… I wish you peace and a good night’s sleep. Just think about that phrase I think it might apply. But I do know the strength to stop and let go can seem unreachable…. been there for 13 years. Take care.

  77. This is going to be long. I only ask try and stick with it at the end you will see I need your thoughts and suggestions and will be so grateful. I am 65 years old. My son has been a heroin addict since 2005. He is 34 now. The last Tuesday in March he ODed for the third time. This time he was clinically dead 4x, being revived with narcan 4 times till they finally got him intubated. He had been laying on a concrete floor for over 10 hours. He had developed compartment syndrome in his left calf. ( I should have said he lives in NC I in NJ) Is landlady was the one who called me and she said she thought he was dead. I called er and they said they needed my permission to take him into to surgery to try and save his leg…that amputation might be necessary. They also told me his kidneys were failing and once he was out of surgery he would have to go on 24/7 dialysis. I expressed that I would get a flight down. The er dr in charge said I should wait…that my son could not communicate with tube in and that over next few days he would need to go back to surgery each day to reopen the 4 surgical sites on his calf to continue to remove dead and dying muscle caused by the compartment syndrome. The dying muscles is what caused the kidneys to fail. They said I should stay put, if finances and hotel expenses were an issue- (they were)- until they had a better idea where this was going. I finally flew down on Sat. When I arrived at icu he was hooked up so much stuff including the dialysis. It was frightening and sad and awful. I never felt so helpless. My husband had not been able to come just then as his work situation at that time meant if he left the store would have to close and 4 other people could not work or get paid. I had not traveled anywhere by myself in 20 years. We are not big travelers and I have several health conditions that make it hard for me to get around. I knew this was going to be tough (airports, luggage, rental cars) but I wanted to be with our son. I ended up staying for 14 days. It was a rollercoaster fueled by my son’s addict self-involved behavior. The first few days were more or less just sitting and waiting hoping he would wake up and be 34 and not wake up a 2 year old. No one was sure how long he had been without oxygen. He did wake up a 34 year old and quickly began to shock me. I had long dealt with his his addict demands and awful treatment and begging and whining. But I really thought this trauma would humble him; would cause him to reflect on his life. Nope- he woke up and each day became surgery on his leg followed by constant demands to me and the nurses. It was never enough- never enough pain meds, too cold, too hot, where is my phone, can you get me this and that and the kitchen sink. He processed out of icu over to the main hospital renal floor ( due to continued dialysis). Then way quicker than I thought possible he moved to 2 times a week dialysis, getting up from bed to get in wheelchair for bathroom. I was so exhausted from the emotional toll of well….his almost dying and so tired of just running here and there and everywhere. All of his clothes etc needed to be moved to a storage unit- needed a UHAUL van, needed to find help to load it up, needed to make contact with probation (he still had 3 months left after he got out of jail for like the 6th time. (Yes he had been in jail clean for 18 months and ODed after a few weeks out) Anyway basically my addict son was acting like a spoiled brat and I ran myself in to the ground because I did what I had sworn several years ago I would not- I felt sorry for him and he took full advantage of this. When the hospital said they were arranging to send him to inpatient physical therapy for his leg at a place that could also continue his dialysis..I made plans to go home. I had a 15 year old granddaughter at home and a husband who needed me. We have custody of our granddaughter because her heroin addict mother, my oldest, disappeared 5 years ago and calls maybe once a year. Anyway I WANTED to go home. My son had almost died but it didn’t seem to phase him beyond what sympathy that could get him to get what he wanted and I was tired of being his slave. I went home and felt the peace I usually only felt when he was in jail. Being in residential physical rehab meant he was safe, fed and warm. Then he was moved to sober living facility which we made a deal with him as long as he stayed clean and did not get kicked out for other reasons we would pay the $700 rent (that for a shared room and kitchen privileges). He still could not walk without crutches so for a convicted felon finding a job was going to be tough. But as long as he was staying sober, working the program (as required by the sober house) and he stayed out of trouble we would help. When my son ODed the dr told us it was cocaine and fentanyl. The fentanyl was a surprise to me and to my son.Turns out the cocaine he got was cut with too much fentanyl. The latest in drug production- cutting Heroin, pot, cocaine with fentanyl. My son was lucky to be alive. Thousands others not so much. So here my husband and I sat in NJ getting on with our lives thinking there is absolutely no way this man, our 34 year old son, will ever use drugs again. He still could not walk. Drs told him if he used his kidneys would probably shut down and he would die. So no way right????? WRONG!! Two days ago I got call from hospital my son was in er and was to be admitted. He had relapsed (2 1/2 months after ODing and still not walking) he also had a broken arm in 2 places and had the – you know what- kicked out of him for some issue at the sober house to do with drugs (still will not say what- but probably owes someone $). He tested positive for COCAINE!!!! In the same town, same product- and this also had fentanyl in it. As I am hearing this from er dr…my brain is reminding me what the social worker at the hospital had told me when I was talking to him, during my last visit, about my going home and my strong belief this had been my son’s “rock bottom”. That social worker had told me don’t do that to yourself. You see how he is acting and he said “I have seen a lot worse than all your son has been through still turn around and use like nothing ever happened.” He said “hope for it but don’t depend on it”. Anyway I am sitting here in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, with my mind floating back and forth between “go to him help him” and” no he must handle this himself. You made the pack with him- stay clean, stay out of trouble- we’ll help. Don’t and your on your own”. He is calling from hospital- saying I am in pain, I’m hurt, now I have a bad leg and arm. I have no place to live…crying, whining pleading begging then yelling at me because I am not running to NC. He gave hospital staff full permission to talk to me (only after I told him I would not talk to him at all if he did not- only truth I will get is from them). So today a wonderful social worker called and we talked for a long time. I told all that had happened since end of March. She told me he had asked her to ask for my husband and I to go down there. She said what do you want to do? I said that I did not want to. That he had been so awful when I with him at hospital when he ODed and I told her about our agreement that he had to stay clean and at the sober living house. I told her I had no expectation that this would be or end any differently. BUT that I was feeling enormous guilt at not wanting to because he now had a bad leg and broken arm…how was he to manage? Financial going would be very difficult. She said if you do not want to come don’t. He is a 34 year old man and needs to figure this out himself. You already did it the other way a few weeks ago and here you all are again. She said the hospital will make sure he has all the info he needs for community services available to him. He needs to handle it. BUT I am here writing this because I can’t get the enabler voice of guilt in my head to stop!! So I am asking for some help from this community here- please help me know the right thing to do. Help me get the picture of him living under a bridge with crutches and a broken arm, hungry- out of my head. If you have read this far…you are my hero! CAUSE I just looked and this is very long. Just putting this down in words here might actually allow me to sleep tonight. If you are still here reading this very long story..please help me know what to do. And for those who offer their thoughts and words my sincerest thanks and appreciation! My hope for all here is that your hopes come to be and that you sleep night at a time..Thanks for letting me share. I am working through all the stories here. I am overwhelmed how many there are and how similar many are. Hang in be good to yourselves.

  78. I’m a mom of a drug addict. He’s days away from being a doctor and he’s going to blow it. The pain is so hard, I cry every day. I don’t know what to do

  79. My daughter soon to be 28 went to a five day detox and Got into a rehab, The third time. Her insurance was not going to pay for it but finally gave in this last time and agreed to pay for the rehab. I told her it would be her last shot with the insurance company and myself,
    I am done. SheCalled to tell me she has been kicked out again for fighting she didn’t call me at first waited two days and went right back out to use drugs. I have been declining her calls ever cents. I cannot live in this hell anymore. My heart is broken.
    I have already lost one child the thought of losing her is killing me. But I cannot continue to give in to her lies I have to turn this over to God . Heroin is way more powerful then Me!!!! I cannot fight her disease for her. It makes me so sad and so very depressed. I will continue to pray for her and pray for myself to stay strong I can not given this time to her lies and manipulation enough is enough .

  80. Thank you for you story, your son’s story, and the 10truths.
    It is so much like mine and brings peace of mind regarding my son, and his struggles with addiction.
    Like your son, mine began using casually, so I thought, in high school. He went to college got degree(s). He is smart, creative, and sensitive. He his also fault diagnosed with depression and substance abuse disorders.
    He has been incarcerated. 17 days, 31 days, he has been on probation 6 years ago went through court ordered drug court (18 months intensive wrap arround services under mental health and DOC). In the pas year He has had out patient service, intensive in-house rehab 7 mos, for alcohol and substance abuse…only to get out and relapse.
    He is in prob, but manages to hold down a job and pass drug testing. But I believe he is using. He was arrested on an outstanding warrant from before being placed on probation and completed recovery program. I didn’t cause it I can’t fix it, I love him but his addiction will not control my life. I have I have faith I will always pray for his healing, and your son’s too. May God bless us all!
    Thank you for sharing

  81. I’m 36 years old l, black male 5″9″-6″0″. I’m engaged to a white female 43 years old, red head, 5″1″ petite. She was huge.
    She has 8 children total two decses at or before birth.
    I have two daughters .
    I have joint shared parenting custody of my baby.
    She has none of her kids. Two of her children are adults. The other 4 are 17,16,13,12.
    My children is 8 & 10.
    I smoke pot..she smoke pot..
    We smkoe cigarettes Newport mento 100l and red full flavor 100. We been in a relationship for 1 year and 10or11 months and 11 days and 4 hours.
    The first time we ment was at my brother in law birthday..
    A month later I spoke to her about what we was going to do and if she was coming to stay the weekend at my sister’s and her husband apartment because my sister’s and her husband have a two bedroom and no one but them live there. She told me she don’t know she was gonna check with her sister nonblood,no kinship connect/best friend about seeing if she was able to arrange room for me. So if her friend kids was both there then she was gonna come to my sister for the weekend.
    By 6pm after the 5:30pm conversation we had,I didn’t hear fr her in 16 hours.
    After 16 hours o cheated and told her..
    Every since then she been with me and assuming and accusing me of cheating..
    But I found messages with her and a couple of guys or few guys she know with some unpleasant conversation. I screen shots them she deine them with anger and aggressive.
    She has done coke Cain and crack in her past.
    I just wanna know how can I notice if she has cheated or is cheating if she keep on dening the conversation and won’t let me look in her phone..I never ask to look in her phone.
    But for some reason I wanna look. What should I do? She saying she wanna be with me and we are together. But I think she be cheating when I’m not around or when she doesn’t want me around..

  82. It’s both good to see I’m not alone in my struggle, but also very sad to see how many of us there are. My son is 18 and currently homeless. I can’t tell you for sure if he is using the hard drugs, but I suspect he is. At 13 his dad and I divorced and then his dad died the next year. I didn’t realize at the time but he was already hanging with the wrong kids and experimenting with cigarettes, alcohol and weed. By 15 I couldn’t keep him home and he was ditching school all the time. By 16 he was dealing drugs and stealing and running with various gangs, to the point that I decided to move to another town where my fiancé lives 5 hours away. I’m convinced had we not moved then my son would have been killed by the gangs. He tried to be good and start over but after only 2 months he got caught up with another gang and into the drugs even further. At some point he started using meth and heroine. He’s been to Juvenile Hall probably a dozen times, spent 6 months in a locked recovery program, later went to 3 months in a group home until he graduated. Honestly, I can’t say he had much high school education. He used to be well advanced in his age group but now he is far behind. He was on juvenile probation even after turning 18 and if he’d just finished it up he would have his record sealed, but he got arrested and went to jail for a couple weeks so now his probation is adult probation. He was trying to do things right but Christmas morning he was so high he was trying to cut the skin off his hands and feet. Later that day he left and never came back. He’s been around and I’d buy him lunch occasionally. Then he and his girlfriend supposedly got clean together but had no place to live. My new husband and I were in the process of adopting my 4 yr old nephew who was placed with us because his parents are addicts so we couldn’t let me son back in the house. I let him and his girlfriend live in my non-running van parked in the alley. It was only supposed to be a few days but it’s been over 3 months. Every day I look up jobs and give them directions on things to do but there’s always an excuse why they didn’t do it. They’ve broken into my house and stolen things from us, most we would have just given them, and my husband is fed up. I’m fed up but don’t know how to kick my son out on the street with nowhere to go and no money or food. He claims he’s been sober from everything but weed, and I want to believe it, but the behaviors are so erratic it’s hard not to doubt him. I know I’m enabling him. I just don’t know how to stop. Like so many of you have said, he’s a really wonderful person that I know has so much to offer the world. I love him so much, so how do I kick him out where he has NOTHING and live with myself? I’ve set boundaries and stood by most limitations, but he’s still not doing anything. I just told him today he has to get all of his things and be out by 5:00pm tomorrow. I’ve been told by many I’ve done the right thing, but it hurts so much. I already lost my mother and my ex-husband to addition, after I drew the line and walked away, so how am I supposed to think about drawing the line with my son and believe it’s the right thing to do? I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m heartbroken. All I want to do is hermit all by myself and not let anyone get close to me, but that’s not an option. So…does anyone have experience with knowingly forcing your child out to care for themselves when you know they have nothing? If so, how did you handle it?

  83. I’m glad I found this site. My 39 year old daughter and I have always been close. We talked pretty much every day or every other day. But within the last year she has been increasingly distant and I was the one to have to initiate us getting together or just phone calls. I have always been there for her, always helped her with most anything she needed. A couple of years ago her and her husband separated and she moved in with a “friend”. Her “friend” is now in jail serving 4 years on drug related charges. She has lost a lot of weight, 60+ pounds and has changed in almost every way. For the past 6 months or so the house she was staying at was a revolving door for friends to flop at or do “whatever”. Recently she was told she had to move…me being the always helping mom that I am… my husband and I was letting her move into our camper with no expenses and father said he would buy her a car since she did not have one. (All of us trying to help her get back on her feet.) We told her on day 1 that our home was a drama free…safe haven. No friends piled up like her last place and NO illegal activity at all. If she wanted to party…go to her friends or somewhere else. Not at our home. On the very first night, 3 “friends” showed up and my husband caught them smoking meth in the camper. My daughter got angry and said she was moving out immediately. She let me know that she did not have a “problem”, rehab was NOT needed and she would not be back. Acting as if she had done nothing wrong and the fact that she was not going to be able to stay in the camper, (& father not buying car) was my fault. Since that time we have moved all of her stuff into her storage unit and she has told me she never wishes to see me again. I am so hurt! This is not the daughter I have always had. I love her with every fiber of my being. One of the hardest things I have ever done is to let her know that I will not support her lifestyle that she has chosen over everything and everyone else. That when she decides to get clean…she has my phone number and that I love her. She has not text or called me since. Even though it has only been 2 days, it breaks my heart. I have cried more tears in the last few days than I have in my life. I pray that she can realize that “she” has to make the decision to help herself. (hardest thing I’ve ever done!)

  84. My daughter is 38 yrs old and hooked up with a real winner. He started herbon herion. I didbt know this until her last i need help and mobey episode . Long story short she has told me to forget about her and not to call her anymore and to tall her ex husband to burn all the pictures that have her in it so their daughter will forget about her. She left her daughter three years ago for this pos and i just dobt understand it. The guy she is with now has been suspected of killing his second wife. My daughter is his third wife. I cant help but worry.

  85. I came to this blog looking for different answers… but truthfully i don’t think there are any. My son is almost 24 and been a heroin addict for over a year now. I have been through everything posted here and then some. The OD’s have been hitting closer to home for me… and every one has been clean for months and just did it one time and that one time was their last. I’m beginning to wonder if getting them clean is the answer. They will always be an addict even if they are clean. It’s a fight that will never end. It is now all that they crave. Even over food and love. Everyday i wonder if I’m gonna get that dreadful call. I even learned that leaving my son in jail when he would get arrested would help me sleep better so i would leave him in until he was detoxed. Now he is on house arrest and i think i have him right where i want him but ofcourse he is still getting high. I now wonder if prison may be the answer. But i don’t think my son could survive prison.
    Yesterday a close friend called me, we had been going through same battle with our sons, but 3 months ago hers got clean and moved up north and was doing great… he came down this weekend and she found him ODed in the bedroom. This is the closest to home it’s hit and she was begging me to get my son help. But like i said.. everyone i know that has fitted clean has fallen off and ODed. My son may be a heroin addict, but i still have him. I almost wanna bring him back in my home and “enable” him. I have watched him be homeless and sleeping on streets, me closing the door in his face thinking maybe homelessness would be his rock bottom… but it wasn’t and has not been. As a matter of fact it was almost my rock bottom. I just wanted my life to end. To the point i finally ask my dr for the anti depressants he had been offering me, simply bc i have two other kids to live for. My son has always been my whole heart, my first born, the one that has always needed me the most. I’m out of answers. I’m out of “what nows”. This is almost the worst thing to ever happen to a parent and there is no way to avoid it or stop it. It is a DISEASE. But i do know that I need to find some kind of support group for me. Bc i carry this alone hiding my pain bc of my other two kids. I don’t wanna be alone anymore.

  86. I am at the point where I am trying my hardest to stop enabling my 30 year old heroin addict son. I went on line searching for help and that is how I found this page. I can’t stand to see my son in need, and it is always something I can easily fix financially. He is my only child and has always been my main focus in life. I was a single parent his whole life, and he had no relationship with his father. I raised him to be hard worker, and he actually bought his first car and had a job at 14 years old. He was hanging around with the wrong crowd then ( in his early teens). He was smoking pot and listening to rap music. He was in a catholic grade school and making straight As. I had him in counseling at that point. In highschool, things got out of control. He was doing pretty much what he wanted by age 17. I was doing the best I could taking his phone and car away as consequences.He was punching holes in the wall in his bedroom, and having violent tantrums. My dad was a criminal attorney and advised me not to get the police involved, and do whatever I could to just get him to 18 and to graduate. His drugs of choice then were ecstasy and pain pills. He went to his first rehab at 18 in Florida. He came home unchanged for the most part. I think this is when he became deeper in addiction with opioids. I started to notice a big change in him. The party boy became isolated with few friends, and his hygiene began to change. He went to rehab 2 more times in California (Narconon) at 19. He had several bouts of semi- sobriety. He was on methadone ,suboxone, and recently the vivitrol shot. Even through his good points in life, he has never worked more than 20 hours in a minimum wage job. He always claims he is not right in the head,has too much anxiety, and couldn’t pass a urine test in a better paying job. My family has always filled in the gaps financially. We have given him rides to work, bought his cars, paid for repairs, paid his bills, bought him food etc. We have created an expectant monster. We didn’t realize it. We were all sucked in, and always proud of the progress he was making at the time. He was always “almost there”, and then he would relapse again and we were back to square one. My problem is he is now homeless is for the first time, and I don’t know how to handle it. He was kicked out from a family member’s rental property after several years of not paying the full amount of rent and recently allowing prostitutes to conduct their business there and letting several junkies from the street crash there.I know what I am doing is foolish and enabling. He is going to be 30 this month, but has a mental capacity of a teenager. I was actually looking at apartments for him online, and sadly realized if this was up to him he could not do it. He is now in detox. His arms look like a tiger. I set boundaries or tried to. I told him if he had to stay there the whole time and got on the vivitrol shot he could stay with me until he finds a job even though this may ruin my marriage. My husband is not happy about him living with us. He just called yesterday and said his liver is failing and they think he has Hep c and won’t give him the shot. I seem to have a 2- fold problem- A son who can’t take care of himself ( probably because of all my help the last 12 years) and a now sick heroin addict. Can somebody please give me advice. I can’t just turn my back on him

  87. My son has been a drug addict for 16 years he just turned 31 and has spent almost as much time in jail as he has out of jail since he was 18. We have a daughter that is very successful and I seem to be putting all my energy and love into her because I am so tired of being hurt by him. I feel guilty about this but I know that it’s my way of coping with his problems. He is now in jail in another state I don’t know when he’s going to be getting out but I have told his attorney to just put them on a bus because I will not come pick him up. While he’s gone I am going to try and get his room totally cleaned up and make sure that he does not come in. The problem with this is my husband is so afraid that he’s going to harm himself if we are not there to support him. I have tried to tell him that all we’re doing is enabling him and he will get better faster if we are not in the middle of its problems.

  88. Angry Dude for you
    2 children grew up in same house
    With the same parents
    1 grew up straight and doesn’t drink or do drugs
    1 grew up wild, drinks smokes, does drugs
    The straight man was ask why he grew up to be the man he is
    he replied
    Because I watched my dad all my life
    The wild man was ask why he grew up to be the man he is
    he replied
    Because I watched my dad all my life

    Thats why the age of accountability exists. Bless every parent whos children are as they raised them to be. Bless every parent whos child didn’t.
    Both need remember it’s the childs choice
    The blame game gets you no where

  89. My daughter is 27 and went to rehab yesterday for the third time. Completed five day detox at the hospital they were supposed to transport her to the rehab she called and said they can’t give me a ride can you ? I had no compassion I just lost it I was screaming at her telling her to find her own ride. I am so worn out from the shit. Someone from the rehab came to get her I refuse to drive there. The past two times she went to rehab she left the first time with a guy she met in there after one week and brought him to my house without my knowledge. Then went back again another time met another guy they both got kicked out after two weeks . I think the two weeks was the longest she was clean since she’s been 13. She has been on a tear for months now, he left her and went and got sober and now has nothing to do with her. I just pray that the miracle happens for her this time . And she keeps the focus on herself. Her self-esteem is so low. She is a beautiful girl with such potential. I’m trying not to get my hopes up . I’m just at the bottom maybe she’s not but I have definitely hit my bottom. At least I can go to sleep tonight knowing that she is safe and not shooting drugs. I have been in counseling for a while now and I have to just work on myself. I cannot change anyone else and I cannot get anyone sober . They have to want it there self and do it for them self. She keep saying I’m going to make you proud this time I just text back and say make yourself proud. I will continue to pray for her and all the other attics out there. May God bless them all

  90. I am the mother of a meth addict. When he got out of jail last August, we were so excited about his recovery. I helped him out with clothes, a phone, and a car all of which are gone.
    To be supportive of him, I offered him a room in the house that I bought. He agreed to get a job and help out He was going to church where the Pastor specialized in drug recovery. My son had a lot of support, people pulling for him.I hired a contractor to do some renovations on my house. He drove the man crazy and stole his tools. The contractor put a lock on my door. Eventually, the contractor abandoned his post leaving me with me with unfinished projects.
    My son stole from me, he had no respect for boundaries and would take and destroy stuff when he was tweaking, slept for days, ate all my food and refused to go to de-tox, and made no contributions to the household.
    I made the mistake of lending him my car for a 10 minute run to 7eleven…..8 hours later he has still not returned. When he does show up, I am kicking him out.
    I am done. Some years back, my ex-husband disowned him from similar crap he put him through….now I can totally understand why. I AM DONE TOO.
    My son also has been in & out of jail, relapsed & started over & over & over again. I’ve lost count how many times he’s graduated from programs only to relapse again.

  91. My son is 41. Has been an addict his whole life..from teenage to now. He loses job after job. Blames me for that. I have had to move out of my own home because I can’t take his abuse. I’m on pain MTG. So he calls me an addict to. So he feels like he can be an addict to. I believe that he’s bipolar. My therapist seems to think that he is. I’m at my wit’s end with him. Please help me help him.


  92. Does anyone get off heroin and stay clean??
    My 22 yr old step daughter is an addict and is currently in jail. She is beautiful and smart but she doesn’t think so since she has no self-esteem. It is so sad how heroin has robbed her of a future and I know she will die from this addiction.

  93. My daughter is 39 and had been married and has a daughter. 5 years ago she met this guy who was not the best person in the world and he got her hooked on herion and she just up and left her daughter with the dad and has been just getting deeper and deeper in the hole. She has gone way past scrapping the bottom she has started her way to china.
    I try to have her at least text me once a month so I know she is alive. What I get is for Mothers Day was I’m going to kill myself good bye. Then I will get a text about how I have never helped her out when she has had no where to live and hasn’t eaten in days or showered.
    I am on the tough love now and have been for the past year. But, it still hurts to hear her blame me and threaten to do away with herself. What am I suppose to do? I will not give her money and she won’t tell me where she is so I can bring her some food because she doesnt want food, she wants drugs.
    My husband is in the process of dying of cancer and she knows this but she has not an ounce of caring for anyone but herself. I try not to let it upset me but honestly how can you not?

  94. My dgthr is 28 and pregnant w her 6th child. The other4 r in foster and I have custody of my oldest granddaughter. I have sent her to mental home sent her to hosp nothing seems to have worked. I finally agreed to let her live with us..she seemed great however she very good lier.she incarcerated for 15days and I’m finding out so much as I look around my house. Her daughter’s ADHD med and mine have just mysterious disappeared. I so lost and confused idk no where to turn or what to do. I feel at ease while she in jail. Is that crazy!

  95. Going through the darkest period with my adult addicted son I have ever experienced in his 13 years of addiction. Living two lives: professional, together, happy; the other is an absolute nightmare continually waiting for the dreaded call.

  96. DAWN, stop driving around. She doesn’t want you to find her and you can’t save her. She loves her drugs. Trust me on this.

  97. Since 2009 I have been dealing with this bullsh#t. It has literally taken me to my knees. He has od’ed multiple times, been to prison for 3 years, got out and was given every opportunity to do right. My husband and I tried to help by buying him a car. Getting work with a felony is difficult. He wrecked the car high. We threw him out. He found a boarding house. Complains of bed bugs etc. So what? He trashed out house when he was there. We tried. I tried. I can you give you this advice if you are struggling with issues of enabling, worry about suicide and “what will he do?”.

    1) Rehab doesn’t work. It is the biggest scam going. If your loved one is truly ready, he would take the steps himself. Usually they park in rehab because there is nowhere else to go. That being said, if you can do it without taking out a second mortgage or using retirement funds or another kids college fund, why not? We did it once. Total waste but glad we tried.

    2) Just because they kick their drug of choice doesn’t mean they won’t move on to another highly addictive substance.

    3) Your loved one is the KING/QUEEN of LIES. Believe nothing.

    4) Enabling. You can enable, you can NOT enable, NONE OF IT MATTERS. Your loved one will do ANYTHING to get drugs. Decide what you can afford, what your heart can handle but don’t let them move in with you. They will choose Drugs over ALL.

    I love my 28 year old baby. My heart aches for him. I paid his phone bill because I can. Is he going to get drugs using the phone. Sure. I don’t care. He’ll get them anyway. Why make his life 10 times worse trying to get them. THERE IS NO BOTTOM. Don’t fool yourself. They stop when they are tired of it. Or when they are dead. I called him after I paid the phone, to check on him. He let me know what a bitch I am. Okaaaaay.

    As a parent, you can love the person they were then and now without judgement. Keep them out of your home and your wallet. I will not ever cut this child off emotionally or financially. I’ve had years of therapy to deal with this. I can handle watching him die. Financially, I am not well off but I make enough to help with some stuff. Don’t be fooled by buzzwords. If you want to pay for the phone, do it. Whatever floats your boat. Just know, you didn’t cause it (even if you did it’s too late to uncause it) and you can’t cure it (if I could he’d be cured). Love your child inside that hideous, drugged-out criminal. GET THERAPY!

  98. Parents!- speak to serious addicts or their mothers-one thing they all have in common—MARIJUANA USE at an early age. If used before the brain matures weed, nowadays much more potent, can cause permanent brain injury and changes that will keep them addicted to other substances permanently- How many addicts have I spoken to in rehabs who told me: “ I wish I had never smoked weed.” Check the research-MARIJUANA IS DANGEROUS, not the cure-all miracle drug they would have you believe. (Druggies are liars, without excerption). We parents must get into middle schools, where weed use starts — make sure your child is not being taught by music teachers or others who laugh at weed and even smoke it with them, as was the case with my son and a neighbor’s — both boys are now dead, ages 33 and 29, after years of hell for them and us—my life is destroyed too. RIP, Mike.

  99. My daughter is 27 years old her when addict and has been missing since Sunday I’ve never been more scared in my life. Our normal is to constantly text me and call me now her phone goes straight to voicemail. I am so worried I can’t sleep or eat I’m losing so much work I feel so helpless. I have called hospitals even check even checked the corners office. I have drove a round four hours. All day yesterday and all day today made a missing persons report at the police office. I am exhausted I don’t know where she is I drive down where all the attics are looking for her it’s like looking for a needle in the haystack. Or from Philadelphia and there is literally thousands of kids out their tents set up under bridges it’s like something out of a horror movie . Kids are shooting drugs in plain sight in bright daylight. I can’t help but think they are someone’s child someone sister or brother. I’m just in such despair I can’t take it anymore. I just don’t know how the city can allow this I’ve never seen anything like it in my life.

  100. Update: My son hit what we believe was rock bottom, he says it was his also. He ended up losing his great job and admitted he needed help. I am happy to say that he is in Recovery and it will be 30 days on Thursday. Lots of love and support, he has been very truthful with everything that has been going on. We know it is one day at a time, but he is in. Recovery!!!!

  101. Carrie

    I am so sorry for you. I wish i had better words to say. I can only pray that the Comforter will impart strength into your heart.
    Every parent with an addicted child fears that possibility all the time. Once our son came home so beaten up by the suppliers he owed money. After that we lived on tenterhooks afraid of what might happen to him. Carrie, God gave you only one life that you are accountable for: yours. Once your child reached decision making age, that responsibility passed from you to him. You are expected to grieve for the loss of his life. That is human. Yet at the end of it all, you are still accountable for your life. That you must continue to nourish and take care for. NO MATTER WHAT! and that includes ‘no matter the loss of your son, after so many years of investing your time into him’
    I can only ask you to lift your eyes to the sky and ask that if you can neither fly nor run, you be allowed to walk and not faint. I feel you.

  102. Steven and Susan.
    You did just right. Funny thing is, and i thank this blog so much, the funny thing is that each family is mostly isolated and suffering alone. Parents feeling guilty for the state of their addicted child(ren) and asking either “why us?” or “what did i do wrong?”
    The choice was really not yours as a parent. It was your child’s or your children’s.
    I have an unusually intelligent son, now addicted. Each parent has the highest of expectation for their kids. When addiction intervenes, it can be devastating. As you see your friends’ children prosper, you shake your head and wonder. If you are the devout kind like myself, it is even more troubling. But i have come to terms. I have prayed and will pray. But i also know that everything happens in its own time. My desires may not be fulfilled at a time i want. When it was time to ask my son to leave home because he had robbed us blind, i did. Painful? yes. But it is his life. He has since come back, but he is on a short leash indeed. No more guilty trip for my wife and i. We played our part in upbringing. In fact for a long time we played fools because we allowed ourselves to be manipulated, cheated and robbed all in a mistaken view of “love for our son”. When i realised that foolishness on our part was helping neither our son nor ourselves, that was the game changer.
    My advise, face reality: if your addicted son or daughter has not reached the position where s/he wants to quit, there is nothing you can say or do to change things. Unleash him or her. Lift the anchor. Set him or her adrift. Just like the prodigal son in the bible, continue to pray for him to come to his senses and return “home”. There are still miracles in the world. Who knows what answer you will get to your prayers? But do not fail to show tough love. Drugs are damaging the addict. Do not allow yourself to be damaged by the addict. One damaged person is more than enough!
    Hope this helps. I am writing from the Kilimanjaro Mountain in East Africa!
    Stay blessed and be strengthened from the throne of grace y’all.

  103. I have lost my youngest son due to alcoholism and am in so much pain about my only surviving son’s addiction with alcohol. I don’t know how to survive this anymore. Over 25 years dealing with this.

  104. My son favorite words when things go missing ” It wasn’t him” 2 T.V , Money , tools ,
    My wife credit card , I am so glad we moved and he wasn’t able to move with us ..
    But I do have to be careful when he visits , then we are on full alert everything goes into the safe
    , We are alert for any strange movement he makes especially when he wants to borrow the car .
    That means a drug deal is going down or something is in the trunk of the car he took for sale / trade .It’s hard trying to be one step ahead of the kids .They are smarter then we are and more crafty in stealing .

  105. I haven’t posted for a few weeks, but my story continues. Over the past 8 weeks my son (through us, of course) had a roof over his head. We found someone renting a trailer in their driveway, and since Kevin SWORE he was off the heroin and taking Kratum (spelling??) and had a job removing junk (like Got Junk people), he was doing great. He ended up scamming us by taking money off the Airbnb account, lost his job, and is back in the shelter. I am making a sign to help me sleep and to remind me which says, “If you’re praying about it God is working on it.” I hope that helps you guys, too.

  106. Hi I’m a single mother of an 18. Yr. old daughter who is addicted to pain killers. Before she turned 18 I sent her to rehab twice. Have taken her to psychiatrist and therapist for over two years. She is diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She has bi-polar disorder but can’t be diagnosed till she’s in her twenties. She refuses to take any medication because is a heavy pot smoker. She’s suicidal after numerous trips to ER they keep her for 24 hours and then release her because according to them she doesn’t pose a threat to herself or others. I’m so scared and worried about my daughter I don’t sleep she doesn’t show uno for days and then she. Comes home beat up and obvious signs of sexual abuse. I’ve tried everything I don’t know what to do anymore

  107. My son was in a gang at the age of 30 and got caught using and selling meth. He went to prison for 15 or more years and got out two years ago and then got attested again for leaving the state. Now he is in Carolina and has worked at a good job for approx one and half years. I live in Virginia and found out from a source he is living with a girl 20 years his younger and he is fifty.
    He got fired from a good job as he faked a doctor’s slip and wad out of work for one week but got caught by his employer. He and this girl are living together and on drugs. He is on parole and I am so afraid he will get caught and go back to prison and die there an old man. I have supported him all these years and helped him get estabshed this last time with money and things he needed.
    He lies about things won’t tell me the truth when I know what is going on.
    I am not going to give him any more money. He does not want to help himself. I told him I would pray for him and only he can get himself together. I did tell him I love him. He does not want to hear what I have to say about getting his life together.
    I have to leave his care in God’s hands at this point. He is my only child. I have felt like I have lost a lot of years with him.
    I feel like he has to want to help himself. He has not asked me for money because he knows I will not give him any.

    I tried not to worry or cry ad that would not be good for me. I do love him dearly.

  108. I have been through so much in the past 10 years with my sons. I have twins and one started using around 13. One was a good boy until he reached about age 18. Now both use. I have one that is also schizophrenic and a meth addict. I’m losing everything I have right now because he ran up credit cards and stole money and anything else. He is 28 now and has been in jail for about 5 times. I don’t get him out but the system lies to me and says they will do one thing and then let him out. Just today he stole his ex-wife’s credit card and took about a thousand dollars off of it in 3 days. I don’t know what to do but I told her just to press charges. Sometimes enough is enough. I don’t know what else to do. He has been waiting on disability for 2.5 years. He has no money and no job because of his illness he can’t keep a job. Did we do the right thing?

  109. every one talks about how hard it is to kick your son / daughter out , I been telling my son for the last year that we going to buy a home that 55+ and because of his criminal record he not welcome .He thought I was joking , guess what we did buy a home , and we moved in April 21 , and he now living in a rented room .But 2 weeks before we moved I was given 42 inch T.V and it disappeared from my garage , he said a friend stole it .One week before we moved in I bought a replacement 42 inch smart T.V and took it over to the new house directly , on April 21 we moved in and he help us with the move . I also purchased a new bicycle for my self .My son doesn’t have a license , so on Monday April 23 , my wife helped him with the license , .He took my wife car out for a ride Monday afternoon after he got his license , AT dinner I felt bad that he had no transportation so I gave him my New bicycle .And then took him back to his apartment .A few days later I went to install the new T.V Guess what (Correct ) I don’t have it anymore .I was told he has no idea what happen to the T.V , Really .It’s only been 2 weeks since our move and 10 days I haven’t spoken to him , and I feel bad , But when I think how he sat at the dinner table knowing he stole the TV and I gave away my new bike for which it took several months to save for $125.00 , the pain goes away , he even called and asked for $$ , and I refused to talk to him , they need to grew up no matter what age they at .
    The worrying at night will not stop , but you need a piece of mind , I found extra auto garage opener , i immediately had to lock it up in the safe ,In case he finds it first , I found instructions for the alarm system that was locked up .And if he does stop by I have to check all the windows and the alarm magnets ,because he knows how to by pass the system , My own house and I still feel unsafe , we live in a gated community , but their are areas that are open to utility vehicles .All I trying to say we must live our lives . He always treating me that he going to OD and it be my fault , I just ignore and stay quite , so far it hasn’t happen , but I can’t be afraid of those words , I do tell him I miss him .
    Am I handling this situation correctly ? , everybody has to handle the situation differently .I escaped by moving , because he wasn’t leaving at 30 years old .What have I gained , no more needles sitting around the house ,, the yelling how he missed a vein , or the vein won’t pop up
    the running out all hours of the night , strange people in my home , and there more , Our choices we make for our self aren’t easy , but we need to move on and let hem figure out the world for them selves .

  110. I don’t post that much on here anymore…but I have some things I want to say
    Anyone who knows me personally…knows of the struggles that addiction has caused me and those I love…I have dealt with addiction personally for almost 8 years now…and my son will see this..and that’s ok

    I have friends that have lost loved ones to overdose…I’ve been to their funerals

    I have been at the ER when my son has overdosed…I’ve seen the looks from the nurses on duty like they are judging me for my parenting skills…mind you I have 2 sons with college degrees

    I have been the enabler…the personal bank for my son who just needs that last 20 bucks to get him through until he gets to rehab

    I have been told that it is my fault if he runs in front of a car or truck and dies..because I didn’t give him what he needs

    I’ve been to the support meetings..holding the hand of some crying stranger because he’s new to this and doesn’t know what to do…and having parents attend that have lost their child supporting me and my child…God bless their aching hearts

    I’ve lost a marriage and friendships and a great job…because I didn’t know how to harness my pain and let it affect every aspect of my life

    And I have bounced back…because I learned to let go and let God take control…whatever happens is not my fault and God will decide what is best

    That is the best advice I can give to anyone dealing with a loved one’s addiction…you are not in control…hope and pray for the best but prepare for the worst…and trust in God’s plan

  111. You are only fooling YOURSELF…if you think when he is out….he …..
    Ok…..every prisoner will say what you want to hear…..he was forced to quit..being in jail…it will. Start as soon as he is out…… IT IS JUST the beginning…….
    I know FIRST hand….. Walk AWAY now… YOURSELF….. I am going. On 11YEARS..with my addicted daughter……walk away

  112. incredible. RESONATED. Was at the end of my wits as a parent. Totally burning out. Everything you have written was just too real. Oh so very helpful. Cant find the words to express myself. Thank you

  113. Thank you for sharing this. I felt like I was reading my story. I am living a nightmare right now that I can’t seem to wake up from. My handsome, smart, and talented son is a heroin addict. He’s getting professional help, but he is still doing things that make me realize he is still in the addiction mind frame. I often think jail would be the best place for him at this point. It’s devastating.

  114. My daughter has a similar story to yours and just to prepare . My daughter went to prison for 9 months said all those things and I just found out today she is again using. We have no control over our adult children. I have told her I will not enable her to kill herself using these drugs. I told her if she wants to be clean and sober she always has a place to go. I work in mental health and addiction my husband is a police officer. I have some patients that have been to prison 3 times. I guess I have to look at reality that could be my daughter 20 years from now. I hope not, I pray not. I have a son with a masters degree I know it’s not a parenting flaw. I am not trying to give you negative new. I just thought the hard slap of prison would be the wake up call. I pray for my daughters recovery I would give my life if that’s what it would take. I wish I had the answers. Good luck to you.

  115. My son, 28 in June, has been on heroin, cigarettes, tried meth, mushrooms and other hellucinatents since I can remember. Been to detox and rehab, kicked out, back again, over and over again. Had an OD in 2016. Crazy roller coaster ride! Promised to do better, and so on. I don’t see the drugs anymore, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t using, Just more secretive and cunning, I think.
    Now I see lots and lots of beer bottles and sometimes hard liquor “to party”. Drinks alone in the middle of the night. Sometimes I hear the latch of the door open as he steps out and drives off (his car) into the night. Don’t know his whereabouts until he returns at 4:00 AM (sometimes). When I confront, becomes very defensive. I hate the blame game, but my wife, to a degree, enables him. I know we should kick him out again, but “homeless” would kill my wife.

  116. I thank you very much for this article, have copied it and reread it often.
    I pray for your son and my daughter….
    I never know if I’m doing the right thing, it is so very painful
    …..where did I go wrong?
    Miss her younger, beautiful, intelligent self….
    Worry my husband and I and her sister will never have a normal like

  117. my son 28 and started using at 18 years old , like every-one else he been in / out of rehab .
    He still lives with us , the stealing , the yelling , early morning screams that he missed a a vein .
    We are enablers , we let him use his bedroom for what ever he does in there , but now we had enough .He works full time and gets paid every Friday $500.00 and in 2-3 days he broke .
    And we are proud owners of two large safes , and if we forget to put something inside his rule is it’s his ,In the last 4 months he got us for $2000,00 on credit cards .My wife and I had enough we bought a home in 55+ community with back ground checks , anybody with felony and convicts not allowed to live there , he is so mad that he has to find a place to live . .
    I told him it’s time to grow up learn not to spend your money in 2 days , pay bills let the rest of us It’s not easy to throw him out but when I think of all the things he stole and pawned enough is enough We are 65 years old I want to retire soon and not work for my son .For my son he not ready to stop , I still waiting for that phone call every parents night mare .Especially now that I throw him out .

  118. Oh god. I just found out and I’m so frightened I can’t move. My son is 27. He was a proud soldier in the 101st, fought in Afghanistan and came home damaged. These past few years his struggles and maniacal tirades were just attributed to his brain injury. I’m kind of alone out here. Do I confront him? I tried (sort of)…I didn’t say it out loud, but I hinted that I know something beyond his frustration of being caged in our tiny town is making him crazy. He blew up. Said horrible things. I just sobbed and tried to breathe with deflated lungs because it all became so bloody obvious. It’s meth. Does this make him dangerous to my mom? He lives with my mom. She can accommodate his dog and we live on the same street. Jesus, should I even go to sleep? What if our confrontation earlier escalates into something??? I don’t know what to do. My fight and my advocacy for my son has been for military benefits and his pension. I never saw this coming. I know a hundred moms have said it, but WHAT DO I DO?

  119. There are no solutions, ultimately—is a deformed society that produces deformed individuals. GIGO. Sagest advice I ever heard? “Embrace for impact.”

  120. Ok so ive been sitting here reading your comments with tears streaming down my face. It helps somewhat to know im not alone on this roller coaster of emotions. Dont misunderstand, im not taking pleasure in anyone’s heartache at all. Guess just knowing other parents have felt the same emotions, questioned themselves, etc. This has been possibly the hardest event ive encountered. Prayers to you all.

  121. My 28 year old son is also an addict. I love how open everyone has been on here with their heart-breaking story. My son grew up in a 2-parent household as an only child. He is loved more than anything in this world. We don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, and thought we were living a pretty fun and awesome life. We were the 3 Amigos, the 3 Stooges, the 3 Warriors. We were a team. After graduating high school, he left home, he met a girl, and had some adorable babies. And then had a horrifying accident. And then with the help of the medical community and doctors, he became addicted. Drug addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer. It doesn’t care how much you love your family.
    I’ve been running all the same routes as all the other loving parents here. And trying not to die of heart-ache as I try to help my son and protect my little perfect grandchildren. So far nothing I do seems to matter for more than a day.
    Let me make a new suggestion. Our loved ones will not quit doing drugs until their supply runs out. Without their supply, treatment might become an option they would seriously consider, instead of just going to appease the courts and their loved ones. Let’s start working with the police, the DEA, and our local Drug Task Force. Put together your lists of names and places and turn it in. Find ways to do this Anonymously. Be Careful. In MN, the Red Lake Nation has started removing their drug dealers. If they can do that with little to no support, than surely the rest of us can help clean up our neighborhoods. Get to know your police force. Follow their social media, this will help you figure out the good cops from the bad and it will give you a list of dealers to watch out for. Know which officers you can trust and which ones you can’t. Support the Good guys.
    Don’t rush to judgment when putting your lists together, be careful not to label an entire family as dealers just because they have a similar last name. I know families that have both awesome law-abiding members and some horrible criminals.
    If every parent on here just turned in one name, imagine how many places we could shut down. There’s been an increase of the one-stop cook-shops, where they cook a pot of junk and sell it and move on. Get those names in ASAP.
    If you live near each other, Protect each other.
    I will not put me or my family in harm’s way. But I also will not put up with this behavior any longer.
    When a drug-addicted grandson is on trial for murdering his grandparents who bailed him out of jail – it’s time for something to change. When drug dealers are racking up 10-20 drug charges and still they get nothing but probation – it’s time for something to change.
    LOVE your people enough to do something different. What we’ve been doing isn’t working. We need to figure out a new way to get medicine into the hands of people who need it and keep it out of the hands of the people it’s destroying. Let’s brainstorm some answers here. And if this isn’t the place to make changes, tell me where I can go to do that.

  122. My 19 year old son has been using drugs since the age of 12. He started out using Pot, then meth, cocaine, acid, and xanax. He was in counseling and rehab has a teen many times. He started using Dab this past fall and his addiction spiraled out of control again. He almost killed himself with fentanyl in January and he spent his 19th birthday in a psychiatric hospital and was transferred to rehab. The experience scarred him, but he was sober for a short time after leaving rehab. He has been diagnosed with Agoraphobia, ADHD, Anxiety disorder, Bi-polar disorder and poly substance abuse. He has relapsed recently. We took his car away from him so he got angry and moved out for two days and has returned in horrible shape. This is a nightmare I would not wish on anyone. My son was named after his grandmother, Billie, who died of brain cancer right before he was born. I have asked her to watch over our Billy who, at one time was a bright, sensitive, creative person. I hope we can inspire him to get help yet again so that this disease does not take him away from us.

  123. I just spent a week in Aurora, Colorado with my 25 Y.O son. I learned that he has been “dabbing” for more than a year and he is clearly hooked on this Hash oil “drug” from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to sleep. He has gained more than a hundred pounds and he could care less about doing anything other than putting his mouth on a glass pipe and sucking that poison into his lungs. He has lost the desire to do anything productive and his social life is non existent other than the other bums that want to mooch off him for their next puff from the pipe. He is clearly hooked and heading for jail and a life of misery. I am heart-broken 🙁

  124. I’ve just read your blog ” “10 truths for a parent of an addict child ”
    I would first like to say that you are right on the mark with the 10 points
    I would however like to make one humble suggestion. Dropping the word ” child ” would make theses points inclusive for all of us whose addict is an adult or a child
    My son is 41 years old and our family has walked this path for almost 30 years!
    Some people might say that this scenario isn’t much of a success story BUT it really is as my son is still ALIVE and we have a warm and loving relationship ❤️
    The journey has been unbelievably difficult with highs and extreme lows. Others have even encouraged me to give up on him ( including my husband and my other 3 children)
    But I can truly say at this point that all the struggles were with it and I can say I’ve never given up and have always tried my best !
    Thank you for your information; I believe it will help many people ?

  125. I have a 28 year old son who has been a homeless meth addict for 10 years. He tells anyone who will listen that we “kicked him out,” but that is not true. He left due to our horribly abusive “rules” (which were two-fold: let us know where you are and don’t do drugs). He has always been welcome to come home, as long as he is clean. Since he can’t do that, he somehow has convinced himself that his parents are the reason for his sad life, and hates us with a passion. In his worst times, he calls us begging for help, but when we show up to take him to the (insert all the lies here – hospital, rehab, parole/probation officer, etc…), he won’t get in the car, and repeatedly tells us we are bad parents who won’t help him. Everyone tells us, “he needs to hit his own rock-bottom,” but I fear he has no “rock bottom.” For me, missing work one day or getting behind on my car payment would be “rock-bottom,” but for him, a deadly staph infection and the thought of sleeping in the snow in a t-shirt is not even a blip. What does a loving parent do in this situation?

    Unconditional love is in my wife’s and my blood, and we went through the “enabling” years a long time ago. Everyone says, “he won’t get better until HE wants to,” but how does a loving parent watch as their precious and gifted son deteriorates until he dies? Is there an answer? God has not helped, and we DO have faith, but I think this is even beyond Him.

    Any ideas?

  126. This information was so helpful I have a 15 year old son who is showing signs of addict behavior and want to take the proper steps now without betraying his trust but I need to do what is best for him and his future he is a bright young man and I myself am a recovering addict and have 2 years clean. So I feel a lot of guilt even though he loved with his father during my active addiction he now lives with me and I want to get him help now. Please keep us in your prayers and thank you for posting this I hope your son does well when he gets out of prison this article helped more than you know I know I have a long road ahead of me and I will keep rereading this when in doubt

  127. My son is 34 it took me a long time to realize he has been on drugs most is lifetime to me he acted normal. But as years went on I started to notice a pattern eating a lot sleeping a lot mood changes he started takeing things from his stepfather and I just couldn’t believe he would that my son would tell me he didn’t do it so I was caught in the middle of wanting to believe him or my husband it’s caused a lot of heart break.

  128. My daughter is an addict… I have known about it for several months and asked her to go to rehab… She refused saying she could stop if she just stayed away from the people that also did drugs… It’s been 3 months that she was gonna stay away from those people.. Saturday my daughter was arrested for some very serious charges… Charges that I would never think my child would be involved in.. I am thankful for any guidances or suggestions you may have

  129. My husband thinks it’s our, 18 year old sons fault that he didn’t seek treatment for his diagnosis of anxiety/depression, body dysmorphic disorder and self medicating with large amts of xanax when he was 17. now he is 18 and was just arrested, won’t graduate in 6 weeks from h.s. and is still lying and using. My husband says I am the sick one when I want to take away his cell phone, not let him use our car, not give him cash, etc. What do I do if my husband is being his friend when I want my son to give us the large amt of xanax he bought???

  130. My monthly update, this month March 2018 My son, now 27 and his girlfriend 28 came back on the 1st as planned. They paid the 320$ and took over the living room. (Their living area downstairs is still being repaired from sewer damage) My son hugged me and told me he loved me. I did notice right away he was attentive and alert, ready for anything I had for him to do. He also promised me 1100 out of his tax return which I desperately need. All his time is accounted for, no slip ups taking too long anywhere. He knows the rules I don’t have to repeat them. Early morning Friday March 9, my boy calls in sick (we work together graveyard) I covered his duties. got home he’s still asleep w/ girlfriend. I offered to take the granddaughter to school and he comes along. When we got back he said he felt better and was going to get some things out of pawn, it’s payday. I normally go to bed but stayed up for small talk with his gf. 40 min later he walks in the door with nothing and says they put a hold on the firearm, background check are behind and he goes straight downstairs. I follow him down to see if he can start getting the basement ready for him and his girls and gf. He walked off while I was talking to him and he quickly went back upstairs. His gf snapped and lashed out about being asked to do something and they both left. I try not to talk to her as this is common with her. My son comes back Sat. morn has a beer w me, he seems fine. Comes back Sunday cleans basement. Says gf wont be coming back. My son made every shift and came back everyday to get this or that till eventually everything of value was gone. Tax return showed and he snuck in cashed it without telling me. I ask 1 day later he said they need the$ for a place. I told him I don’t want $ if he gets a place. They’ve stayed at 4-5 places but he makes all shifts gets his girl to school everyday. Car payment past due notice, unpaid fine notice, as usual his money is not paying for anything. I have no idea why the sneaking around. Sun 25th he breaks down saying he’s lost everything because he got back together with gf. I hear his cry out for help loud and clear. His 5yo is injured and I’m harassed by the gf parents to leave them alone. There has been no sign of drug use. But money probs and avoidance tell me coke. I’ve sought help but to no avail. Son never calls or comes by now and its 3-28. I call cps for a welfare check on a day they had been know to binge. They are staying at a motel widely known for drug use. They ask a lot of questions and I explain all my trouble with him and drugs this past year. 5yo girl with black eye and them being on the run. Cps contacts him 830am on 3/29 and he texts me wtf did you tell them. Well he promised in writing last Aug to never do narcotics again. I found straws cutting trays through dec. Another promise to quit. More money problems. He lost his little bro (different dad) to cps older bro killed over drugs (another different dad) Ive had him the last 14 years, his mom had him on the run the first 13. Cps demands he and gf pass drug test for 2 years to keep kids. I so fear losing him but I had to act, he got very good at hiding the coke. He said I hold some responsibility for giving up info I promised to keep between us. I told him i’d quit my drinking for him during this. A part of me wishes I didn’t call cps. But with their money coming on the first I had to make sure there will be no drugs around my boy’s little girls. I think he wanted this because he had that breakdown on the 25th. It’s a mystery I hope to solve when he cleans up. it will be a suspenseful wait for my next monthly update.

  131. I lost my oldest son in his mid 20’s due to another health condition , not related to drug abuse. We were all devastated by my oldest son’s death. My other son son ( his younger brother ) , really struggled after this occurred. He was a teenager at the time. He started out by smoking pot , then it moved to other drugs and eventually he became addicted to Opioids.. This transition went on for several months before I knew about his addiction. I was somewhat in denial. My youngest son , as a child , was very bright, good natured , great in school and as he became a teenager , he was athletic. How could this happen to him ?…..I would ask myself. Because I didn’t face this and address it early on , it grew into a challenge that started to consume my personal time , my finances , my marriage and my overall demeanor. I was still reeling from my oldest son’s death and didn’t see what was happening to my youngest son…..right before my own eyes. My youngest son finally ” hit the wall ” and went into a treatment center , with a good plan. He made it through and got back on his feet , but continues to have those ” rough patches ” every now and then.WE will get there ! My biggest regret is that I did not ” act sooner ” when I started to see what was happening. Things may have turned out differently. We continue to work on this to once again have harmony in our lives.

  132. My son just told me he is/was addicted to morphine pills. He says the last 7 months he got off them on his own. He is working a great job, has had money issues though and we have been on his case and suspecting some type of drug use. He suffers severe migraines and injury from a motorcycle accident. What do we do, I need help. I am glad that he has opened up and told me, but I am not sure what to do now.

  133. It’s 2018now, so long after this was written. But it helps to know that I’m not alone. I feel like the worst mother in the world, and constantly look on what I could’ve done differently, but like many here, my other children are doing amazingly well and have grown up in the same environment, so I feel responsible, but my other kids tell me I’m hurt, so much and I wish I could stop loving him, but I can’t only because the pain of seeing your son be someone he’s not, or that I don’t know is so hard.

  134. My son is currently in rehab 7 days today to be exact..
    He asked for the help so we made the call, however today he has called 3 times begging us to come get him that he can recover from home.
    The hardest thing I have ever had to tell my son was no I’m not you are in the best place u can be right now..
    Insuring him I loved him we hung up and I hurt so bad but I know I’m doin what’s right for him

  135. My daughter is 28, and has finally gone to detox. She chose methadone when faced with charges and it made us feel somewhat comfortable, although knowing how difficult to get off of, she could work and keep control, but never be free. It’s amazing how we believe what will keep us from hurting, but not really believing. 41/2 days in a program, to be released without a plan, not sure on who’s part, she came home and could barely function, looking to get back in detox for a longer approach, which she did, and stayed for 8 days. It seems too comfortable, with all the meds they administer, she sounded high during her daily phone call. She is being discharged today, with referral to IOP/meetings/ and hopes for vivitrol. Couldn’t sleep so I went to clean her room and found a receipt for syringes from 5 days before she left. Made it too real, because of course I had rationalized she didn’t shoot up and was weaning from methadone. Sad, angry, feeling dispair all over again. Trying to have her take the time to do a program, without rushing, to aid in her success. Her addict brain is telling her she can do it another way. Time for more boundaries I guess. and for me to get to some meetings!

  136. I am the mother of 7 children, 5 boys and 2 girls, ages 36 to 20, it breaks my heart to say this, all of them are on drugs or alcohol , I ask myself everyday what i could of done differently. My oldest son is in prison and hes been in and out since he was 19 the longest he was out was 2 yrs and 7 years ago he was sentenced to 23 yrs he didnt even kill anyone and my yougest son is in jail and going to prison in May i really cant take much more i dont beleive my life is so horrible, i was a good MOTHER, i left their dad because he was on drugs and beleive me it was the hardest thing to do , i got all of the graduated and i dont drink or take drugs or go out with anywhere i stayed home with them and gave them alot of love, what happened ? There is so much more but i cant go on anymore

  137. You know another thing I don’t know what to do about. My 28 year old addicted son (heroin, but really anything) is now he’s said he OD’d at a ‘friend’s’ and that they brought him back with Narcan, 5 doses. He says he was blue, and foaming at the mouth, and so now he’s back to abusing his Xanax, and probably Xanax he gets off the street. He acts like he’s doing so much better. I’m so sick of him knowing how to use us. He called me one day asking me to help him find Meetings, and like an idiot I did thinking that NOW he must have hit bottom. He’s looking forward to yet another jail stint and I thought that meant something. I can’t take these lies. We asked him to just leave us alone for 2 weeks, and we’d re-evaluate at that time. What do you guys think about the Narcan being over the counter now?

  138. I see my daughter yesterday my heart is broken she is dying little by little every day from heroin . She is 27 years old I’m telling you she locks horrible. I just cried the whole way home I cried all night. It almost paralyzes me I just sit in the chair I have no energy no joy I have nothing left to give. What saddens me the most she has no desire to get sober I beg her and pleaded with her to please go on term treatment . She wants nothing to do with it. I already buried one child from this disease I can’t bear the pain of doing it again. I wish God would take me first …

  139. I have a son that takes cocaine since he was12 years old now 33 ans still in cocaine i lost my wife because she got cancer was it because of my son i don t know.but he is getting me sick i am always tired no energie anymore and i an looping hope and i which that my days were gone is that life how many years can i stand this it is not humain . Thanks for reading this

  140. My son is 37. He cannot sustain a normal life . He gets a job only to loose it 1-3 months later . Goes back to drinking . Creating debt’ shutting everyone down and ending up getting me to bail him out. I know he was a sweet intelligent man and he wants to make it but doesn’t let anyone help him!! The history repeats itself time and time again’n i Don’t know what else to do!! I feel defeeted myself!!

  141. Hello this reading was so helpfull. I am a Mum my Son now 35 years old started drugs at 13 years old. My gosh we have the same story.

  142. At what point do you say, I can’t do this anymore? I have seen where many have said never give up on your child. At what point do you say this is effecting my health and I can’t do this anymore. I am there. I am 65 my son is 30 and once again in jail and I am done.

  143. If Rose still comes on here, thank you for your prayer from a long time ago. It was so comforting at a time when I really needed it. Amen, for all of us.

    By the way, my son is a 28 year old who is addicted to heroin. He has a history with Oxy, xanax, meth, alcohol, marijuana, etc…anything OTC or not that he can get. He is an IV drug user with Hep C who swore he was going to his Harvoni clinic meetings, which now I think is a lie. I don’t know, I know anything at all anymore. We’ve been dealing with the hardcore part of his addiction since he was 18.

  144. I am at the end of hope. What do you do when you feel like even the hope is dying. I can’t take it, I’m so tired, exhausted by this heroin abuse. I can’t take the lies anymore. I feel so broken and betrayed. I believed him …. again … that he was going to do it right this time. He was going to the doctor for his meds, he was going to the Public Defender to deal with his warrants, etc. His slurring was his new meds for his mental health. I still don’t know all the fact from fiction, but I know he OD’d about a week ago, and now that Narcan is OTC his ‘friends’ brought him back after foaming at the mouth and already blue. I’ve lost so much whether stolen, or paid for treatments. I don’t have anything left. I feel empty, then sad and crying, then so mad I can’t sleep and stay up looking for blogs, and outlets. I know the phrases, there’s no cure, not my fault, etc. I’m sick of his life being in the center of my life.

  145. I’m taking a moment to address poster “angry guy” and the blame he puts on all families of addicts. While it is true there are entire families who are indeed addicts and addicts/dealers, we have found that most families are NOT in that category. Families who are not addicts and dealers have no idea what is wrong with their loved one. It’s a complete mystery to them AND the addict takes full advantage of the situation even to the point of coming up with all kinds of blame that Mom and Dad were rotten and responsible for the obvious mess in the addict’s life. Those clueless families are actually in horrific personal danger. They are the family member addicts WILL kill and those murders WILL take place when the family members put their foot down and say “no” to their demands. Furthermore, murder is not the only vile act addicts commit against their unknowing families. The addict will steal and plunder everything and anything they can get their hands on, including stealing bank cards, credit cards and money — and items in the house and even the battery out of the family car, and to top that off we now know the addicts will hit their sleeping family members in the head with a club or bat, knocking them out on top of the sleep, and they will rape those family members. YES, we have had court watches and we HAVE seen those cases. When the assaulted family members finally awaken, guess what happens next? The addicts accuse the family members of raping them when the opposite is true. As well, the emotional wringer addicts put their unknowing family members through is horrific and massively destructive to the point such family members cannot enjoy a normal life, their home is wall to wall hell and they become very ill and can even die. Addicts can and do conjure up lies that will boggle the imagination and actually stun the target family members.

    An addicted family on the other hand knows all the dynamics and the addicted family members can’t buffalo them the way a non addicted family is victimized. The addicted family simply shoves more dope down their throats or screams when their doper is arrested because — some families actually have their own kids selling dope to put money in the household.

    What do you do with such a contrasting situation of pure hell? What is the answer or answers? Is it fair or right to spew a bunch of inappropriate psycho babble that blames all families? No it is not fair or right nor is it ok. The fact is, addicts and dealers must be removed from society and that means yanking an addict out of a good family and providing assistance to that family AND when it comes to entire families who are addicts and dealers, zero tolerance. Lock them up, throw away the key. They ARE criminals, very dangerous criminals and that situation is a way different situation than a family who has no idea what is wrong and no idea what to do and their situation only gets worse when they do seek counseling. There is no counseling that is appropriate or healing and no path out of the hell except when the Police show up at the door to announce their addicted loved one is now a body laying in the morgue.

    Dope and dope dealing ARE multifaceted and because they ARE multifaceted you cannot toss a blanket idea over all the family situations just because THE SYMPTOMS ARE ALL LINKING UP DOPER TO DOPER. Yes all the addictions share common symptoms. But do all families share common symptoms? No, and there are some highly significant differences that are not being addressed, have not been addressed and apparently won’t be addressed until good families who have been victimized put their foot down and demand proper professional assistance is formulated. And that means across the board throughout all of society. That means no more psycho babble. Real help, real healing is a must for the addict AND their good families. The bad families? As I said, lock them up and throw away the key and do NOT make their stay in prison a revolving door OR a pleasant experience OR a place where they create new dope contacts. Zero tolerance for dealers, no legal wiggle room whatsoever. Death penalty only.

    Enough is enough of this crap, all of it. It’s past time to make changes. And yes WE do have to put a stop to this horror. It is killing our loved ones and it is destroying an entire generation of Americans and it is a major threat to America and all Americans. Dope means America and Americans are up for grabs.

    Not this American … how about you?

  146. A valid question is — why all the withheld anger??? Have we all forgotten that disgust and anger ARE valid emotions and happen to be the very emotions which compel us to demand our own government has to shut down this horrific dope situation?? Why are we parents not outraged that there is absolutely nothing available that will heal addictions and repair family units smashed by dope?

  147. I’m sitting here at 4am . My son has ruined us . He has stolen everything. I’m 52 and not sure if I have the strength to deal with this. This is insanity

  148. I have 7 children 5 boy’s 2 girl’s age’s 36 to 20 and this is hard for me to say but all of them are troubled with addictions, my oldest son is in prison for 23 yrs and my youngest son is in jail and in 3 months will be going to prison, I am slowly dying, I mostly parented by myself, I did the best I could I know that I love them so much and I showed them that love on a dayly basis, but something went wrong somewhere, this is the hardest and most painful duty that I do in this life, and I failed and there is nothing I can do about it

  149. I have five kids, two have battle heroin addiction. My feeling is that the key is hitting the bottom, whatever it may be. Our son had to hit the bottom hard before he could see that it had to stop. Our daughter gets the hand held out to her every step of the way, we are years into the addiction and my husband still believes she has to stay at home to heal. It hasn’t worked yet, she continues to relapse, continues to destroy our finances. Our savings is gone to the tune of 100k+ and there is no real end in sight. Currently she is in rehab and continues the behavior, argumentative, planning out her recovery, manipulating the judge at her upcoming court date, (of course my husband bailed her out instead of letting her stay there and paid 800 to get her car out of impound) and move back to our house, while keeping in contact with her boyfriend and co-user. My husband throws a blind eye, sure that if we let her fall she will surely die. Our son was different, my husband had no problem letting him fall. So the moral of this story is that, yes your kids are different, but there is one key truth, you have to let them hit the bottom. Love is unconditional, pain is real, healing has to be their choice. You can’t fix it, let them figure it our before they have you, like me extending my work days because my savings has been depleted.

  150. Good Evening. I have read every comment, and I can relate to 99% of the parents and family members here (all except angry dude). Our daughter who is 21 is going through….and taking us through this. It has been three and a half years now. She graduated top of her class, received and lost numerous scholarships, and dropped out of college. Since then she has been in rehab 5 times, left twice. She’s also been in psychiatric facilities more than I can count, and sober living (the first time for a year and a half. The second time for 1 week. I have always helped her with her rent when in sober living, because she seemed to be doing good. However this last time, I she decided to get high the day after I paid the weekly rent. Today, she called my wife and I because she is homeless. We reused to let her come home, because when she was here, she stole from us, fought us, and twice stopped breathing ( we just happened to find her, and performed CPR and called 911. She uses heroin, Xanax, fentanyl, alcohol, any thing she can get her hands on. I don’t enable her, and I have attended more Al-Anon meetings, family support meetings than I can count. I also now have a counselor I see weekly. It is hard. But, to any one reading this all I can say is take care of yourself. Learn as much as you can. Don’t beat yourself up. I don’t relish in the fact I didn’t let my daughter come home today, but as I have learned, she is 21 she is an adult. This last time she made an adult decision, and must face the adult consequences of that decision. As I stated, I do my best not to enable her, bit I have always tried to while her from being homeless. That is until today. What I thought was her rock bottom wasn’t. I hope being homeless for while wakes her up. This disease sucks major butt. For family it’s like being blind folded on a roller coaster. You never know when the drop is coming, and your stomach just stays tight during the entire ride. It’s awful. My son has cut off all communication with her. I have made peace with the fact that she will die. But, at least my wife and I have done all we could do. I pray for every family who posted here and all over who are on this same messed up ride we are on. It’s going on 4 years for us, and it still sucks. I have just learned to take care of myself, keep eating, exercising, and accept I can’t fix my adult daughter. Only she can fix herself, and only when she’s ready. I advise anyone here to get a counselor….it really helps to have someone to talk to. Go to Al-Anon meetings, and find therapist lead family support groups that will teach you about this disease, and how it affects you in ways you didn’t even know. Also, know that you are not alone.

  151. My son currently lives in a tent on our back patio. He’s a heroin addict. He’s 23 and been using for many years. He smokes it. His truck was impounded last year and he literally has no one he can stay with. We have tried to get him to an inpatient program and he is on a waiting list. Could be 3-4 weeks for a bed and that is if he calls them frequently to follow up and nag them (its a county facility). Yesterday I lost it when I found him slumped over nodding out in our bathroom. I called cops to pick him up on his 3 misdemeanor drug warrants because I just couldn’t take it anymore. He was released 2 hours later and came straight to our house mad as hell. He said he wasn’t passed out and that now he owes his dealer $150 and now he’s going to be messed up by these guys, etc etc and if I cared about him I’d give him the money. Of course I said no And of course it was raining outside, dark and late and he was wet. Of course we let him back into his tent because we aren’t inhuman and because he would not leave and kept knocking on the door. I have so many emotions going on I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t seem to push him away. I think sometimes we should just move away and leave him

  152. this article is not true in my eyes I’ve grown up with kids plenty of friends that had parents that never done drugs or drank a drink of alcohol maybe you should lean more towards psychiatric genetics instead of blaming parents if these junkies of the junkie generation want to blame people in chronic pain or anyone else then and just leave me alone change the locks kick them out they don’t want a family and if they want to do her and if they want to do her and if they want to do heroin and overdose then that’s on them they’re adults just deal with it let him go it’s not your fault or your choice that you’ll only be able to deal with this s*** for a certain amount of time and then you’ll figure it out you’ll be tired of it you’re better off looking for caskets now love is a word people love their cars their dogs their TV do you think your kids loves dope my 33 year old daughter stole everything off of us 9 cycle Hospital and one 90-day rehab I’m still on methadone I think it’s called no respect for themselves how can I respect you unless you walked around cursing them all their life and beating them I really think it’s a mental issue please build the wall really that’s what the kids are doing building a wall around us around parents called the blame game I have a dope daughter 2 lost their children family hope you figure it out

  153. I lost my son to drug overdose several years ago. It was devastating. I empathize with your story and agree with your suggestions. I did not read through all of the comments so do not know if you posted any updates on your son, but I would love to know how he is doing. You are in my prayers.

  154. My 28 yr old son’s a meth addict. Whatever else I do not know. I found the baggie on a step. He is nowhere near hitting the bottom. He was gone for 5 days and has been asleep since he returned. He is not himself. I knew something was wrong. He has to work tomarrow. I will be searching his room. If I find it do I call the police or confront him. I suspect at least a year, possibly longer using meth or other serious drugs. I thought about pretending I didn’t know, but I cannot, will not enable this ignorance or in knowledge. I am in training for AODA counseling. This is a kick in the teeth. He knew I was afraid of this. I’ve talked about it with him for years. Even knowledge can’t prevent it. I will tell him , every chance I get, that I will always live him, but I will never accept his using. I will always be his cheerleader, but I won’t enable him. I’ve considered calling the police while he is crashed out, but it’s almost midnight and I don’t want the drama. I am so sad, so hurt, and broken hearted. Knowing what is and may be coming is depressing. I was just thinking how happy I am, content in my life and joyful. I feel like a balloon with a hole in it slowly deflating, flat and empty.

  155. Thank you… I just found out that my child uses meth. We thought he had sever depression and that is why he tried to kill himself 3 times in less than two years. Right now I’m just in shock and don’t know what to say or think.

  156. You”re an amazing writer and so insightful. Your truths are exact. Your son is lucky to have you as a mom. I hope it continues in the direction it is.

  157. I am a mother of an adult son who is 30 and a heroin addict. He has been an addict since high school. The ups and downs have been painful. I always remember that naive mother who when I first heard my son was doing heroin that I could fix it. After being arrested twice – two hospital stays and three rehabs – he is still using. Right now he is on a binge. No idea where he is. We told him after his last rehab he could not come home. Hardest thing I ever did. Did the depression and heartbreak go away? Wish I could say yes. I cry everyday and can’t eat or sleep. I’m 62 and feel 102. I grew up with a gambling addict father and I swore I would never live with that fear again. Guess you can never say never. Too all my fellow Moms and Dads on this blog. I understand – I get it – I know your pain. May God have mercy on all of us and our children too.

  158. I’m so happy for you and your son. I’ll pray for you both. It’s the hardest thing to see your child go thru such pain and self loathing. My son still not there yet although I have hope for him as of right now I just don’t know one day from the next what will happen to him. On a happier note I’m happy your son is thinking clearer and sees what needs to be done,it gives me some hope for my son. Laurie

  159. To Lisil, I too have a son, also 31, that we can’t get out of our home. We are at the point of filling a restraining order. He also is bipolar and schizophrenic. We are afraid that he will kill himself if we get too tough on him. We also have to protect ourselves since many times he has beat me up. I am praying for you to get out from under the thumb of a drug addict.

  160. I am riding this roller coaster, He has no insurance, he needs a treatment center, he is 22, I love him unconditionally, but i will not love him to death, i need help please help me find treatment center please

  161. Diann, I love that letter you sent and if you don’t mind, I would like to copy it and send it to my representatives (I am in IL). I couldn’t agree with you more Perhaps if it were harder to get needles, maybe it would be order to use. I am sure they would just find another way, but when I kept finding Walgreen’s receipts, I was more than ticked off. I think a prescription is necessary. Prayers to you all that your child recovers from this horrible addiction.

  162. My follow up to my Dec 29th post: My son promised to take a test for coke by his birthday but I didn’t feel inclined to give it to him because he did not display any of the behaviors associated with drug use seen in the previous months. I have felt he hasn’t been using coke but a couple days ago something came to light. He is in serious financial hardship. I have never charged him rent, trusting he is being responsible with the 1300/mo he makes part time to just make his car payment and ins. He and his gf have 2000/mo combined and 400 in food assistance. He said she lost the food card in mid Jan. and state law wont allow a new card till after the 1st so I spent 240$ in Jan on food. On Feb 7 they left together with a musical instrument to go pick up their daughter from school, 3 hrs later they were both lethargic and the girls were running around screaming and my son and gf would not wake easily at 6pm. I found a pawn ticket for 80$. I told them they needed to leave for at least a couple weeks (my son stops by almost every morning to have a beer with me, we’re very close) During this time I discovered my son had pawned all 3 of his guns in addition their 800 in food $ was near 0. I also discovered a traffic ticket unpaid dating back to early nov. which has led to a bench warrant. He’s acting perfectly normal, not missing any shifts (late a couple times). He’s drinking a lot of beer so I’m almost certain he’s not on coke. WTF could he be doing with his $ to be broke and pawn his guns which he prides highly? I found a cash withdrawl slip from the gf’s account for all of her 750 at once on the first of Feb. There is nothing to show for any of their $. Tonight theyre coming back and I made it perfectly clear it’s 400$ /mo. The gf is freaking because she has to cough up cash. The only sign something is askew is their $ problem, no behavioral issues at all so we will revisit this in one month.

  163. Jackie and Teresa, I know how you feel, but I wanted to provide there is hope. My son was addicted to heroin and he broke into our neighbor’s houses (of all places) and he got caught. He was sentenced to 2-4 years in prison. He requested to be placed in bootcamp and received it. Bootcamp is for usually first offenders. It was a 120 day program that was literally working out as much as the officers felt they needed (usually 3-4 times per day), they did landscaping work at the fairgrounds nearby, had a 15 minute eating period. If you could not keep up, you were kicked out and sent to prison where you do your sentence. The success rate is very small. It did its job, my son made it through the entire 120 program, he came out physically and mentally stronger. I don’t know what it was exactly that happened, but he has not touched drugs (nor alcohol) since he got out. He has a job (5 years, longest he’s ever held one), engaged to a beautiful girl, and they have a little girl. All you can do is be there for them, love them and talk to them. They have to want it. My daughter (that’s me above your posts) is another story. Best of luck to you both.

  164. I sent this letter to my State Senator, Governor and The Attorney General office. I live in Missouri.2-26-2018
    To Whom It May Concern:
    I know that President Trump is trying to pass a bill on the miss-use of prescription pills which I do agree with. There is also a tool out there is just as dangerous. That is hyperdermic needles. Anyone from the age of 16 to 60 can go into any drug store and purchase them. Then continue to the next drug store and purchase another and they come in a box of 100. I am the mother of a drug addict. He was in the Marines and served our country. He was stationed in Japan and Iraq. He lost his wife of 13 years and his home. He was high one night and totaled his car. The insurance only paid off his car it didn’t replace it. The only members of the family that will associate with him are his father and I. We have been divorced for several years. So he has had to move in with me. Jeff went from using marijuana, pills, cocaine, meth, and now heroin. There are millions of families in the United States that are in the same position that I am in. Mine took a turn for the worse last week. On 2-20-2018 he was taken to John Cochran in St. Lous, Mo. To be transported to Jefferson Barracks for re-hab 3 different times. All 3 times he walked out. The second time he walked out and came back home things got really ugly and Jeff started slapping me around. The police were called and he had to leave. The next day I went and was issued an Ex Parte on my child. Do you have any idea how a parent feels to put their own child out in the cold, no place to go, no food or no money. I done that to my own child! To my own child! Do you have any idea how every day somewhere some family is walking in on a loved that is deceased with a needle sticking out of their arm. This too is at epidemic proportion. A law needs to be passed that you can only purchase these needles if you have a prescription. You may feel this isn’t necessary. Wait tho until it hits your household or the one of another family member or that of a neighbor. Then you will recall this letter. I beg of you to do something for the millions of families that go through this every minute of every day.

  165. Thank you for sharing your story. Mine is similar, only my son was just released from prison in November for the, I can’t even count any more, somewhere around 10th time in just as many years. He confrsssed last night that he was using again. It breaks my heart but I keep praying. I constantly tell him I love him and try to spend as much time with him as I can. He has a big heart and tries to help others before himself. I hope some day he will be able to function in a more normal manner. Everyone deserves to be happy.
    Thanks for listening.

  166. Debbie i pray that your daughter can get cleaned… i pray that she can see the light, i pray that Jesus wraps his arms around her and every other addict. my son is homeless everyone has turned their back on him including me. it is killing me, i cannot concentrate at work or driving i am a wreck. i feel like such a worthless mom shutting him out.

  167. I am so glad that I found this blog.. I have felt so alone dealing with my sons of today he is homeless I know they have to hit rock bottom but it is still heartbreaking for me. Reading all of this is really helpful
    Thanks y’all
    Heartbroken in Texas

  168. I am at a point in my life where I need to say good bye to my 27 year old daughter. No, she did not pass away. In school, she was smart and got good grades; we did Girl Scouts together, she played basketball, and is quite a talented artist. We had a minor hiccup in 7th grade, she was cutting, dressed in the goth motif, etc. We talked at length, I took all sharp objects and just figured the black dress/makeup would run its course, which it did. She graduated high school early and in the top third of her class. She went onto get her associates degree in fine arts. During that college experience, she met a guy; when I found out who, my heart literally fell to the floor, he was known heroine user. She was at his house more than ours, then they wanted to get an apartment due to trouble at the boyfriend’s house. I co-signed the lease and ended up paying for 9/12 months rent. When they moved in, I noticed my daughter was ‘nodding out’ but the boyfriend said she was tired and had smoked some weed. That was the beginning of my nightmare (2nd time around now because my son is clean/sober heroine addict). I have forked out enough money to probably buy a mansion; we have gone to rehab, counseling, meetings, you name it. She has been in jail three or four times now. I have driven hours to see her. The boyfriend died of a heroine overdose in 2014 and she went into a downhill spiral, moved home and sought help and was clean. She met another guy, ex-heroine addict. She started using again with him. Come home one night and the dude is od’ing in my basement. End of that relationship. She then met guy 3, yea, another ex-user (by now we are telling her she needs to be independent and stay away from guys until she can get her life together). Guy 3 and her get into a relationship and one day I come home early from work to take her to court 1.5 hours away. She is not home, neither are my 55″ and 48″ flat screen TVs. Yep, neighbor saw a taxi cab van come to our house. She and Guy 3 were charged with theft and she was not allowed in our home. They got clean, moved into their own apartment, had jobs and all was going good. She tells me he is acting weird and hitting her. I moved her home once again. She never spent a night. Then she calls, he is beating her. Take off work early, he is gone, she is okay but bruised. This continued for a few weeks, he broke his mom’s hand, went back to jail and is still there. Every time I see her, she is clear, clean, and looks good (looks can be very deceiving). She borrowed my debit card (not my main account, just a spending account with a few hundred in it). She spent most of it and said she went to the grocery store because they had no food and she has no link card. Okay, she needs the food, one thing after another, gave her money, money, money and I started getting that feeling. She is now dating Guy 4, Guy 3 hasn’t been in jail 30 days yet. She had a post on FB where she had a gift card worth $200 and was selling it for $135. I saw red flags but my son’s girlfriend bought it; yea, no money on the card. Son calls and is livid. Today I decided to check my debit card balance and guess what, I have $1.11 on it, she has used it for Uber rides since her car is broken down (likely a lie). Today, weighing heavily on my mind is the need to let her go. I have discontinued my debit card and will change all of that information. I will be packing up her things in the next few days. I want to sell them to recoup some loss. Is this the right thing to do, just cut her out of my life?

  169. I think anyone who is enduring the horrific addiction of a loved one and the eventual consequences, should recognize that our own emotional state can and does play havoc with our own thinking. That havoc comes at most inappropriate times. I’d like to tell you of just one “thing” I did unknowingly.

    Making a complaint to the Police, we have to use an online form now. I filled it out and sent it off. I promptly received two emails that made no sense. One from the Police saying our phone was out of order when it wasn’t, and another email stating I was blocked “for security reasons”.

    My computer system and anti virus said nothing was wrong. Checking all the “gobbly-gook” lingo in the expanded email I had been sent, I found the error. I had mis-typed our phone number, a one digit mistake on the area code and didn’t catch it. WELL, when that phone number mistake was researched, it was no wonder why I was blocked for security reasons. That mistake was a number that had calls to and from — Russia, generated from Chicago. I’m in Texas and have never ever called Russia or received calls from Russia.

    There are many times after the fact, that others or I have caught mistakes I’ve made that are way out of scope for me and it all began after my son’s death a year ago. In fact our entire family is awash in dynamics that continually toss us about. Four of our family members have been hospitalized now for heart problems due to stress and grief, we never before experienced, so this is a very dangerous situation for all of us. The ultimate reason — we did everything we knew to do, every single thing professionals advised us to do for my son, and nothing worked. Absolutely nothing. Psychotherapy did not work, rehab did not work, years and years of what we now know was pure crap, and booting him out resulted in a horrific situation that still hammers at us. Our mistrust of the entire system is profound now. We are left with no answers. I cannot advise a path, there doesn’t seem to be one. Just be aware and beware. Perhaps advance notice of what to expect will somehow help you through it when it hits you.

  170. It’s sad but nice in same being able to relate… I never dreamed of getting to same place you’re now at Nancy, but I am. I too wasted so much time, worry, money, etc etc for what…. I don’t have to purchase a birthday gift this year for my son as if I see him I still have last year’s. After telling him I cannot witness his lifestyle anymore, he keeps away. I don’t drive by where he lives anymore like I used to. So scared tho as he is soon to be a father. This poor baby. Makes me think as a mom, how am I to react? Keep distance? Help out? It’s a wee baby but his parents in helping him, it would be enabling. I dearly hope they put baby up for adoption..

  171. To Nancy and all moms. I am now in recovery. It took 30 + yrs to get to this day. I don’t know your son, but when I was 20 I did not even comprehend stop drugs. I knew it was bad and eating away at my family, I still could not understand anything about recovery. It is so hard to explain. So my thought. 1) you are not alone in your hell. 2) I would bet that your son does not love himself and probably doesn’t know how. Just my thoughts, Your son is not happy either. You will always love your son. Again me. Set your boundaries. If he needs shelter, continue letting him stay in garage/a room. Make dinner and save him a plate. If he waits days to eat it then he gets old cold food. He fits into your life not the other way around. Your son is sick and addiction is holding on to him. There is no cookie cutter fix. When I was 19-20 I was living with a woman that had 2 babies(2 and 3). She got pregnant and I was so terrified that my “drugs” couldn’t make a healthy baby. We married and God blessed me. A baby girl, small but strong and healthy. I always worked. Left good jobs and lost a good one. That’s when my wife knew my drug prob. was bad. Sitting in jail. Me, daddy, husband. She was so hurt. She begged the judge, with a promise “no more drugs or writing RX’s. Judge let me out till trial. Walk to my truck got my stash and continued this hell-crazy addiction. I didn’t know how to stop. Now I needed it to function normal through the day. Good jobs, pay and I really felt I was so lost. “Sorry” Love your son. He needs love. set your boundaries tell him. (got divorced 12yrs ago, live alone, 3yrs ago got a dui and drug charges no one would bail me out. spent 23days in a concrete box with 3 other men) I said that so if he gets in trouble you will have to choose. It didn’t hurt me at all going to jail. It at the least gave me think sober time. Set YOUR boundaries and keep moving forward. Also, If he didn’t love you he wouldn’t argue. This is his FIGHT. Pray, Love and simple boundaries. – – – I am new at this whole blog thing. I hope I don’t offend anyone.

  172. I have given up on my 20 year old son after doing everything in my power to help him.
    He began with marijuana at age 14 but kept it secret for two years. Life with him became just a hell of being mocked and verbally attacked by him for everything: our morals, our choice of words, our life choices.
    A year ago we moved into this house and let him stay in the garage but without free access to the house, as he had been stealing money and jewellery. About 4 months ago I got a call requesting that I come and get him from the hospital: psychotic episode caused by drug use.
    There followed some attempt by him to change his ways, with meetings between him, myself, a community health worker, and a psychiatrist ulimately concluding without a doubt he must discontinue drug use if he wants to avoid the downhill slide into the worst possible scenario.
    For awhile he toed the line. A couple of weeks ago, though, after going missing for days during which I rang every friend and family member I could reach, distressed about his state and who he might be with, I was surprised to see him home and requesting a meal. Long story short, he made it clear that he feels strongly positive about using drugs for the rest of his life and enjoying them to his heart’s desire, with no regard for the recent psychotic episode…
    Something in me snapped.
    I realised all the effort and care I had put into this mission to save him had been a complete waste of my precious time. I could have been helping my daughter with her homework, relaxing with my husband instead of stressing out, giving my other sons driving lessons, cooking together, etc.; instead I have been distracted and distressed, obsessed with texting people who may know of my son’s whereabouts.
    Then and there, I made a conspicuous decision to spend my time and energy where it is going to achieve some good in this world. My son has convinced me that whether I work with him or not, the outcome is always the same. It would be illogical to continue lavishing my precious time on him.
    For the last couple of days he has been knocking on the back door like a woodpecker, sounding like it’s about to break it, demanding food. For the first time, all we are doing is replying that if you can’t return our texts and tell us where you are, and quit your drug use, we’re through. Most of the time, though, I am literally ignoring him as he has ignored me.
    I’m through.

  173. I am “yes” new at this blog thing.— I’m David and have been an addict for about 34 yrs now. I am in recovery for about 2yrs. I don’t have the answer to this addiction disease. I only have what I know that got me here today.22Feb2018. One of the biggest “Wrong” is, I never loved the drug more than my family. I needed the drug. I love my family ect. Story; I got hurt, had surgeries and liked the pain meds. I knew I was in trouble the second day out of the hospital. I felt like my old self and I didn’t like it. Got the pain med. RX filled. took some, 20 min. later I felt like “normal”. No fear, weakness, no guilt no depressed feeling. I felt like the 19yr young man I needed. Sounds crazy. This addiction is crazy. When I was about 6 -7yrs old a camp counselor sexually assaulted me. I told no one. I have a good loving family. I have a lot of brothers and in my little mind I just became the weakest. None of them would have let this happen to them. I was so lost. That is when I started to believe I was weak, wimp, ugly, stupid ect. I stopped being that little boy. School was hell for me. Everyone was strong and tough. I was lost. 10yrs later when I took that pain med at home was the next BIG turn in my life. I felt strong, confident and smart. I liked that! Oh shit, I am in trouble. Today I struggle 24/7 to like me. I learned something from my 26yr old daughter. About a year ago. I took some “drugs” and went to her home and she sent me to my home. She didn’t yell or get mad, She just said ” we’ll talk soon. A few days later we got together and spent the day together. I told her I was sorry. She said, “Daddy I am proud of you”. You slipped and got right back up. I told her I was worried to appear happy after my slip. She said “I love to see you happy”. “Yes it scares me when you slip. but when I see you fighting your addiction and get back-up I am proud and happy for the both of us”. I am going to stop for know. Just remember I don’t know an addict that says ” I love how much I hurt and how I am hurting others and my life is good”.— Pray for me! I pray for you.

  174. very good article.

    be grateful your son is in jail instead of dead, like my 22 year old daughter who died Jan 2017. at least you can visit him. at least there is hope.


  175. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Just 3 days ago we learned that our 20 year old son has been using LSD, cocain and marijuana and was out of control at college. He went to college locally and would come home frequently to do laundry, shower and to get some home cooked food. Fast forward to 3 nights ago we received information that he was acting strange while at his job. Our daughter works with him and said he was acting very strange and we should be aware before he stopped home after work. He walked through our front door and we immediately knew he was under the influence of something but it was hard to pinpoint. Talking monotone, expressionless and not engaging with us was completely out of the norm. Why he came home in that condition and more importantly, how he was able to drive home that evening was an act of divine intervention in our opinion. After an hour of talking with him, he told us that he has been on OxyContin and cocain for several years while at College. We were aware of the marijuana and dismissed this as a college experience thing. He agreed to go to the hospital with me so we could clear him medically for a treatment program. We learned that he wasn’t on OxyContin at the hospital and that he was only taking LSD and using marijuana. The cocain was true but not 1/2 gram per day he stated. He did not test positive for cocain. The LSD was in charge at the time we were trying to determine what he was on and it turns out, he’s never taken OxyContin. Cocaine, marijuana and LSD are his drugs of choice. So, he is just in his 2nd day at an inpatient treatment facility and we are just so worried about him. I have never felt so afraid and my heart is broken for him and for our family. We pray that he is in the right place and that he is able to overcome these demons. We realize this will be a long road for all of us however, we welcome a “long” road as the short road is certain death from overdose or by suicide. All we know for sure at this time is that he is better today than he was yesterday. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and all we have is today. My thoughts and prayers to all affected by addiction.

  176. I applaud you for telling it like it is. I’m the mother of a 29 y/o addict. Of course he swears he’s not. I must sleep with my medication and car keys if he’s around. If I leave the premises, I can expect to go buy something I own out of the pawn shop. He doesn’t do drugs daily, just when the opportunity arises. I don’t know what to do bc as much as I love him, he cannot come back here. The stress of living with him is killing me. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can put him out other than just throwing him out on the street?

  177. Hi everyone and thank you Francis wow as I sit here writing this the tears are streaming down my face. I can relate to everything everything you’ve said my son also a child of a father who has since dies of cancer brought on by alcoholism and drugs smoking cigs. I left him as well my daughter doing great and has given me a grandson I adore but my son who is now just turned 31. We are repeating the same consequences he had at 21 now its worse then ever he has been cured of hep C due to drug use.He has now lost his job,apartment and his car that he was living in was repoed so now he’s homeless. It kills me to my core he went and got jewelry on credit just to sell them for drug money. Sold the phones I’ve bought lies to me telling me he’s going to make it better. Hangs out with shady people puts me in risky situations,rest of my family upset with me for helping him letting him sleep in my car because my boyfriend will not let him stay here. He can go get help thru his HMO but refuses now goes to get methadone every morning lies to the counselor tells me he wants to die but is to much of a wuss to do it. Hearing this Tears me up my daughter doesn’t want him to be around especially around my grandson. My heart aches I cry everyday I feel absolutely helpless.For some crazy reason it’s some what comforting knowing I’m not alone because unless this is happening to you, it just doesn’t make sense because they think we’ll just get help oh dear God if it were that easy. I can say what Frances says is true get to know the kids and their families he or she hangs out with I learned the hard way on this I felt quilty about leaving his Dad and worked 2 jobs to keep up with all the things he wanted I now wish I had just stayed home and bought him cheap shoes and backpacks and join cheaper sports instead of club sports. Thank you ladies thank you for listening and I’ll say a prayer for us all. Laurie

  178. I seem to feel okay sometimes, but realize that my life has become so small and sad and I don’t even know what okay means anymore. My beloved baby, now 18 is now sleeping off some drug with some girl I don’t know in the basement. I feel broken and hopeless. I know there is nothing I can do to change him. I know that I need support, but can’t seem to be social at any level. Going to NA meetings just makes me feel worse. I don’thave many people in my life anymore. I haven’t really seen anyone come out of this, and feel sentenced to suffer the rest of my life because of this.

  179. My son is holding my home hostage. I have repeatedly asked him to move out. He was only allowed to be here temporarily. My 31 year old addicted son seems to enjoy the fact I have become so stressed from his addictive behaviors; i have lost my job. He is very abusive verbally when asked to do simple household chores. He does not work and is not on my lease. I will probably lose my home due to his behaviors. I have almost lost everything just from trying to help my addicted son.


  180. My heart is bleeding for my son he is a heavy user of cannabis for over 9 year s now he often uses other drugs Iam so scared he’s lost his job !! And now no friends almost at rock bottom could be on the streets soon I feel terrible i pray is it a nightmare he can’t come home because that’s why he moved out

  181. My 38 year old daughter is missing. She graduated from college with a B/A in nursing.worked for 10 years as a registered nurse. Then the opiateds began. She lost everything mostly herself. She has been missing for several months, which has happened before. Local law enforcement say she is an adult and there’s nothing they can do. She is my only Child. I have been through all the meetings,read all the books and still cry myself to sleep every night. The things that have been done to her seem inhuman to me. But all that matters is the next fix. People in this country have issues that they demonstrate all day. WHAT about someone’s child living on the streets.Waiting for the phone call or the knock on the door. They don’t survive this life. WHO can help me save the beautiful baby that I carried for 9 months and love more than my own life.

  182. Our son has been an addict for 15 years and I can’t go on any longer. He has physically assaulted me and his Dad. The first time he hurt me was when he broke two of my ribs when he was 15, he is now 30. It got so bad the I had to use a fire arm to stop him. He has not gotten physical since but it’s the constant emotional and verbal abuse. I have gotten to the point of actually hating my own son. Then of course I feel horrible guilt for that. I can not keep going on.

  183. Angry Dude: Never will I explain myself to someone so closed minded. I hope you find a path towards being more non-judgemental especially since you have not walked in the shoes of another who suffers from the obsession of trying to fix someone else. I’ve learned two things while trying to fix the person who is troubled. Acknowledge the feelings always…….. don’t worry so much about the message. Keep calm……….. as it allows the other person to reflect on their own behavior and not my insanity. Play try to bring humour and play back into the equation. Don’t lose yourself, don’t lose your own life and peace and happiness.

  184. My daughter is addicted to marijuana and has done other drugs in the past. I’m so sad and just want her back. She went to rehab last year and I thought that would help but now that marijuana is legal she started back up. She has destroyed every relationship she has. My biggest concern is her 3 yr old son. I had to kick her out. She is now living witj my parents. Her room is disgusting and smells like pot. She has trash bags filled with trash and beer cans. My relationship with my parents has just been a roller coaster ride. I just feel lost.

  185. THEY CAN ONLY HELP THEMSELVES! I Know you WANT to help them and THINK you can but YOU CANT ! I’ve been through it with my 25 yr old daughter. She admitted to being addicted to heroin and she went to rehab, the next 2 months I spent all my time every day taking her to outpatient rehab, meetings, therapy, drs . Then taking her to work everyday when she got a job. We spent all our money on lawyers and all her bills she owed. It was all worth it because we really believed her. Then she started hanging out again, not coming home, when she was home she’s very irritable, lost her job, missed her rehab and therapy and drs appts. She’s back out there again, she won’t tell me where. We are in debt and she’s back out doing the same things, ruined her credit and her car repoed…… The ONLY thing you can do is pray for your children, there is power in prayer. I text my daughter bible verses all the time because God promises His Word will not return void.

  186. Steve, If it were me, I would stop being so unkind to myself and show my son where the door is and change the locks! Call the police for assistance beforehand for safety if need be. You are not doing your son any favors by continuing to enable him. This is no way to live for you and your other family. As hard as it will be, I think you know you have to do it. A home is your.haven. This is no haven! Get tough for the love of you and your family.


  187. My wife and I have had a wonderful marriage. We have a 34 year old son ad two younger daughters. Our oldest daughter is a hard working teacher on the east coast she is our middle child with our son being the oldest. Our youngest child our other daughter is living at home with us and is going to college. Our son has a son our grand child about 2 hours away. This breaks our heart the woman that he had s baby with is a drug addict also and our grandchild is being taken care of by the other grandparents. Our son cannot hold a job and does not even try to get employment. We believe he cold not pass a drug test and he is lazy, belligerent, with terrible mood swings. He had no income. He is behind on all bills and would be homeless . The rest of our family thinks we should kick him out but we are like afraid of him. We are prisoners in our home. I coached our kids and we felt we did a wonderful job of raising him . We have no idea what to do? We have sent him to counseling , rehab more than three times at a huge expense. I know this is not going to end good. We are looking for answers.

  188. My son is giving up on his own life. He is addicted and lives in a tent camp in North Snohomish county. He is a felon also and is 39 years old. I am going to ask for a pardon from the president. My son has done time
    He needs help. Others tell me that I can t help him. HE IS MY ONLY CHILD AND I DO WAN TO HELP HIM GET WE’LL. He is my only and I love him very much,,and I am on the section 9 voucher program,so the feds will not allow him to live with me. It is a very serious problem at hand please somebody please respond if you have any answers. It boils down to rehabilitation and then have a second chance at life PLEASE, I f YOU KNOW can help us PLEASE……

  189. Not everytrip to jail will change someone, I found god going to church in prison, helps them with their parol, My ex- husband who has been on and off drugs since he was 13 years old and sit’s in prison again at 61 year’s old, so it’s not what they do., or how many times they get in trouble or jail, It’s them, they have to want to change their life themself, you or I can’t do it for them. They have to want to stop enough to say no to whoever stick’s it in their face, or offer’s it to them. It is a Choice that they make and has to be a Choice by them to stop.

  190. Today I had my son removed from my home. He started using cannabis at 13, continued to runaway, in children’s court for threatening 2 boys with a knife (who he was bullied by but no excuse). By his 18th birthday, he was living in social housing as he was physically aggressive and verbally abusive to me. He then started injecting heroin, had a relationship with a girl who used heroin too. They had baby boy. She then took baby and I had previously notified child protection but they were no help. The baby suffered shaken baby syndrome amongst many others inflicted on him by his mother and her new boyfriend. My son started on methadone program and was going well and we tried for custody but the courts granted restoration back to mother. He was going well and had started another relationship with a single mother and they had a baby together. We regularly saw the first grandson and all went well until ICE. His partner again left him with the children and I no longer see them due to the foster carer making it extremely uncomfortable. This was my choice. My son continued on his downward spiral and many trips to the psychiatric hospital but never any follow up. They say always drug induced psychosis. Been to detox 4 times and rehab once lasting a week. Went to jail last year for 6 months trying to beat up his drug dealer but this did not even wake him up. Came back to live with me and rules were no drugs. Found his supply a week ago as he was in psychosis and said he was going to kill himself (about the hundredth time he has said this) and I gave him a week to move out. He confronted me today in front of my grandson and was scaring him, so enough. Called the police and asked them to remove him and his friend who was staying here as well. In so much debt from those two. Am just scared he will retaliate as usually quite aggressive and has given me a traumatic brain injury in the past as well as cutting the brake lines on my car.
    I just can’t do this anymore. Upon going through his living space, the amount of drug paraphernalia I found I cannot believe. I know I have to be strong and take a stand. My grandson has seen enough in his seven years. No more.

  191. I was feeling so alone till I found this blog so many periods are suffering. I lost my eldest son two years ago to suicide. He began using heroin was a man 34 years old two beautiful sons three businesses , and got hooked on heroin. He tried a couple of rehabs finally couldn’t stand his own self and shot his self in the head. I have a 27-year-old daughter who is addicted to heroin now. She runs the streets of Philadelphia I can’t have her at my house. Our youngest brother is done with her her sister will not allow her in her house either. She is homeless every time she goes into the rehab she brings a Nother guy home with her . And then I have to deal with two people that are on drugs. I finally said I cannot have her in my house anymore. She has overdosed I had to bring the ambulance to my home to revive her. I am at my wits end . She blames everything on me I tried every way I know possible to help her. Her newest thing is she will text me and say I’m about to do heroin if you can’t reach me in five minutes Call a ambulance. She constantly threatens to kill herself. I took her to a crisis hospital so they could find her a detox bed yesterday. I just dropped her at the door and drove off. I cannot take much more she called me all night threatening to leave because they haven’t found her a detox yet finally I had to turn my phone off..she refuses to go into rehab she just says to me you just want me out of sight and lock me away. The truth is I pray she gets arrested for something and has to go to jail I feel that’s the way she’s going to get sober

  192. II am a mother of 4 ages 14 22 25 n 31.My oldest is mentally ill with dual diagnose.For the past 9 years he’s been in n out of jail. N giving restraint orders to stay away from his grandparents home where his dad resides n his grandfathers where I reside .He’s got no one left to Turn too for shelter when he needs it.he’s been out of jail for 2weeksnow n he was homeless for few weeks prior to arrest. we allowed him to stay in our home bcuz of the freezing cold at night as long as he stayed sober.Its hard bcuz he was diagnosed with colon cancer 2yrs ago after undergoing emergency surgery. After a trip to e.r for stomach pains n vomiting.He refuses the chemo n radiation needed for lymph nodes that may be on liver but refuses.But we were told he just stay warm n that the cold can cause serious its hard to know he’s on streets n gives me so much guiltt as a mother..Well he’s been home 2weeks n we just caught him with meth pipe and he was told to leave again.I’m so distraught .Its overwhelming and I don’t know what to do..He needs rehab but will not go.I’m so lost.I feel so worthless to him.I can’t even help him bcuz Idk how.please any advice .I love my son but his mental illnes of schitzophrenia n drug n alcohol addiction. That cause him to hear voices tell him otherwise.

  193. I would do exactly what you’re going to do. Ask yourself why you would feel bad after the facts. I would feel anger and you’re right, you have to do this. Enabling does no one any favors. Only prolongs the behaviors. Keep us posted. It helps to vent.

  194. My 33 yr old daughter and her 45 yr old boyfriend live in my rental home, they both are addicted to heroin! Paying nothing and I recently found that they stole antique guns from me and pawned them! I’m getting ready to bite the bullet here! Calling cops and having him arrested and they probably will arrest her because she’s on probation. Why do I feel bad about doing this? He pawned them but she was at the house watching her son when he took them!!! They were her deceased fathers gun, I know I have to do this but am so upset! What would u do as a mother?

  195. I have printed those truths to read over everyday. Everyday I look back on what I may have done to have things end up in this way. We have now cut off my sons money and he says well you will force me to start selling drugs again. I cant be responsible for that comment. He is in drug court and will be doing to jail if he fails out. I believe his bottom was a couple of years ago but it may take going to jail to see this isn’t what he wants for himself. As most everyone fears daily who has anyone close to them on drugs is that they will overdose or become so depressed they take their own life. I think about that often and it is scary. My husband and I have been through so much but are working to have our own lives-go on dates and trips and just live. It helps to read this information and get support. Thanks.

  196. I thought I had posted a message a couple of weeks ago but I do not see it posted. My daughter is crack addict (age 45) for the majority of her life. I can’t begin to tell the horror or her life. At this time, I have had to do a “missing persons” report. She has not been seen in over 4 months. I have not had contact with her in over 2 years. But, there was one person in her life that did see her at least every month or so. However, she has not been seen by that person or anyone since September 2, 2017. She didn’t show up for Thanksgiving, Christmas or her birthday. That has NEVER happened. I am her mother and my heart aches. I have started attending Alanon meetings. I need all the support and help I can find.

  197. I am the stepmother of a 38yr old women…been with her dad for 37 1/2 yrs, she has been in & out of dozens of facilities, but never completes them the longest is 7 days or less, we have given her our time, engery, home, money, much love & support, her dad & I have to grown children in there 30’s of our own together, she has a mother & 2 sisters In there 40’s, plus she has a 21yr old daughter of her own, that is so disgusted with her point as the stepmother I am done with her we have given & done so much, I throw in the towel , but I see her mom & my husband her dad, being big enablers in her life, yes for awhile they have done the tuff love, but it doesn’t last for them, they believe her lies & think every time she is getting better, but NO she tries but always lands up on the streets again & I am the bad guy for not believing her lies & not allowing her in my home anymore, I have small grandkids I take care of…I donot need to watch over them & her too…but now that I have turned the corner I can defently see her parents really treating her with kit gloves & enabling her so bad I feel bad for the way I feel it has caused conflict in my marriage, but at this point I am done, over the holidays I allowed her to stay in my home, told her she would have to prove to me now, I would not candycoat her being & I would only be truthful to her, well she lefted on 12/21 my home was to traditional for her (Normal)…so today she is staying in the garage of her mother’s place, I believe last night she had an episode last night again.. I hear her parents saying she was doing so good, I told them weeks ago NO she needs serious help still where they ignored my negative comments I only see & speak the point these choices people make in their life can totally destruct families, people’s lives so bad..

  198. To all of you struggling with a child with addiction…I totally understand. Last weekend I attended the funeral of my 18 year old daughter’s ex boyfriend (also like my daughter a heroin addict). I’ve been dealing with this for 3 years. I would like to encourage each of you that are at the end of your wits. Attend alanon meetings if you can, read “Codependancy No More”, pray every day and turn your child over to Jesus. And most importantly, be happy regardless of what your kid is doing (believe me in the beginning I had to remind myself of this hourly). In addition, set boundaries and stick to it. If you say you aren’t giving them cash, don’t. If my daughter needs something she knows she can get help if it’s necessary (like food or medical care). I pay for my daughter’s phone because I want her to reach me. And no, it’s not a smart phone, it’s a flip phone. I text her every day and tell her I’m here for her and that I love her to the moon and back. She knows I know what “high” looks like and I tell her she can’t do drugs at home, or be high here. That means there are days I don’t see her, although I talk via text. Most importantly stop thinking there is something you can do to fix your kid. Support their recovery if they want it, but love them despite when they are using (without enabling them!!). Remember too that they aren’t doing this to hurt you, or because they despise you. They are sick, and until they want a different life there is little you can do to change their circumstances. Focus on the things that you do have control over….you’re own life and those that count on you for emotional stability (siblings, grandkids, husbands, wives, etc) and strengh. You can do this hard thing, I promise! Much love and prayers to you all.

  199. To Tammy and Colorado mom, I would suggest getting in touch with alanon for help for yourselves. They can direct you. For myself, counseling with the right person helped me. Helped me realize I am only responsible for my own choices as our adult children are responsible for their own.
    It took a long time going through so much angst and money to get here, to accept this fact.
    Colorado mom, do you have help raising your grandchildren? My 35 yr old son is supposedly going to be a parent this June. I told him adoption as I am in no position to raise a baby. I feel for this baby. It’s one thing to lead a drug life but quite another to involve innocent babes.


  200. I need help..! Where can I go to get help for myself..? I have been surrounded by addiction my entire life. I have lost sisters, brothers, friends, and I feel like I’ve lost myself dealing with my drug addicted child. I’m raising her two children under 2. It is taking a toll on me as a mom and wife.

  201. I read this article. I am devastated by 2 sons who are addicted to heroin and meth. We’ve been dealing with this for 8 years now and I’m so tired of it. I’ve had a nervous breakdown myself. I have on currently in jail faci g years in prison and the other making me feel horrible because I’ve stopped communication with them. What do I do? What more can I do?

  202. To those with children that are drug addicts, I am (unfortunately) in your club. The pain, sleepless nights and second guessing is beyond description. At the end of my rope, have to be willing to let your child go and risk never seeing them alive again.To those who aren’t in this “club” hold off on judgment. This can happen to you and your family as easily as it did mine.

  203. Hi

    I’m the mother of an addict for 14 yrs I’ve been living a nightmare. I can tell you this.. that it’s true. I’ve wasted much of my own life trying to help him find recovery. Simply said I’ve wasted much of my life. He’ presently in a rehabilitation faculty. Prior to this due to safety reasons……. for myself I had no choice but to have him removed from my home his behavior when drinking is horrible. Needless to say I hope for the best…. and am just now realizing that I have to live my own life. Despite Angry dude I have to put these attitudes aside as these are what keeps me from living my life and continuing to attempt to help him recover from his addiction. I’ll never know what caused it , possibly angry dude is right.. but even if he was.. that would certainly do nobody any good going forward. So it’s a long struggle continual battle and alot of stress. Love to all you other parents siblings, co-workers, lovers, sister’s and brothers.. grandmothers and grandfathers struggling with the same battles.

    Hope.. is all we have.. hope and to live in the now

  204. Omg this is like reading my own story!! My son is 25 and has been an addict for the last 10 years!! I have been to depths of hell and back again and can see no light at the end of my tunnel!! My husband was an addict and died at 32, he left me with 3 young children 3,7,11. I too gave up drinking and adopted a healthy lifestyle to be around long enough to bring up my children. My 2 youngest are fine (thankfully) my eldest binges on alcohol and cocaine, he has cost me my business in drug debts and almost bankrupt me! I’m soft and I pay his debts to save him a beating my mum (his nan) pays too! I dread my phone ringing because it’s usually for money or he’s on a come down and is suicidle and begging for alcohol! I’m reading this tonight as I’m sat on the internet looking for guidance, my phone hasn’t stopped for the last few hours, he’s begging for drink saying please mum and I’m desperate and I’m in a bad place!! I’m standing strong this time and saying no but I’m scared that he’ll do something stupid? I want to switch off my phone as I can’t cope but I feel so guilty and can’t sleep. I could honestly write a book with what we’ve been through and I don’t see it ending anytime soon but when it does I’m worried it will be with his life! I feel helpless

  205. My son left a Halfway House 7 days before his release date to get high. He had been completely sober for 4 months and I was very proud and happy for him. What gives? I can’t keep doing this.

  206. I am at the beginning stages of my daughters addiction And when I say beginning stages I mean she’s been doing it for at least nine mmonths. She is15 and smokes weed at least three times a week. All of her friends are now pot smokers. Your stories help me a lot but actually made me feel a little hopeless. It doesn’t seem that anyone gets out with a good life. I feel all of your pain and thank you for giving me a precursor to what is going to happen to our family. You have helped me realize definitely not to enable which I haven’t up to this point.You have also helped me realize that no matter what I do it’s not going to help. And I’ve learned that nothing helps you just have to endure at all. Our sweet baby’s lives have turned to crap and there’s nothing we can do about it. She says she’s going to do it all her life because she just enjoys it. So sad that our state has decided to make it legal and make it even easier on her later. I don’t know how more of you aten’t angry. Do we just become dead inside. All this is so fresh because we had another incident today so I apologize for the way my words are coming out. Just feeling very hopeless.

  207. I have read Codependant No more and that book has helped me immensely. I am the mom of a daughter who has been dabbling in substance abuse since she was in Junior High, although I didn’t suspect anything till she was a Freshman in HS. She’s spent time in Juvenile Detention for heroin possession, 10 months in an intensive outpatient rehab, countless hours of family treatment, individual treatment, encouraged her, loved her, hated her, and promised to never give up on her. Her ex boyfriend died of an overdose 5 days ago and she’s using heroin like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve told her no drugs in the house, searched her, discarded drugs etc but she still manages to use at home. She’s a beautiful girl and I’m terrified of telling her she can’t stay here, but my health is suffering witnessing what she is doing. I wish I had the answer 🙁

  208. I’m in utter shock at the fact that this sounds exactly like my son who is incarcerated as well for the same. I feel like I just read our story as well.

  209. You can only help yourself. Drug addicts, whether they are your child/not, only can help THEMSELVES. You will have more respect for yourself when you come to that realization. And more peace within. No it is not easy, it is accepting the facts. It is their journey, not yours. I had to use tough love once and for all. I could not witness his lifestyle any longer. Should he choose to get clean, and do it, then I would cautiously welcome him.

    They say love unconditional and I do with my son. I have hit my limit though when he continues to bring helpless dogs and now a child into his world. Just because you love them…it doesn’t mean you have to put up with their choices. You have your own life to live. It is your choice what you allow in it. Love yourself. It took a lot of counseling and self talk to get to this point. We all makes mistakes, especially parents. But as adults, we.all have our OWN choices to make.

  210. My son is 26, I love him as much as any parent could ever love their child. I rescued him from cocaine and got him back last summer. We shed hours of tears together but the handshake that ended in a hug was the new beginning, July 18 2017. He lives at home with me. I trusted him 110%. He was the boy he had always been before his short 2 month adventure with coke. Happy, affectionate, funny and smart. He is the father of 2 beautiful daughters age 1 1/2 and 5 years with who the mother has shared custody. He would pick the girls up everyday at 330pm and take them back at 6. On Sept. 18 he called to say the younger one was asleep and was going to spend his visitation there. My job was extremely demanding and stressful. After a week I realized he hadn’t brought the girls back since that day. My trust was still there, I had no doubt that he would not go back to coke. On October 18 I had a disturbing thought, was he using again? I looked through my texts with him through the previous month and realized I was the one keeping our communication alive. I had a talk with him Monday October 30, he had just cleaned his room and looked great and was 110% right on. I told him I kept thinking he was using again he said nope, I haven’t touched anything but herb and beer (herb is legal here and I don’t have a problem with that). Tuesday night we took the 5yo trick or treating and when we got back he went to his room for a moment and then left in a hurry. A couple hours later he came back with his gf and then left for a Halloween party about 11pm, he had to work at 2am so I wasn’t the least bit worried. He never missed a shift. I went to his room and went to take his trash bag out and a straw with coke fell out. One week later I confronted him, he said it was just Halloween night. Then day after day through Nov he was filling the trash with toilet paper from blowing his nose. He said he’s had a cold. I found another straw, and another straw. He now has the gf and the girls here so I cant just go in the room when he’s gone. I found a cd case under his computer with coke and razer marks. This got worse after the gf came back. I’ve now confronted him 5 times in two weeks and he always stays and listens while I tell him what needs to be done. He doesn’t know I know about the cd case but I take it out and photo it every time they are gone. Its always got coke in a different position so I know it is a daily habit now. I told him this is not going on here past Dec. 31 and he needs to tell me how this got going again and how he’s going to get off of it. I asked him for a drug test and gave him one week, he failed, he admitted he’s been doing a lot but has not said it’s going to end. I told him if I see signs after Dec. 31 I will evict him and the gf and kids. I was in tears, he never shed a tear. I hate this I’ve had to scale work down to part time because there is too much stress. My only regret is not doing something the MOMENT I saw the change back in Sept. I told him he will lose his guns and his girls over this if he doesn’t come clean with his plan by Dec 31. I am single, his mom is a lifetime addict and I’ve never done drugs.

  211. Hello,
    I’m so glad I found this blog. I’ve read so many stories in this blog. I’m in the same boat with you and I’m very desperate for help too. My son is 23 who is meth addict and also use marijuana.
    12/28/2017 I went to the court and filled restraining order and eviction to evict my drug addict son. He’s been really violent and very abusive. He destroyed my property he put holes on the wall, damage security alarm in my house, broke dishes and wall display, deflated all 4 tires in my vehicle pour unknown liquid in my gasoline tank, he played really loud music all night, slamming doors, running water in all faucet at home for hours while we’re gone. Attacked my youngest and my boyfriend. My youngest son moved out he’s so afraid and tired of the physical confrontation. I spent all my savings bailing him out of jail paying rehabilatation hoping he’ll get out of drugs. He was doing good from June 2017 to December 25, 2017. He started using meth again 26th of December 2017. I had enough my house again is damage and I couldn’t afford to fix it anymore so I decided I’ll kick his ass out of my house. Enough is enough I can’t afford to pay for rehab nor I can’t afford for him to live at my house. I love him with all my heart but it’s time for him to live uncomfortable and experience life without nice stuff and eat dirt. I don’t deserve a drug addict, violent and lazy person. Someday if his completely clean and get along with his family of course he can come back. .. how can i force him to check in to rehab? Is there a free rehab and can they come pick him up? I really want to help him but I run out of fund and option.
    If you have any suggestion/s how i handle my situation please your welcome to message me. Thanks everyone for sharing your story.

  212. Our now 20 year old plus son has been out of our house for 2yrs after we had him removed by the Police at age 18. For 3 years prior to this it was a never ending story of him being caught at school for having drugs, selling drugs, drinking, smuggling drugs into our house, stealing from us….it goes on and on.

    He refused counselling, treatment or any intervention strategies. Our home was like a prison in lockdown. We searched his school bags daily, did surprise room searches, locked up our wallets and purses. He still found ways of buying/doing/selling drugs and/or drinking.

    AJ was the 3rd of 4 Children. We were a busy family but we ensured that everyone had the same opportunities as the next one. We loved all of them equally, fully and unconditionally. AJ is smart, and artistic and While his siblings thrived, worked hard in school, AJ always looked for the easy way. He just didn’t care and was drawn to the wrong crowd.

    This blossomed into school suspensions for drugs and then finally being permanently expelled for it and suspicion of selling drugs. He broke the rules of the house over and over….we allowed it to happen for all of the wrong reasons, until we had finally had enough.

    He was removed after he had threatened to kill us by burning our house down during one of his drug fuelled highs.

    In two years we paid his rent in between his mobs that only lasted a couple of months or weeks before he was fired. Paid for car repairs and insurance so that he would have reliable transportation for those jobs, bought groceries for him…spent thousands, while offering rehab, counselling, which he still refused.

    Five days ago we were having all of the children home for Christmas. AJ had called a number of times prior to this wasted out of his mind. We told him he wasn’t welcome here high or drunk. Well he showed up regardless wasted out of his mind, and yes he drove as well.

    This showed and proved to everyone that not only did he not respect us he didn’t respect anyone, especially the innocent people that he could have killed from driving while he was high. He ended up crashing for the better part of 24 hours and was miserable for the rest of the time he was here. He made everyone uncomfortable and ruined our Christmas.

    We told him before he left that he was not welcome here again unless he was sober and if he showed up otherwise we would be calling the Police to remove him. We also told him not to call or text when he was high because we wouldn’t respond to him anyway. We also told him that any and all financial support from us was now over.

    All we have been doing is enabling our son period. When we thought we were doing the right thing, we were doing the wrong thing. We were getting our own “fix” by believing we had done something to help him, no matter what it was.

    When we fixed his car or out gas in it, we were enabling him to drive around to buy drugs or to party. When we bought him food, we were enabling him to use what money he did have to buy drugs, same with rent.

    We did this because we didn’t want to see him fail. We did this because we thought we could fix him. We did it because we loved him and we still picture him as that innocent little toddler with the blonde curly hair and that great big room filling smile.

    We still love him but now the stark reality has set in that we can’t stop him from failing and we can’t fix it. Only he can if he chooses to do so. Will he reach that point before kills himself or anyone else? We pray that he does or if that’s not in gods plan, then he kills himself before he takes the life of anyone else.

    Our lives have been filled with heartache and pain for years over this. It has affected all of us except for one person, AJ. Because of the drugs/alcohol and our enabling he hasn’t lost any any sleep over this, nor does he care.

    I guess now we’ll see where his bottom is as we finally hit ours.

  213. I don’t know where to begin. I found out my two kids have been using drugs ( heroin, meth and cocaine) They have moved out and do not live in the same state as me. One overdosed on heroin and luckily had someone with him that cared enough to get him to a hospital in time to save him. The other kid is homeless and using. Texting me asking me to get plane and bus ticket and telling me it’s not safe there. I do not want to enable in any way. I said to get help and check into a treatment facility. What else can I do? I’ve never done drugs or been around drugs. I don’t know what to do. I want to help but I need advice. Thank you.

  214. I am the mother of a recovering addict. I have been through pure hell for the last 7 years. Bailing him out, crying, begging, screaming, nightmares, loneliness, suicidal and isolation.

    Do not bail your child out if jail.

  215. Thanks for your supportive and encouraging letter. I also divorced the father of my kids due to alcohol and drugs, and was completely devastated when my eldest child became an addict. She seemed to have been born with management style. So organized, intelligent, and very protective of anyone or anything she cared about. Yet, she became involved with the wrong type of friends in her sophomore year of high school. And everything changed in the blink of an eye – literally.
    She lost interest in her 2 sisters, church, her grandparents, me (she seemed to hate me), school, tennis, her baby brother, the innocent shows she and her sisters watched together, etc.
    She had totaled 2 cars, been arrested 4 times, overdosed once, she has been stealing from me for years, shoplifts – been arrested for shoplifting, had an affair with a married man at 19 years old, and more. She has been through rehab once, but went right back.
    She is now 21, and acts like she is fine, but is living a lie. Today is Christmas day. We went to the drug store quickly for something she needed, but we didnt have enough money. So as I waited for her to come on, I witnessed her shoplift! I told her to put it back, and said I saw a man watching her just to make sure she wouldnt trick me. Oh yes, she was arrested by the city we live in for assaulting me.
    I love her, and the other 3 more than I can express. But I am stumped as to how to confront her without her denying it again.

  216. Thank u for sharing ur story and ur sons Mine is almost identical…. My daughter is an addict as well but thank God she is n recovery For about 4.5 months… I agree with u I do believe e is hope…. I do love my daughter unconditionally but I now know I can’t fix her problem only she can work her recovery herself… I have hope anchored n the Lord. I pray for her constantly…. She has accepted Jesus and she continues her AA NA meetings… one day at a time.. My heart is with u and ur son and where u r and what ur going thru only God…..

  217. My son OD two weeks ago. I found him dead i his apartment. He had been diagnosed bi-polar over 5 years ago. He consistently refused treatment. I begged and begged, but he refused. We cried and argued, I loved him so much. I feel this guilt , I know he was an adult (28yrs) , but he thought like a child. I should have showed more mercy , I think, instead I would just give him money and he would use it on drugs, I feel like I abandoned him. What did I do wrong? Oh God, please help me understand.

  218. My son has been doing drugs off and on for at least 10 years. He lost his father when he was 15. He’s gotten straight only to go back into the drugs. Recently, his cousin came up to drive back with him so he can start fresh away from the people here. I never thought in a million years that he would leave his cousin at the airport. I decided to kick him out. I’ve already faltered and gave him money. I’m sure what he told me was a lie but I couldn’t say no. He just called again asking for gas money. I said no but now I feel horrible. I have a real hard time saying no to him. He knows it. My friend said not to answer if he calls. I’m leaving this state in February to start my life over. I’m having a real hard time standing my ground. This blog is helping. Everything that was said above is true. I’m praying I have the strength to say no and let him hit rock bottom.

  219. For any parent, friend or family member looking for support navigating this terrible nightmare we are all in please look up Parents of Addicted Loved Ones (PALS). They have support group meetings in many different states. This group saved my life and my sanity! My 25 year old son is a heroin addict and is living on the streets. A couple months ago I finally got him into rehab, but it only lasted two weeks. It’s been so heartbreaking and devastating, there are just no words to describe it. But I know you all know, because you are going through the same thing. Please check out PALS website. If they don’t have meetings in your area they still offer a lot of good resources on their website. My heart breaks for you all, please help us God!!

  220. A little about myself and my situation:
    I am a mom to a 20 year old son who has been battling a drug addiction for over 5 years now. I have desperately tried to find Nar-Anon parent’s meetings, or any meetings for families of drug addicts, with no luck. I decided to seek online support because I need it so much right now. My son’s drug of choice is Zanax, and/or any other type of prescription pills. In and out of rehabs, sober living homes, etc for years and the cycle continues. After so many devastating ups and downs over the years I have learned to not expect too much or get too hopeful each time he goes to a new home, but I really thought this time was different. Sadly, it wasn’t. My son left his sober living home a little over two weeks ago and is back at his dad’s house, not being held accountable and using again.
    I’m blessed to have a happy, healthy 9 year old daughter that puts a smile on my face and keeps me going on the days I’d be better suited to stay in bed and cry. She obviously knows about her brother, but I do my best to only give her info that is appropriate for a 9 year old. She is innocent, happy and excited about life and I will do my best to keep her here!
    I am beside myself with worry over my son. I feel so helpless, sad and angry and need to connect with other moms in my same shoes. Thank you for taking the time to read my lengthy post.

  221. My daughter is 18 and she graduated with honors. She wa accepted at UC Fullerton and all of the sudden she met this guy and decided she wanted to live with him. She left and ever since I have been devastated. How did she threw away her future like this. This happened in a matter of 6 months. Today I received a call from a mental hospital and it was my daughter. How did she get there? Why ? I went to get her only to find out she is not her at all. She is talking nonsense and Doctors say she was only positive with Marihuana. I am lost and don’t know how to help her. If she gets released she will go back to this guy. Please help. She is a beautiful girl and I don’t want to lose her.

  222. My son has a girlfriend that had been a heroin addict for 9 years and been in and out of rehab. Now my son is an addict too. I cannot afford to send him to treatment centers and he says he won’t go. He went for a 4 day treatment and they gave him and his girlfriend naltrexone. I took them in as everyone else said no, there had enough. I also couldn’t see them living on the streets. He is already very adept in lying and has started using marijuana again yet his still struggling from withdrawal. He is 30 years old and his girlfriend in her 20s. I have just started trying to handle the situation of them living in my house, the lies, the anger and verbal aggression and the depression stages and talk about dying. Please can anyone give me advise.

  223. Hi
    I am in the same situation my son has been and addict since he was 14 so he tells me. He is 26 and too is incarcerated. Unfortunately the institution he is in has lots of drugs and my son got involved with that. He is now in trouble and could face another 2 years because he was told by 1 of the drug dealers that he had to bring drugs to him in order to forgive his debt. He was crying and telling me he was such a failure and I would be better off without him. My heart is breaking and I had yo turn around and tell him that his uncle was just murdered because we believe he got caught up in drugs as well. I dont know what to do or who to turn to to get my son help. I can not busy my brother and son as well.

  224. I have two daughters that are my only children. 23 year old twins. Their drug use started when they were 15, with spice and marijuana. It has accelerated into IV meth and heroin but what scares me most is that they will put anything into their bodies if they think it will numb them. I’ve recently had one in a mental hospital with drug induced psychosis and my other daughter has her drug dealer’s sons after her for contacting the police when her dealer beat her up and stole her car. Now, 11 treatment centers later, I’m broke in every way. I’ve managed to keep my job and my home but barely. I’m hanging on emotionally by a thread. I’m not sure what to do anymore. My heart goes out to every single parent that has a child with the disease of addiction and I pray for them and every addict out there.

  225. You definately do miss the person tney were ‘before’. I have a teeny bit of hope still after 20 plus years. I dont let it consume me now though. There is help out there only if they truly want it. As the help first, is ‘in’ them.
    After so much self bashing for the woulda shoulda couldas of my parenting, the helping, sending to rehab, I am done. I built a wall in order to function as best i can in my life. The life he leads, having it in my face, it made me want to vomit. His choice.

  226. My son is in jail for meth. He has not been allowed home since my grandchildren live here & has been living on the streets. We finally decided to turn him in since he had
    2 warrants out for his arrest & thought it would be better if he was in jail than out there doing meth. I miss the person that he was, I am so sad!

  227. I am the mother of a drug addict. She has tried everything and was into heroin for quite a while then tried to get off with government help. They put her on Methadone, which caused her so many problems. Now of course she is addicted to morphine and she takes so many pills (prescribed). Doctors (in her case) have turned out to be idiots. She aches – they prescribe. Gabepetin, colodine, flexerol, and many others. Of course, she doesn’t have insurance that will pay for recovery. She pays for her methadone at the cost of $625 a month. But she supplements i with the other drugs. I suspect she has started heroin again. She makes too much money $12 an hour to qualify for medicaid. But then most places won’t take you anyway. Some will take you but only for rehab not for detox because of the level she is on. I pray for her to get arrested so she will be forced to detox while in jail. When she took xanax, she got violent and swore at me. She later apologized but sometimes I wonder if that is how she really feels. There is no reason for all the anger. She brought this on herself. She expects all of us to be understanding which means allowing it I guess. I miss my daughter. She was a kind and loving person. Now she is always thinking of her next fix. I know she is frustrated, but I am also very exhausted. Is there really any help out there?

  228. My son has me insane.. he’s been an addict for years he started in high school with weed, pain pills, alcohol.. I hate to say it but he’s always been a pain in the ass.. he is now 28 doesn’t work sleeps for 3 days then up for 4.. his drug choice now is meth.. at 19 he started heroin so it took 6-7 years of rehabs, jail,rehabs, jail… and finally the last jail stay I got him on the shot after he was released so he was on that for almost two years.. no more heroin.. yay! But now it’s been at least two years of meth. I can’t take it.. he’s flippen insane!! He’s either going to kill me or himself. He just got a domestic on me and is not suppose to be in my home.. my mother bails him out of jail the same day and brings him here.. FML!! He’s nasty, rude lazy and mean! I’m literally putting my house up for sale so I can move out of state n not tell him where I’m at! Sad I gta sell my house and use my life savings to move to another state to get rid of a 28 year old loser! Yes I’m at the point to where I don’t even feel love for him.. he threatens me all the time that he’s going to kill himself it use to scare me but now all I think is ok whatever.. who would want to live like he does anyways! Someone help please tell me what to do.. thank you!

  229. Darla, I hear in your posts how you are wanting so much to help your son and on the other hand, you can no deal with the horrible ramifications of his addiction. I think it does come to a point where many of us say we have to think of ourselves, which is so difficult to do, when most parents have spent a lifetime trying to protect our children and putting them first. If your son was taking methadone, is it possible he was selling the methadone to then have the cash for heroin? I have not heard of a methadone clinic where there is no doctor to oversee the facility or did you mean while he is incarcerated? I am so sorry for you. The love we feel for our family members hurts when we are faced with this type of situation. I hope and pray he will find his way and that you will find peace somehow.

  230. My son is 22 and now for the last five days has been in jail for the first time on drug
    he is a herion addict going to methadome clinic, that i thought was keeping him off herion, boy was I wrong. As every fiber in my body aches for him, This hurts but he has to go im treatment center or the streets if he gets out of jail, he has to ask for attorny, I tpld him he has to stand up be a man and fix his owm . I will morally support him, I can let him no I love him with every fiber of my body, but I refuse to even ride the roller coaster even once, I did enough when he was juvenial and all I got was manipulation and lies. I love you me son, its time to take care of you and if you want clean you do it for yourself. You matter, all my love my son, this was the hardest thing i ever had tp do.

  231. My son was doing extremly well, then he made a bad choice, giving a ride to some girl, parked in driveway car was surounded by 4 cop cars, I dont no what to do first time in jail, at my visit he says mom i cant make it i just want to die. He is given no medical treatment when he has been on liquid methadone for last three years, no medical treatment at all, ypu can die coming off that stuff, why wont they at least treat him some way. Oh God I dont no how to help him, can someone email me tell me what to do please

  232. My son is addict, he is on treatment methadone, had severe tooth ache which he made bad desecions he now sits in jail 1st time,I decided will not bail him out, tired of being manipulated & used. Am I right in my desecion.

  233. My niece is 28 and an addict. Her drug of choice is oxy’s. However any opioid will do. Drug tests have shown meth, heroin, and even cocaine. She’s never been to rehab. Just an occasional overnight in jail. She also deals. Her mother lives a couple states away and she refuses to live with her and her step dad. She lives with my mom. She has literally slept for the last several years. She will try to detox about every 4 months. Refuses to go to the ER. Tries to do it at home. My mom is mid sixties and not well. She ends up cleaning up the puke, cleaning her up, changing the dirty bed linens and doing all the laundry required during this. She isn’t physically able. She cannot turn her away. I know she needs to. But she is not strong enough. Physically or mentally. I end up going to help her. My sister refuses. So here we go, time after time. She just tested clean and 2 days later was high again after a horrible 2 week detox. How do I convince my mom that enough is enough. How do I convince my sister to help my mom? I understand tough love with an addict but it seems heartless to not help my mom. I’ve cried a million years as I know all of you understand. Frustrated and hurt are understatements.

  234. I am a mother of an addicted child and reading your experience with your son was like reading my own account. I was wondering if things are better now and if you can contact me. Can you please email me

  235. Hi Francis, when I started reading your story it sounded exactly like my son’s I was amazed! I was wondering if by now he is free from it all because this was written in 2010.? I hope and pray he Over came it all and found Jesus to be true. I feel that we could work together in getting these kids the prayer and help they need. Please feel free to email me. I live in St Louis.

  236. Awesome Elizabeth of your daughters choice to get well!! Love reading of her age as is same age as my son. I haven’t given up on my son. I have given up for myself, in trying to rescue him. He is on his own until he wants to get clean. I cannot walk thru fire for him anymore. It’s his choice to keep using as it is my choice not to allow him to take advantage of me anymore. It took a lot of years to get to this point. And now he expects me to be thrilled his addict gf is pregnant?!? Adoption I told him. Rehab and a lot of counseling.

  237. My son turned 37 this summer and we (my sister has joined the enablers) have been living wit his addiction for probably 19 + years. He did graduate from from a very good Catholic high school in our town. So I think the addiction wasn’t full blown till afterwards. It was years before I realized he had been lying to us about everything: the scratches on the tops of his hands were caused by the wire fence he had to climb over to get his basketball; the extra $20.00 (in the old days) was for date and he’d pay it back; friend needed a small loan, etc. I experienced everything written above and (it feels like to me) even more. Somehow my son is still getting what he wants because now it’s me and my sister who feel sorry for hm. He can’t get a job snywhere because if his drug arrests. So he lives in one of my sisters houses. He dies not work. He has been in couple if rehabs and jail for almost 7-8 months. We thought he was clean fior about a year but lately his behavior has been suspicious. He gets a hold if my sisters ATM card & she can’t get it back. Too much money is missing. He says he “has to take care of things” but won’t tell us what. He also borrows her car and won’t return it when she asks. She’s stressed out breaking doctor appointments,and just being without her car. My son blames me, his mother, for his problems…and he’s been doing this for almost 20 years. He calls me filthy names, says I used beat hm & lock him up in closets, and I still help him. I’ve gone to numerous support groups and several therapists. They all basically advise the same thing: cut hm off, kick him out and take care of yourself. So far, I haven’t had the courage to do it. My excuse is that I feel sorry for him…my poor flesh and blood who I know is sickly, is letting dental hygiene go downhill, and has no regard for me and my dwindling finances in my old age. I’m 70 and using my retirement savings to support him. I’m very ashamed and disgusted with myself.

  238. I just found this message board. As I will continue to read over and over. I don’t know where to begin. My 26 year old son is a drug addict and has been probably since college, but no sure. He is addicted to opioids, lyrica, benzo’s, and found out he has been huffing. He has had a chronic illness for the past 3 years, and became addicted to all of the above drugs. He as had 3 toes amputated in the past 2 years from open wounds that affected the bone, this is part of his chronic illness. He is considered 100% disabled because he has periphal Neuropathy, Chronic Osteomylitus and no he is not a diabetic. He is now in less than 9 months on his second round of rehab, but this time he tried to commit suicide, this just happened a week ago. I am going to my first Nar-anon meeting tomorrow. I love my son so much but I can’t be his enabler anymore. This is tearing me and my other three children apart. I will always love him and support him, but I findly had the courage to tell him, I will no longer be part of his addiction, I will only be part of his recovery if he chooses to recover. I pray for each and everyone of you, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.

  239. I have read and reread these posts over and over again. The anguish that all of you feel is unbearable, and I know firsthand what you are going through. I am writing today to give you all a glimmer of hope. My 35 year old has been clean for over 2 years. Methadone has literally saved her life. Now, I know there is a lot of controversy over the use of methadone to treat heroin addiction, and I am not here to debate that. However, I simply wanted to put it out there as a means of treatment. I realize it cannot be used for Methamphetamine addiction and I have no knowledge of what other substance abuse can be helped by it, but I wanted to give hope for those of you who are seeing heroin addition firsthand. I used to say, “Drug addiction is not a disease! Cancer is a disease!” But what I have learned in this journey is that it doesn’t begin as a disease. It begins as a choice and that choice, unfortunately becomes a disease. The addict needs the drug or they will become sick and can even die without it. After nearly 15 years of on again off again rehab, I honestly feel this time is it for my child and I thank God every day that she came to me when she did and said, “I don’t want to be this person anymore. This is not me and I need help!” It was the first time she herself asked for help. All the other times it was me pushing her into rehab. So far so good; she is under a doctor’s care on an outpatient basis and has done very well. All I can do is pray she does not stumble. I would like to think she will make it, but as most of you know, we can never ever rest on our laurels with this thing. Our family has seen such a difference in her. She is the sister and daughter she was before this horrible drug came into our lives.
    Please, David, if it is heroin that has taken over your life, look into this program. It has turned our lives around. I will be praying and hoping for each of you.

  240. Last year I found out my 26 year old daughter is a heroin addict. She says she has done drugs for 10 years. My husband and I are totally stupid about this type of thing. It does explain alot of things that seemed wrong, but I could never put my finger on it. Plus it seems like she hates us, and we have always made her a priority. Last year, Her BF stole $400 from a lady in a parking lot and they were both arrested. II got her bailed out of jail and hired an attorney. The BF went to jail and. when he got out, she went off with him. I had her in rehab while he was in jail, but I dont think it helped. I can detach most days, but when all the letters come to our house from creditors, and she hasnt paid her restitution, I am all tore up again. She never texts me or contacts us at all. I think that hurts the most. I did go to nar anon, but it was 27 miles away, and in the winter months, kind of lost touch wi;/it. I never thoujght my child would end up like this. When she came home after rehab, she told us, it was nothing we had done at all. She had a good child hood and never wanted for anything. Its hard to tell friends about my child, when all of theirs seem pretty great. They dont understand. Does anyone know of an online support group?.

  241. Just Jesus can heal for real! Seek the kingdom of God. The bible says Luke 1:37 ” For with God nothing shall be impossible.” I see so many people been consumed by drugs and other addictions and my heart ache also. It is a spiritual warfare and we need to battle in the spirit or we will loose. Put on your full armor of God the bible says in Ephesians, but if you don’t have faith and you don’t read the word of God how can you be prepared for battle? Faith is the assurance of things we hope for and the conviction of things not seen. We have to have faith. Faith is what pleases God. God can transform you or your child in a blink of an eye. You just need to trust Him, pray and praise and have faith. The word of God is our only weapon against the invisible. Please seek for Him with your heart. Read the Word of God. Pray every day several times a day. Do not give up on your child. Never give up. God can and will restore your child and your family.

  242. 20 years my 35 year old son has been a drug addict. I am done. Done with being used. Being taken for granted, most always. His dad was his idol who is now dead from drugs. He is an exact replica. Should he ever recover which I highly highly doubt…until should a day come about, it is as if he died. Tiny spot of hope but I cannot deal with his lifestyle anymore. The dog feces in the entrance of his dive where he resides. The garbage outside his place. The thinness, how he gorges on food I always pay for when he’s coming down. His eyes when he’s coming off the garbage of meth. Seeing him rising his bike across town on his only transportation with all his bags… I cannot continually have my thoughts on all this anymore and function well. Regrets, many. I cannot do a thing about the past. So much money and effort spent… I didn’t think I’d get to this point. But I have.


  243. it is time that we demand help for our loved ones it is society and the governments respocibilty to watch over these Pham co they have made money off of our pain my son just don’t stop I never know where he is what hotel I love him and I will never give up on him I can only give it to god tonite I was worried no word in 3 days well he was arrested maybe I can sleep I also have a daughter in Indy same way calling out no hope no help

  244. Thank you for sharing the rough, hard facts. I’m powerless. It’s a scary place for me. You are right only they can hit rock bottom and want change. I don’t enable. I have started loving more and saying it more. Sucking up the hurt and pain. It seems never ending. She is lying about her new drug addiction. She has been an alcoholic since high school. She is abusive and disrespectful towards me. I stay in my lane and try to stay safe with support. I need to pray more. It’s my strongest weapon. Thanks for sharing and listening.

  245. David the only hope for you is the Lord Jesus. Just God can really make a person to never look or think in drugs again. I needs to be a completely surrender to the Lord. Truly genuine surrender of your will to the almighty God. Stop running and ask Jesus to come to your life.Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock an the door will be opened to you. 8. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and those who knock, the door will be opened.”
    Matthew 6: 33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
    Read the bible. Read Psalms. Everyday read the psalm of the day. For example today read the Psalm 1; 31;61;91 and 121
    Just add 30 to the Psalm of the day.
    With Psalm you will know God’s heart.
    Read also the book of John to know Jesus.
    Jesus died for my sins, yours and the sins of the world.
    Addiction can be healed by the name of Jesus.
    I will pray for you. Do not give up.

  246. Just told my son is using drugs, at first i asked him and he denied, now for the second time i am also told and the person said said i must not tell him she told me, how can i ask him again, or how can i found out he is really doing it, because he is working but buys nothing even not clothes for himself no more going to church as i tought him, when he has money does not come back home early because he goes to drink alcohol but i did not know he also takes drugs

  247. I am a 28 year old who has lost everything, literally everything. My marriage, my job, my home, my son.
    I only own the clothes on my back and a couple garbage bags full of old ones. I don’t feel like I can quit, no matter how many times I go to jail, no matter how many of my friends die, no matter how many times I tell my little boy that daddy will be better soon. No matter how deep into my depression I am, a needle makes things feel better. I hope the world over will increase mental health services and provide premium care to all of those who are suffering like me. There are too many little boys and girls wondering where their parent is. I want to see my son one last time..

  248. I was so enjoying reading and then responding. Suddenly the page jumped ane when I get back to where I’d been pouring my my heart out for over an hour, it was all blank.

    Cant do it again so I will just share that I thank you- my story is but minorly different. My only daughter was a jewel for 32 years,

    The nightmare started late for us and it got as UnGodly horrible as you all know.
    9 rehabs 9 relapses usually the day she got home.

    Pain management for real conditions followed by OPIOD Abuse, street pills to get her to her next appointment

    Enter the Dealer 6 years ago. NEW BEST FRIEND!

    2 DUI”s. JAIL TIME

    Doctors stop Rx for OXYs.

    DEALER Slimy SNAKE : ” Don’t worry Joy.. Try this..CHEAP. GOOD !

    Joy, the Light of my Life..OD’d alone and died 11 months ago.


    I’m still reeling-part of my soul died with her.



    Dont be mad- its not their fault.
    Thank you..

  249. I am the mother of a 30 yr.old heroin and meth addict. Ive been there,put myself at risk,sought help but of course insurance coverage is always an issue. To much time between detox and mental help so relapse and start all over again. I don’t believe anyone will help me heal or ever be happy again. He has commited some crimes that i know he will do time for. I will probably be dead before he will get out. I dont feel there is enough of me left to make any difference inhis life. I have been in this every step of this long 9_10 year journey. I have lost the desire to be here anymore. I don ‘t feel Gods presence in my life anymore. Never believed I would say that. As I prayed more than daily. I am not young and it is so hard to watch this horrible disease take more and more of my beautiful son away. From me. My Blessing being destroyed one day at a time. May God never allow any other paarents to feel this horror. God save all of you.and bring you a life to live. Mine i believe is done..its truly hard whenyou are alone. If you have a partner hang on tight. You are all inmy prayers..i was blessed with four children..

  250. I would like to hear about any of you who have a child who is in early 20s stay in recovery after meth addiction – injecting

  251. Hi Ive just come about this blog after yet another sleepless night worrying about my son . Firstly i hope all is as well as your last update ,,im aware its an old blog but i found the details too uncanny /similarly/ not to comment or about your sons results today . Im from the uk a single mum to two grown boys 25 and 21 . There father s an anclholic and i left him 15years ago when the boys was 10 and 5 years old . My oldest son .my first love .my life .. has struggled heroin addiction fr the last 4/ 5 years .he lves at home has not yet been inouble4 with police /lgal system but tgat is i believe due to my enablement of allowing him to live here when he has used ,even though i throw him out regularly we both knw ll let him back honme .he works but spends his wages on drugs then loses jobs and repeats the pattern …. i dont drink nor take drugs although i smoke cigarettes and live off my nerves i sleep on the sofa and suffere anxiety symtoms althoughi never say out loud ther the results of livig with addiction from his father for 12years , i was 16years old when i met and got pregnat with his father i knw i was still a child myself and i never knew or understood or even was aware of alcohism . Ive just started university studyig for a degree in criminoogy /sociology but somedaysi feel so drained and literaly aching from my heart to my legs. i lost my brother to a non dependant heroin overdose.. my mother found him dead in his bed he was living at home still and im terified of dejavu .My son has accidently overdosed at least 4 times

  252. Hi. Is there a reason why my second post was not accepted? It was not an advertisement . I don’t have nothing do with the place I mentioned on my post . I just know that it is a life saver. And so many people crying out for help. It cuts my heart. But I really understand your reasons whatever they are. I at least gave them a hope . A hope that just Jesus can give.
    Thank you.

  253. Thank you for your message.
    I’m also a single parent with an addict son.
    I did put my son out at 17yrs and he is 19yrs and back living with me.
    He has not forgiven me for making him leave but I did it for my safety and the hope that he would find his way but I fact it took him to a worse place and he has huge resentment towards me

    It’s like a life sentence living with an addict child.

    I’m struggling with the idea of powerlessness and also that I’m not in some way to blame.

    I wouldn’t wish the heartache and grieving on my greatest enemy.

  254. My son(20) like all sons and daughters on this blog was addicted to drugs. One day he was arrested and I am very thankful to God, even though I was devastated. He was a super smart kid and a freshman in college. I didn’t know for sure if he was using drugs but I always prayed for him every night. His road to recovery started on the day of his arrest. It was the hand of the almighty God on him. Long story short during one of his trials while he was in a psychiatric hospital he gave his life to Jesus during a Sunday service in the facility. One day he told me that God was after him for a long time. By the way he got drug induced schizophrenia. After the hospital he went to jail for 27 days. After jail he was fine for awhile , working and leaving in a group home and one day he used the drug again, ecstasy, and went wild. No hospital needed. He takes a once a month shot for schizophrenia. He has a big battle within him. I true believe that it is a spiritual battle.He was reading the bible and praying in a daily basis but now he is a kind of cold again. All his friends are from the world and I just pray for God to guard him protecting his mind because it is the only thing we can do as parents. I really encourage all of you to seek the Lord and ask the Lord to put a hedge of thorns around your love ones, protecting them against the devil and his schemes. The devil master plan is to destroy a family through divorce, addiction, pornography , adultery and more. So please seek the Lord for your battles for He is the best counselor in the world and He will never leave or forsake you. The bible says: For with God nothing shall be impossible. Keep your eyes on Jesus and you will be victorious. Trust the Lord.

  255. I have a 44 year old son that is an addict! He is staying with us as he was evicted from his rental, he has so many medical issues and that does not help but that is not an excuse, he can be so nice and then so mean! I’ve been there for him but I’m so tired of his lies and going too’s I’m so stressed! He is clean for 2 weeks which is great, no job because of his vocal cord issues! I just don’t know what to do! Thanks for listening!!

  256. My story is is almost exactly like yours, but still in the enabling stage.nd im scared for me too Im not sure HOW to let go. He lives in my car. I feed him outside my boyfriends house of which i am moving so my son will be off the streets. He is still actively using. Im afraid when we get our place that hes going to get worse. What should i do? Hes 22 yrs old. he almost died from another homeless addict who beat him wiith his skateboard. im so afraid for him, but im financially destitute now and he gets angry a lot, takes my car, hes out of control at times a

  257. Please I’m reaching out for help my son addicted to drinking and i think he may be on something else too please can someone help my save my 21 year old child i love hom so much and i don’t know what else to do.

  258. If your child or yourself needs help, despite the area, my job and purpose in life is to help those struggling with addiction find the care they need. If you just need someone to talk to or are interested in seeking help for yourself or a loved one feel free to e-mail me

  259. Wow, ouch, what a struggle. Their choices. How to process it’s their choice when the body and mind must have the drug, to prevent the sickness of withdrawals. To stay awake when homeless to be safe from attacks, rape, abuse. So complicated. A choice. I live my daughter so much, I hurt daily, ache daily when it’s cold and I know she is at risk for freezing g to death. I hate meth dealers, meth makers, I hate the system that means jail the place instead of treatment for mental help . I am hurting. How do I live, as she is dieing. Her brain is 16. Someone say something. Someone say, being g raped, helped hostage, heated, used is her Choice. Not the addiction blocking normal brain process. Help it’s killing me. No one says, you are a good mom. They pretend I have no child, not like cancer, or a child fighting g war at risk each day. Children aren’t throw aways.

  260. Thank you for writing this – I feel so alone with my daughter’s addiction – she has been getting worse year by year and I am getting to the end of my coping ability….desperate really I don’t know what to do anymore – i5 read others experiences and see myself

  261. I have a son thats an addict hes causing all kinds of problems in the home i don’t know how to deal with his addiction i feel like hurting him but i dont want to do that i want out of my house im at my wits end help me

  262. I read these messages and want to cry for you. Our stories are so similiar I wonder if there are any kids in this generation who are away from drugs. Julie and Nan, you can’t help your children until they find their path. By the same token you can’t take the blame for their decisions either. It took ten years and lots of heartache to get me there. Yes you should put them out of your homes, yes you should protect yourselves from them taking any more of your money for drugs. The most heartbreaking thing about our children is how could this happen. Truly if I were to put a label on it I would have to say, peer pressure and cheap drugs to start off. That is how my daughter started and because we as parents don’t wish to admit we failed our child (which is not the case really, we didn’t fail them, they were always looking for the next excitement we just weren’t aware) My daughter is clean ninty days now, this is the clearest I have ever seen her since fourteen. But now reality is setting in, she is living in a sober living home (they pay rent) and is responsible for chores and behavior. Her husband got out of jail last week, the only thing any of us asked her was not to have any contact with him until she was more stable. He called her and wanted to see their son and she told him where he would be. When her sister found out she told her she wasn’t allowed to see her son until futher notice. This was a hard decision for her sister, but it was the right one. She called the father and told him he couldn’t see him right now, this three year old is trying to fit in somewhere and needs order in his life, so until he shows her that her is working and supporting himself and living in an apartment that he can only have supervised visits. His mother and father are in agreement. Did I mention he is a huge drug addict too. He was in jail for a year and they put him on a program and a I guess he has been staying diligent. Unfortunately I don’t have much hope for him and he isn’t my worry. My daughter on the other hand I would like to say I am optimist about, I hope I am not setting myself up to be disappointed again. So parents of drug addicts, tough love isn’t what you do for your children, its what you do for yourself. Trust your instincts, don’t be afraid that your child will turn away from you or worse. Its in God’s hands.

  263. I read over these comments and see a string of like stories for over 7 years, how horrifying nothing has changed, no new options or answers. My son is 36 years old, drug addict for at least 10 years that I am aware of and my story is the same as most. A beautiful, funny, never lied, never stole Eagle Boy Scout with a professional skill and at 21 after a motorcycle accident became addicted to oxy… As I sit and write this in the last hour he has called my 32 times, sent me 55 text, message &/or calls me thru FB 37 times. and it is not stopping.. he is relentless. My phone # is my business, my way of paying my bills, I can’t just change it. yes I can block but he borrows a phone or calls restricted. I have tried all most everything and I do usually give in to his cash demands but to my defense, my niece (4 years older than my son) committed suicide because of combination of mental health and drugs. As well as a good friend who son was a drug addict and she was great at the tough love, she in a short period of time stop all contact and one day she found a note on her car window, her son had died of a drug overdose in a another state and received his cremated remains in the a box in the mail a month or so later……it scares the hell out of me that my son will do this also…I saw what it did to both of those mom’s so much so I was hell bent on it being different for me and my son… but good cop or bad cop routine it is still the same …he even uses there deaths against me to get his way. I am 61 years old, and today is the day I have to stop, I have to put myself first or I won’t be here to enjoy my only grandaughter that came thru all this mess, thank god her mom allows us to see her but that was a battle for several years also. I have tried stopping before but I never said it out loud, I never stated it out loud. I called my sister this morning and asked her would she have done anything different her answer… “if I had know pushing her was going to lead to her putting a gun to her head, of course I would. to keep her alive and keep trying… Do I believe in my heart it would of made a difference, of course I don’t …. something else would have brought on the same end” and we both cried. So during my composing of this message, I have also block him off everything in FB, block his phone # & private #s, removed myself from our “circle” on the family tracker and the silence is almost overwhelming… this will be terrible night tonight not knowing and waking up and grabbing my phone before anything else (a normal thing) not finding messages on my phone in the morning is going to be to a nightmare…. but I have not choice, maybe some positive thoughts or prayers will give me the strength to follow thru and maybe my son and I might be one of the lucky ones. And when he truly hits bottom he can bounce back and survive and not be another statistic.

  264. I am wondering if at home drug tests are a good idea. My 26 yr old daughter just became a drug addict in March of this year. This all still seems like a nightmare but is becoming very painful. I would have never believed that she would be capable of doing these things and saying such hurtful things to me. I want so bad to save her but I can’t. I tried to keep her home and not let her leave and she called the police on me and I had to let her go. I wish I could send her somewhere far away from everyone so she can get clean. Losing hope. I hate drugs!! People are mean. Why or how are drugs everywhere? We are losing so many people to drugs it is disgusting!!

  265. I have a son if 28 who is addicted to diazepam. He has lost his girlfriend of 5 years He has smashed up his fathers car. He has three coffee in my face. He has threatened me and my Home. The whole family is afraid of him. We are scared to ring the police for fear of what he would do to us when he got out of the station. He has smashed 3 of our vehicles. He is a nightmare. My health is so bad now I have had to get medication for anxiety. I have left my job and have no one. Don’t know what way to turn. Spend most of my days crying

  266. My 44yr old son is a drug addict and he still lives with me. My biggest frustrtions are his unpredictability and lies. One month he is motivated and positive about life the next he is bak on drugs selling all the nice things we bought him.
    I feel stupid becuse I keep faling for his deception.
    I would like to hear how others deal ith this.

  267. My child is an adult, and has been in the system for two years! She finally graduated from fit court, and regained custody of her children, however I still worry because she no longer has to take UA’s! I feel like i am constantly making her feel untrustworthy! I try not she has even offered to buy home drug tests I feel like taking her up on it, but i don’t want her to feel bad. Any advice….

  268. Thank you for sharing your story. My 21 year old was in a rehab on the other side of the US–he chose it. He is addicted to meth for about 2 years and other drugs the 5 years before that. He has completed 2 30 day programs 1 20 day program recently. After the 20 days he went to a PHP and last night left after a week. He previously left sober living after 4 days (we paid 3000 for that). I spoke with him by phone before he left and told him I encourage him to stay and not to leave and then start calling me for help. He did that immediately. I turned off his phone, but he has access through wifi. He left his identification at the facility and has no money and no phone charger. He is in West Hollywood. He prostitutes and injects meth. He loses his mind in psychosis for extended periods. I am scared for him, but want to break this cycle. Am I correct in for now not taking his calls.

  269. This was helpful- it gives me hope, my life is becoming consumed by her addiction- I and her dad recently told her she is not welcome here if she is using…..

  270. God bless him and bring him strength and healing. I am going through the same battles and worry with my son. Thank you for your inputs and knowledge. I no longer feel alone in this.

  271. Dear Angie and Anna, We are all loving parents, worried parents and feeling helpless parents. I have always felt deeply for the kids that some parents throw away when they are teens because they don’t know how to deal with whats happened to them.. About the only thing I really know is that kids, especially these kids, need to know someone loves them enough to let them find their humanity. Those kids become adults with even more insecurities and as parents we don’t know how to help them. The only thing I feel better about today is that she made it through today without drugs. I know she isn’t capable of seeing anyone but herself these days but if she is using her time healing I am more than happy to stay in the background until she finds what she needs. I know her first and most painful reality is learning to respect herself so her children will learn to respect her too. It kills me not to hear from her every day. That is my cross to bear and bear it I will if she continues to move forward. Do not give up hope, I know how hard that is but you will feel better for it in time. God bless all you parents and grandparents who are lovingly waiting for your child to love themselves.

  272. My son has been through all the above. The best talks we had was while he was licked up but he is right back to shooting dope and living in my son’s basement. I buy his groceries because on house arrest he can’t work and he still finds away to get high. He has destroyed me financially and mentally and I am lost to what to do. He has lost numerous friends this last year Nd a ok son just 2 weeks ago and he can’t get it together. I am so afraid I am gonna find him dead until I don’t know what to do. Addiction sucks.

  273. My daughter is a recovering addict today. She is clean three months. She lost custody of her first two children five years ago because of her addiction. She completed a round of rehab four years ago and stayed clean for approximately eight months. She hooked up with an addicted man and began a relationship with this man actually pushing him into my house and as her mother I allowed it for two years before I kicked them out. The reason, a beautiful baby boy. I couldn’t let them raise him but I just became a overwhelmed with them living with me and gave them an ultimatum, get your own place. In two years she spiraled down to where I checked the baby every day to make sure he was being taken care of, so did his mother and sister. When he was put in jail yet again, she was evicted and I took her and the baby in. For many months I could feel there were some problems but I didn’t know how to deal with what I knew and what I could prove. When she finally started taking cash from my checking account every day and left me a zero balance I realized I was in over my head and I called her siblings. They got her to detox and then put in a rehab organization out of town for sixty days. She is now in a halfway house for women,very subdued and trying to move forward. Hope never dies, but I do have reservations and I have expressed them to her. I was raising her three year old (I am 74) and I realized this was too much for me so now her sister is raising him with her two daughters. So he is safe at least until his father gets out of jail and then we will have more to deal with. Today, at this time, I feel we are moving in the right direction to protect the little one. I stopped asking myself where I went wrong, I have seven children and six are well adjusted, married parents with lovely children. So I know her choices were her choices and I would never have had any control over what she decided to do to her life. I want to have faith in her ability to move on with her life in a good way, but as she has told me, the only one who can make that happen is herself. On that note, I would like to tell all parents, any child can become my daughter and it is not through any fault of theirs.

  274. Francis,
    Thank you so much for your encouraging words and sharing your story. Your story has helped me immensely. My son is currently in the county jail and had begged me to bail him out. He calls me pleading telling me things like he’s going to die in jail, medical doesn’t help him, he’s throuwing up blood, if I get him out he’ll get help, he’ll get back on suboxin ( another addictive prescription drug). Begging me to get him out and stay home with him. I know in my heart bailing him out is not the answer so I haven’t. I keep worrying he’ll get lost in the judicial system and not get the hope he needs. It is so hard, draining and heart breaking no to be able to help our children get through addiction.

  275. When I had my first child, 40 years ago, I had no intention, vision, or expectation that I would have four. Not to say I would trade a one of them, I just didn’t have that as a specific goal…it just kind of happened. Doesn’t sound very academic does it, well my 22 year old brain wasn’t necessarily in an academic mode back then. I loved and love them all and we had a great time growing up together. When the third one was born I started to panic a bit about keeping track of 3 kids. I only had 2 hands and I’m not one of those mothers that let’s her kids string behind her all the way to the car and “hope” they make it. So we adapted, one for each hand and the third one had to hold my shirttail. It worked. Then came the fourth and I literally had nightmares (and still do) about losing one of them, or forgetting one of them. I had one particular dream where I put the baby carrier on top of the car to load them all in, got in and drove away with the baby still on the car. We adapted, one for each hand, one on the shirttail and one holding onto my purse strap. I made it….I never lost one until now.

    In our third year now (who’s counting) of my son being a drug addict. You think when they graduate from high school or move out or even get married that you are home free. You have contributed a full functioning adult onto the planet…job done! Life rules, they turn on you when you least expect it. To be honest it’s not just three years, just three years since it became known and confronted. There were signs, there were more than signs for years….but it couldn’t happen to me so I assumed it (whatever “it” was) would resolve itself. Surely, when he lived with someone for years and then she agreed to marry him…surely it was resolved or ….something. This was an athletic, popular, well spoken, high energy, do anything for anyone (to a fault) young person. I know, a zillion similar stories. They don’t all start out as trouble makers in kindergarten. The requests for money didn’t stop they multipled….14 year job, fired…. car wrecks. Poor kid, just has the worst luck. I’m not a stupid person, good lord was I stupid. There was a voice in the back of my head the whole time, the mother’s voice that I would have listened to when he was less than 21. But at thirty something, I chose to not listen and not act…I wish I had.

    Three months beyond the wedding , his wife shows up one sunny Saturday morning with my oldest son. She had come home early and found him with his eyes rolled back and a needle in his arm. Turns out even before the wedding she had found a baggie full of pills. He was in transition from the expense of oxy to heroin. We called in all brothers and held our own intervention. He cried…we cried…everybody cried. He was able to use his (new job) medical insurance to get into a local and (as I now look back on it) not great rehab center. What the hell do I or any of us know about rehab? If you’ve ever entered into that vortex you probably have learned, like I did, that it’s a huge sob-sell money maker. Everyone’s rehab is better than the other and for a mere $ 50,000 american they will guarantee a cure plus your yoga will never be better. Three weeks later they released him into a supposed “outpatient” status. He never went back. The wife did all the right things…tracker on his phone, checked his contacts, etc. Within weeks, he was back to using and winding tales to cover his tracks. Within two months she told him to leave and quickly divorced him…..oh and kept the dog.

    Since then he has totaled yet another car, moved in and then out with fellow narc-anons, been attended by fire/rescue for passing out (assumedly overdose), been arrested, at least 4 other accidents, emptied his $ 70,000 IRA account and been fired at least twice more. This is just what I know about. At this point, I can tell you as of 9 months ago he has virtually cut off all contact with his 4 brothers and me. If we go to his apartment and he happens to be there he may answer the door, but never lets us in. Conversations are short and he always has a reason he has to go. He doesn’t answer calls or texts. He doesn’t come around for birthdays, holidays, illnesses, or hurricanes. Needless to say, this is not how this family works. We are all still holding someone’s hand, or pocket or purse strap. I lost one.

  276. I just found out my son is using coke…I’m an RN and I am familiar with mental health and drug addiction … experiencing this first hand is entirety a new one for me
    I am very worried scared angry betrayed upset
    My son is very intelligent
    ADHD dx since age 6
    Has had all the parental support ++
    School support++
    mi ed out in his own volition 4 weeks ago and surprised us with an emergent repuest 3 days ago as he was in ER with tachycardia from coke use…
    I’m besides myself
    Find out he had previous usage in Jan feb this last year
    ….unknown to us
    Feel very
    And do not want to be the enabler here

  277. I want to give you a big hug and I’m not a ” hugger”. Thank you for your article. My son is 15 and started down this road when he was 12, and I can’t help but blame myself but what good does that do? I’ll do everything I can think of to help him, and hope he pulls out of his fascination with drugs and alcohol before he ruins his life.

  278. If you need Naloxone I have multiple1ml single dose’es for sale. No longer need them. Depends where you go but I paid over $100 a piece. If interested email me. I have literally saved a life using them before.

  279. Suffering and helpless in Chicago
    My 19 year old son who was once loving ,caring, smart, handsome and responsible and was on scholarship until earlier this year started using cannabis. He had some health issues and was taking some medications since a very young age but a few months ago started using cannabis and tells us that it helps him more then anything and he was never any happier. He is not the same person any more. When we tell him to stop and get treatment he says we are trying to take away the one thing that is helping him be happy. I feel so helpless by the system that tells me that until he decides and wants to get help, no one can. I see him getting more and more experimental with different unregulated substances and feel so helpless and cry. I don’t see him trying to get help and into rehab until something drastic happens, unfortunately and I feel so helpless as a single dad. God help me and my beloved son and all the parents and innocent children who are suffering due to this illness.
    I wish there is a place near Chicago where parents can meet and share and discuss the issues and possible solutions to help.

  280. You do have control over your childern life. You’ve had it since there inception. Your child happiness is dependent on your actions as a parent. Proven.

  281. Thank you for these comments. Opioid dependent son 20 yrs old took off tonight after his girlfriend found him shooting up in his car and physically fought him over the drugs. One of those nights waiting for call from police. Is he alive? In jail? No answers. It does make me feel less alone to realize how many of us parents are on this horrible nightmarish roller coaster. He’s ODd 3 x, stopped methadone clinic after 3 months, checked himself out of detox against drs orders, suicide attempt. Need to be there for my other sons. So much uncertainty about tough love. Can’t kick him out yet I’m just not there. Brilliant, handsome. Who is this stranger that has taken him over. I am mourning him, my beautiful little boy, and he’s not even dead yet. Afraid to have too much hope and yet that’s the only way to really help him. Hope and unconditional love. I do separate the addiction/illness from the person. He doesn’t want this life. if there is a god please give him comfort, and peace to all of us that just wanted a good, happy, healthy life for our children.

  282. I have an 18 year old addict son who is back home after being asked to leave, I walk on egg shells. He lies, sleeps all day, has random “guests” show up at all hours, etc. I am at the end of my rope. He has been in rehab, psych hospital and boot camp. I am at the end of my rope financially emotionally, physically etc. What is there left to do??

  283. My son is trying to quit using heroin. He has left home and moved here with me to another state. I don’t know if this will work but I had to do something. I doing this he has left his girlfriend and 1 month old baby. I feel awful for her and my grandson. His girlfriend does not use drugs but just couldn’t understand that staying where he was was not working. I just need guidance and these 10 truths helped. Thank you

  284. My 20 year young daughter has chosen the life of a drug addict. She snorts heroin. As a result she has become a master at lying. She fools everyone. I love her and want to help her but she keeps running away just when I think she is doing better. She lapses time after time. I don’t know how to help her. When she leaves I don’t know where she is and she won’t answer her phone. I worry. I fear all phone calls from unknown numbers… I fear one day I will get a phone call that she is dead. Please pray with me for my daughter.

  285. I ended up here today because I saw a drug deal go down in our neighborhood. The young lady buying was 18 – 22ish. It broke my heart. I wanted to hug her and show her a picture of my sister 3 weeks before she died. Just over a year ago I lost my 42 year old sister to Liver Disease from years of Alcohol and Xanax. She was high functioning and my parents were in complete denial out of fear of her not talking to them. I was the only one in our family that would confront her. I give all of the parents and people on this site so much credit for being here and sharing their stories that is an amazing step. What I have learned is that addiction knows no bounds. When she was dying in the Hospital and I was the only one there, the nurses and talked about just how bad it had become. They said that over half of ICU on a given night is occupied by people with drug and alcohol addiction. I try to read up on what I can do as a parent to keep my kids off of drugs and know that I can try to set them up and make them aware of the dangers but we still could face this some day. Judgment and blame are so easy to do when a crisis like this is happening and while I know that it wasn’t my fault, I will always look back and wonder what I could have done differently for my sister. She was my best friend and I miss her terribly. My point to this is for the people who read these and want to judge others or themselves for what they may or may not have done to further their child’s addiction, stop! You are enough, your love didn’t cause this. It’s not your fault. I am finally in a place after much thought and reading where I realize that this was her destiny and I did all that I could have based on what I knew at the time.

    My heart goes out to all of you.

  286. My chest is so heavy that I struggle to actually breathe at times. Your life story mirrors mine considerably. I left my addicted, abusive husband in the middle of the night and made an 800 mile trip back to my home town. I did this to save my own life and the lives of my children. The only thing that made the trip with me were my 2 sons, ages 3 and 6 months, our dog, and out cat. I left everything behind. That was over 20 years ago. My children do not remember their father and by court order through divorce decree there has been no contact. My eldest son is phenomenal…..he works hard, has set goals for himself, and has chosen a wonderful path. My youngest son sits in jail right now on felony drug charges….looking at prison. But it’s not really my son that sits there scared and lonely………I know this because my youngest son is phenomenal too. He’s industrious, intelligent, well liked, goal oriented, witty, and loving. No….this is not my son sitting in jail right now. It is only his face and his body that I see…..his mind is controlled by something that I have a hard time comprehending….an addiction. He was arrested 2 days ago, and since then I have paced many miles…cried many tears…..lost the desire to persevere. I even spent a couple hours writing my own obituary and choosing songs that have special meaning to me to be played at my wake. I feel that I have hit rock bottom…..I feel that I will not be able to persevere any longer. I was permitted to visit my son today in jail. I went hoping for nothing in particular, but knowing that I somehow would regret it if I didn’t. He place his right hand up against the glass panel that divided us as he held the phone’s receiver with his left hand. I placed my left hand against my side of the glass opposite his hand. The “visit” started with him saying 3 sentences. “I love you mom.” “I have an addiction problem.” “I thought that I could control it, but I can’t…..I need help.” He said them slowly, softly, making direct eye contact with tears in the corners of his eyes. I know that he has not been honest with me about things in the last couple years, but as he spoke those words, I realized that he was for the first time in forever being honest with himself. I can do nothing to help him……he is in the system……they have him……he will probably get prison time……..and I fear that he’s asked for help too late.

  287. to Kris and Carla and Linda and Sharon and Arthur and Beth (good for you, Beth!) and Beverly and Doris and Bonnie… and even Angry Dude… and all of you out there, thank you for sharing your stories. Thank you for keeping me company during another sleepless night. Thank you for reminding me that it is not my fault that my son is in the situation he is in. Thank you for the virtual hugs and prayers. My older son (21) was killed in an accident at the beginning of this year — no drugs, just bad choices, bad luck, bad timing — while my younger son (17 at the time) was in rehab for the second time. Younger son stayed clean for 6 months and is now back to his ways, using, lying, stealing, an ER visit (his 5th) (or 6th) (you know it’s bad when you can’t keep track). Now he is 18 so it is easier to set boundaries, to step away, to hand him the reins to his life. This has been going on for 4 years and while so much is tied up in mental health, even with help, with meds, he makes awful choices. To add to it all, I am getting laid off. So tired. I feel like the universe is telling me to move on. I gave my boys everything I had. They had a good childhood and so much love. My story is your story — reading the opening letter shook me up and down as I could have written that. How many families live this nightmare? For me it is the sleeplessness, the being woken up all the time, that is crazy-making. On top of the grief. The icing on this awful cake. Strength to you all. Take care of yourselves. What I tell myself every day is that these are his choices, not mine. I am not going to throw away my health and my life because he is struggling. I will love him and I will help him when I can, but allowing him to deal drugs from my house, use drugs and then come home to crash, disrespect me, create ugliness in my home, that does not help him in the bigger picture. peace to you all.

  288. My daughter is 25. She is a homeless, drug addict and diagnosed with schizophrenia. I don’t know if she is schizophrenic because of drug use (she did meth) or the schizophrenia came before the drug use. That haunts me. I don’t know that it matters, now.
    I love my daughter, but I am losing her more and more as the years go by. This experience seems surreal to me, I can’t believe this is happening to me, to my family. I tried to raise her the best I could…. Took her and her twin brother to church, they had a nice middle-class upbringing, and most material comforts they wanted, my husband and I are still together after 26 yrs of marriage…. How does this happen? She and her twin brother are BOTH addicts.
    My son works and owns a home, but uses meth off and on and drinks every day. He has stolen from me. He is disrespectful, doesn’t put his little 2 yr. old daughter first in his life. My husband and I are heartbroken. My faith in God is what keeps me going.
    I am sorry for all the parents that are suffering this trial in life. May God give us all comfort and wisdom to navigate this painful journey.

  289. I really need to find help getting a court order for my 23yr old daughters drug and alcohol abuse! She refuses and its come down to life or death at this point.affection our family terribly

  290. My story is almost identical to yours. My son now is homeless living in the woods because he’s no longer welcome at any family members home. As a mother it constantly weighs on my heart. My faith is all I have that God knows the plan , the outcome and I have no control . My prayers to you

  291. I have a 31 year old son who is addicted to Percocet and adderol. This has been going on for 14 years! He did go to a detox one time, lasted 2weeks came home and within a few weeks he was back on the mess. He has stolen medication from my husband and I along with money and scheming to get what he needs. I’m at mt wits end! He tells you he knows he has a problem and that he is going to get help. But, never does. I have called many drug addiction hotlines including recovery centers of America. Their reply was to kick him out! I would do that in a heartbeat if he had a job and a place raptors go. But, as a mother you don’t want to see your child living on the streets. He was a sweet, considerand loving child. When he turned 18 that was when the problem started. He is 31 now and he continues to make me streets out datpy after day. On top of this I take care of my py mother who has dementia and he has stolen money off of her too. Along with trying to open an account with both their names on it. Among many other things. So I’m stressed to the max with all that is on my plate. It’s taking it’s toll on my health too. I have stomach problems probably ulcers and my doctor gives medication for the stress but it only does so much. I also have a bad back and am on medication for that. If I don’t sleep with it in a Danny pack around my waist 24/7 he will take the medication. As he has in the past. If I take him to the hospital can I have him admitted to the psychiatric ward to be evaluated and then from there have him go to a rehab? I really need help and suggestions as I know my health won’t be able to take it much longer. He has two younger sisters who have begged him to go get help and he says the same thing to them. I will. But, never does. I know he’s an adult but there must be something I can do. As the stress is taking it’s toll on the entire family. My other family have been talking bad about me and saying that I don’t care that he is stealing from my mother and other nasty things. Instead of helping me with the situation that’s how they are handling it. Talking bad about my husband and I as parents. We didn’t raise him this away. He npmade this decision himself. But they have so much negative to say but not one will say let’s get together and figure out what we can do as a family to get him help. They just blame us. Please anybody have any suggestions. Anything would be better than nothing at all.

  292. My son is 26 and has been a drug addict since early teens. He has been in 7 rehab stays, 6 jail stays, and spent 4 years in prison on drug related charges. He went through and graduated drug court and was doing great for about 2 years. He met and married a former addict with 2 daughters from a previous relationship. They had a son son but my son relapsed and is in jail. He has lost his job and everything he worked for.
    He totaled his car that I co-signed for so this has had a monumental impact on me, my marriage, and my finances. This time is by far the most painful because I thought he finally had turned around and the nightmare was finally over. I am most brokenhearted over my grandson who needs his father.
    I have never bailed my son out but have always come to his defense and tried to minimize and control the outcome of his choices. This time I have chosen not to try and help my son, accept calls, or visit him in jail. All of this at times is unbearable.

  293. If somebody could help us with a rehab place in florida informatio,, it would be highly appreciated. We even tried to get help from police by arresting him but that did not work either.. PLEASE HELP!!!

    1. Hi Sammy. I’m really sorry for what you are going through. For help locating a rehab in Florida contact 1-877-735-3125. Privacy is 100% guaranteed.

  294. As I read this, i am in the process of moving away. My 2 adult boys have me at the end of my rope, and i won’t go on like this any longer. Today, i get a call from their enabling father that he let them both move back in with him and they got into a very physical fight. He called me for suppor, knowing i refuse to help him when he keeps choosing to let it go on in his home. Their father works in a prison & i work as in low income family support. I hear the same stories & excuses day in & out, as does he. I’m sick of hearing kids blaming their parents & parents blaming themselves. No more. My oldest has thrown everything away for drugs. He’s homeless, carless, jobless, friendless, has a girl pregnant & warrants for his arrest for numerous charges. My other son dabbled in drugs through his teen years and i’ve seen his highs & lows. Dropped out of college. He, too, is homeless, jobless, carless, etc. I told them both, i cannot and will not put my life on hold, i will not take responsibility for their actions. I am washing my hands of it. Some say I am uncaring. No, that’s not it. I have watched these 2 boys turn into monsters. They have stolen from everyone, been beyond disrespectful, and basically pissed their lives away. I love my boys, but these are not my boys. They are people I dont even know. I now have the opportunity to enhance my life, and I am choosing to take it. Whether i stay or go, my sons are still drug addicts. If there comes a time they HONESTLY want to change, i will support them 100%. Until then, i cant change anything. Unless you have been the parent of a drug addict, you don’t have any idea what you would do.

  295. My son’s mental health, alcoholism and substance abuse has taken a terrible toll on me and my younger children. He has selfishly continued to destroy me mentally, emotionally, financially and even spiritually.
    Today he called me names and blamed me for his choices. I had taken him to his probation, paid his fine, paid his drug and slcohol test, all for his simple battery charge against me for head-butting me when he was totally messed up! He said he hated me and it was all my fault. I am all he has left . He has stolen and lied and no one else wants anything to do with him. He refuses inpatient help. He has been short term 3 times before.. I have no money and no credit. I have enabled and now I am so angry at him! When he called me names today, I called him names to get back st him and let him know how it feels. I think he is pure cold inside! All he thinks about is poor pitiful him! What can I do?

  296. I appreciate all u have written concerning ur I pray he will continue on his path to healing. I have a daughter that has developed cracked pneumonia and is a chronic user since she was 18 years she 47 now and using intravenously. She has been down the same red as ur child and I have been and still r going down the red with u n ur journey to know what to do. It is sobering to u and I to believe it is going to take a power greater than u and I and what we can do because as u said we didn’t cause them to be an addict. We love our children but as u said even that I want fix them. I have my faith n Jesus and the shedding of His precious blood fo them I can lean on and n hopes they will take the opportunities afforded to them to get well. I also have a grandson n treatment now for overdosing on heroine and another grand son not n treatment that has overdosed on heroine. I have to do what I can without enabling them and leave rest to them. God bless u and ur son and his recovery . Thank u for sharing

  297. I have a daughter who is 25 with a 6yr.child. I want to stop helping her out because of drugs. But she threatened to take my grand daughter away. I can’t trust her with her. She draws 1500.00 a month and we don’t see a dime. I have her 24 7 what can I do. She refuses to get help. The guy she is with admitted to starting her shooting up. She was recently here got sick and got in my face called me every thing imanglabl in front of my grand daughter. I was for the first time scared of her. I gave her money because that’s what she wanted next day she called everything was fine.

  298. yes I have a 29 yer old that we are walking down this same road I am heartbroken I liked all your truths needed to hear this this morning from his third attempt to destroy himself from heroin will continue to love him unconditionally <3

  299. So glad I came across this. I have an 18 year old son that is out of my house because of he marijuana use. To break my heart even more I just found out he’s selling as well. I don’t know where his rock bottom will be. I have told him to call me when he is ready to go for treatment. I don’t know if I can live with the pain and grief. It has almost ended my marriage. I feel like he has died at times the pain rips through my heart and sole. I dont remember the last time i slept more than 3 hours.

  300. Angry Dude is either showing his resistance to the truth, or simply diligently misinformed. Let his ignorance go.

    My son is an addict. In fact, he just left my home clearly under the influence. It has taken me 7 years to be able to discuss the issue without falling apart and blaming myself. I combed over every second of his childhood to find out what the catalyst for his using was. I second guessed every single decision I made in raising him. All that did was make me physically and emotionally ill. I still wrestle with separating myself from his actions, and it is hard. Real hard.

    Surely, it had to be his addicted father and family who used him and sister as weapons against me. Clearly, it was the way raised him….on and on ad infinitum….I had to stop. It was making me nuts. He needed to want sobriety MORE than I wanted it, and so far, that hasn’t happened.

    Now, I just take one day at a time…just like the addict. I pick my son up, genuinely enjoy his company if he is sober, and drop him off. On my way home I am thankful for the time we had, and pray there is more to come. It is all I can do.


  302. Please don’t take angry dude personal. His label alone lets us know he is suffering and I guarantee he is dealing with this on some level himself. Pray for him. I have learned after 15 years of suffering with my sons addictions that helping someone else in their addiction helps more than being fixated on my son. It is a principle of the universe. My son has two beautiful children and is still struggling. When I seen this it confirms what I have learned and can only add that helping another person opens up a portal for someone else to help yours. Angry dude is my new plea to God! Ty for sharing.

  303. Angry dude below is very wrong
    drugs do not discriminate and it could happen to your child angry dude
    I used to think the same thing, that addicts stemmed from their families behavior well I had a bad family and I’m not an addict
    it’s the choices that they make
    They made the choice
    Do they want to act just like them or do they want to take a different path in life so it’s the choice that the children make growing up even though we taught them right from wrong it’s still the choices they are making that out of our control we could put them in a closet for a month we could take everything away from them if they want to do it they are going to do it

  304. Hi my oldest son is a heaven at it he has been one for six years he has a vagina so six times I feel helpless and my twin brother is indicted for kidnapping and murder due to the fact that he got involved in narcotics
    He was snoring 6-10 a day
    He lost his home in An auction and my mom living with him
    He threw his whole life away over drugs
    I’m heartbroken and it just seems like theres been a black cloud has been following my family over three years, when my brother got arrested
    I just feel helpless and hopeless

  305. I believe my daughter is doing spice I’m so scared I’m going to loose her to it don’t have money for rehabs and I now she won’t. Go can I force her to go shes 22?

  306. This is the kind of crap that causes reasonable people to make otherwise very unreasonable decisions. There is no one size fits all, sometimes it may be appropriate to bail your child out. Never say never, instead set limits and stick to them. Also I love how when someone is using drugs suddenly ALL of their problems are because of drugs and if only they didn’t use they would have no problems? When a sober persons phone suddenly dies and they need help for a day or two getting a new one for which they will pay you back a day or two later it’s all hands on deck. But if a drug addict faces they same situation it’s suddenly good to let them struggle and feel the hard times because if only they hadn’t spent their money on drugs they wouldn’t be in this position? but the sober person is in the same position and because they instead spend their money on the movies or some other recreation it’s really not their fault.

    The addict is always told that their addiction is the source of said misfortune and they must suffer through it to learn some lesson. The non-addict is told that the same misfortune simply couldn’t have been avoided and there is plenty of help sent their way. This kind of double standard extreme inequality is sad and only serves to alienate and anger everyone from each other.

    What a bunch of a-holes.

  307. Hi Francis, It’s been some years since you wrote this article and I am wondering how things are for you now. Just by writing one sentence, I find tears in my eyes. I too am the mother of a drug addict. To add salt to the wound, I believe there is also a touch of schizophrenia. He has never yet been locked up but I fear it is bound to happen one day. He is not aggressive; in fact he sees himself as the hero trying to save the world and everyone in it. Yet sometimes I wish he would show a small sign of aggression because then I could get help. Nobody will do anything unless he is an immediate danger to himself or others. A nephew of mine died from an overdose. There was never any help for him or my sister because “he was not a danger”. Another nephew spent a lot of time in jail but was as much of an addict when he came out. From what I hear it is as easy to get drugs in prison as it is out; and they will say anything to get out. But they will say anything anyway; anything they think you want to hear. I can’t believe a word my son says, I know that. Even though he is a grown man, he is my youngest, my baby; and it breaks my heart. I just don’t know what to do.

  308. My son is 30 and has been a heroin addict for 12 years. He has overdosed multiple times at home. My husband and I have sent him to multiple treatment facilities where he’d do well for 4 months or so then relapse. Last year on my birthday he was out and we got a call from the hpsputal. He has suffered brain damage caused by a toxic intrusion to his brain. They never found out what he took since heroin was not in his system. We have been taking care of him for the past year and he has slowly improved. He falls often and walks stiffly. His eyesight is greatly affected. He can see around everything but not the middle of things. After all of this he had drugs delivered to our mailbox and overdosed again. After everything we’ve been through over the past year and all the progress he made…I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY LONGER!!! He has never gone to jail i wish He had been caught and convicted but he never has. He again overdosed 2 weeks later. We have control of his money. Doctors don’t know if he will ever fully recover to his old self. I am afraid to fall asleep or live my life. I fear waking up and finding him overdosed again. I will never give up on him. Thanks for letting me vent. He had a great childhood with parents who actually loved and respected each other and still do. Addiction does not discriminate

  309. What a great post. My nephew is addicted to icy and alcohol, his father sent him to rehab and it cost 35k …a few months later, he was using again.

    He got his first DWI in 2015. He was terrified that he’d go to jail and cried and screamed and begged for money for a lawyer. His grandparents bailed him out by paying for his lawyer ..,he started drinking soon after and then started using oxy again.

    Last month he got pulled over for aggravated DWI . he blew a .19.

    Now he’s freaking out. He lives in NY. He’s still using pills and saying he needs to go to rehab. He’s threatened suicide if he goes to jail.

    He just doesn’t want to face his problem so his plan is to go to rehab to avoid jail. He lives with elderly aunt and wants his lawyer to say he’s her caretaker! He can’t take care of himself and does nothing to help her. He can’t drive because of the DWI so he’s no help to her, p,us he’s always high.

    His GF is a convicted felon on parole. She disappears for days at a time and parole hasn’t caught up with her yet. She has a curfew but comes home wasted.

    Like you said, their addictions will make them lie, steal, and manipulate. That’s what he’s doing. He’s doing whatever he can to avoid his biggest fear: jail. Personally, I think jail is just what he needs. He is 36 years old. He needs to man up. Maybe jail will help to scare him straight. I do it believe in enabling him, but the rest of the family does. They hand him money for lawyers, etc.

    He doesn’t believe in public transportation so someone always gives him a ride. When he asks me, I tell him NO. He got himself into this mess and I will not allow him to manipulate me into being his chauffeur . Just wish the rest of the family would stop enabling him.

    With all the enabling, and hearing what he wants to hear, I fear he will not get sober.

    But knowing I’m not contributing to the enabling, I can hope that one day he will realize that it is done out of love and caring.

    Good luck with your son. I hope he continues to do well at this writing, seeing that the comments are from a few years ago.

    And thank you for allowing me to vent, I needed it.

    Thank you for writing a post that so many people need to see when it comes to addiction.

    God Bless.

  310. I agree with you that as parents we cannot fix our troubled/addicted young adults. We’re experiencing that. We know our son must reach his rock bottom. We don’t know what or when that is. Right now we need him to either come to his senses and start getting his act together or leave our home. He’s been incarcerated several times, and it doesn’t seem as if it has helped him. he’s now home, on probation, won’t hold down a job and smokes marijuana. Doesn’t want to adhere to rules and on and on. It continues to take a toll on rest of fam. If anyone has any suggestions on how we can get him to leave, pls share it with us.

  311. Can I just say I’m so tired. My son, my handsome, intelligent, charismatic son that I love so much it actually hurts me is a drug addict. It started with a beach trip, that I know of, with marijuana. I found the bowl in his pocket when doing laundry. He was punished of course. There were multiple other times, which would include defiance when being punished, doors kicked, walls punched. It escalated from there slowly but surely and now he is 24 years old. He is now addicted to crack cocaine. He has the most beautiful 1 1/2 year old daughter you’ve ever seen, and is expecting a child in January. He doesn’t see this though. He sees nothing but his next fix. We have tried long rehab, NA (he went to a few meetings.). I cannot even begin to list all that has occurred due to drugs being a part of his life. Stealing, lying, false hope given. It is freaking heartbreaking! It’s been at least eight years of just praying and trying to dig him back out of what he’s gotten himself into. I have been what you would call an enabler. I just couldn’t seen him hurt. It hurt me so bad to see it. Forgiveness is second nature to me. It always has been. However, I have to tell you I’m done now. I do forgive him for running off when his baby daughter was otw here to see him and just played the whole day with Mimi and Pop-Pop instead but I’m done. I’m tired of trying everything to fix it. I’m done with all the heart talks. I’m done begging him to see what he’s giving up. I just have to let him fall which everyone has told me for so long including family, friends and even our pastor. Sometimes you just have step aside and let God. You have to save the younger brother and the girl with a beautiful child and one on the way he’s left there crying. You have to save your marriage. Who can take this but for so long? Sometimes you just have to cry out to God to please take care of your beautiful boy because you can’t do it anymore. He’s in Your hands Lord. Please make him whole again.

  312. Thank you so very much this is helping me right now, I feel heals and comforted. Yes, our 21 year old daughter is in trouble Has had a first stint in rehab She left a few days before the 30 days we paid LOTS for was over. She cut herself so badly she damaged a tendon in her wrist . A familiar story for parents of an addict, our first real need to step in Thank you for this eloquent post

  313. Thank you so much for your message of hope. My son lives 7 hours away and is almost 30 years old, yet can’t hold a job because of his drug use and wants to move back home with me. He’s currently living with his alcoholic father. For this reason, I haven’t seen him since Christmas because I fear a confrontation should he push the issue and demand to come back home with me. I’ve been sober for 26 years mysef, and I know that you have to hit bottom yourself — whatever that means — and I don’t want to jeapordize the safety of my home by having him live with me. Yet the guilt is overwhelming for backing off. I appreciate your story of hope and honesty, how you tried everything, and that you stopped coming to his rescue. Prayers going up that my son finds sobriety, too!

  314. Your blog is what I needed to read this morning. I kicked my son out of my house last night. After 7 months of sobriety he began to use again and kept insisting he wasn’t. I knew deep down and watched him over a matter of weeks turn from a beautiful person to a sick, ugly addict once again. I lost it and kicked him out. It was a rough night but I know I did the right thing. My heart is broken and I am so scared for him but I can’t be part of it any longer.

  315. I learned on June 20th that my 28 y/o son is an opiate addict. Actually, I should say my suspicions were confirmed. I knew my son had been a recreational user of marijuana and occasionally pills. My son was 5 when he was diagnosed with ADHD and mild OCD. Two years ago he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder — a perfect trifecta. On June 5th, he fell asleep behind the wheel of his car and rolled and totaled the car. By some miracle, he wasn’t hurt. He was taken into custody and charged with dui even though he refused the breathalyzer, but they found a “wax fold” in the car. The stories he was telling me about the incident simply weren’t adding up. On June 19 he used (called it “chasing the dragon”) and woke up on his bathroom floor in a pool of vomit. It scared him into NA with a goal of doing 90 in 90. I am rapidly acquiring a new vocabulary — one I wish I didn’t have to learn. I do know that my son lies with such facility; it leaves my head spinning. I live 2800 miles away from him and that leaves an incredible ache. For the past two weeks my life has been a rollercoaster — much as I’ve read over and over in these posts. Every night I go to bed with that icy fear around my heart and the prayer on my lips to please not let my son die alone with the tears that are my sole companion until I finally drop off to sleep. I lost my husband a year ago to kidney cancer; my son is my only child. He talks about how he had contemplated suicide many times to end his pain. I told him that the end of his pain would be the beginning of mine. He says he wants to live. He says he’s terrified of using again–he wants to move into a sober house (I guess a halfway house?) I hope he does because he is losing his apartment at the end of the month. He calls me every night and talks for at least an hour. It leaves me drained and exhausted. The “war stories” he tells. Truth? Lies? Imagination? I don’t know. I’m frightened for him and for myself. He’s extremely intelligent (IQ-159). So much unrealized potential. I’ve been losing my mind. Until I found this forum. I’ve been doing so much research online trying to find answers, until I stumbled on this site. I cried as I’ve read so many of the posts — so many of you have echoed my thoughts, fears, frustrations, anger. It’s good to know I’m not alone out there; sad to know there are so many of us and just how bad the addiction problem is. Thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for having the courage to share; for baring and exposing your pain; it makes it easier to bear mine.

  316. Your message today was very helpful. I had been searching for a support group for family members of drug addicts and came upon your site. Thank you for your message of hope and help.

  317. I have read some of the blogs and my heart is so broken. I’m a mother of heroin addict I found out September 23rd 2016 since then my husband and I have tryed encouraging him to get clean and to go to rehab. He has quite only to go back to it.
    He refuses to go to rehab he said that it not going to work. He said he want to get clean and stay clean but it’s to hard. I have spent so much money on medication and doctors and I feel we aren’t any further away from the problem. I don’t know what to do anymore. I pray and pray for him to get clean or for a answer. There has to be a success story out there somewhere. Heart broken

  318. What if I really do feel That I raised my daughter in a dysfunctional environment because of my husband and my selves constant fighting.
    What if my personality(only sober one in family) isn’t good for my daughter and I’m too old to
    Change but I love her enough to stay out of her life if it’s better for her. But I’m so
    Attached to her and want her so badly to be ok.
    She’s in rehab now and I miss her even after hurting me physically numerous times.
    I have RA and my joints are weak.
    How many times I finally resorted to please let me see you recover from this darkness before I die.
    I have RA and don’t know what my future holds, nor does anyone.
    I am boring and not fun to others because I don’t drink or smoke but not to her.
    She loves me for it.
    I want her better so badly I don’t want to live anymore.
    I without going to al-anon meetings because of the silly(my viewpoint) religious aspect of it, have discovered and expressed what
    Is discussed in al-anon literature. But never could give up at least get better so your mother, your family aren’t afraid and embarrassed being around you.
    Always last resort may work a bit! Well she’s in rehab now. So what could I say
    I’m asking a power greater than me, whoever whatever that may be(I’m Jewish) to help my perfect daughter, who I will always
    Till I die feel guilty for me not providing a comfortable home. Lots of arguing fighting with spouse
    I think some people, like myself ,don’t deserve to have precious, perfect offspring that I feel I didn’t provide a calm home for.

  319. Thank you so much for your 10 truths. My son has been an addict for about 12 years and faced 4-7 years in prison but was released on probation. This has been very difficult for my husband and I-we have not shared with anyone in our extended family. This past year for some reason has been a silent struggle for me feeling like I should’ve done something – I did what I thought was right at the time but I did fail him. Again, thank you for your words of truth-I found them very encouraging.

  320. I live each day in thoughts and prayers for my son. Understanding the addiction is very diffcult. Lack of sleep, thoughts in my mind daily and the contuined blaming of oneself..and tears. Letting go is the hardest have faith in God is my only option. So today I will release him to God…it is in his control.

  321. Oh my gosh. We are walking side by side.. I have 2 in prison meth …one. On the street drugs. Yep. Thats the perfect name rollercoster. I lost everthing i had trying to save my children ……everything….couldnt touch it….they have been in prison 4 years. 7 Kids left out here that i am doing my best to keep safe. My third child is now using…..and here i set…..prayers and tears. …i tell her i love her. I am here. …she has to do this and right now she doesnt even think she has a problem. Their father had 5 kids. All have drug problems………my two in prison. Are doing good…they often remind me. Mom it could be worse…..God Bless. Ms Cassie

  322. I found this blog today 6-24-2017. I didn’t go far enough to see if people still post. My daughter was addicted to hydrocodone. She died aug 10 2010. I see this blog started in dec 2010. I wish I would have had this to read. She was 31 years old left a husband of 14 years two boys 13 and 8. She mixed methadone with a pain pill and didn’t realize it would kill her. I am devestated still after 7 years. So all you children or adults that use please know how terrible this is for your family if you die. My daughter was an organ donor she saved 4 people but she couldn’t save her own life. I still have a son and a daughter living they are devestated too. Her children are 21 and 16 now they are devestated. She has three grandchildren that will never know her. Drugs is death or jail. The sad thing is I didn’t know she had a problem. She didn’t go to rehab. She didn’t ask for money or steal she worked everyday. She was never high around me. Butttt after she died everybody told me she had a real problem or at least her friends told me. So how do you help one who has a secret that she controls so well nobody knew until she was dead.

  323. My son has been drinking heavily for 14 years. He lives overseas. He drinks on a daily basis. His sisters do jot wish to talk to him any more. After many drunken conversations, I once again do not want to deal with this behaviour. I have now decided to cut ties telling him until he is sober I can not watch him continue down this path. I have hoped prayed and encouraged a healthier way of life. It is like watching his father all over again. Did I do the right thing?