How to move on from a drug addict

How can you get out of a toxic relationship? By concentrating on your future happiness. More here…from someone who’s been in your shoes.

minute read

How can you move on after a relationship with an addict? How can you let go of an addict for good? Amanda speaks from experience here. Then, we invite your experiences and feedback (or even questions) in the comments section at the end.

Addiction: The Best Revenge is Happiness

Sobbing and gasping for air, I asked my mother, “How am I going to leave my addict husband?” I could not see past a life without him. I was angry at him for being an addict and destroying our lives and our relationship.I never forget what she told me next. She said that the best revenge is happiness. To be happy would be the only way to move on.

I was living in hell for so long with my husband and his addiction. I could not remember the meaning of the word happiness, nevertheless remember what it felt like, but I knew my mother had a point. I thought about the notion that if I were genuinely happy, there would be no room for pain and sadness. Laying dormant at first, the advice remained with me until such time that I was able to experience happiness again.

Moment of Clarity

I was selling everything I owned in an estate sale because I was being evicted from a 7,000 square foot home I could no longer afford. It was freezing outside and the oil for heat was gone. My friend stayed with me to help out with the sale for a couple of days and I had just kicked my husband out of the house. Things were not looking very good.

I am not sure if it was the distance I was getting from my addicted spouse or knowing that there was no place to go from here but up, but my friend said something funny and I laughed. I laughed, she laughed, and we laughed together for what seemed like an eternity.

Through the laughter I felt feelings again that felt good. I forgot about my husband and what he was probably doing for that time. There was no room for him or the pain when I was laughing and engaging in an enjoyable emotion. I did not think I was capable of feeling anything else. I knew right then and there that this was a new beginning for me and that my mother was right.

Change of Focus

From that moment on, instead of focusing on the negative of the situation; losing my home, my things, leaving my husband, I was able to look at my situation differently. If I could feel happiness again, then maybe losing a home I could never really afford was really a burden being lifted, selling my things was not only providing me with money to start over but also lightening my load of too many possessions and too many sad memories, and maybe, just maybe, letting my husband go would finally give me the chance to start over. I looked at what was happening not as some tragedy but as a fresh start, an opportunity for me to live my life my way and not in the shadows of addiction.

Addiction can cloud our happiness

When we are in the midst of addiction and its inevitable circumstances, we can forget about feelings of happiness and joy. Even if we are participating in activities we once loved, we can lack the ability to feel about them the way we once did when we are immersed in pain. With distance, perspective, an event that may act as a catalyst, or simply making a decision to change the way we look at our situation, we can begin to feel feelings of happiness. What you will notice is that when you are able to experience happiness and pleasure, you will be crowding out the unhappy feelings.

When I finally got my life together and was truly happy with myself, I noticed a shift in my attitude and my life. I simply stopped caring for my husband and what he was doing because I was too busy being happy in my life. It was the best thing for him and more importantly the best thing for me. Hanging on to bad feelings and living with constant fear and pain was only hurting me. It was stunting my ability to move on with my life.

Abraham Lincoln said “people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” There is great truth to this statement.

About the author
Amanda Andruzzi, MPH, AADP, CHES, is a Certified Health Coach, founder of Symptom-Free Wellness, and the author of Hope Street. Her first book, Hope Street memoir is an inspirational story of one woman's frightening journey of co-addiction that led her to uncover courage, unbelievable strength and overcome great adversity. She resides with her daughter, husband, and two sons in Florida.


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  1. Marsha,
    That is an extremely difficult situation that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. If he is abusive and/or not grateful for all you do and is just using and abusing you then I would seriously consider having him leave. If he just genuinely cannot get better but tries then that is a different story and I would tell him he needs to go back to a long-term rehab or he won’t have anywhere to live.

    His mother needs to leave, she will never see things your way because that is her son. Believe me even though my ex is still an addict or has been very recently, my ex-mother-in-law tells my daughter that I keep her from her father and that is simply not true. She will undermine you to your children and cause a rift in your house and you need to move on and get healthy. I suggest you let her know that.
    Amanda Andruzzi

  2. Hi Amanda I really appreciate you showing us your story! You know I have been with my drug addicted husband for 16 years we have a daughter 14 and a son 13! I thought he would change but he never will! I finally left him 3 weeks ago but it’s not been easy he want stop texting and calling and his mother lives with me so I have to hear her everyday tell me I’m making a mistake and how hateful I am and how could his kids do this to him! But what she don’t realize is what he has done to us is so abusive! But she keeps handing him money and paying him out of his problems! As long as she is living with me I don’t feel like I will ever get away from him! I told him I wanted a separation but I think I really want a divorce! I’m so sick of dealing with his crack and cocaine habits! Getting calls and text from people he has bummed from or sold stuff too! He hasn’t worked in over a year I’m the soul supporter for me and my kids! So financially I know I can do it but he just want leave me alone! Please tell me should I make his mom leave! Bc I feel like she is a big problem with him!

  3. My 43 year old son is an alcoholic and substance abuser. His wife has kicked him out and his children don’t want much to do with him. He lives with us, but he has no job so doesn’t provide any financial help. He was in a bad wreck 4 years ago and suffered a traumatic brain injury and partial loss of use of his left arm. He also suffers from depression. He has been in and out of rehab facilities for the past 5 years. But no help. I don’t think he wants help. I feel so guilty for feeling this way, but I want him to leave. He just doesn’t have anywhere to go. It really bothers me to think of him as homeless, but I feel like I’m about at the end of the rope. When do parents finally say, it’s time for you to leave?

  4. I had a complicated relationship with a woman for about 5 or 6 months, we lived together for 4 months. I never had the pleasure of calling her my girlfriend. But we did everything any couple would do and not even a night of passionate love making was enough for her to change her mind about me. Even though she was the one who initiated it. This was the highlight my relationship with her.

    In the meantime her own life was falling apart. She lost custody of her kids but it was only temporary she had a chance to get treatment and learn how to stay sober. But my love and support for her only made everything worse. Our relationship fell apart before it even had a chance to start. It was an intense flame that died quickly. It was too much too fast. And I was caught in the crossfire in her addiction and the problems it was causing in her family.

    After everything ended I felt so betrayed and angry. When I first met her she still had custody of her children. And she lied to me about being sober for a year. But then she lost custody of her kids.

    My love for her and her addiction cost me everything. She blatantly chose drugs over her own children. Her sister asked her “when are you going to rehab” she replied in a text in all caps “NO, NO, NO, HELL NO, I REFUSE”. She tried testing the waters to see if she could move back in with my mother and I but it was impossible. My mother wasn’t budging, I believe this was a blessing in disguise. If I had my own apartment at the time I was still wrapped around her finger, I would have let her move back in and it would have been even worse the second time.

    This has been one of the most significant events in my own life, I’ve dealt with people who were addicts before but I never had it hit so close to home. A woman I made love to, chose drugs over me. She never gave the chance to call her my girlfriend. I would have done anything to help her stay sober if that’s what she wanted, but she CHOSE drugs over ME over her own children and her own family. It destroyed everything. I was left with nothing. Now she’s living in another state and she’s involved with a man who has already had kids with another woman. Her addiction is going to ruin his life too.

    I’ve never seen anything like this before in my life. I’ve dealt with addicts before but not on this level. She truly was not able to love anyone. She will love you as long as you keep enabling her self destructive choices in life. This new man she’s with is going to learn a very hard less and he did not listen to my warnings. He’s going to learn a difficult lesson just as I did. She’s not going to change just because she’s in another state and dating another man.

  5. Hi Amanda!
    Below is the conversation we had a couple of years ago. I just started receiving notifications of recent posts to this blog. It was so amazing for me to look back and read where I was when I wrote you the first time. That life is a distant memory to me now. Since then I divorced him and have gotten re-married to the kind of man that I always dreamed of- independent, driven, adventurous, NO history of addiction, and etc. Thank you again for what you do here. I’m in Utah if you still want to try to make that lunch happen 🙂

    Amanda 7:29 am June 12th, 2016
    Hi Amanda,
    I met my addict at age 18 and married him at age 19. It’s been 9 years now of living through his heroine addiction. I sadly searched google again for the 100th time seeking some kind of support. I have two little boys that deserve so much better and that’s what devastates me the most. I’m going to read your book because I have a feeling it will be very similar to my story and I could really use someone to relate to right now. I feel backed into a corner and very alone. Thank you for using your experience to reach out and help people. It’s admirable. Wish we could go to lunch. -Amanda

    Amanda Andruzzi 10:50 pm July 1st, 2016
    Please read it and let me know your thoughts. I know you will feel understood and every word will resonate with you. Your children deserve better and even one stable parent is better than living with two parents, one of which is an addict. Please don’t give up and get the help you need to be strong enough and love yourself enough to let him go so that you can move on. He is not going to change but you can. You Can. Let me know where you live and maybe we can make that lunch happen. I am here to help!
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the video book trailer:

  6. I divorced 18mths ago from a man who was a cheater and very manipulative, i then fell in love with another man about a yr ago and we had a great relationship until he found drugs again. He was a recovered addict and he moved to be closer to his kids and found the wrong ppl, now he only calls or communicates with me when uts convenient for him. I finally say him fir the first time in 10 weeks and thought through all our talking and tears that he would want to truly want to get better. I left yesterday to come home and he is back to only responding when he feels like it. I am terrified to let go and move on because i do love him. I understand why im afraid to not be loved.

  7. I’ve tried,
    I don’t think they are truly enjoying themselves but you have a choice too, as they do.
    you do not have to stay with that person, you can choose to move on and be happy.

  8. I’ve tried everything it getting don’t show any sign of a future he steals tell likes go out be with all kind of women been arrested several times then let go I think they need to be locked up for several years

    Why they get to enjoy themselves while others being punished with grief and regrets

  9. Karen, you can do whatever you want but I would suggest getting tested, both of you for STDs before considering anything. This is not what this blog is about, it is about loving someone who is addicted.

  10. can I take my ex boyfrind back when I know he left me for s woman who is a drug addict.He says he still loves me but he confused he can’t fix it

  11. Mikaela,
    please understand that I have been exactly where you are and that there is too much to write here to help you. If you read my book, Hope Street, I know you will understand every line I wrote. You will feel understood and not alone in this. I can tell you for now that you will get through this as time does heal all wounds but you also have to put in the work. You have to gain strength, self-love and self-respect. You will get better, this will get better. My story is living proof of that.
    Amanda Andruzzi, MHP, CHC, AADP,published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  12. Mikaela,
    you sound just like I did and so I know I have been exactly where you are. I can’t tell you everything in this post but I really recommend you reading my book, Hope Street, because I am positive after reading your story that it will help you. You will understand every line I wrote and know that you are completely understood. What I can tell you for now is that this will heal with time and some serious self-help on your part; self-love, getting stronger & gaining perspective. You will get better. I can promise you that, you just have to move on with your life and that takes time but it will happen.

    Amanda Andruzzi, MHP, CHC, AADP,published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  13. My husband is on meth an whatever else can be offered. Has cheated on me numerous times. Actually caught a girl in my bed at my house (I had already moved out). I lost everything because of him. My marriage, my house, car, dogs, happiness, trust, self worth. I feel completely broken inside. Like the other half of me is missing. He use to be such a wonderful caring man. Now he’s hateful, mean, violent, disrespectful an toxic. It’s so hard to watch someone throw their lives away an being able to do nothing about it. I’ve moured our marriage as a death. Because that’s how it feels. The old him is dead. I have no idea who he is anymore. I’ve left an moved to another state to get away. But a huge piece of me feels like I’m giving up even though I know there’s nothing I can do to get him threw this. He doesn’t want it. Hed rather get high on meth an be with other ppl. Which literally kills me inside. Parts of me hates him for everything he’s done. I always promised myself once I got married I’d never get divorced. For better or worse right? But I can’t take the pain anymore. It’s the worse pain I’ve ever been threw. I left but it’s only been 3months. I live with his gma which makes me feel like I’m still waiting around for him. He took everything from me an left me with literally nothing. No car, no house, no anything. But that’s not what really hurts. All those things can be replaced in time. My heart an losing the other half of me can’t. I don’t see how getting divorced an going threw a whole new relationship will ever happen. How will I ever trust again? How can I ever feel love again? I just feel so lost an broken. I’m trying to be strong an I put this fake smile on everyday but I just feel like I floating. Not really here. Everything I ever wanted is now gone. The man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is basically dead but not. My heart seems like it won’t ever heal. I try doing new things an it only reminds me of him. How he’d enjoy this or how we’d find this funny. Idk it seems everything I do reminds me of him. I just wish these feelings would stop. My heart can’t take anymore. Please what can I do to get over this. Is getting divorced the right thing to do? What if the him I once knew comes back an I’ve moved on? What if he needs me an I’m not there? I’d hate myself if the man I once loved returns an I’m not there to be with him again

  14. Inga,

    Please don’t misinterpret what I am saying because to me it seems like you are not ready to let go.
    Until you are ready to move on You are not going to heal. You have to stop worrying about what he is doing because this is part of the addiction you have to him. If you can please read Hope Street, you will understand that I have been exactly where you are and you have to commit to move on.

    Amanda Andruzzi, MHP, CHC, AADP,published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  15. I am very thankful for finding this website and I will have to read your book Amanda. I am struggling. My ex fiance is a former heroin addict, went to rehab, then became an alcoholic to the extreme, we had moved away together and he ruined our lives in Kansas where we had moved to. He humiliated me, would go out partying all night long and sometimes he wouldn’t come home until early morning or the next day. I caught him talking to his ex wife and sharing selfies via text with another woman. I caught him trying to buy pills over the phone with some stranger he met at a gas station. He was very up and down with his moods and very manipulative. I loved him so much but he was so incredibly possessive and such a monster when using either drugs or drinking. Then after I called the cops on him once because it became physical, he was arrested and facing charges, he swore to me he would clean up and that was a reality check. He started going to church and I started to trust him again while I saw that he was making changes and was incredibly apologetic for his behavior. He proposed to me recently and then broke up with me via text a week later and said how he may relapse because he’s an addict and he did not want to ruin my life more than he already had. I am very heartbroken but I know it’s for the best. He is on a 1 year probation with 3 misdemeanors now on his record. As mean as this sounds I hope he gets in trouble while on probation so he goes to jail. He is out of control and reckless when he’s drinking. I don’t know if there is any hope for him. I just need to try and stay strong and move on. I think he may contact me at some point and expect me to take him back with open arms as I have done so many times in the past. Or he is expecting me to contact him because we never have gone long without talking and he knows how much I loved him. So I’m struggling. I really am. I could use all the support I Can get at this point 🙁

  16. I have read your article and many of the comments. This is such a helpful forum. I met a man through friends and we became friends. I have seen a lot in my life but I was not prepared for this. I had many frank discussions with him (as a friend) and it seemed to me that he did no use drugs, only social drinking, which I found acceptable.
    We were friends and then love bloomed and we started spending more intimate time together. After knowing him for 2 whole years he acted very strangely one night and sent me a very irrational text message the next day. I confided in a close personal friend and she said “maybe he was high”. I said “you mean drunk?” And she said “don’t you know”. I said “no – tell me”. And she proceeded to enlighten me on the extent of his use of illegal drugs.
    I called him and I told him I was very angry that he lied to me, that I was not interested in this lifestyle and that he should get lost. We were both older people (in our 40’s) when we met.
    I did not go to any of the places I knew I would see him and did not call or text him.
    A couple of months later he started texting me, saying he missed me, he loved me, he wanted to see me. I agreed to meet with him and talk to him. Then I shook his hand, said goodbye and wished him luck. After that he kept calling, etc. and pretty soon he was telling me about this plans to change his habits and asking me to please remain friends.
    And before too long the romance started up again.
    I have to say I was very ignorant about drug addiction and I thought he was sincere. The comments about men having a secret life and keeping the relationship with me going for safety really hit home with me. After all that time (4years) he just upped and left and it was a real shock and mystery to me. I really thought he would get it together and we could be happy. In the end I realized the drugs he was using changed his conduct toward me. Before I had been beguiled by his romantic and fun ways. In reality the relationship was just a stopping off point for him. I was so devastated and enervated. I am not a young woman and it has been very difficult for me to recover from this. The stories on this discussion thread make me see that I am not the only person who has been turned around by an addict.
    I thought I knew what I was dealing with, but I did not. I am extremely careful about starting new relationships and I am not sure I will ever find one. But I most certainly will be able to spot the signs of addiction more clearly in the future and will stay far away. I can’t believe I let a man like that into my life. I feel like I was very stupid not to understand what was really happening, that I wasted a lot of time and after we split my life became derailed. It has been a very difficult period for me, personally and financially. I was so in love with that guy I found it difficult to pick myself up and get back into my own life. That had never happened to me before. It’s been tough.
    Thanks to all who shared their stories and their words or wisdom. It helps.

  17. I am 57yrs old and have been in a relationship with a pain pill addict. I have been living with him for 2 yrs. I supported him for over a year. I am so unhappy and crazy about things he does. I am claiming bankruptcy because of him. God knows I have been around this for all my life. I don’t use and haven’t in over 30 yrs. I am waiting for that bankruptcy to be over and I am taking a class on March 10, 2018 to help me get a job anywhere. I have so many material things that I don’t even care about except pictures and things that were my moms and grandmas. I just need to hang in there and save money and start packing to get out. He told me yesterday that he wanted me to pay 600.00 for rent, that is 150. more a month I pay for all the food. I can go on and on about all the thousands of dollars I have spent. But it just makes me sick and so upset. I was used again by a man. God why do I keep picking men that don’t work or respect me as a good woman I am. I hate myself and that is not good place for me. Please pray for me to have the strength to do this one day at a time, Thanks for letting me vent. Lora

  18. Sarah, David & Janet,
    thank you so much for sharing your stories. I can tell you this much, an addict will always try to escape blame for their drug use. You are not responsible for anyone’s addiction or their sobriety. they have that cross to bare, not you but if they are using they will manipulate you into thinking that you could be doing something differently to help them. The only action you can take is to stop enabling and focus on YOU. that is the only way and if that means leaving them, then so be it. You all deserve happiness.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  19. My husband is a drug addict and sex addict. We have been married for 24 years. He has cheated numerous times, his drug addiction has escalated to shooting up heroin. He has been in different programs for help and did well for about 6 months but then went back to the drugs. I have stood by him through a lot of crap. After reading your articles and others stories I realize I have being an enabler to him. I do love him and I always feel bad for him. But I have decided I am finished, I have lost myself over the years. My problem now is I don’t want to leave my home but he won’t go away. I guess because he has no where to go. I have sacrificed so much over the years. I am ready to move forward and to find my happiness again. Thank you for the articles. Thank everyone for sharing your stories, it helps to know I am not alone in the the way I feel. He has always tried to make me think I was the one who caused him to use. My eyes have opened and I am seeing things clearer now. I will leave my home if I must but I just wish he would go away and stay away.

  20. I feel you give me so much hope Amanda to move on with my life and find a healthy life and partner that I know I deserve – I ended my relationship with my ex 3 months ago because of his weed and cocaine use. I finally got off the rollercoaster that was our relationship. I eventually realised that his addiction would always be number 1 and I would be a very distant number 2 until he actually wants to change for himself. It’s the saddest thing I’ve ever had to deal with seeing an intelligent, handsome and lovable person be so caught up in addiction. Me leaving him is probably the best thing I can do for him and for myself but he still maintains I know nothing and what he is doing isn’t bad!!! (denial!!) – I’ve been left so many times in situations with him where the drugs come first but trying to explain this to an addict is near impossible – I’m currently reading you book hope street which is eye opening! – I wish you all the best in your life Amanda –

  21. Hi Amanda, the stories I read here are just like my situation, I have dealt with his addiction for 17 years each time I believe he will stop, I went through the phase worrying about everything he is doing behind my back always looking for signs, I found him on it again this week and he’s left, just I find it hard to deal with the guilt but I know I want a better life

  22. Kristina & Lisa,
    You’ve done nothing wrong and you’ve done everything you can to help a person that you love but the only decision that you can make is the right one which is what you’ve both done. You put yourself, your family, your safety and sanity first before the addict’s addiction. It is not easy, it’s very painful and difficult and if you read my book, hope street, you will understand how much I struggled with the same issue but I can tell you this as time goes on your wounds will heal. Leaving is the only way that you’ll ever have any chance of ever having a happy life again and in the interim you can only hope that they sort out their own issues but it’s not your responsibility and you can’t do it for them.

    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  23. It’s a new year and I am finally after 2 1/2 years of complete and utter chaos inflicted on me and our 4 sons by my husband their father (who are now ages 21, 19, 16, 15) Me and our son’s are waking way. I refuse to endure not one more day of a crack addicts abuse. I have tried with all of my power and heart and soul to help my husband overcome his addiction/habit. I have protected my son’s from his erratic out of control behavior. We have tried to support him during 3 rehab visits. All 3 times leaving only days.before completing the program. During this 21/2 years I did everything to make sure my son’s were as happy and normal and stable as possible. And they are awesome and successful. They were my main focus. he went from an awesome great husband and father. A man who’s son’s loved and looked up to . He was so involved. He was the sole provider. Signed every paycheck and I handled all the finances. So it was hard to figure how when I found out he was on cocaine at first he was being able to buy it. Come to find out it all started at work. With coworkers. In the asphalt business. Short seasons..tons of work..lots of hours. A way to supposedly keep up the crazy pace. He.hid and controlled it for what I’m figuring a year. Then when he started acting weird and bizarre paranoid aggressive to name a few I knew something was so wrong. First thoughts was he was mentally ill. Went to counselors Drs church meetings it’s apparent he’s on drugs. months. His behavior got so psychotic, accusing me of cheating, how dare he !! Calling me names In front of the boys..This made the boys mad…Trying to fight his own son’s (that craziness went on for a little over 2 months only) that there was absolutely no way the.boys were going to be exposed to any of that. I put him out. Tried to say he didn’t have to leave. Police told me they couldn’t make him leave. Next day kids were all a t school and one at college, i physicall took him out myself! I had to lock him out and change all the locks. I knew the police wouldn’t help me. I protected myself and my boys. He still tried at times to come back knocking on the door middle of the night. Crazy stuff like that. But I have not let him step foot in this house since. And he gets it now about that. So needless to say after all the incidents episodes chaos he has inflicted on me and the his son’s. And after all the support encouragement help love understanding etc. I have shown and given to him and he still won’t get serious and get the help be needs, I must for my own well being for me to.stay strong and keep providing happiness for my son’s who deserve the best, I must walk away and let him figure out his problem. On the other hand I miss him, I do love him, I miss our other life with him and our family. I feel like i cant do enougjnto help him. I’m sad scared for my future of being alone. I’m sad and scared for him. Because in his heart he doesn’t want to be like this. My son’s miss their father. They feel abandoned. He has made us feel like he hates us. I think I can say that we are better off without him because he won’t take every opportunity to get the help that is out there and fix himself and then his family. This is what I have to do Not what i want but have to. Thanks for reading this. I just hope other women and mother’s dealing with a drug addict can know their worth more and not feel bad if and when they have to make the sad heartbreaking decision to walk away.

  24. Hello I dont know how to say this but I’m grieving deeply. My husband and I have been married for only 5 months now. I truly love him. He is what I would call a closet drug addict. His drug of choice is crack cocaine. We have talked about his addiction and I have mentioned that we should seek counseling. He said he has already done counseling and it didn’t work. This was before I ever knew him. I am not sure what to do but having him disappear for days on end and him coming back when he feels like it is not good. I’ve cried.many nights with no sleep worried endlessly weither he is alive, in jail, having sexual relationship with someone else or whatever. He came home one night peaking and was looking for me i wasn’t in bed where he thought but on the couch sitting upright awaiting for his return . I asked him for the house key and I told him to leave. The only response i got out of him was well it is your house. Not I love you ! Not a plead or beg, nothing . Its been 3 days now and no return of him to home. The weird thing about the whole situation is that as soon as he gets a week off of vacation from work he does this. When he works his at home everyday day . Its like a binge drug addict . I don’t understand what to do .what does it take ? How do I heal, I love my husband immensely that’s for sure but why do I have to pick up the pieces as I go along in life .

  25. Yasmeen & Mel, Strong will with addiction will get an addict almost nowhere 99% of the time, agreed. No one is saying it is easy or that someone can just stop but choosing to get the right help is a choice. An addict needs an array of help in so many different areas but if they choose to get the help, they can be successful. This kind of help does have to be welcomed by the addict and the choice of the addict or in my experience it will be short-lived. The only power you have is power over yourself and your choices.
    Amanda Andruzzi, MHP, CHC, AADP

  26. I’m having a hard day today, my boyfriend of 7 years, the father of my beautiful daughter is on heroin, he has been hiding it from me but I’ve known, I’ve been in denial, well today my baby brother found him with the needle in his arm, I made him leave and I’m so heart broken I cant breathe I’m so upset for my daughter I can’t move, the love of my life left me for a needle and I don’t understand, I am financially stable without him but my emotions are not, I’ve been with him since I was 16 and I just can’t stop thinking of our life and our daughter I just feel so alone even though I have so much support from my loved ones, i have no clue what to do

  27. Many people don’t understand why or how other people become addicted to drugs. They may mistakenly think that those who use drugs lack moral principles or willpower and that they could stop their drug use simply by choosing to. In reality, drug addiction is a complex disease, and quitting usually takes more than good intentions or a strong will.

  28. Nicole, Alex, Jimmy, Nora, Val, toloveanaddict, & April,
    thank you all for sharing your stories. You are all an inspiration and a support for each other and that is what is needed to make it through this experience we find ourselves in with an addict. I know how hard this is for each and every one of you. I know the pain and sadness this brings firsthand but I also know that there is so much more out there for you. Leaving an addict is the only way to break the cycle we are in of enabling. It is so important to get the help for ourselves and start healing from the chaos and insanity we allowed the addict to bring into our lives. You may feel hopeless but I can assure you that once you commit to letting go your hope will be restored. This healing takes time so give yourself the time you need to move on and heal.
    Amanda Andruzzi, MHP, CHC, AADP,published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  29. Ashley,
    It takes time, give yourself time and if your new relationship is real, in time you will see that. Not every man can’t be trusted but it is a difficult to go from your relationship to a healthy one and not be hypersensitive. All of your trepidation is normal and you just have to give yourself time to heal and I know it will get easier. I am married again and I have no trust issues with my second husband but it did take time.
    Amanda Andruzzi, MHP, CHC, AADP,published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  30. I just left my addict ex for the last time…so many lies but then that person tells u how much they love u n need u. I needed them…everything over the past 2 years has been a scam…she was a pill junkie when i first started seeing her n then about a year later she started heroin. I had things stolen from me…cash…items…gift cards…even cans of soup. She lives with her mother who she does heroin with…unfortunately i dont think there is any hope from her no matter how much she says shes gonna do right or go to rehab …she used me…that whole house used me…worst part i still care about her n question if it has to be like this and then i get mad she ruined us n what could have been…the pills were bad enough but she chose 2 start snorting heroin…im so angry with everything…just want her erased from my brain n wish i could pretend like none of this happened to me…including the good times that make me so sad. Even more infuriating is how she is still only concerned with how me leaving n being gone is gonna effect her…will this get any easier…this is by far one of the hardest decisions and worst breakups ive ever been through…

  31. Hi Amanda,

    I am heartbroken. My husband is a crack addict. Before he started using again he was a different person. We had so much fun and we were happy. Now I hardly know him. The lies, secrets, huge amounts of money gone. He just left a month ago, no warning, changed his number and moved 4 hours away I believe staying in income housing with some woman.Five days later I received divorce papers. Is this common behavior for an addict? He said he doesn’t want to be accused of doing drugs for the rest of his life! Then sent me an email blaming me for his using crack. I cannot believe he just up and left me with no regard to telling me. Just up and gone filing for divorce just a few days after!! This is the man whom has loved me so much and our marriage??

  32. I have been searching for validation that I can find happiness outside of my previous relationship. My ex boyfriend of 3 years was an addict of anything he could get his hands on, heroin being his ultimate choice. He left me twice within one year. I think it’s safe to say it will be the last time. I have hope that he will recover and I pray for him every night, but I can’t keep stopping and starting my life for him. I told him from the beginning, I would stand by him despite his relapses as long as he got help. Unfortunately, that is no longer the case. I think that he will always be the love of my life and my heart will always ache for him, but I deserve to be happy.

  33. You ladies are so strong. It gives me so much strength as I read through your stories. It’s incredible how susbstances transform the person you love into a thoughtless, emotionless, cold, and selfish being. They become a slave to their drugs. In your hearts, walk away with love if you can. Addiction is so powerful, and the addict is in a deep bottomless pit. They must lose everything or go to jail to change. That most of the time doesn’t even work. My husband of 6 years is a heroin addict who overdosed twice, lost his first daughter, and now repeat. I left him and he’s losing our daughter. He’s so consumed in darkness and addiction he has tunnel vision, waiting for his next high. His whole life has crumbled around him and he’s just waiting for that next fix. I agree with Adrienne, run fast as you can if you meet someone who is a former heroin, or meth addict, they always go back. It takes will power that many don’t possess to quit these drugs permanently. My husband over dosed twice and now he’s back. I’m devastated and I am in shock having to have left everything behind. But one thing I do have in the mist of my sadness is my sanity and my beautiful daughter.

  34. I am so depressed. My husband is using heroin. He use to be an addict who quit before we got married, and now he’s using again, and this time he just won’t stop. I keep finding him nodding off around the house. We have a five year old daughter together, and was horrified that he’d do this around her. After he started using the drug, he changed into a totally different person. I packed our things and left him. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I now live in a small room my sister gave my daughter and I. A couple weeks later he told me he was losing the apartment. I am so sad because we had a life together, a beautiful family, and I feel so lost, and so very alone. I appreciate you sharing this inspirational story, it gave me so much hope in this dark time.

  35. Just read Gerry’s story it’s good to realise iam not the only man in the world going through this. After 3years of supporting then shouting I finally gave up and put my heroin addict out 3 months ago. Since then I’ve heard all the usual stories I’ll do this for us, I love you, I’ll kill myself. But she has carried on lying stealing missing appointments failing test. So I was forced to stop her seeing our 2year old daughter. As someone said the addict just carries on anything that happens is another reason to use while we struggle to clear the debts keep our kids away from social services. The worst thing is when she says I never cheated the secret calls the dissappearing for hours the lies. That’s cheating only difference is the money proves smack before everyone everything

  36. I just left my addict boyfriend of many years while he was sleeping. He has gotten so out of control that even his addict friends have reached out to me and his family for help. His family has always enabled his behavior and has gone easy on him when he has had “episodes” in the past and that is why they continue to happen. By “episodes” I mean going on binges of anything he can find and becoming wildly verbally abusive to his loved ones, lying, physical altercations with strangers, becoming so messy and unable to take care of himself. His family says they will get him in the morning but I don’t believe them. I also fear so badly that he will be so angry at me for leaving while he slept that he will tell me I will never see him again. I am devastated. I don’t have any other addicts in my life and am completely at a loss. Reading this article helped a little.

  37. Hi, I’m a mother to 4 kids they are mine not my husbands, well for the 4 years of my marriage I’ve been mentally physically and emotionally abused. My husband has threthen to kill himself 6 time and attempted​ it I’ve saved him every time, I’m very burnt out. Now for over a year he has been snorting his pain meds and I’ve had enough. I went as far as taking his meds from him only allowing him to take what is prescribed, well I even had to buy a lock box I’ve had to give up x jobs because he wouldn’t take them the right way. He gets very mean so now I will hand him one make sure he swallowed it. So I can’t work cause I have to babysit him now when I hand him them he will slip it into his pants or get up and act like he is getting a drink he’s gone as far as hiding them in his socks to go snort them later. Idk what to do anymore he won’t stop won’t get help my kids hate him, I want nothing to do with him but feel like crap if I leave him and he is a manipulator when it comes to me leaving and makes me feel bad, for wanting to better my life. I need help I’m confused and don’t know what to do.

  38. Hello!! When I was 26 I married the man of my dreams.. smart, sweet, good looking, caring and hard working. We bought a beautiful home, got married and adopted a dog. After a year of marriage we decided to start trying for a baby and so we did. 3 months of trying and I became pregnant, but then lost the baby. 3 weeks later my house got robbed and the robber stole $5,000 cash that was in our safe (It was only in there for about 4 days because we were paying a painter to paint the outside of our house and he only took cash). 3 months after this I found a blue pill in my toilet. I wasn’t sure what it was so I asked my husband and he had no idea what it was. To make a long story short…that night I came home to a note telling me that he has been addicted to drugs and he has hid it from me the past 6 years. How could I be so dumb to not see the signs? We spent all our time together and I never knew he was high? So come to find out…. he knew he shouldn’t be having kids, yet he tried anyways. He robbed our house and made me scared to be in my own home. He racked up $15,000 in debt on a credit card I didn’t even know he had. He spent another $3000 on scratchers in order to win cash, to buy drugs, so that I wouldn’t figure it out. He tried getting sober, but couldn’t do it. He refused to go to rehab because he didn’t want his job to know about his issue. I knew I had to leave because once the pill secret was out in the open, he stopped caring about hiding things from me. I left my husband after 1.5 years of being married. I was only 28. I was mortified because I knew people would judge me. I don’t believe my business is for anyone else so most people didn’t even know why I got a divorce, most people still don’t even know. I found out 6 months ago that my ex husband is now on heroin. Although I went through a deep depression and it felt like I was never going to be happy again…I can say now that I know I made the best decision. For anyone out there who is scared or is unsure, follow your gut.

    For my question…. I am now in a new relationship but I can’t seem to ever trust anyone now. I question in my head everything because I figured is my ex could lie to me so well…maybe this guy can too? How do i get past the trust issues of being married to an addict and learn to trust this new guy who has shown me nothing but patience and kindness about my trust issues?

  39. Nicole, Adrienne, and Rachael,

    Why would you stay with someone that you are not happy with, even if you feel like you love them? That problem starts from within and an addict will manipulate you until you actually start questioning your own sanity. That is what addicts do; lie, cheat, steal, abuse, use, and hurt every single person around them so they can be with their one and only love–drugs.
    When are you going to get off of this roller coaster? That is a choice you have to make, just like the addict, you are addicted to the person, the drama, the intense feelings they create for you. When you are ready, I cannot predict, I can only say that there is a rainbow waiting for you on the other side when you are strong enough to let go and never, ever, look back.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  40. Linz, Thank you for your comment. That is what this blog is all about, support and hope!

    Andrea and Christina,
    Please do me the biggest favor and read Hope Street. It is the only way I can show you that you are not alone, that I understand every ounce of what you say and every feeling you are feeling. I wrote it to give you Hope. You DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS. An addict will seek out an enabler and an enabler is usually a person that is used to this type of behavior from childhood or early experiences so they feel comfortable with this, they don’t know any other way. Andrea, your father was an addict, do you think it was a coincidence you chose an addict as a husband and stay with him regardless of the boundaries you set. I was with my addict for 12 years, married, child, house, everything and I wrote Hope Street to save you from 12 more years of this or even one more moment. You can have the life you want, you can be happy, you can do anything you set your mind to. You have to feel the fear and move past it. You have to focus on you, your children and learn that you can detach with love and focus on your family, allowing him to take his addiction wherever it needs to go. I am living proof.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  41. Andrea, LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND NOW! The longer you stay with him the more likely something bad will happen to you or your kids. Get away and stay safe. You’re already a single parent, it will be easier without him, he’s using you. He’s gonna keep using you until he OVERDOSES. Save yourself and your kids.

  42. Thankyou,

    It is the hardest thing letting someone you love go, my husband used meth before I married him, got clean due to prison, we married he was on probation 7 years, so no meth use then.. well about 5 years into our now 9 year marriage, he started acting weird, all symptoms of meth, i had no clue never was around drugs my whole life. Now…. lost jobs, burned through my savings to help him, tried my best to keep my house “normal” while he slept in a shed or tweaked in it all night .Made excuses to my kids… then one day he didn’t come home, tracked him to a dope house, he was intertwined with some crack whore…. needless to say, after he attacked me called me every name in the book, beat me in the face, i drove out of there and filed domestica assault, then filed divorce. Im not going back, but I love him with all my heart, I just cant, he has become my addiction. Dont believe they will get better, they wont, run away from a meth addict as fast as you can, u can be friendly, but do not ever marry one, even if they are sober , they dont stay that way long .its very sad, very much so. Now i have to keep my daughter away from her dad for her safety, she doesnt understand… and I again feel like i did sometihng wrong. But Im going to do what the girl above did, Im just going to finally be happy. please ladies you cant fix him, he has to do that on his own without you there to pick up the pieces.

  43. I wish I could see happiness in the end with all of this. Im very scared and confussed. I have 5 children and my fiance is on pills hard. He lies steals and is never around anymore. He manipulates me like it’s my fault. Why hes using or even when he is out. If I dont give him any money he threatens me that he will leave me.

  44. Hello- I’ve been with my husband since we were 18. We’re 32 now. We’ve been married for almost 8 yrs. We have 2 kids. I’m at my wits end. I love him. I just don’t know how much more I can endure before I completely break. He is an addict. Specifically, he is a highly functioning alcoholic who drinks a pint or more of vodka a day plus however many beers. Most of the time it starts at work. He’ll go out to his car for a few drinks then go back inside. He runs a fast food place with his mom as his partner. I’m sure his employees notice when he’s drunk. And he’s a mean drunk….at least to me. He can be friendly to everyone else but anything from me can set him off. If we’re out & he’s drinking, he can be super nice to the pretty waitresses but if a guy even talks to me, even if its in front of him, the guy is flirting & somehow it turns into a huge fight. Primarily bc I don’t agree with him yet somehow he manages to make me feel bad, like I did something wrong when I know logically that I didn’t. One time a fight started bc he disappeared to talk on his phone forever & everyone was asking about him. When he walked back in I asked if everything was ok. That was it, was all I asked, but apparently it was the wrong thing bc he was dealing with work supposedly & his mom was right next to me & he didn’t want to stress her out. Of course this had nothing to do with the crap ton of liquor he had consumed. Yeah right! Needless to say, I try to avoid going out with him when I know there is a chance he will drink, even of he says he won’t drink “that much”. He got a DUI before he was 21 & never learned his lesson. He’s never physically abusive, but definitely verbally & emotionally so. He’s manipulative & controlling and can lie better than anyone I have ever seen. He shows little to no remorse for the way he treats me, giving me half assed apologies. Like the other day we were fighting again, he tells me “fuck you” twice & pulls out of the drive way. A little while later he calls and says “I’m sorry but you pissed me the fuck off”. I pissed him off bc we talked about an ecstasy pill I found in my car, that wasn’t mine bc I’ve never touched the stuff. In addition to the drinking, he’s been taking suboxone for the last 3-4 yrs, & supplements it with vicodin when he’s out of his script & its too early to get his next one. He smokes weed daily and has for the last 12-13 yrs. Recently he started selling it again (he did so about 7-10 yrs ago). Last year, I knew something was going on but couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was for the longest. Finally it clicked & I figured out that it was coke. He was doing it for months. I asked him straight out & he lied. So I looked at his phone & saw several messages about doing “lines” & “bumps” and about “white girl”. I confronted him about the lines text when I saw it…he actually tried to convince me that it was a “line of weed”. Really? How stupid do you think I am? To this day, he is sticking to that story. I’m baffled really. He ended up getting this huge bump on the side of his nose, close to his sinuses. I’m still positive that it was from chronic coke use. He tries to say it was an under-the-skin pimple. But it was HUGE. After a little while I ended up talking to his friend who admitted to them doing coke together. So I had another serious talk with my husband & he admitted to doing coke a “few” times…another lie but at least there was some admission finally. He swore he wouldn’t touch it again. Why I believed him, I don’t know. Back to the ecstacy pill I found in MY car after he took it one night to go to a friends house…. It was in an Altoids tin. Our son is 9 & loves mints/altoids. Luckily he didn’t find it before I did. And luckily I found it before I drove around with it in my car all day. If I was pulled over, I would have been the one in handcuffs. Our kids would have been taken away. He said he was selling them but admitted to taking some, only later he changed it and said he took one 6 yrs ago. I don’t beleive him. Not that long ago I saw texts on his phone where he was trying to buy “ice cream”…I looked it up…its slang for meth. He had a meth prob in 2010 that caused us to get behind on bills, we had to sale our house in a short sale & moved 3 hrs away to hopefully get away from it. Only I was wrong because he found meth again in the new place. Both times he would lie until he was blue in the face. He never admitted to using it the 1st time it happened. And the 2nd time I found him with the pipe in hand in our living room while our son & I slept just feet away from him in our respective rooms. I immediately took it & the lighter & threw them in the dumpster behind our apartment. Anyway, I confronted him about the “ice cream” text & of course he lied. Its so obviously a lie too. Even when I told his family, they know its a lie. I just don’t know how much more I can take. Everything is my fault. He blames his drinking probs on me & his mom bc we stress him out. He literally doesn’t have to do anything with our kids or around the house. I feel like a single parent already. I take both kids to & from school/daycare, handle any activities, Dr appts, etc. I take care of paying the bills, cooking, cleaning the house, laundry, even getting our vehicles fixed. I’m also the Treasuer of my son’s school PTO. All while working full time with a 30 min drive each way to & from work. He works 5 mins from the house. All he has to do is work….which it turns out that he’s not even at work half the time he tells me that he is. His checks have been smaller, putting a strain on us financially. He works a lot of nights…he makes his schedule so he could work more day shifts, he just doesn’t. This gives him an opportunity to go out to his friends bc he doesn’t wanna come home to a super quiet house. So he’ll go out 2-3 times a week & stay out till 2-4am. One time he had friends come over on a week night. Long story short, my alarm goes off at 4:30am for work & his friends are still there. One is even past out on our couch. Our kids are sleeping upstairs…its a school night. He gets pissed at me for being upset bc he “can’t ever have people come over to his house”. I don’t care if people come over, but they should leave way before 4:30am on a school night!! A couple weekends ago I told him that I couldn’t keep doing this. That I didn’t want to, but I would do it on my own if I had to. So he had a decision to make. He agreed to get help. Now he says he won’t stop the suboxone & no treatment places will take him while he’s on it. We know this because I called, not him. He said he would look into outpatient services, but that hasn’t happened. He seriously thinks he can still occasionally drink right after detoxing. It doesn’t work like that. He can be a good dad & husband, when he’s not high or drunk, but that very rarely happens. I’m scared the kids will think this kind of behavior is ok & it’s not. He’ll get on to our son & I’ll have to step in sometimes bc he just keeps going & its just too much. He’ll play so rough with him when he’s drunk that he’ll hurt him & our son will be trying so hard to hold back tears bc he doesn’t want to cry in front of his dad. When I say something, I get yelled at. I want to leave, but I’m scared. I’m know it’ll hurt emotionally bc we’ve been together since we were 18. I’m attached to him I know. I just don’t know how to deal. But I’m a smart girl. I know that I’m also hurting just staying with him. I don’t believe even a fraction of what he tells me. It hurts & drives me crazy. Another reason I haven’t left yet is financial. I have a ton of student loans. If I didn’t have those, we’d probably be okay with a little help from him still of course bc I would make him help with the kids expenses regardless. We just don’t make enough to support 2 households. But like my brother said…if I have to sale our house, then I have to sale it. It’ll hurt & I’ll cry bc I love it. But I can’t keep subjecting our kids to this. I know. His family knows all about this. They all see it & what they don’t see, I’ve told them. They all support me no matter what decision I make. His whole family has dealt with addiction. His dad was in his 50s when he died from a heart attack…he was an alcoholic & avid drug user back in the day according to his mom. His sister has been in and out of rehab for pills & alcohol. She’s doing well now. Addiction runs in his family so that scares the crap out of me. It also runs in my family but I took the opposite end I guess. My dad was really bad into drugs. My mom left him when I was 2 bc he threw something at her & it hit me. Later when my brothers & I would visit him, he actually showed me his swollen track marks. I was a little kid, but I knew what they were from. I figured it out. He was in & out of jail/prison. And yes, I did visit him there too even as a small child. He went to prison again in 2002 for being found with a lot of meth. While there, they found a tumor. He past away from colon cancer in 2004. I saw how drugs ruin families & I knew that it would never be something that I’d touch. My husband new that I would never stand for it either, & yet here we are.
    I want my husband to get help so bad. I want him to stop all this. He says in order to get better, he needs me to be more supportive & loving. To be by his side. Its kind of hard when all we do is fight & he turns everything into my fault. I’ve cried in the shower & in bed more times than I can count. I just don’t know what to do.

  45. Hello – this is first time im speak out about my problems. My husband is a high functioning meth addict and now i think sex addict he just added on or i just found out. We have been together for 20yrs but married for 10yrs. We have 4 kids together. We are high school sweethearts. He really without the double like a good person but he caught his self up so much. He successful and very smart but always very manipulative. I have no family or good friends to really count on.its just me and my kids. People think we have all together and so lucky but behind close doors only we know. I need help. I going crazy and what is happiness whst is it to smile with peace? I cant live life this way. I have been stay home mom for 6 yrs now and like i said i have no family.

  46. hearing what happened to the end of this story gives me hope in that one day i can be happy again and find myself. i live with a selfish addict who for years has put me and his children last. thank you for sharing your story im sure this will help people in their quest to be happy and addict free and most importantly not feeling second beat to their one and only love = drugs

  47. Melany B.,
    I know how alone you feel and the pain you are going through. Is there any way I could get you to look at this from a different angle? I think you might want to keep reading the other articles I have written here as well as my book, Hope Street. Perhaps his shutting you out is a blessing. “what if” leaving you was the best thing he could have done for you? How much more of this did you want to endure but you couldn’t muster up the courage to leave him? Maybe he did you a favor. If you can read Hope Street, this will become clear to you. At your young age you have experienced so much but now it may be time to take these experiences and use them for good, learn from them and grow. This person is not good for you, for your self-esteem and for your well-being right? If you agree with me on that then you are going in the right direction. An addict will do and say whatever they need to get what they want no matter who they hurt.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  48. Hi..
    My name is Melany Brieno and I am 17 years old. So I met this guy almost a year in a half ago and we dated for almost a year in a half. I met him at this party and I don´t we, we started hanging out and I guess we built a connection. So we started dating In November of 2015. You know it was weird for me because I was the type of girl that was very big in sports and a lot of positive things and he was the type of guy who smoked weed and hung out with those types of people. and I did have depression before him and I even met, So once we started dating he helped me through my depression and he changed my entire life. We had a very strong connection and I lost my virginity to him and I was just soo in love with him. He helped me through all my struggles. Then two months into the relationship, he cheated on me. I walked in on him having sex with a younger female. I was so devistated. It hurt me so bad, I punched three holes in his room and walked out. Then the next day I forgave him… so we then worked things out. Then a month later he started doing meth and other really bad drugs. He started ignoring my phone calls and ignored all my texts and when he did finally reply, he would only give me short replies.. and when he would actually hangout with me, he got very abusive and starting hitting and beating me. Even though he did that, for some reason I still loved him… he was making miss school to go see him, otherwise he told me he was going to ¨kill himself¨ and once i started missing school, I had to be on a court order and got involved with the system. Then things got worse, I started leaving home to go see him and then I would get more and more trouble and I would give him all my money when he needed it so I didn´t have to see him starve or have no where to go, so I would buy him hotel rooms. and he finally got caught up, because i turned him in. NOT TO GET HIM IN TROUBLE, BUT TO HELP HIM. so he got sent to juvey, rehab, group homes (etc.) I was so devastated and going through a lot of emotional pain. He called me a ¨snitch¨ and called me a bunch of nasty names. So while he was in rehab, I was told he cheated on me there with some other girl.. I didn´t want to believe it.. so I was trying to make up excuses in my head to make me not believe it. He put me through so much pain. I was sent to two mental hospitals, because of all the pain he put me through. He made me go crazy. I felt hopeless. While he was away for 6 months, I spent the time focusing on myself and I started doing beauty pageants. I won my state title pageant. I won Miss Teen Wisconsin International 2016 and I raised over $7,000 dollars by doing fundraisers and donated $1,500 to the American Heart Association. I had my national pageant in Jacksonville Florida this last summer and it was one of the most amazing experiences that I¨ve ever had. It changed my whole life. By the end of summer I was finished with my pageant and he finally got out of the group home. He told me while I was in Florida, he flirted with some girl he met at a bowling ally. I was so devastated, because I thought he´d learn his lesson from the first time, but I ended up forgiving him and taking him back again. So once school started and he got out of the group home, he moved back to his moms and than relapsed back into meth and started the same cycle all over again and I had enough! The people who were getting him involved, I turned them all in and he got caught up again and got charged with a meth charge and got it dropped to agree to do 18 months of probation. So he agreed to that and then he decided to move to his dads in MN. Once he told me I was so hurt.. He was moving away from me.. he didn´t even cry and didn´t even show affection when he told me he was moving 8 hours away. I was crying and I left his house. Then once he moved, we were still together, but he would always ignore my calls and never told me who he was with or what he was doing.. I caught him in so many lies, like he told me he was with his dad one night then i find out he wasn´t even with his dad, and still don´t know who he was with. Anyways I begged him to move back so I could help him better his life, and so he did and then guess what.. I broke my court order by not being home and helping him, when I should of been helping myself. I was buying him hotels and food and clothes and anything he pretty much wanted. I wanted to keep him safe. So I got sent away for three weeks because I broke my court order and I was praying and crying every night hoping that he wasn´t going to cheat on me or go back to those horrible people that got him involved with drugs. I had know way of getting ahold of him, because he changed his number.. and was finding out stuff. Like he was seeing other people and that he told me to go ¨ kill myself¨ and to ¨rot in jail¨ Once I got out and came back I found out he had sex with this girl, who had a boyfriend and I guess he told her he ¨loved¨ her and that ¨she´s the one¨ and that he was only using me for my money, sex and a place to stay for the past year in a half. Then I find out he changes his number and blocks me on everything, Facebook, Instagram, my number and everything. He deleted all of our pictures together. He changed his relationship status to single. When I was away for three weeks, I found out he got a tattoo.. his first tattoo.. and I find out he was back on meth AGAIN!!! After he promised me he wanted to better his life and get a place with me!! So I´m currently placed with a foster family, because of him and (family problems) and the judge knows that he was toxic for me and knew he always convinced me to break my rules of supervision. So the judge made a deal with me, he told me if I´m perfect for three weeks and just go to school and the foster home, then he will let me move up to my Grandmother´s up in the Northen part of Wisconsin. That´s all I´ve ever wanted, just so I can get away from him. So as hard as it is, I know he is out there sleeping with girls, still doing meth, running from the police, and hiding out. I am not chasing after him anymore. Every time I did, I just got myself into trouble and was ruining my life for someone who never even loved me. I was 2 in a half weeks to go, then I can move away and better my life and try and fix up what he broke. Right now I feel devastated and so sick to my stomach, just thinking about him and what he´s doing and all the pain he put me through and all the lies he told me.. I feel so stupid for not giving up on him long ago. Now I am over $3000 dollars in dept, have a juvenile record and lost a lot of people, all because of him. HE RUINED MY LIFE!! It just hurts me so bad, that he´d rather have a girl who smokes meth and looks gross looking over someone who actually cared for him and spent over a year in a half trying to help him. I´m praying when I move that I´ll be able to move on and live my life and be successful, without him. We had a plan to live together and eventually have a family some day together and it was all one big delusional lie. This crippling pain is killing me inside. I have no idea where he´s at and have no idea what he´s doing. I have no one to help me get through this. Someone please help..

  49. E,
    It sounds like you have hung in there a long time. I think we all come to our own point of exhaustion when we are ready to. I am glad you are going to seek hapiness and focus on your children. That is really all you can do.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  50. I’m losing my marriage to a wife addicted to adderall. 9 years of hanging on, watching the cycle of abuse month after month, and her infidelity its time for me to seek happiness again. I need to focus on my 2 beautiful children cause the women I married ain’t coming back. She loves that drug , selfish for life.

  51. Yolanda,
    Thank you for sharing. It is so important that everyone here sees that there is life after living with and loving an addict. You will heal, you will find your own way–a new way and a better way. I am here to help you.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the video book trailer:

  52. Stephanie,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I want to say something that I hope you will understand is from experience and not from a bad place. You may love this person and what you are doing is straight from the heart but it is not the same for her. She has already left you—for the drug. The effort you put in is only enabling her at this point. It would be in her best interest to do this on her own two feet and be able to hit her rock bottom but there are no guarantees which way this will end. Being with an addict is the most amazing, saddest, heart-wrenching, depressing, experience.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the video book trailer:

  53. Felicia,
    I was 31 with a 5 year old daughter when I mustered up the courage to let go of my addicted husband and became a single mother. I see your struggle, I know your struggle and pain, firsthand. I wouldn’t tell you if I had not been through it myself but I have been where you are and lower. You can leave, you can move on and you will have a better life. You have to be ready to let him go and when you are, when something he does or doesn’t do pushes you to the edge, you will take the leap and eventually thank God every single day that you did.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the video book trailer:

  54. I Finally left my husband we have been together for 8yrs married only 3 yrs we have a six yr old son about the time we got married that’s when things start coming out I never would of thought of thWhat a thot In a million years By him being He would be turned out Prescription drugs It got really bad And I truly don’t want to go into details It’s a lif I will neverI tried and I do not want to go back to I’m just happy that I got My son out and me I don’t know the next step in my life and where it’s going But I know that I need to heal Everything that I had has put myself through I don’t wish that upon no woman It’s horrible experience when you take on somebody else’s life And then finally realize what you lost and you got to get your happiness yourself backAnd I asked God to heal my heart

  55. I hope you’re still replying to people. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years and she’s been abusing opiates since she was 8 because her mom was an addict. When I met her, she was popping pills but had a good job and was stable. We fell in love, mad deep love. A year and a half ago, she started lying and hiding alot from me, and I found heroin in her pocket. Since then I have kicked her out and broken up with her, just to have something awful happen to her on the streets. The most recent time she was gone for 5 days and I had to go out on the streets looking for her because I thought she was dead. Turns out she was staying at the drug house cause she couldn’t come up with rent. She cried because she thought me and my family would hate her and that we would kick her out anyways. I snuck her in and she went through withdrawals for 2 days. On the 3rd day, she said she couldn’t quit cold turkey and that she needed to wean herself off. She went to use when I was at work and she was supposed to meet me after work. Sat for 45 minutes and she never showed. I don’t know what to do at this point. Her family and friends and my family have all given up on her, and I worry for her safety if there’s no one around. Plus, I love her so much and it would tear me apart to leave her.. she’s the love of my life, and I want to be there to support her and both of us move on to a better life. I know she wants to get clean. She always cries to me and says that she wants to get better and clean, but doesn’t know how and has never lived any other way. She says it’s hard because all she has to do is go down the street and it’s right there.. what else can I do? If I let go, is there a chance at a relationship down the road? It can’t be the end of us.. our love is too strong. Does she need to do this alone? Advice is greatly appreciated, thank you so much for all your do and all you’ve helped.(:

  56. I’ve been with my husband for 7 1/2 years. We just got married last September of 2015. We have a beautiful 5 year old. My husband is addicted to heroine he dmokes it. It literally ruined our life I honestly don’t even know how it started! I met him and he was just a normal guy. He was a personal trainer had perfect credit his own place had just purchased his dream car. We fell in love fast therefore moved quickly. Although I was only 23 going on 24 and he was 29 going on 29 we decided to get our first place together. It was great! Then we found out we were expecting about the same time it was our one year of being together. Since I was young I had some credit cleaning up to do and we both wanted to save to buy a family home(we were living in an apartment-a nice one- but we wanted to build a home that we can eventually get married and have room for more babies. Luckily his mom let us move in her place (big house and only her (her husband passed away around the same time I gabe birth to our sons in). Since we didn’t have any bills. Just phones, groceries and car payments I was able to clean up my credit in 2 years and was right where he was -financially stable. No debt. Then he met a guy from work. It started off w recreational pain killers on weekends. Then I realized his credit card balances were high! Within a year he spent over 25k on cash advance from his credit cards to buy pills. I didn’t notice a difference he was functioning fine. Then I decided to move out. I got myself a nice apartment with our son. Yes it wasn’t a house but it was a place where I knew it was MINE. I was weak and let him back in my life. The FIRST month of rent he destroyed my budget and slowly everything got put on my credit cards. He was working. We had to move from my apartment to another due to a mistake he made. It was still nice but we were clearly underwater. He then told me to stop paying my cards to help save money to pay for necessities (rent food etc). I listened to him. I don’t know why but I still trusted him. Then one day he told me he weee 2 months behind rent! So we moved again to a STUDIO. I fell into a deep depression there. It was dark. I wasn’t working because I was staying home caring for our son. The place was sooo small for a family of 3. Plus it was always dark. The sun never hit. One day he told me he wasn’t doing pills anymore I ignored him but soon enough I learned his pill habit was now a heroine habit. About 2 months after we got married things went horribly. He started missing work. Staying in the bathroom hours on end. I wasn’t familiar wbthe drug so I didn’t know how he was taking it. One day I woke up and walked into the bathroom and it stunk!! He smokes it within 7-8 months I found myself sleeping with my valuables. Kicking him out. Anything to protect my son. I had no money. No car. Then his car broke down. It’s an expensive car which means expensive to fix. He wasn’t working really and so he didn’t have money to fix it. He borrowed from his mom but used the money for his habit. Finally just this past August I found an eviction notice on our door! He says he was months late on rent. So he quit his job and decided to move us back in w his mom. I thought things would be better. Our son was set to start school. I thought his mom would notice the change in him. Boy was I wrong. This can go on but to sum it up- we are living w his mom who I finally confident in her about her sons addiction and she is concerned but no help. He Has source of income so we have money coming in. I take charge of that money for our sons food clothes etc.,but it’s a struggle. He spends hundreds of dollars weekly. He has no desire to do anything. Our son is happy in school. We live in an upper middle class neighborhood and I’m so sad that I have to lie to avoid ppl over. If we have to go somewhere he tells me he needs to feel better or we can’t go. He pawned my e-ring ($7k ring for $250!!!) my new iPad for ($100) our MacBook and so much more! I haven’t told anyone. No family no friends just his mom. But she doesn’t seem to care or no what to do. I just stopped talking to her. I feel she wants me to fix it like if I know how to?! I want to leave sooo bad. But I have no car. No money. Nowhere to go. I can’t get a job because I feel like I’m a single parent. I don’t trust him to even take our son to the store. I love him sooo much. I just feel stuck. The man I fell in love w isn’t there. I threatened to leave him n he told me he’ll change. When he is on drugs which is 98% of the time he is either going crazy acting weird or mean. He falls asleep in the bathroom. Ppl have no idea what is going on. They just see us as normal. I’m living a double life by cleaning up his messes-well actually hiding it for him. I look at all my friends n their families. They all seem so happy. Have their own place to live. Cars to drive. Fathers that take time to do hobbies with their kids. I’m dying inside. I’m constantly worrying. When he runs out he begs and cries to his mom to me for money and I’m good at saying no but his mom gives in. And even though I sleep w my bank card and valuables sometimes I fall into such a deep sleep he still gets to them. I’m planning on going to a support group I just found starting Friday. I just found it tonight online. I’m hoping it will help me deal with my feelings I have. Help me move on. I can’t live like this. I’m only 31. What kills me is my son loves his school. His teacher. His friends. I don’t want to uproot him but if I have to I will. He is only in kinder so the faster I get myself together the faster I can get him
    Happy somewhere where he doesn’t see his mom crying and stressed out. Asking me why I’m so mean to “daddy”. I try not to be mean but I’m sooo angry. I’m angry because we had it all and some. Now we have nothing. I have $116 in my bank account. I made Christmas happen through a miracle! I sold some of my clothes shoes and unused makeup (I used to be able to afford nice things) but now I’m selling what I can. I’m barely staying afloat. I tried talking to him but he just nods off (falls asleep on me – I researched this drug a lot). He doesn’t think I’ll leave. He throws our vows in my face. Saying I should be there “through sickness n health). I tried. I looked into rehab places. I’ve done everything I could but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. I can’t believe my life has came to this. Never in my life would I have thought I’ll live like this. I look like a normal, healthy 31 year old girl n my son a healthy happy 5 year old. I’m crushed. we were planning on having more kids. I thought by now we would have our own home. My best friend. My love. My world isn’t here anymore. He is completely consumed by this drug. He doesn’t even see it. He sees me cry and thinks I’m just having a bad day. He really believes I’m okay w our life like this. I can’t imagine starting over. Without him. But I have to think about my son. I need to be strong for the both of us. I’m so scared to tell my family my friends. I’m scared I’ll get blamed for staying so long. I’m scared they won’t realize how broken I am since I’ve been convering for him. I don’t want to make him look bad which is why I kept it a secret besides his mom. To everyone he is such a great guy. A great father. I’m scared of everything. Most of all I’m scared of what will happen to him. I love him. I wish so bad we could go back in time. My heart is broken. I feel like I’m grieving over the loss of the man I fell in love w who I is just a shell now. 🙁

  57. John,
    Please read my other articles in this site. They will help you understand how to move on from this. Just because the addict looks better on the outside does not mean they are doing well and you need to not worry about her and start turning the concern on yourself, your health and recovery.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video trailer:

  58. Hurting and waiting for her to call, I begged her to get help because all she wanted was drug,. I was tried of the lying fighting cheating, glad she looking better but anger and resentment

  59. Sab,
    Thank you for sharing your inspirational journey. Although it is not over, you are going to continue it for you and for your daughter and that is what is important. We need to hear more stories like yours. You are on a good path and you can and will be happy and have healthier relationships, just beware of him coming back into your life because addicts have a way of pulling us back in and then all we get is more of the same. Move on and keep moving.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  60. Allie,
    You are a very strong woman and you need to be inspired by other strong women. You are not trapped because whatever he does or threatens is not your fault. You do not have to be married to him and you do not have to put up and shut up because all those things are threats that don’t actually affect you. Don’t be afraid, fear kept me with my ex-husband for 12 years and it wasn’t until I signed the divorce papers and then 6 years later my daughter’s adoption by her stepfather was complete did I know it was the best decision I ever made for myself and my child. Don’t be intimidated or bullied, you can continue to do well and this contact does not mean anything more than a temporary weakness on your part. It happens to all of us.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer:

  61. Hello, I also had been going through a rough time with my meth addict. Been together for 17 yrs and a daughter together. We had more pros than cons…..then about 3 years ago it went downhill. Meth entered our lives. I was blind, I was in love and I was being indenial. For the past 2 years I have struggled to try and work things out. I love him you know. I found baggies of crystals, cut up straws and a pipe. All different times. Never saw them all together. Also saw a small torch and tons of lighters. I asked him a few times and of course always lies “oh its my friends” “i was holding it”. I wasnt an idiot. I just wanted him to confess (even though it was a long shot). Ive never caught him smoking meth. All I knew was his behaviour drastically changed for the worst. I was accused of cheating, lying, dishonest evil and the list goes on. I was a whore, a slut and slept with everyone according to hia delusional mind. He swears he doesnt doeth but has all the symptoms (i.e. very enhanced perverted acts, heartbeat racing 1000 mph, always sweating even in the cold winter, hyperactive, super talkative, superman attitude and just always awake). He comedown was sleeping for 3 days in a row only to get up and eat. Feelings of depression, no energy and just plain mopping around like someone died. Ive cried so many nights and my heart was ripped apart into million pieces. I lost my bestfriend, my lover and the father of my child. After being emotionally and mentally abused it turned physical at the end. That was the night I packed up and left with my daughter. I will never ever let him touche like that ever again. I will not tolerate hitting. Dont know why I even tolerated the emotionally and mental abuse either. So much love for him I guess. But it all went out the window when he laid his hands on me. I didnt turn back and I am getting stronger by the day….I get a little lonely and wonder if he is ok…I think I went into a grieving process when I left. I cried for 3 nights straight. Then I woke up and brushed it all off. I need to be strong fory daughter and live happy and healthy. 17 yrs down the drain….but I will not dwell on it. Since I left, I am so much better…..I do miss him, the old him and I hope he one day wakes up from this horrible drug….its hard when he is indenial and lying of using. But I wish him the best and pray for his health and hope one day he will get better to see our daughter and be in her life again….

  62. Hi. My husband and I have been married for five years but we’ve Been living seperatly for the last year and a half due to his addiction to meth. At this time he doesn’t even know where my son (not his) and I live because I can’t trust that he’ll stay off the drug and not cause more havoc in our lives. I had him removed from our previous home with a restraining order and was prepared to walk away for good. He was emotionally mentally and verbally abusive, manipulitative, erratic, not contributing financially, stealing, lying, on runs for weeks with no contact, and most likely cheating on me. Chance after chance I gave him until I became extremely sick and crazy in the relationship not even knowing who I was anymore. I definitely lost all trust in him completely and fell out of love and decided to make the break. He became even crazier when I did this and went full blown into using. He was living on the streets in his car and on couches, harassing me at work and online, threatening suicide, threatening my life, and pulling out all the stops he could think of. I stood strong and didn’t respond to anything and just hoped and prayed that he would get picked up and go to jail so that might stop him hurting himself and everyone else. Although I’m not in love with him anymore and don’t want to be married to him I still care for him as a person and don’t want him to go through this either. I realized that all i really was to him was a crash and burn place and everyone he was with before was that too. I provided his soft safe place free of charge while any money he managed to come up with from family or wherever was spent on his love of choice. I feel so stupid that I put up with it for so long and was living like a zombie. It was a hard reality to face. The time I managed to stay away from him really opened my eyes. I went to meetings, read books learning about meth addiction and codependency and was starting to feel better deciding never to allow myself back in that again. About 6 months went by and I get a call from his family that he’s going into rehab and want to know if I’ll visit him at the facility after awhile. I said I’m not ready but maybe but not to have expectations. I really don’t want to but they keep pressuring me. I’m feeling like they want him on my hands again not theirs. Apparently he’s had issues with meth and relationships and rehab going way back which was never brought up ever. It was a big freakin secret by all. Anyway stupid me goes to see him because I’m still sick from meth roller coaster life. Big mistake. I get trapped back in again. He left rehab and is living with his mother now and not working. I have zero trust in him and don’t want to work it out. I suspect he is still using and lying and I’m just over it. I want to file divorce but he starts with the threats of suicide and doing drugs again and blames it on me. Even though we’re not living together I feel trapped and sick again. I know what craziness he’s capable of and feel the only way to keep it at bay is playing nice even though I’m very unhappy with this situation. He makes me think he will ruin my life and even die of drugs if I walk away for good and he has me where he wants me…afraid enough to put up and shut up. I feel helpless and like no one understands how hard it is to leave. Not because I don’t want to but I’m afraid for all involved if I do. Thank you for the chance to tell my story . Sorry so long but I don’t share this much with anyone for I’m embarrassed. I’ve been praying and trying to make a plan. Hopefully all will work out for everyone.

  63. Sherri,
    Do you think he is going to change? Do you think by enabling him he will take you seriously when you ask him to stop using? I think sometimes we know the answer but search for the answers we want to hear as opposed to the ones we know are the right ones.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  64. I’m in a bind and a confusing situation. My boyfriend has been relapsing with heroin and also uses meth. Now, he also does not work or even try hard enough to work besides occasionally, for a friend, but the little bit he gets, he spends on drugs. I have been with him for 6yrs and have been living in my apt. for 19yrs. I stupidly put him on the lease about 2yrs ago. Also,we are 17yrs apart, he 32, I, 49, almost 50. This makes it even more difficult to just kick him out, not only is he selfish, but maby I am a little as well, because I am afraid to live alone and love him deeply, I am also enabling him as well, even though I know it’s wrong. He is disrespectful towards me and resently has developed a 2nd personality that might have something to do with his sudden and abrupt end to a prescription drug called suboxon and Clonazpam he had been on for 13yrs. Now, maby there might be a couple of suggestions for me, if even possible.

  65. Hacienda,
    You are brave beyond words and like many of us doing the job of two parents. You will get through this and you will form a strong bond with your children. You have them and they have you and with one strong parent, you can all make it through this. It may be hard to see right now but you are so blessed to have those children. They need you and you will be strong and heal for them. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  66. Coll, I have asked myself those same questions over and over again. Have you read my book, Hope Street? You will feel like you are reading your own life story except that there is a great deal of hope for you at the end this time. You have to move on and you will. Two weeks out of rehab and a new girlfriend does not give him a new life, it just goes to show that he is either still using or he has not faced his issues. Only an addict or a mentally ill person can tune out the fact that they have a child and you have to understand that so that you don’t take this personally. This is not about you, it is his problem and I know it hurts like hell but I want you to realize that he has done you an enourmous favor by moving on. Now you can too! I promise it will hurt but I can also promise that if you go through the emotions that there is a great life on the other side of this if you are open to it.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  67. Jaime,
    I am 6 years out, remarried from a 12 year relationship with an addict and I still fear that I might get that call that the father of my daughter has overdosed. He is an addict and addict’s ignore the signs that they need help because the drugs are so powerful and the underlying issues they are escaping from are too hard to face. You cannot save him and your presence in his life is only enabling him. You are a source of money and support for him to keep using. I just pray that the ones we love will be able to rise up from the darkness they are in and get the right help to change their path in life. That is all you can do.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  68. Katie,
    He cannot make you do anything. You can cut him off from your life in every way, phone, email, facebook, and tell mutual friends that you do not want to hear about him. You can get an order of protection if you fear that he is going to be violent or jeapordize your job. You do not have to stay with him and he cannot force you to. You need to move on.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  69. Hello Amanda

    I am a single dad of 4 girls who is in the middle of a divorce with my wife. We have been separated for 2 years and ever since, it has been the best decision I’ve made for my family. We have been slowly healing and moving forward from the decisions that my wife made. She became addicted to pain pills some times in 2010 and has progressed to meth and heroin. We’ve been thru it all. Missing money from the account, evictions, lights cut off, homeless you name it, we’ve been thru it. My girls were suffering in all facets of life. My 2nd oldest would ask for a bathroom pass just to cry in the stalls. Individually, they were dying slowly inside. I’ve gave my wife numerous of chances but history would only repeat itself. I finally had to make a decision and being happy as well for my kids, was the hardest thing I had to do but the best.. Many tears from day to day. Many nights of comforting my youngest, who still cries for her mom. Many great memories of their mom, my wife, we’ve shared and teared up because of the thought of disbelief of the person who she has became. Thru the healing process, and still, being happy is a choice. I still keep in contact with my wife, soon to be ex and I will never stop loving her. Reading your article is very inspiring and one I can relate to. Bless Day Amanda

  70. I’ve just recently left my boyfriend of 6 years. He was a heroin addict also using whatever he could get his hands on when there wasn’t any heroin to use. Together for 6 years I stood by his side through 3 jail times (one for 9 months long), 8 rehabs, and multiple other things. 6 years of some wonderful memories and some not so great. Lots of lies and hurt feelings. We have a 3 year old son together. I left him a month ago finally moving out across town. In the month I left he returned to yet another rehab for 2 weeks. I just found out I was pregnant with his 2nd baby. Unfortunately we lost it. He was released from rehab a week ago. He came out of there with a brand new girlfriend and a whole new life. He doesn’t even care what we just lost. He doesn’t care we have shared 6 years together. Sadly he won’t speak to me at all, and even more sad I’m his only communication with his son and he has yet to make any effort with that either. It’s like we just vanished from his life. We don’t exist. I have so many unique answered questions. Although if I ever did get answers I would automatically assume they are just lies anyways. I really just don’t understand how you can share 6 years together, a life, a child, 1000 memories and not even blink an eye ofor sadness or regret. When will this hurt leave? When will I feel back to normal? When will I not care what him and his new girlfriendare doing? When will I be okay, and move on?

  71. I was with my boyfriend for 6 years. He became addicted to Percocets when his friend did them and he wanted to try. Unknowingly, We moved into a city that was notorious for drugs. It all went downhill from there. He then became addicted to heroin which he sniffed as far as I know. Both of his parents are addicts – father still active who he has lived with in a room for the last month and also has used in the past with. Its been years of lies and stealing money. I “broke it off” and told him I needed some space and said that if he went into long term treatment that I would stand by him and be there for him. His cousin’s father owns a shelter or some sort of program that is notoriously bad and is not the right place for him and he and his father went there when I “broke it off”. From there he went into a 5 day detox separate from his father and did phenomenal. I spoke to him once a day and was even involved with his treatment plan with a caseworker that didnt seem to care. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic who has turned into a sponsor and works in a great program who was also trying to help my boyfriend and pull some strings. After the detox was completed, he was dropped off at a CSS/holding which coincidently was down the street from my work. I met him there for admissions and told him what I had told him every single day that as long as he stayed in long term program and completed it, I would be by his side and that I loved him and I believed in him. (Side note- His family – his parents being addicts have not been the supportive or role models he needed. I have been the only person there for him in every possible way for the past 6 years) When I left him at admissions he told me he didnt want to be there and he would rather go back to his cousins fathers home. I said just stick it out a few days and my friend will have had pulled strings and got him into a great program. A few hours later, I get a call from his cell phone and knew immediately something was up. He said that someone offered him a percocet and didn’t feel comfortable and he walked out. I lost it. Of course because of his past constant lies and already knowing he didn’t want to be there, I immediately didn’t believe him. Now whether it is the truth or not, I have no idea. But in my gut, I dont think it was. I told him that I had to keep MY word and walk away in hopes that he knows I am serious that he needs to have long term treatment done in order to be successful. He said that he felt great and didn’t have any urges. I also found out when he went into the CSS that he has been using Heroin for the last year and a half and not Suboxones like he originally told me. Knowing this I didn’t think I had a choice whether to stay by his side or not. I can’t continue to live like this and I decided to walk away. It has been the hardest 3 days of my life. More tears than I have ever imagined possible. Hes back with his father and I know they are using again and not doing the right thing. It’s an emotional rollercoaster because I keep going from angry, sad, disappointed, worried. I have the worst fear of him overdosing and getting that call. I need to know that I did the right thing. EVERYONE I have in my life is saying I did and that hopefully it will save him but in the long run will save me as well. They all keep saying it is now up to him and I know that. I know an addict wont get clean unless they themselves want it. I know I did everything I could possibly do and then some but it doesnt make it any easier….I am so very lucky to have the support system I have and so heartbroken he doesn’t have it for himself. All he has is a father that encourages heroin use. I just pray every second that he will come to his senses and realize how bad he really is and get the help he needs. Hes a good man and I love him more than anything but I can’t keep living like this and enabling him and watching him kill himself and take me down.. The amount of money that I could have already saved and gotten a place with is ridiculous. Im angry about that but I understand it is a disease but I just cant keep enabling him and “helping” him because what kind of help is it when I just keep forgiving him for stealing money or lying to get money for his horrible disease and not do a damn thing about it. Right now hes all alone in this crazy world so I’m hurting for both of us and just hope hes okay….

  72. My husband of less than 1 year but only constant relationship I have ever known for 7 is a drug addict. I have struggled for the entire relationship. Just 3 weeks ago I caught him high on meth in bed with a prostitute. For 3 weeks I would not talk to him moved out, until he said he was finally getting treatment and he had reached rock bottom. I couldn’t touch him show him any affection because I keep seeing him and her naked. Last night he went on binge. I’m so angry with myself and humiliated I trusted him yet again. I just want him out of my life, problem is he doesn’t want me but doesn’t want anyone to have. The minute I try to move he threatens my job and everything I have. Emotionally I’m scared of him but I need him out. We have the best relationship when he’s not using but when he is its so bad and destructive. I have seen counsellors and I know what I have to do but he won’t allow me too. I wish he would go to jail to where I wouldn’t have to see him again.

  73. Amanda,
    Please read it and let me know your thoughts. I know you will feel understood and every word will resonate with you. Your children deserve better and even one stable parent is better than living with two parents, one of which is an addict. Please don’t give up and get the help you need to be strong enough and love yourself enough to let him go so that you can move on. He is not going to change but you can. You Can. Let me know where you live and maybe we can make that lunch happen. I am here to help!
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the video book trailer:

  74. Hi Amanda,
    I met my addict at age 18 and married him at age 19. It’s been 9 years now of living through his heroine addiction. I sadly searched google again for the 100th time seeking some kind of support. I have two little boys that deserve so much better and that’s what devastates me the most. I’m going to read your book because I have a feeling it will be very similar to my story and I could really use someone to relate to right now. I feel backed into a corner and very alone. Thank you for using your experience to reach out and help people. It’s admirable. Wish we could go to lunch. -Amanda

  75. Terry,
    Please read my book, Hope Street. I was 19 when I met my addict and I wrote the book to help you through your journey because I couldn’t find any help that resonated with me. Hope Street will resonate with you and give you a glimpse of your future while showing you that you are not alone in this situation and how you feel. You just need to reach out and make the change. He won’t change but you can and you can do something about it. You have to muster up the courage and strength and do it. There will be no right time. There will only be the time that comes when you are ready.

    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  76. Shelley,
    It sounds like this man has probably done this his whole life. I am sure his ex-wife could tell you he did the same thing to her. Maybe he was in recovery when you met but it did not last long, he did not do what he really needed to do to stay sober and appreciate life on life’s terms. He is sleeping around and that should be enough for you to leave but I know loving someone it is not as easy as it sounds. I only hope that you gather your thoughts, your emotions and then your son and your clothes and leave. He is avoiding you because he is living another life, without you and he has you there just in case he needs you. It is time to move on.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  77. Gerry,
    Thank you for sharing that. I really want to welcome you here because although a woman did this to you, you are not alone. This site is for the loved ones of addicts and that can be anyone. I am so glad to hear you say you love yourself more than you know. It is those of us who don’t love ourselves and put the addict first that stay. I always want to tell people immediately to run the other way but each person has to come to that time on their own, you can’t force it. I hope you have custody of your child and if you don’t I would highly recommend fighting for it, especially if she is a drug addict. Then I would focus on you and the child and get stronger for your child.

    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  78. I don’t understand. I am aware of his addictions and I’m sure things will never change with him. I’m only 24 yrs and I’ve already been in this relationship for 6 yrs where I’ve dealt with emotional and physical abuse that is slowly destroying the person i used to be. I believe every promise of change he makes and than I’m disappointed all over again with every relapse. I never used drugs and I don’t even drink, but his addictions have somehow become mine. I feel so lonely, I know I should walk away but I just can’t. Wish I knew how?

  79. I met this wonderful man coming out of a 29 year marriage which was hell living with a alcoholic. Anyways I met him through Facebook and we connected right away he asked if I drank coffee my response was why you don’t drink? He said no I am a recovering addict. He lived at a recovery house aka Oxford house. I was greatful he didn’t drink. Anyways we both were separated from our spouses and we just hit it off. That was almost two years ago. Today I am divorced although he haven’t even filed yet. Anyways recently he’s been home like almost the whole month of May he used to work night now we’re on day schedule however he never comes home afte work until like 12am-4am. He seems so distant. He used to text me throughout the day or call me etc this has all sudden come to a complet haunt now 4 weeks ago . Never urging seemed fine to me except the ups and downs with his attitude.!i noticed he isn’t home even on days off he does his own thing. We were never apart before. He however texted me 4 weeks go just how beautiful I am how lucky he was I am smart supportive blah blah. To complete avoiding me and never talks to me if seems me. I have tried several times to tell me what’s wrong. He finally said he’s in debt doesn’t know how we can live where we are because he can’t continue to pay bills for me and my son. Then he said he needed to get well and we needed to separate because deep inside he feels he cannot trust me either. I am shocked because he me be told me he felt like this. I snooped on iPad as he left out of town for two days and discovered he had been talking to 8 different home. Anyways I saw conversation that he had a date last Friday while it was also my day off but he told me didn’t want to waste his last day off . So he said going kayaking but when he didn’t take kyak I called him and said he forgot something.! He lied to me said oh he was going to rent one etc. long story short I went into iPad and found him and her chatting away and they had sex. She told him she thought they coos be friends but not romantically that it wasent what she wanted and would have rather of waited but he was purse adobe . He said he was sorry for being disrespectful and understood. However he never told her about me except I was a room ante. When I confronted him on this as he came home after two days gone 7/25 am and he never said a word to me I then couldn’t hold back and he again lies to me . Thing is I live himl so much and know this isn’t the person o fell in love with and his addiction is testing is apart . Got home from work tonight Oly to see he left before I got home. Why has he been avoiding me for s month is this because he wants us to end! I know we are s good couple but being high makes me hate him he’s a Che k whe hi vey distant etc, I need your help. Why and how could he of done this to me ? What do o do ?

  80. Seems like everyone has had there Husband be the one who had ruined a relationship. My story is a little bit different. I was together with a the mother of my 9 month old now. We both lived together never married, but lived a very Happy good life. So I thought until one day something hit me and I realized that my fiance was addicted to drugs. I decided to cold turkey everything alcohol and drugs in general. It seems like an evil force took over my ex and she would not snap out of it. They always say an addict acts like an unfaithful person which I agree. Always hiding to find there next high. In her case after our son was born, she started smoking her weed. Then it went to wanting to use cocaine. Then the cocaine thing went from being used on our nights out as a couple then to every weekend, then to almost every other night. I did not know how to stop her. She would hide it from me and would tell me lies. Until one day I was pumping gas and and I noticed her vehicle so I followed her and she had drove all the way from home while I was at work to purchase her drugs, and had direct contact with the drug dealers now. It went down hill from there. I started getting accused of being a physco and crazy and that I did not know how to live life. I did everything to catch her in her lies my energy was almost all focused in trying to find something to confront her, then once I found something she would lie straight to my face. and believed it. Here is where my story takes a crazy spin, after about 3 months of putting up with her being like that, she started getting distant in her mind she was already separating from me. She kept telling me she was not Happy anymore and that we should probably go out separate ways. I kept trying to fight for her and my son, until one day she started showing up late from work different schedules and would always get mad that I would ask questions. So i decided to go talk to her mom and let her know her daughter and I were having a lot of problems and that she was using drugs again. She looked at me and asked me if she was on Heroin? My world started going spiraling down, I could not believe she had that nasty habit before I had met her. Iearned alot of things about a woman who was raised in the drugs scene. I asked God to help me realize what I have gotten myself into. Later that week we went to renew her DL she had outstanding warrants and on of them I came to find out it was for solicitation. I have like WTH is going on right now. This worst part about it is that we work together so even after leaving 2 weeks ago I told her we were done, She thought I was joking since I have never made a decision like this and so emotionally. But in my heart I was exhausted. Came to find out she has been having an affair with someone at work and blames everything that I am the one who left her. I have understood many things about this life and I am only 23 years old having to look at her where I work and the guy she is still having an affair with every day is almost like self torture. But I know that it will help me grow into a stronger man. I will continue until I can physically and mentally cannot do it anymore. She has become a monster she doesn’t know it yet, my advice is run while you still can do not let your kids or finances scare you because tomorrow is not promised and if you get caught up in an addicts world you will suffer while they run around enjoying there highs and not sober. A sober life is hard to live especially when coming out of a situation like mine. She would always talk down to me because I did not love myself but leaving everything behind including her and getting high all the time I have realized that I love myself more than I know.

  81. Heather,
    Please read Hope Street and click on my name in this article to read the other 35+ articles I have written here. YOu will understand that I know where you are coming from and all of this is completely normal. One of my most recent articles is all about the stages of loss, what you are experiencing is one of them. Addicts break you down, blame you, use you, abuse you, and after years of this, you start to believe you are not good enough, when the truth is they are not good enough. They had to treat you that way to justify their own sick behavior. Don’t believe any of it, you can and will do and be better, you just need time, people who understand and distance.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  82. Bre,
    You said it right there, you have a dark past. This relationship and situation is familiar to you, it is comfortable and maybe in some way it entices you because deep down you want to fix him in an effort to fix something that you can’t in your past. We tend to go to what we know and I know because I did the exact same thing. I chose the addict partner because chaos and drama were all I was raised in. The key is to work on you and build yourself up and learn your issues and work on them so that you become a healthy person and then you will attract a good man. They are out there, I know, I married one the second time.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  83. Hi All,
    I am codependent and I have finally decided that I MATTER. I recently gathered the courage to end my relationship with my boyfriend who is addicted to crack. During the 2 years we were together he lied and manipulated to get over $15,000 from me for crack, he lived for free with me never paying rent like promised, he denies ever cheating but I saw that he sexted girls, emailed escorts on craigslist, even had a gay hookup profile on a gay sex website which I saw chat history that he met up with men – although he states hes not bi or gay and only smoked crack with them, he stole from my household and children and pawned things for drugs, he smashed my phone when he was in drug induced psychosis, and the most recent hurtful thing he did was he joined POF two days after we broke up…. the list of horrors he has done goes on and on.
    I am struggling with feelings of regret, fear, and loneliness now. I want to run back to him and say I changed my mind which I know is so pathetic of me. I am consumed with thoughts of him and I feel like its almost obsessive how I read and re-read the texts we have sent each other the since I kicked him out. I feel unlovable, unattractive, stupid and heartbroken. What is wrong with me that I still love him??? What is wrong with me that I cant stop texting him even saying I wanted to still have sex with him??? Does everyone go through a period of regret when they finally try to move on?

  84. Hi- I just walked away from the love of my life. He was clean for 4 years then we ran into financial trouble and he was using meth in order to keep up at work which ended up in a decline in his health and eventually the ending of our 5 year relationship. We were supposed to be married in 3 weeks. And he won’t choose rehab and he blames me and his parents for not helping him even though we gave him everything. After 4 years of sobriety in one year he is gone. I crave him like he craves the drugs. I want to keep him and never let go. But the meth will kill him. I miss him dearly, and I’m not sure how to move on nevertheless learn to love again. I have a dark past including abuse which is hard to find anyone who won’t use you, or lie, or cheat. Its hard to find a decent person. What’s the point. Its only been 4 days but it feels like an eternity. I’ve been trying to to get into the mindset of just being with him in spite of his addiction and live in a fantasy world with him instead of reality. How do you move on from the heart especially of being alone?

  85. Asmaa,
    Do not believe a word he is telling you. He has to stop, he has to want to and he needs long term rehabilitation. I have heard this 1000X and an addict will say whatever you want to hear so they don’t have to really stop. They lie through their teeth and I think it is in your best interest to gain your independence. If things were not good before and are awful now, why do you continue to stay? You need to start asking yourself these questions.
    Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  86. I have this problem my husband has been a heroin addict for a year now, and I really don’t know if he wanna quit heroin or no. Every time he says he wanna but he can’t . for me I got mix feeling, sometimes I feel I can’t leave him in this situation and other time I feel I can’t deal with that anymore. He is crazy about money and he doesn’t wanna go to rehab, his mum wanna send him to rehab by force. I stuck in the middle I don’t know what to do. Before he start his addiction our relationship wasn’t good but his addiction make the situation worse. he has never spend money on me even before his addiction and he has never helped me in any hard situation. He always cry and tell me I will make everything to make you happy but I feel it is just words. I feel am torn. Now he just start a new job today and still using heroin. I don’t know if he can make it or no,I told him you can’t work while you are using heroine and you have to go to rehab. But he said going to rehab isn’t a solution for me and he needs to go back to work to forget heroin. I don’t know if he is right or no?

  87. Adriana,
    He is not choosing anything over you, drugs at this point are no longer a choice for him, they are a way of life. He has a secret life from you, drugs, other women, pornography that he hides from you. This is very common with addicts but it doesn’t hurt any less. I wish you would pick up my book Hope Street, I was in the position that you were in exactly and I want you to read it so that you can see what might be in store for you if you stayed with him. Leaving is hard but you get over it and move on to better things, staying is a lot harder.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  88. Hi Amanda. I’m not sure if you’re still responding to replies here, but it’s worth a shot. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. I have recently discovered (last night, actually) that he is a drug addict. Pot, codeine, Xanax, and who knows what else. I also found out that he has cheated on me. He has cheated in the past, but I found out he is still doing it. I feel like such an idiot for not realizing sooner. He used to have a pornography/sex addiction, and received counseling for that. However it seems he has replaced that with drugs. I found videos on his phone of him smoking pot out of bongs and of him using vaporizers after I told him I didn’t want him to. My family tells me it’ll be okay because I am still young and because we never married or had children. I feel like I have lost a huge part of me, and I am really worried for his well being. He has been in trouble with the law before, and may end up either in jail or dead. He looks like an empty shell of the person I thought he was. I am so upset and heartbroken at the loss of my best friend. This seems more like a death to me, and it hurts in a way I never thought possible, him choosing drugs over me.

  89. Emma and VJ,
    Your situation is not as bad as it seems. Your depression anger and fear are situational. When you let someone else dictate how you feel, this is co addiction. The key is to work on you and set up your own recovery so that you can become emotionally sound and heal from all of the drama that has been caused in your life. Don’t close people out, open up to people and you will be surprised how much support you will get. When you have children this can be more difficult but it can be done. Please pick up poop Street, my memoir so that you can see that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. There is hope for you and that is why I told my story and that is why I write these articles and speak to women and men going through this. Do not give up, do not give in, but make plans for how are you going to get through this and I promise you it will happen, give yourself some time some love and some self-care and stop worrying about him and put yourself first.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  90. Hi all! Thanks for starting this feed! It really helps to know Im not the only one to go through this. Same story, different guy. Stayed by his side for 3 years and he had a bad heroin addiction. I found him to be handsome and we fell in love. Or I fell in love. I was naive and didnt really know about heroin or anyone that used it. It seemed like he really loved me and we had a lot of good times but within a couple months in… Disappointment became a regular feeling. He would be ‘sick’ all the time and cancel plans, never took me out, never had money. Never worked a day the entire time I knew him. Then I started getting suspicious… The cheating/women and he stole from me… were too many to count. Ive had so much hurt and pain from him it makes me sick inside. We are finally over for good but the pain is still fresh. I feel so bad about it but reading these posts helps. Last week was our final end and Ive never had lower self esteem in my life, i actually considered ending my own life to get rid of the constant pain. Luckily I could never go through with such things but thats how low I felt. I have a new job and tons of great family and friends.. Im successful and beautiful and most would say my life is perfect. Its sad I let an addict bring me down to nothing when I have so much good. Im so glad its over, time to move on and live my happy life once again.

  91. My partner has a cocaine addiction he has been using it everyday for the past 3 years and this last year it’s got worse I have 3 kids with him one 10 one 8 and a 10 weeks old baby I feel so alone he helps with nothing around the house or has no interest in the kids I have asked him to go and sort his problems but keeps telling me no shout my mouth . The pain in going through every day is sending me crazy I want to leave but me and the children have no where to go. Is there anyone I can ask for help I don’t want to go doctors or tell my mid wife cos I don’t want social services involved because I hope he will change he works every day then drinks beer and uses cocaine he don’t come home till early house off the morning I’m just at the end now I have asked him to leave but he won’t . I would rather be on my own and happy then living how we are but we both own this house and he says he will live his life and stay on the sofa . I wish I could leave him but it’s hard .

  92. Sue,
    This is not going to be easy and sound harsh but I did that same dance for 12 years to no avail.
    YOU get up and walk away and DON’T look back for your children. You sort out the pieces of your life with them and for them and then your happiness will follow. He is not the same man anymore, he is an addict, a very different person from the man you knew so there is no point in trying to change someone because he has to want to change and he won’t do that with words, you would see actions. It sounds like he is past the point of making rational decisions but that is not your cross to bare. Please pick up my book Hope Street if you can and/or keep reading the other articles I have here to help you start this process. You have to take the emotional steps now to heal you and your family. It is a long road but you have to be okay, even if he is not.

    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  93. My husband of 20 years is an alcoholic and drug addict. I have been through hell and back several times for several years. I need to find a way to just move on and not try to fix him anymore, because I can’t. I am so sad and depressed with my life and I can’t believe that this is my life. I noticed he was acting strange after our second daughter was born and then he finally came clean that he was addicted to oxys. He was beaten up by his drug dealer, so he had to come clean. I got him clean and sober and told him that if he put us through this again the marriage would be over. It was fine for a while and everything started again, but this time it was worse then ever. I had him removed by the police January 2012 and had a restraining order on him for 18 months. I thought maybe now he would get the help he needed to get better and we could be a happy family once again. He begged and cried to come home I told him he had to go to rehab and we would talk then. While he was out of the house for those 18 months I worked my butt off to get the finances back on track, keep the kids feeling happy and as normal as possible. There was peace finally. I was able to really enjoy my children and we felt so much better and at ease. We didn’t have to hide our money, our jewellery and other things that he had pawned off for drug money. He stole whatever he could from me and the kids. He even took our granite counter top and sold it for drug money while I was in the hospital. A part of me was done with all of this and I felt so good. Then everyone started reaching out wanting me to give him another chance and to help him get better so I decided to give it a go. He had convinced his whole family that he wanted to be back with me and the children and oh how he loved us so much. He would do whatever it would take. He ended up in jail several times and the last time he did I bailed him out…big mistake on my part. I found out he was in a relationship with a crack whore which he denied left, right, and centre. He called her an acquaintance. She told me they were sleeping together, he told me she was lying because she wanted me out of the picture. I didn’t know what to believe and I was so hurt. I tried ending the marriage several times and he convinced me not too. He told me I shouldn’t be jealous of her because she meant nothing to him and if I only saw how ugly she was and what a tramp she was, I guess this was suppose to all make me feel better somehow. January of 2015 he moved back into the house and once again everything he had promised the children and me was a lie. He would leave for weeks on end with nobody knowing where he was. He was completely out of control. Never went to rehab as promised and the verbal abuse towards us all got more and more disgusting and so hurtful. I threw him out again and the kids and I went on a much needed trip for a month and when we got back, I would not take his calls, I wouldn’t give him the time of day. I was terrified of being hurt all over again. We would come home from shopping or wherever and he would be here waiting for us. He managed to get himself back in to the home once again convincing us he loved us and wanted to be a family again. He missed us so much, he would go to rehab etc…Let him back in the end of Oct and he made that call to get himself into rehab. Now the last 8 months he has been in and out of the hospital needing blood transfusions and the beginning of Dec he was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis. He was told if he continued to drink he would die pretty quick. I got rehab all set up. We went had his assessment done, he liked the place, the counsellor, everything was good. I told him I was very proud of him because that was a big step for him. So everything was suppose to take place in Jan 2016, a new beginning finally. I got a bed reserved for him at a detox centre and then all hell broke loose! Instead of going to detox he went in the opposite direction, met up with the crack whore Joanne once again and he is out of control and doesn’t even care. When he came back in October he kept asking me for a large sum of money, telling me he wanted to give his mother money that he had taken from her over the last 4 years. He asked if there was anyway we could get 50 thousand dollars out of our house. I told him where to go and if that’s why he came around to go away because I was not going to give him one red cent. For more than 5 years this guy has bled me dry. I have not received one mortgage payment from him, not any child support, and not one bill has he paid. He left me financially ruined, thank god I have a good practice and I was able to get us out of the hole with a lot of hard work. I know there are drug dealers looking for him. How much money is owed to them I have no clue. I am devastated, and feel so betrayed and used. I told his sister earlier on I feel so unloved by her brother and my children feel so unloved by their dad. I don’t understand how a man can walk away from his children and not feel anything. There is a lot of anger towards me because I guess he can’t fool me again when it comes to the finances. When he found out that I renewed the mortgage without him he called me a F%^%EN C@#T. My husband would have never called me that before or even used that C word ever. I don’t know this man anymore. When I look into his eyes there is nothing but black, no warmth like before. No heart like before. It’s scary and so sad at the same time. I’m waiting for that phone call too where they tell me he is dead! I don’t know what to do anymore other than walk away, but I don’t know how to walk away!

  94. Clare,
    I appreciate that. There is no need to thank me, I swore that I would use my experience to help others and lessen their pain if I could and that is all I want to do. If I have helped in any way, then I am grateful. Thank you and I hope you keep me posted.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  95. Thank-you for your reply. I will buy your book as I think it will help immensely. I also think that you are an amazing woman to go through everything and to help so many people who have been through the same or similar. Thank you so much. Xxxxx

  96. Clare,
    Part of your healing is letting the obsession go with him. I know, I have been there. Have you read Hope Street? That will go away if you do the work and with time and distance. The more you have no contact with him the easier this gets. Keep strong. You are almost there. Love and Light.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  97. Thank-you so much for your kind words. I know that the kids and myself are in a better place. I have dreams about locking doors a lot, and it still feels strange having money. I’ve feel like I’ve climbed mountains buying things that we so needed for the house and children. It’s shocked me. It’s the first Xmas that everything is paid for. I’ve got counselling soon and for my oldest one.You can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, as opposed to being on a sinking ship. My ex stole the rent and I feared for the roof over our heads. That was the last straw. My dad stole everything in the house. And I mean everything carpets curtains, beds . Even my little sisters pet animal , toys and clothes. My mum left for a few days and he stripped the house clean with his friends and a van. My point is that the longer you stay , it tends to get worse not better. There is another life out there. It takes time but its possible. Ultimately it is your choice if you stay. It’s a rough ride. The hard part for me is to stop obsessing over my ex and move on in that way. But hopefully he will hurt enough to make the changes that he needs to. Be strong , love and prayers. Xxx

  98. Clare,
    Thank you for sharing your experience here. I am so sorry for all the losses in your life but you are wise to leave. You know that leaving him is your only chance and maybe his. That kind of realization comes with a lot of time living with an addict and with years of helping them to no avail. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children. I too, have a daughter with an addict and I know the chances increase but also know that one stable parent who loves them is enough. I pray you heal from this.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  99. I found out my father was a heroin addict when I was 17. By the time I was 21 he was dead. It’s so painful to lose someone to addiction. 22 years old and I had a nervous breakdown. Forward to 23 and I meet my now ex. Former addict. Well now I’m 37 , two kids with this man and I had to leave. 2 major relapses, crack and god knows what else. It broke my heart to leave but I had to. Children of addicts, which was me. They are at high risk of becoming addicts themselves, or dating addicts . which I did. White knight syndrome. So sad I guess it human nature to want to help. Which makes you stay. But to help sometimes you have to leave. That’s why it’s so hard I guess, cos you feel you are abandoning them. My mum left my dad but he was too far gone. I can only hope my ex makes it. God bless everyone affected by addiction. It’s so hard. I thought I could save my ex cos I couldn’t save my dad. Xxxxx RIP.

  100. Kate,
    As you see here, you are not alone. Many of us love addicts and struggle with the ups and downs of their addiction. It is a painful and sad life and moving on can be so difficult. I think he was saving you from himself by leaving. I think you know it was the best thing for you because watching a loved one destroy themselves and decline like that is a feeling that is indescribable. You will be okay. Thank you for sharing with us. My thoughts are with you.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  101. Petra,
    You don’t have to relocate. You can ask him to go so that you don’t have to do that all over again. But you left him once before and you can do it again. You tried and now you have come to a point where you realize that living with an addict is like not living at all or better yet, like living in hell. I know the feeling. You are correct, you need to focus on you and your children. The energy you spend dealing with him leaves you and your children with nothing. You are consumed by his problems. You are making the best decision and I hope this time you move on and do not worry about his addiction or recovery. Either outcome, you will be okay. You can do this!

    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  102. Christi,
    If he is only going to go into recovery if he gets back together with you that should tell you he is not ready and just appeasing you. He should be doing it because his life is unmanageable and because he has hit rock bottom and can no longer go on this way. An addict really needs in-patient care and a detox and it sounds like he is on something else even though he is seeing a counselor. I have a great deal of experience with addiction and I know that intense care and recovery with a dual diagnosis is a really comprehensive way to be in recovery. If he has been struggling for this long, unless he gets to the source of the problem; undiagnosed mental issues, psychic scars, self-medicating, he will struggle every day for the rest of his life. Enabling him will not help but you can tell him that you care and love him and that regardless of if you work things out, he needs help. You will support him in his recovery, when HE is ready. In the meantime, you need to take care of yourself and allow his addiction to play out the way it will. Try therapy, al-anon, reading about co-addiction here, speaking with supportive family and friends and moving on with your own life. These things will help you put the focus on your own recovery in the event that he does not recover.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  103. My ex is a heroin addict. He has been struggling for nearly 10 years. We met 3 years ago, a few months after he was released from prison. He was so full of life. It was refreshing. He had been clean for 3 years (thanks to prison) but finally had a chance to experience life clean. He is so charming. He has a beautiful soul. I saw such potential in him. We were together for 8 months. We were seemingly head over heels for eachother. Until he ended the relationship, blindsiding me. A year and a half had passed. We were both in relationships with other people but we’re never able to close the door and spoke more often than we should have. We decided to give us another try (unbeknownst to me he had been using for about 4 months). Of course I figured it out very quickly. I only mentioned it once before he told me the truth and told me that he needed help. He tried on his own but failed and a couple weeks later, he overdosed. He did survive by the grace of god but used the first day he was discharged. He checked himself into detox and spent 10 days there. It has been almost 3 months now that he’s been clean. But instead of going to meetings and councling, he has been drinking. Alot, everyday, all day, for the past month. Which was causing arguments but for the most part our communication has been great. We had a heated discussion last Wednesday and he left on Thursday. Just up and left. The state and everything. Without a goodbye, without telling anyone. I haven’t talked to him since. He has been in minimal contact with family and friends. The last words he said to me was “I love you”. I’m worried about him but I’m relieved at the same time. He’s the love of my life. But I know we are both better off. Doesn’t make it any less painful. I can only hope that he is somewhere getting better. I try not to think about other possibilities. I feel for everyone who loves someone who is struggling with this relentless demon that we call addiction.

  104. My husband is a painkiller addict. When i was pregnat with our son, he was never around. After we had him he came around for about a month but then just left again. I was so fed up by the time our son was 4 months i left new jersey and moved to florida where i was raised. I also have a daughter by my ex. It took me time to gain everything again, a job, apartment, money for sitter to look after my kids but i did it. By the time our son was a year old my husband finally went to rehab in nj. After he got out he called me and said he was clean and wants to start over. He came to florida the very same week, the next week we got married and we were pretty happy. Not for long:-( he started again, then he quit and again. Its never ending. I am waiting for the holidays to be over and again i got to move away, do all that again. He doesent care at this point, he is numb, he has no morals and feelings. All i know is that this is it. I cant be living this life anymore. I cant worry about him and his addiction anymore. I got to worry about my children and myself. But ots scary to leave everything i got and move again with my kids.

  105. It is like reading about my own life when reviewing these posts. I have been with my husband for 25 years, since I was 16. I truly love him and I know that he loves me and our 2 children. But for almost 13 years now he has struggled with one addiction or another. It started with alcohol, which over time led to 2 DUIs. Then he became addicted to opiates a few years ago. He got help by being prescribed suboxones. Then the drinking began and stopped again. Several months ago I knew he was doing something different because of his appearance and behavior changes. Eight weeks ago I finally caught him with a baggy of meth. I kicked him out that day. During his time away he has laid out of work more than he has ever done, has not helped us out financially, moved around sleeping wherever he can, even had to go to the hospital to have abscesses on his arms drained. But now he wants to go to counseling and get addiction help, but ONLY if I agree to work things out with him. He is sleeping in his shop behind our home because I would rather know he is there than with another druggy somewhere. He has met with a drug counselor. He is also working again. But I know he is still on something that is making him super drowsy all the time when I see him. Is he only back because I’m enabling him or should I give his addiction counseling another chance?

  106. Jess,
    Sometimes it is cathartic to write how you are feeling down and share it. You are deeply in love with an addict and that in itself can be an addiction. I hope you soon see that living with an addict is a difficult life but at this juncture it sounds like you are not ready to make a change and leave. Please read the other articles here so you can at least arm yourself with knowledge of what may be in store for you. Feeling empty is only the beginning. Please pick up my book, Hope Street, it is my story of living a life with an addict, he was the father of my child and my husband. It will give you hope.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  107. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. It was a whirlwind romance and I moved in after a week. We met and live in China. He is from Africa and I am from USA. I am 27 years old. I gave birth to a stillborn baby 5 weeks ago at 5 months pregnant. It was my first baby and since then his drug use has gotten out of control. After giving birth I was in the hospital for a week with infection and I lost my job. We have planned to get married and leave China together next year for his country. He always says the drug is not common in his country and that he would not be able to use it there. He started it when he came abroad 5 years ago. When I met him I did not know about his problem but we are young and used to party alot so I thought he only used the drug when we were out. I was so wrong. This is my first relationship and I am deeply in love. I have not told anyone the truth back home. I gave birth here in China after visiting my country for three weeks. I planned to go back home before my due date. I have not had support from friends and family during these difficult times as we are so far away. I also dont think they will be able to support me in the way I need. I know I should leave but I feel this is my soulmate. I feel so empty.

  108. Amelia,
    You have given it your all and been there even when you probably shouldn’t so what else can you do? Nothing, you have to let him go for your own good and his. He has to take his own path and worry about himself and it may be sad but by staying you are enabling him and saying it is okay to use and be with you. You have to worry about you now. Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  109. Sandy,
    I would be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt and is painful. If he is drinking there is probably a lot more you don’t know and you made the right decision. Why does it feel so wrong then? Because you are used to the drama which can make feelings so much more intense. You don’t know what a healthy relationship even looks like but you deserve to. Keep going to therapy and go out and do things you love until they take your mind off things. If you don’t, you could live your life with more of the same.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  110. sara,
    Yes, click on my name at the top or bottom of this article and my 25+ articles will come up. There is also a link to my book, Hope Street, a memoir of my life with an addict. sara, you may feel loss but what did you really lose? Was he enhancing you or your daughter’s life or making it a living hell? Did you feel insane most of the time, questioning yourself? You do not want someone that needs to get high to live and I highly doubt his new partner is a great choice based on love, more likely just a person to use with. You don’t want any part of this, I assure you, you just need time and distance to heal.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  111. Sara,
    I am sorry for your experience but I know the peace that comes when you are away from the situation. Although my ex-husband is not dead, he is long gone and I have no clue as to his whereabouts, and I was able to move on and remarry and have an even bigger family. So yes, I know that leaving is tough but it is the best decision most of us will make. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  112. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. We have lived together since 2012 where his heroin addiction then started. I went through the addiction rollar coaster with him. Losing homes, cars, jobs, school, in rehab, out of rehab -everything. Eventually, he stayed for a while, and came home. We followed therapists advice, and lived apart. A few months later, I let him come home. Fifteen months went fine, and this week, he relapsed. I knew it could happen, I honestly expected to sooner. What now? I’m finally seeing the light, that he’ll most likely never be clean forever. How do I end my relationship without making him feel worse, or even suicidal? I don’t know where he’d go, but I know it isn’t my problem.. Help?

  113. Countless relapses this last time he ended up in the psych ward for hallucinations I miss yso much and I can’t eat or sleep or think of anything else.he texted me wants to see how I’m doing in the last month and told me he was thinking about me. I never got in the way of his recovery he says he needs to do let me go .I thought you weren’t supposed to make major decisions in the first year I think he’s probably seeing somebody. I gave yrs helping him and he just walks away like nothing we were supposed to be married. Therapist told him it was for the best. I don’t even know if he is seeing a therapist. I moved out of state last year to give him time to work on his recovery and myself time to heal he would visit me a lot .last time he came to visit and he came drunk. His daughter was arrested for heroin and is in rehab now but he says that his therapist thinks is best if I was out of his life I don’t get it. I should be relieved right? but it’s affected me so much I can’t even function.i’m going to therapy and on meds just to function. He’s trying to befriend me on Facebook

  114. Hi my boyfriend just left me after 8 yrs. He says he needs till work on himself and he’s doing it for me. He’s been a addict since age 14

  115. Thank you so much!!! I have been researching for days and your article hit the spot. :). You are so right – and I lit up when I realized what you said about laughter crowding out sad thoughts. I can do this.

  116. Amanda.. do u have more articles?
    I had thought I met the love of my life and soul mate. It was like feeling so complete when we got together. He was sober at the time. We had a wonderful year and half of him sober. He treated myself and my daughter amazing. She called him dad. It was a very complete family. A series of events happened and things started spiralling out for control. I found out he was using, he was treating me different, he moved up to his families. He told me he was getting help and getting better. He would come around and things where still not right. I caught him doing heroine one day.. it’s a sight I couldn’t forget. I was angry and mad and he acted like it was nothing. Like he did nothing wrong. From there it got worst and worse. He was always mad at me. Never had time for us.. would ask and demand Monday.. and or was sick. Than the day came he told me he loved me enough to let me go. That he couldn’t put me through it anymore that he needed to figure his stuff out. 2 weeks post that he called to let me know he met someone that got him.. someone that would do the drugs along side him. I was angry and pissed and very hurt. I unleashed on him. Telling him how I felt. I won’t up one day and he started in on me over text. I finally responded with.. do what you want. You have no respect for me. I’m done. You made me to where I don’t care anymore so I can’t care. I’m moving on, life goes on…

  117. I left a comment last year in August. At that time I was in the midst of a divorce with my two young children. I wanted to share an update for those who struggle on what to do. Please leave them and eventually you will move on. I had left and taken him back countless times. So I get it. But this time I knew it was for good. He begged and pleaded with me. Said he was sober and said he was changed. I told him at that point no I was never taking him back. I didn’t believe him or trust him. I told him I hoped he was sober so he could safely be part of his children’s lives. Then one evening I got the call I had feared for years. He had died (in his 30s). So there I was in the middle of a divorce and then instantly it was over and I am now a widow. I had to wait 2 months to get the results even though I knew what killed him… I had to plan a funeral for a man I had struggled to save for years. I had to sit down and tell our 4 year old of his passing. Our infant at the time won’t ever know him. In fact I don’t even have a picture of them together. Drugs are scary and forever change a person. It’s now been 1.5 years since I left him (I was pregnant at the time). Drugs are scary and dangerous. I am thankful I wasn’t the one who had to find him. If you think at all or fear finding your spouse like that then figure out a way to leave. I would love to chat with someone else who has had this same experience but I haven’t. It’s such a roller coaster ride. However while I struggle with this I really am a lot happier than I have ever been. No more worrying. No more fear of that phone call. I never worry about the kids and what could happen. Hugs to all who are going through this!

  118. SB,
    Make a plan. How can you leave or let go or gain back some control over your life? You cannot be responsible for what happens to him if he is left to his drunk buddies. Find a local support group, therapy or people in your area that are dealing with the same issues. You may not have family but you can find support. You do not have to achieve freedom overnight but as long as you are working towards a goal you will find hope and in hope is your path to living a happy life.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  119. Christy,
    You made the right choice. You should stick to your boundaries and move on but that is easier said than done, I know, it took me 12 years to leave. But it does get better when you stop worrying about what they are doing and focus on you and your children. You deserve to be happy and your children deserve a normal life. I would recommend family counseling for all of you to help you deal with what has gone on. I also believe that spending time together doing things that once made you happy will help in the healing process. Al-anon and Alateen are great resources for all of you. Please keep up your hope, things get better with time, persistence and doing the work.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  120. Been living with him for 20+ years and dealing with his addiction for just as long. Only difference is he chose alcohol now over drugs. I don’t he has ever really sobered up. He was always an addict, just the type changed. Now I have three kids who are in the right sense to not like the way he is. We are also in a 3rd world country. I know if I leave he will be eaten alive by his drunk friends or he will fall so deep in depression that he won’t come out, but he is driving me crazy also. I don’t have friends or family I can turn to. stuck, sad, lonely, tired, angry, … what to do?

  121. My husband and I have been together 17 years. I just decided to kick him out. He is vary mentality abisave to me and my 17 year old son only if he tried to hit me. My daughter he just ignores and my other son who tribes for him to change he is so much me and can’t let go and in the bad guy my sister came to stay with me through this time to give me support to be done with this life my son c 14 is even mad at her. I’m tying to let him spend time with his dad at his grandmas under her supervision before he gose back to prison again she also supports me ending this toxic relationship. Right now I just feel lost and wants to pick up the phone and call him home but I know it’s just going to get worse. One min I feel strong and know there has got to be a light somewhere.and other times I feel weak and cry. I’m scard and confused. But my soul tells me it’s right to stick to my gun while my heart is torn is half.

  122. Nicole,
    Please click on my name Amanda Andruzzi at the top of this page, I have written about 30 articles on the subject. I was left a single mother because my 12 year relationship with my husband ended because of his drug use so I know exactly what you are going through. I left with nothing but the debt he put us in but I made it through and so can you. If you can, please pick up Hope Street, it is my memoir of my life with an addict. I wrote it to help others feel understood and to give them hope.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer: andruzzi/video/

  123. Where can I find more articles. I feel I’m in the same situation I’m 23 years old I’m a single mom leaving my sons dad who is a Heroin user. I’ve been emotional wrecked and I feel so weak I feel so bad leaving him in a cold world. He’s very suicidal I’ve tried everything to help him. He’s put drugs before is multiple times. Ifrom him stealing money to me having to leave my state and loose everything I’ve worked so hard for just go down the drain. I’m having a hard time letting go! I’m trying to find help and counseling and reaching out to church’s i don’t have insurance I need some very good therapy and life lessons. I’m so young and I’m so hurt he can’t even call to see how he’s son is or my son won’t know his father. I would love to find more articles

  124. Anj Mayberry,
    Thank you for reaching out. You can click on my name in this article, Amanda Andruzzi, and 30 or so articles will come up. These are free resources for you to help you. In regards to the book. on Amazon, the kindle version, which you can download on any computer or device is like $4. I think that is your best bet if you would like to read it. I hope this helps.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  125. Marco,
    Thank you for sharing. Unfortunately your staying won’t help him beat this. You will learn in time that you cannot fix, heal or bring an addict to recovery. They will do this on their own and usually they destroy the lives of those around them in the process. I suggest starting to understand more about addiction and learn about co-addiction. We do a lot to help an addict stay straight and in the end we just further their addiction. This cycle of co-addiction is not healthy for you and quite frankly for him. I would continue to read the other articles I have written here, 30+ resources are at your fingertips. Hope Street is my memoir of living with an addict and it may help you connect with all of the feelings you are having as well as give you a glimpse of what might be in store for you both and finally to give you some hope. There is hope at the end of all this. I am living proof.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  126. Bonnie,
    You move on. You have to, there is no choice when someone does not give you one. There is hope and there is a chance for you to be happy and allow him to deal with his addiction on his own terms. If he is ever to recover, it will be something he does on his own, so what you did by the intervention was a good thing. You gave him the chance to stop hiding and make a choice. This is all very painful, I know firsthand, I was married to an addict and we had a child. There is hope for you, that is why I dedicate my time to writing articles, to blogging on this site and to writing my book, which I wrote to help other people going through this. Hope Street, is my memoir of my life with an addict and how I was able to move on. It is real, very raw and the most honest account of the insanity I endured. It is important to get help so that you can deal with this. A support group, reading, and anything that will help you focus on yourself. There is hope, I promise you that.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict
    View the Video BOOK Trailer:

  127. Amanda, don’t know how to email you, but I’m interested in a copy of your book and cannot afford it, my email address is maybe you could contact me. Thank you for your time.

  128. My name is Marco, I live in California with my partner, we have been together for almost 6 months, few months ago I started notice some changes in his behavior, he started to become easy irritated for the smallest things, I start thinking that maybe he didn’t want be with me anymore or maybe because we were spending too much time together, because he went to disability almost 6 month ago due a knee surgery and I am full time student so I spend most of time at the house, well two days ago I found out he was consuming cocaine frequently I don’t know yet how much he has has been abusing of this. He is admitting his audition however he is willing to change or let it go. He says he will quit when he feels ready to do it. I don’t know what to do, I tried to walk away but I just can’t. I love him so much to let alone in this time and destroy his life. Any advices will help me a lot.

  129. My husband is an alcoholic, I have been married for 38 years. My family did an intervention on him on Jan. 25th this year. He had been texting a 29 year old for 2 months flirting with her and telling him all the problems between us. After reading all our letters to him, he chose to walk out on us. His kids, me and grandkids. My kids boundaries were no contact with them or the grandkids. He had an out, this girl. He was like someone we never knew . He has been hiding out for 5 months living with people. And still this girl who will allow him to drink. Got him a phone and has some military background like her. Now he wants a divorce and wants nothing to do with his kids or grandkids. I still love him and don’t want a divorce. I’m torn up. What do I do?

  130. JBoo,
    This post that has resonated with you is one of my favorite and I find it no coincidence that you chose to read “how to move on from a drug addict.” You are frustrated and fed up. This is not the person you fell in love with and agreed to spend your life with. My ex-husband was also sexually abused and abandoned by his father because he was a heroin addict. He used this, well, I used this to excuse he behavior and his habitual lying. He lied about every little thing.
    I lived with him for 12 years through marriage and a child.
    JBoo, there is hope, I wrote my memoir, Hope Street, about my time as the wife on an addict. I suggest you keep reading about co-addiction and addiction so you can understand that this is normal behavior for addicts and that you can make changes. There is hope and that is why I write on this blog and that is why I wrote about my journey of co-addiction. I felt like I was crazy all of the time, I started to question what I was seeing with my own eyes, that is how twisted the addict portrayed things to me. There is hope. Hope Street will help you feel understood and it is a very raw depiction of the emotional state the loved ones of addicts face. But I wrote it to show others, living with addiction that there is help, there is hope and to not give up.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of a co-addict
    View the video trailer:

  131. My husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years, married for 5. Before we were married (3 years) it was the best relationship I have ever experienced. We were best friends, we were inseparable and I thoughts he was the person I had been looking for. After we were married, I found out he had been severely sexually abused as a child, neglected and ignored. He kept all of this from me, but it came out after we were married by my finding out he was a sex addict, and drug addict – it had spiraled downwards where he had started having rage outbursts and taking drugs of all kinds, but pot being his drug of choice. He has multiple addictions: sex, pot, chew, caffeine, alcohol, gambling, food, tv, gaming, sugar, whatever he can do to not feel. I was in such pain and angst that I thought I was losing my mind, he blamed me for everything, and distanced himself so much that I thought I would get a call saying he was dead. It got so bad that I knew I either had to leave or things had to change drastically. So I had an intervention. His family and I did it, and he ended up going to inpatient for 30 days. Unfortunately it was more for drugs but his main issue is sex addiction, drugs are a cross addiction, but still pretty bad – especially the Green. This was 2 years ago. He came home and has been in ‘recovery’ but he hates it. All the reasons that addicts lie and do what they do, all apply to him. He doesn’t trust, he doesn’t feel, he doesn’t know what love is. I’m the only person in his entire life (47 years) who has cared, or listened to him, or had any compassion for him. He has told me this, and if it weren’t for me he wouldn’t be where he is today. But, he is FAR from healed, in fact I don’t know if he will ever be ok. He is also a compulsive liar. he lies about everything, or did. Even stupid things, like what he ate, or when he left a place, or any number of things. But, I’ve been having that feeling again lately, and there have been signs that something isn’t right. And 2 days ago I found out he’s been buying pot and wax (highly concentrated marijuana resin) and vaporizers etc. and using them for at least 6 months. Lying to me about it, and then when I confronted him he had the text book reasons as to why this was ok. – he is way better now than he was 2 years ago
    – if all his ‘vices’ are taken away what do you expect?
    – it’s not that bad
    – he didn’t feel bad about it at all
    – he didn’t want to tell me because I would be upset
    – he felt he deserved it

    He said he didn’t feel any shame for doing it at all, so it must be ok. And at least he wasn’t going to strip clubs again or watching porn etc. and if he had then he would expect me to be angry and kick him out, but not for smoking pot….and lots more of course. He blamed me for a lot of it, not sure how, but you know how addicts turn everything around and make the spouse feel insane, to take the focus off of them. I had told myself that when he got back from treatment (inpatient) that if he was in active recovery, I would stay with him and work on it together because I want to have it work. But now that this has happened I don’t know what to do. I am of course upset about the drugs, and now this wax use, wax is very dangerous but it’s the lying that I can’t take. It’s both but the lying is killing us. He had already destroyed every ounce of trust we had, and we were going to start couples counseling soon, may still do it, but now he’s destroyed it even further, if that’s possible. Does anyone had any advice? The other thing that’s happened is he brought his 17 year old son from Germany to live with us last summer, and he’s never around, he always ‘goes off alone’ to have some time for him, and leaves me with him and my own son. Now I don’t mind being with my son, but I was against him bringing his son here and I told him that many times. I told him he wasn’t stable, and had no time or energy to deal with this, not to mention he’d never been a parent, and his son had been drinking a lot and getting into trouble in Germany. But he brought him here anyhow. And now I find out he’s been off getting high and leaving me with the kids at times, or just plain old getting high and sitting around playing video games for hours, and not spending any time with his own kid. It’s a mess to me, but am I crazy? Am I blowing this out of proportion? My family is telling me KICK HIM OUT NOW. They say he will never change, he treats me horribly and he’s not held up his end of the bargain. That he will continue to lie. That I will never ever be able to fully trust him. There will always be that doubt in the back of my mind, even if we ‘heal’. Which could take decades. And all the while I’m sad, alone, and depressed even though I’m ‘married’. Sorry for the long post. I have a counselor, but I don’t have a support group right now so I saw this blog and it resonated with me so I thought I would write. I feel like a fool, and like I’ve been duped. I doubt everything. I hate it.

  132. Tiffanie,
    Congratulations on getting out of this relationship, it is usually something that takes a long time and sometimes woman never leave. I wrote my book, Hope Street, about leaving an addict and I can promise you I wrote it to help people see that there is hope.
    TIME, give yourself some time, find some support (al-anon, therapist, local support groups) to help you heal and then when you find someone else you will be hypersensitive to addiction and know right away if something is not right. Trust is earned so you will know you are in good hands when the person you choose ACTS the way he should, not just says things to you. Actions speak louder than words. I hope you give yourself the time to heal. Keep me posted, I am here to help.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

  133. Thank you so much for writing this. I’ve just come out of a 2 year relationship with my fiance who is addicted to opiates and had been clean for a year and then one day he started doing meth. I guess I’m just having the roughest time because he had been clean for a while and then chose it over me. We are completely over, but my heart is broken. How am I going to be able to trust another man after my horrific disaster with my ex?

  134. Patricia has a good point. Addiction is a two way street. Addict and their loved ones, co-addicts can exacerbate the problem and in many cases need to move on so they may both get help and recover.
    Thanks for sharing Patricia.

    Best, Amanda Andruzzi

  135. Patricia,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You have a valid point, co-addiction is not only harmful to the co-addict but also the addict.

    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

  136. I think the greatest line in this blog is that It was the best thing for HIM for you to move on. As a former enabler myself, I know that it is often misunderstood when we cut someone off from us, and that it is for their well-being as much as it is for our own. Living with addiction or living with an addict require the same processes. Admit that there’s a problem and remove any temptations to return to the problem. That doesn’t mean we give up on them. It means we let go of the outcome. We love them from a distance and we pray. Thank you so much for such an honest article.

  137. Emily,
    I wish I could give you a definitive answer but first and foremost; she needs to want to get out of the relationship. No one should ever stay in a relationship for the sake of the children, especially in an unhealthy situation because the children will see this–a mother who is sad and unhappy, an addict for a father and two people who are tolerating one another instead of–a happy mother, a father that is loving and caring and two people who love and care for one another. I know sometimes it seems easier to stay and much harder to leave, but the children will see the dysfunction and the unhappiness even if you think you are shielding them from it. Unfortunately, the person in the relationship has to want to leave and has to make a commitment to leave. If she is a stay-at-home mom, I am sure she will receive child support and alimony and she can rejoin the workforce if need be. No one said it would be easy but if they see their mother as a happy person, not worried about an alcoholic husband, it might make all the difference. I too, was a mostly stay-at-home mom, although I ran my own consulting practice on the side, my husband made all of the money. He ended up losing it all and left me in debt but I became a single mother, started working again and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My daughter was in a stable and loving environment, not dictated by addiction and all of the inconsistency that goes with it.
    I know you want to help your sister, but she has to want to help herself first.
    Keep posting, I am here to help!
    Best, Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

  138. My sister has 2 daughters. One is 3 years old and the other daughter is 6 months old. Her husband is an alcoholic. She is a stay home mom. He works 50 to 60 hours Monday through Sunday. Some days he has off. He is the care taker financially. Should she stay living with him for the sake of the girls stability? Or where else could she go by herself with the 2 girls?

  139. Jessica,
    Thank you for sharing your story. I am so glad you found the article useful and hopeful, that is exactly what I intended. I have been where you are and sometimes just knowing that other people have been there helps so much. Sometimes having support, even if it is virtual, speaks volumes. I am glad you are mourning him, that is definitely how to define losing a loved one to addiction. I am glad you are rediscovering who you are and I hope you keep heading in that direction. Keep us posted.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

  140. My husband and I have separated and will soon be divorced because of his prescription drug abuse. the last 4 years have consisted of doctor shopping, several thousands in debt behind my back, me getting 2 birthdays one year and lying, lying, lying. I have been focusing on myself and am currently in counseling and participating in Narcanon. I literally feel like I am rediscovering myself. I am grieving the loss of my husband (this feels like a death to me) the man I married is long gone. Your article has given me hope that one day all will be well for me again.

  141. Court,
    Thank you for your feedback. I am glad these articles help you in some way. I truly believe that the strength and courage is already there we just have to figure out a way to tap into it.
    Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict

  142. I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. It gave me a lot of hope and some courage too. I think your mother gave you some valuable advice there, so thanks for sharing. 🙂

  143. Michelle S,
    To the outsider, it seems so simple–your boyfriend is an addict and is probably cheating, so leaving should be easy. Unfortunately, it is not always so black and white. As a former co-addict, and wife of an addict for over 12 years, I understand that when you have a connection with someone and you feel for them, when they do something like this to you it feels impossible to get over. It is easy for others to tell you that you should move on and get over it! I understand, it took me many ignored signs, looking the other way and intentional ignorance on my part to stay with my ex-husband. I stayed with him when others looked at me like I was crazy to not just walk away and when I finally had no choice, I was devastated for some time. But the good news is that it does get better and it does go away but the key is to change the focus off of what he is doing and put all that energy and love into yourself.
    I wrote a memoir, Hope Street, of my journey with co-addiction and how I was able to pull through. You see the struggles, emotions and how eventually they all play out. It was an indescribable roller coaster of events and emotions I wanted to share with other people going through this situation, especially because I felt so alone in it all and could not find anything out there that I felt like I could relate to. I hope you get a chance to read it, it may help, but also keep reading my other articles in this blog because they are all about moving on and how to do that.
    I welcome feedback so please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.
    Amanda Andruzzi
    author, Hope Street memoir

  144. When does the pain go away? I walked away from my herione addicted boyfriend 2 months ago. we were together for a year and a half. I felt like he was the love of my life. I tried to help me but he only got worse. The final straw was that he started answering and posting ads on a casual sex website and lying about it. I have been in a deep depression for 2 months. There has been no contact between us. I know I did the right thing. I feel like Ive been through hell. Any advice is appreciated.

  145. Sushmita,
    The good news is if he comes back or not, YOU don’t have to take him back. You have a choice and it sounds like you chose you over him and his addiction. Not only is he putting you in a risky situation but also your son. He could introduce you to sexually transmitted and other diseases, financially drain you, and much more. You made the right choice to cut him off, you just need to stay strong. Once he realizes he can no longer get what he wants from you or manipulate you he will go away and things will get easier for you.
    You need to put the focus on you and your son and, in time, the pain will go away. My book Hope Street, and my new article, “I am in love with an addict, why do I stay?”, may help.
    Pain does not last forever, it will subside, just give yourself space and time. You will be relieved with the new peace and sanity that will be restored without an addict in your life.
    Best of Luck, thank you for posting.
    Amanda Andruzzi

  146. Hello from the Middle East. After 3years being in a long distance relationship, my lover started using Meth out of peer pressure when he was doing medschool. He quit eventually and his family despised him for that as they were a family of doctors. Just when everyone had abandoned him, I was the only one who stood by him despite the distance. He continued using his drug as a sign depression with his family, his unemployment and his miserable life. He kept swearing to me he was out of drug and was crying when I keep telling him to go to rehab and said he was not an addict and so I gave him the chance. The lying, the cheating just did not end there so I’ve decided to bring him to the Middle East to start a life anew, to find a job and to be far from his vices and from the influence of his friends as meth is not available here. After a week, his mother got sick and was scheduled for a surgery. He and his family have not been in speaking terms after he quit medschool but he said it breaks his heart knowing she’s at the hospital and wants to see his mother and dreads that maybe he might not see her again. He asked if he could go home yet I did not agree as I know what he’ll be doing when he gets back to out home country. So he helped himself to purchase a ticket when I was out working. I ended up coming home to an empty house. To be honest, I don’t believe that the main reason he was going home was his mother’s sickness, but his friends&his cravings from his addiction in which he always denies. I am soooooo fed up, I cannot breathe anymore. 2years of lying, cheating and complicated things just make me miserable. I have a son from a previous relationship to think about but had been blinded with the love that I’ve had for him. Of what I understood before he left, he was coming back here. But not with my help anymore. I did the best way I can and the best way I know of to help him but he simply refused me and gone back home. I’ve changed all my contacts and there was no way he could reach me. Now, I’ve just found out that he forgot to bring his important documents in which I worry that I need to give him back. I keep praying everyday to keep him away from me. I just dont want to live this life with no peace of mind, fear and worry. Everyday is a struggle, and I wish this pain just goes away. Thanks for listening!

  147. Sara,
    In the thick of my divorce I couldn’t imagine ever being happy, not alone or with another man. I didn’t feel like my child would feel complete without a father. What I learned even after writing the book is that each day further from my ex husband just got better. I was doing better on my own than I could ever do with him in my life or my child. I worked on me and let him go as a husband and a father. It opened me up to move on, not get stuck in the past and not allow my child to have false hopes about a father who never should have been one.
    The less you allow him in your family’s life and expect anything from him the easier it will be to feel happy. Get used to life with your children and start doing things that are good for you. It takes time, and sometimes you have to fake it but joy and happiness and better yet peace does come.
    If you know he lies, just expect everything he is saying is a lie and do what is best for you. Don’t check up on him and separate yourself by not checking up on him. You will just get upset and it is easier not to look at all.
    It is four years since I wrote the book and my ex still has not contacted me or my child or given one ounce of support. He disappeared and although I know how sad it is, I look on the bright side, I am okay, my daughter is thriving and it is probably because he is gone and she has a happy mother.
    Just make sure you worry about you, your children and keep reading and getting help for yourself so you stay strong. if you need support please feel free to email me at and keep me posted.
    Amanda Andruzzi

  148. I have just finished your memoir. I feel like I could have written it myself. I have flashbacks of my life with an addict husband. The lack of trust, weekend binges, financial issues, finding the evidence, looking in the emails/credit cards/text messages and the lies lies and more lies. I am currently in the middle of the divorce. I can’t imagine feeling happy again but Amanda your story gives me hope. I have two children with him and know I will never be free of him but hopeful he will be clean and part of the kids lives or simply disappear.

  149. Alice,

    You did make the right choice. Vows are sacred but it does not sound like your husband was honoring them. When one person is trying and the other is abusing drugs and cheating, the other person has the right to move on.
    You left, but it sounds like you have not moved on in some ways, and that is okay. You were strong enough to know you wanted more; happiness , children, and a real life with someone. It took me 12 years and one child to leave my husband and he had done so many horrific things to us that most people thought there was something wrong with me for staying so long.
    A good thing to do right now is focus on you and your health. Seek the appropriate treatment for your disorder and find a healthy treatment that works for you. Then try new things and old things you used to love. Yoga and nutritional support may be a great physical healer and way to balance, refocus and create the calm and peace you need. Try things that are fun, anything that takes your mind off of your husband and fills you with good feelings. Learn about yourself and what makes you happy and a new and healthy relationship will find you.
    Confidence in yourself and happiness is an attractive quality but you cannot fake that, you have to feel it.
    After I left my ex, I was a broke, broken inside and out and a single mother. Once I changed my attitude, my thought process and focused on me, everything I wanted started to fall in place. I was a 32 year old single mother. I am 36, remarried to a wonderful man and carrying my third child, getting my masters, published my memoir, Hope Street, on co-addiction, and self employed. All of those things at one time, at the time you are still in , seemed impossible. They were not, as they are not for you. Keep reading my articles, there are some great tips you can put into practice.
    Amanda Andruzzi
    Author of Hope Street Memoir

  150. Hi – I left my husband of three years last August due to his heroin problem. I still love him and every day is a struggle not to obsessively think about him and question whether I did the right thing. I feel it was a selfish act and our vows of “in sickness and in health” haunt me. I Feel like I abandoned him but I couldn’t take his selfishness anymore and coming last in the pecking order of what was important to him. I too have been struggling with my own issues due to bipolar and needed more emotional support than he could give me. He has cheated on me several times and the heroin was the last straw. I am 35 and am desperate to have children but I didn’t want to have children with heroin’s toxicity in our lives. Everyone tells me I made the right decision. But I still wonder what could have been. I hate it for ruining our relationship. He is now with an enabling single mother who I cannot believe has let it into her 6 year old daughter’s life. For me our love now only serves as an affliction which I am struggling to come to terms with.

  151. Melussa,
    Please do not beat yourself up. You are not a fool.
    You must be a very strong woman to be raising 5 children on what sounds like your own.
    Please read more of my articles so you can truly understand that you are not alone, and really understand what you need to do for you and your children. We can’t help loving someone for so many reasons but we can help how we chose to live our lives and chose to be role models for our children. You should leave and you will but you you will do it on your time. Please find the resources and advice in my articles to help you get better and heal because I have been where you are. Just click on my name at the top of this article and you will find a wealth of free information to connect with and to help you move on. Do this for you and your children. There is happiness and life beyond this situation. I am living proof. Stay strong.
    Best, Amanda

  152. My husband of 22 yrs has been in and out of Prison since 1993. We have 5 kids together. He was realesed from prison in Feb of this yr. I just found out hes using heroin and meth. He has a 30yr suspended sentence. Im sure hes going back to prison once his PO finds out hes dirty. I want to divorce him..I love him but i cant see myself going through this AGAIN wth him..Id be a FOOL!!

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